Retail Hell Underground

Custy Not Happy With Subway

Her Room Says No To Custys Returning Dirty Panties

It's Raining Crazy Custys! Hallelujah!

Okay RHU, we survived the Apocalypse of 2012 but now we have another year of retail enslavement to deal with!  For me, it’s this dang gone rain!  What is it with rain that brings out the worst in people?  Here’s another crazy time at the gift store.

We sell cheap ass $9 umbrellas.  I mean bottom of the barrel, break it first time, janky cover-ups that would make Mary Poppins curse up her Supercalifragilisticexpialiodocius chimney sweep ridden mouth.  Anyway, I hate ringing up these things but desperate custys that want coverage from the downpour end up grabbing them up like a bargain basement Black Friday sale.  Then when it craps out, all hell breaks loose!

Custy: I bought this umbrella five minutes ago and it’s defective!  I want my money back!”

Me: Sorry all Sales Final according your receipt and the sign. *points to sign*  I can exchange it for you or give you store credit.

Custy: *RAWR* YOU’RE CHEATING THE CUSTOMER!  YOU SHOULD STAND BY YOUR PRODUCTS!  I WANT A MANAGER!”

Manager tells custy same thing and this goes on repeatedly for each custy that purchased that cheap ass umbrella.  Basically people, you have to spend some extra dough for a good industrial sized umbrella but you get what you pay for!  It’s not my fault you forgot your umbrella at home!  Use that newspaper or a trash bag as a covering!

Then there’s Crazy Lady.  Crazy Lady has a chip on her shoulder and goes to my coworker who is folding shirts and starts a tirade on him.

Crazy Lady: You there!  You should stop doing that!

Coworker: Excuse me?

Crazy Lady: You should stop folding shirts and help me!  You should always help your customers!  Are you new?

Coworker: No.

Crazy Lady: You must be new.  Otherwise, you would know I needed help.

Coworker: (Did she even bother to ask for any or look for someone with a nametag?) Can I help you?

Crazy Lady: You need to help your customers!  I’m looking for something of good quality.  Price doesn’t matter.

Coworker: Are you looking for a shirt, a hoodie, or jacket?

Crazy Lady: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!  I SAID I NEEDED SOMETHING OF GOOD QUALITY!  PRICE DOESN’T MATTER!

Coworker: Well we have these sweatshirts up here.

CRAZY LADY: THAT’S NOT WHAT I WANT!  I SAID I NEEDED SOMETHING OF GOOD QUALITY!  PRICE DOSEN’T MATTER!  WHERE’S YOUR MANAGER?

Crazy Lady goes to manager who shows her a jacket.  Crazy Lady gets all excited.

Crazy Lady: That’s what I want!  I was looking for a jacket.  *turns to manager* You need to train your employees better.

WTF?  You’re the one who needs a brain replacement!  My coworker asked you what you wanted but you wouldn’t tell us!  We can’t read your mind bitch!  Argh!

Now for something high-larious.  It’s pouring outside and next to our tourist section of town is a city park where local artisans sell their homemade wares.  It also includes so-called psychics offering to do tarot cards and palm readings.  Well one of the psychics who I refer to as Miss Cleo (remember her from the 90’s Psychic Hotline) walks in drenched like a drowned rat.  She goes and buys one of our cheap ass umbrellas.

Miss Cleo: Oh Lord!  It’s raining cats and dogs out there!  I didn’t see it coming.

Uh, you’re a psychic.  You didn’t foresee the weather being rainy?  Did your psychic powers fail you, Sylvia Brown?

She leaves for a minute and comes back with our defective umbrellas.

Miss Cleo: This umbrella doesn’t work!  I need my money back and some extra plastic bags.  My stuff is getting wet outside.

Manager makes an exception and refunds the lady’s $9 but in my head I’m thinking: Obviously the dead people you see hate you.  You would’ve seen the future and known that umbrella you bought was crappy!  Then again I’m psychic too.  I’m predicting that you’re a fake and my palms are telling me to give you the finger!

I wonder if John Edward or Whoopi Goldberg has this problem?

--Queer Geek

Queer Geek's Big Fancy Tale of Coworker Appreciation

Okay, so I’m here to write about a customer appreciation situation that a consumer has done to show their gratitude for something a retail slave has done to assist them. 

Sadly, I don’t have any. 

Perhaps with the rare exception of a customer going to up to my manager and verbally complimenting me, I have never received any feedback in my retail career where a consumer went above and beyond to acknowledge my customer service skills.  Oh and all those thank you letters I got when I was a Big Fancy slave doesn’t count since many of them feel a bit forced.  Face it when you work for the Big Fancy, outstanding custy service is expected and you don’t want to know the many instances I’ve seen of fellow asshat coworkers telling custys to write a positive letter about them so they can rack up points for Employee of the Month. *cough cough* BULLSHIT!

