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Lea from NY found us this awesome music video called Shut Me Up from the band Mindless Self Indulgence. Lea said she wishes she could lay out some of her customers like the guy does in the video and we so totally agree! It's a little of what we're all thinking during those days of Retail Hell.
Hey there bitches, we are still working on getting through the shitty
sale time but something had to be said about all the women customers out there who need approval from men when they buying clothes.
It really pisses me off and you women really need to grow a set!
I mean come the fuck on, it's 2008, not 1948! You work hard for your money! If you want to spend $400 on embroidered jeans, no one should tell you otherwise. It's your goddamn money. You're not telling him he shouldn't be buying that $500 gun rack or $1000 useless GPS system.
Almost on a daily basis I have
a woman come in to return and say "My husband didn't like it" or "My husband
said I cant have this!"
I'm sorry, your husband just said, "You can't have this?" I just want to jump over the counter and shake them and say, "What the fuck do you mean your husband said you can't have these jeans! You need to slap the shit out of him and bring down the rain by telling him there will be a mountain of stuff he won't be able to have if he doesn't get off your ass. And the first thing you take away is the blow jobs. Believe me, it won't be seconds before he's taking you and your new jeans out to dinner."
Fuck your husbands and grow some fucking balls! If you can't then you sure as fuck need to stop wasting all my time having me give you my fashion advice and product knowledge, show you every goddamn thing in the department, and basically hold your fucking hand for an hour while you decide what you want, and then you bring it back into the store a week later and tell me some fucked up shit like your "Husband didn't like it!" Who cares whether or not he fucking likes your new Jimmy Choo stilettos? If you fucking like
them keep them! The douchebag won't be wearing them. Or Maybe he will.
And while I'm bitching about controlling husbands, another thing that sends me into a retail rage is when I've been helping some whiny bitch for an hour and she says, "Oh, I don't know maybe I need to call my husband and get his opinion first." You have got to be fucking kidding me, what the fuck? Are you in kindergarden? Are you so fucking retarded and color blind you can't make your own clothing decisions? There is nothing I hate more than women without independence and opinion. Unless you're going to tell me your husband is Alexander McQueen, Ralph Lauren, or Oscar de la fucking Renta, I suggest you go find your own style.
Anyway that's really all I should say about this for now. Fuck permission seeking, indecisive woman and their asshole men. I'm off to the fucking bar!
Hey Retail Slaves! Tomorrow - Wednesday, June 25, - former Retail Slave now Rockstar, Johnny Law will be performing his awesome song Retail Hell on San Francisco's KUSF 90.3. Go to www.kusf.org and listen to him sing it and other songs unplugged at 4:00 p.m. PST on Wednesday the 25th - That's tomorrow! If you haven't heard Retail Hell or seen the video, check it out:
Our Myspace Retail Slave Friend Kimmie turned us on to this JibJab video, so we're turning it on to you. Satire and scary retail messages!
...aah, the Misfit Merchandise nobody wants once they've checked the price. Will Santa rescue them?...naw...just some poor Retail Slave on Piggy Shopper Patrol. Perhaps these aisle endcaps with price scanners should be cleared and retitled Dumping Station as depicted above. It's quite obvious customers are too fucking lazy to march their fat asses back to where they got the merchandise originally. And oh yes...we have saved the best for last...the photo is not complete....CLICK HERE TO SEE WHAT WAS ON THE FLOOR.
Who wants one?!!
As we post Retail Wordage on the Underground, we also feel it's our retailicious duty to create and reveal texting words that could become useful for Retail Slaves.
Thus, we give you this week's Retail Wordage:
RWT
This text message is a derivative of the controversial DWT which means "driving while texting."
Retail Hell Underground's RWT means "retailing while texting."
As Retail Slaves, 99% of our stores won't allow us to use our cell phones. Not only that but some stores go so far as to forbid us from using our phone even when we're not on the clock! Total bullshit. Thank the Retail Gods for texting! It's one form of communication we can get away with behind the counter.
RWT comes in handy if you are texting away to a friend and you suddenly spot your Store Manager marching down the aisle...gotta go, i'm RWT!! Or maybe you are into Twitter...with so few characters allowed you can announce what you are doing to all your friends with three letters: RWT. Or maybe a friend asks you what you're doing. Now you can simply write: RWT. It's a whole letter shorter than writing the word "work" and a whole lot shorter than writing "I'm stuck in fucking retail hell."
Go on Retail Slaves! Get behind your counters and start RWT! Just don't get caught.
If you have any good retail themed text words you use, for hell's sake share 'em! Drop us an email: submit@retailhellunderground.com
We want to wish all our Dads - Retail Slaves and Non-Retail Slaves alike, a very Happy Father's Day! We hope you're having a great day with your family! Here's some Retail Hell - Mad TV style that will surely make you laugh out loud...
Lorraine Buys A Bed
Lorraine Re-Mix