However, I will reveal to you all what I did to make a retail slave’s day.  As I noted before, I’m a refugee from Big Fancy and everything you read in Freeman Hall’s books about the company are ABSOLUTELY one hundred percent true!  Big Fancy has a habit of building up their slaves, working them to death, and spitting them out if they don’t produce their ridiculously high quotas.  I have seen the revolving door of employees come in and out of my rinky dink store without so much as a thank you for the pleasure of working for the Big Fancy.  Now get the fuck out!

Now when I was working for them, I had the misfortune of being their corporate lackey by manning their complaints counter.  Basically, my job was to kiss a custy’s ass and make sure they left happy and massage their overinflated egos to the point they get their happy ending!  One night, a sweet little old lady came in to my counter crying and all upset clutching her Basic Fancy shopping bag that contained a blouse that had not been touched.  Everything was on it including the tag, the return label, and the poor woman had a receipt.  Immediately, I’m thinking.  She wants to return.

No biggie.  I start the transaction when she suddenly she shakes her head and tells me not to proceed.  Then in Spanish she tries to explain to me the situation.  Since I’m not a native speaker, I picked up a few key words on her explanation: something about shopping at our other bigger Fancy and needing a gift.  Since we had a failure to communicate, I grab the phone and try to contact a few departments with Spanish speaking employees to help me translate.  Then the frustrated shit storm hit me like a ton of bricks.  All of them REFUSED to assist me because they didn’t want to miss out on sales in their department from their sharky coworkers!  Well fuck me that you actually care about getting a potential sale!

After getting nowhere andseeing this poor woman more visibly upset, I finally got Pilar from ladies clothing to help me.  Pilar is a white haired, Hispanic woman with the sweetest disposition who raced her little self upstairs to my complaints counter to help me translate for this custy.  Taking a few minutes to converse in Spanish, Pilar gives me the 411.

“Basically, this customer went to our Big Fancy store in Ritzy Area and they refused to take it back,” Pilar explained.  “She said that the salesperson who sold to it to her was so rude to her that she wouldn’t wait on her.  On top of that, she wants to exchange it for something else because it’s a birthday gift for her sister.”

“It’s legit,” I reply to Pilar.  “The tickets are on there, it has a return label, and it’s never been worn.  Plus, it’s only been week according to the receipt.  I don’t understand why they won’t take it back.”

“Because they’re not nice people at the Ritzy Area,” informed Pilar.  “They made her cry.  It’s only $40.  They should have taken care of it there.”

“Can you help her?” I asked Pilar.

“Of course,” smiled the older woman.

Leading the Spanish speaking customer by the hand, she takes the upset consumer into ladies and returns the item.  Pilar then finds another dress and even sells more merchandise to the customer landing a total of $300 in sales.  If the person at Ritzy Area Fancy knew how to sell, she could have turned it around.  The upset customer left our store with her purchases happy as a clam and Pilar with some extra sales figures in her daily pocket.

Yet, I did not want to stop there.  Since Pilar worked so hard on this woman and without any appreciation, I went out of my way to do something nice for her.  Purchasing a Big Fancy gift card for $20, I went to her department during my break and handed the older woman my gift.  Pilar’s eyes widened with surprise to the point she began shaking her head.

“Queer Geek,” she clucked.  “You shouldn’t do that.”

I force the gift card into her hesitant fingers.  “Oh hush.  Just take it.  You earned it.  You helped with a difficult situation because no one in this greedy company wanted to take time to aid their fellow man.  Plus Big Fancy can care less about us so at least I wanted to show you that your assistance is greatly appreciated.  Now don’t be humble.  Accept it.”

She gave me a hug and I left her department with this weird feeling inside my stomach.  Was it generosity?  My humanitarianism?  My overwhelming need to be a good Samaritan?  My ability to sympathize as a retail slave?  Damn.  It means I’m developing a conscience.  Whatever the case I made this Pilar’s day which gave me this warm, fuzzy feeling inside.

Sadly, Pilar didn’t last another year.  Big Fancy spit her out because her sales quotas placed her at the bottom of the department totem pole.  Pilar, like many of us, became another victim of the corporate serial killer.  It shows that even the most decent of human beings can fall prey to the big business bullshit!

--Queer Geek

 

 

Return Hell: Custys Demand Cash For Bloody Mattress

From Pennyslut:

Hey ya’ll, half of this story is from a coworker, but I’ll be posting in the first person as if it all happened to me.  I don’t want to post anything on her behalf without a disclaimer in case management stumbles on this page, because it is a pretty identifiable story.

Anyway, we work in a well-known retail store going through a MAJOR change, so far, I’m loving the change. It has been REALLY difficult at times, with most of us almost quitting, but I’m glad I stayed on board.  Anyway, the return policy is the only thing I cannot stand…we don’t have one at all.  We’ll return any item at any point in time without a receipt, even if it is worn, stolen, 9 years old, etc... 

My managers have told me even if the items say “OLD NAVY” (not us) on the tag, we are to take it back if they’re insistent that they purchased it from us, because we don’t want to upset anyone.  Corporate says they expect 1% of people to abuse the system.  I’d peg it at about 10 or 15%, but really, it is more about the number in dollar amounts rather than the number of fraudulent people.  The ones that do it KEEP doing it, driving MY numbers down so that almost every single day I am in the negatives :|

Enter TC– trashy couple.  I’m alone at the register when TC comes in the door;  I can hear them yelling from outside of the mall doors.  The man walks in with tubes and bandages all in and over his face, and the woman is holding an unpackaged air mattress that is halfway in its box.  

“I want to return this.  It has blood on it from my boyfriend getting stabbed on it.”

My jaw hits the floor…I’ve returned some questionable stuff before: bathing suits without hygienic liners, underwear that ‘doesn’t fit’, shoes that have clearly been worn for years.  But I can’t even fathom what possessed this woman to think it was socially acceptable to return a biohazard-laden mattress involved in an attempted homicide.

The man/would-be-homicide victim interjects: “AND I need cash back.  We can’t get the receipt because our house is on lockdown because it’s a crime scene.”

I recover as best I can, and explain that without a receipt I can still do the return, but it would be given on a store credit only.  If they wanted, they could wait until they could retrieve the receipt, as it doesn’t matter how long ago the purchase was.

TC man starts FREAKING OUT.

Leans over the counter, points at the stiches going up his neck and yells “I JUST GOT STABBED! AND YOU’RE GOING TO DO THIS TO ME!?!?”, and starts yelling the same mantra to all the customers in the vicinity.  TC woman starts throwing police reports and hospital records all over the counter to prove that the event happened. (lady… your boyfriend has gruesome stiches and tubes coming out of his face.  I believe you. That isn’t the issue here.)

(It’s hard to imagine that such classy couple with such a positive demeanor and such a well-developed sense of social expectation would ever be the victims of a violent crime. . .)

Seeing this is going nowhere, I call over a manager.  She is also shocked, but due to our return policy, her hands are tied.   I get it, not her fault.  She could lose her job if she refuses.  She somehow talked them into taking the store credit, and processes the return.  She puts on gloves and takes care of the item according to corporate standards.

But I am left with so many lingering questions….. How did they get the mattress out of the house but not the receipt?? Did they bring it to the ER with them?  Did I just become an accomplice in the disposal of homicide evidence?  And why does corporate train managers to dispose of biohazards??!?

The next day, the same manager tells me “Don’t worry, if you want, you can request an HIV test, and the company will pay for it.”

Reassuring.

--<33 pennyslut

 

 

 

 

Queer Geek Big Fancy Reboot: How To Fend Off Bloodsucking Custys

Queer Geek wrote this post last month before his exit at The Big Fancy. I wasn't able to get it up at the time, but it here is for all of you RHUers to enjoy! I sort of remembering doing something similiar at The Big Fancy! I loved finding ways to annoy the annoying custys!

Hey RHU! 

I’ve just discovered a way to fend off bloodsucking custys!  Care to know the secret?  Well let Queer Geek share with you.

We have this one old regular custy lady who comes in two to three times a week and returns shit like there’s no tomorrow.  I mean the hefer buys things on her credit card and returns them the next day for cash. 

I suppose she thinks we’re like an ATM bank since she is too lazy to go to the automated teller herself to withdraw cash.  Not only is this annoying as fuck but it is a complete waste of time for the retail slave who is trying to make his or her commission. 

In addition, she always uses some flimsy excuse like the gift recipient didn’t like the item or it didn’t fit.  Really?  Then why are you coming in two to three times a week to return something your ungrateful Hellspawn does not like each time?

Adding to the obnoxious behavior of this biddy is the fact that every time she comes in, she dumps a stack of used shopping bags on my counter and tells me to reuse them. 

Excuse me? 

These baggies have been used.  No custy in their right mind would want to be given a dirty bag with hair and trash inside of it!  I usually have to toss the offending refuse in the recycling bin.

Fed up with this bloodsucker, I finally decided to enact my revenge the other day.  Right on time, the hefer came in with a bunch of her purchases to return.  She gives the usual excuse.

Bloodsucker: I want to return this.  My son didn’t like any of the items. (It was a woman’s watch.)  It didn’t fit.

Me: Okay, we can take care of that for you.  *Start taking care of her return.*

Now RHU, here’s where the revenge kicks in. 

What is the one thing that bloodsucking custys and regular custys hate in general in retail? 

PUSHY, AGGRESSIVE SALESPEOPLE! 

That’s right RHU, good ol’ QG became the one thing most people hate in the retail business.  Plastering a fake smile on my face, I start my spiel.

Me: Before I finish this up, you know we had another thing your son would like.  It comes in all sorts of colors.  Yellow, green, blue, lavender, pink, blah…blah…blah…

Bloodsucker: That’s okay.  I just want my money.  I’ll shop later.

Me: But why stop now when we can do the shopping for you? You need a certain size.  Let me look it up for you.  You know what we can check if the other stores have it in other colors.  Let me call for you…blah…blah…blah..

Bloodsucker: *growing impatient* That’s okay, I just want to return it…

Me: Don’t worry we can look for it for you.  *Starts calling on the phone researching other options.  Bloodsuckers is starting to get angry but I ignore her.*  Oh look we have one just right for him.   It comes in blue in a masculine color in this size and it the hottest thing we see in all the fashion magazines right now…

Bloodsucker:  I DON’T CARE ABOUT THAT!  I JUST WANT TO RETURN IT!

Me: *ignoring her*  But we have something so much better.  He doesn’t like that gift.  Well how about this men’s cosmetics items item?  It’s a great skin conditioner that exfoliates and massages the pores and would be a wonderful addition to the gift you’re looking for him…

Bloodsucker: I JUST WANT TO RETURN IT!  I’M IN A HURRY!

This goes on for two minutes where I finally wear her out and start to finish her return.  However before giving her the money, I throw in one last triumphant sales pitch.

Me: Here’s you money.  Now next time you come in, bring in your information so we can open up a loyalty account with us since you come in to shop with us frequently.

Bloodsucker: I DON’T UNDERSTAND!  I DON’T WANT A LOYALTY ACCOUNT!  I JUST WANTED TO RETURN THESE ITEMS!

Me: No problem.  We’ll open one for you now.  Just give me your information and we’ll open up your loyalty account in a few seconds.  What’s your address, your phone number, social security number, and the rest of your personal info?

Bloodsucker: I DON’T WANT TO OPEN UP A LOYALTY ACCOUNT!  I’M IN A HURRY!  I JUST WANTED TO RETURN THE THINGS THAT I BOUGHT!

Me: No problem.  We’ll open your loyalty account the next time so bring in all your information and we’ll find a nice gift for your son and we’ll also get you started with using that new loyalty account.  We’ll see you the next time you come in.

Bloodsucker:  I DON’T WANT TO OPEN UP A LOYALTY ACCOUNT!  I’M NOT COMING HERE AGAIN!

Even I know she will be back next week.

Me: No problem.  We’ll see you here next week and we’ll open up that loyalty account and look for that gift for you son in the right color….

Bloodsucker:  I’M NOT COMING BACK HERE!  ARGGHHHH!

She leaves folks but it seems lil’ ol’ me got the last laugh.  So RHU, my challenge to you is this.  If you have a bloodsucking custy, I double dare you to be a pushy salesperson. 

Muahahaha!

--Queerk Geek

NC Tony's New Store Rules For Custys

Okay, so I know it's been a long time coming, but it's finally here.

The customer rules for the RHU store.

After all, we all have rules that we're supposed to follow, but customers do not even though they should. So here we go,  and in some parts of this I'm adding in some Retail Slaves Wish List items.

Of course the one question I kept asking myself is this: How would we make these rules available to the customers? Obviously we can't hand them out to customers as they walk in. Maybe full page ads in the
newspapers (both actual physical papers and online)?

We open at 8:00 am. Not 7:50, not 7:55, not 7:59. 8:00 am, by our clocks, not yours.
We close at 10:00 pm. We stop letting customers in at 9:50. We expect to lock the doors behind our last  customer no later than 10:10. Do not show up at 10:00 expecting to be let in.

Dear customer:

The rules for you start in our parking lot. Mainly the handicap spaces. Each space is equipped  with a medical scanner. If the scanner indicates that no one in the car is in any way handicapped (and yes, the scanner can pick up "invisible" handicaps), our on site tow trucks will be called into action and will tow your car as far away from the doors as possible. They will even be nice enough to point out where your car is, but you're going to have to walk your lazy butt over to it.

The same rules go for our mobility carts. If the scanner says you're not in any way handicapped, you'll have to walk just like everyone else.

Service animals are welcome in our store, however, it HAS to be a legitimate service animal. Our resident service animal expert will ask a couple of quick questions and if they determine that your animal is not a service animal it will not be allowed in the store. If you decide to leave your animal in the car and come back into shop, we will call the police and break into your car to rescue the animal.

Don't threaten to "Never shop here again". We'll hold you to that by taking a picture of you and entering it into our database. If you try to come back to the store, an alarm will sound and you will be reminded that you said you would "never shop here again". This policy also applies to any one who's been banned.

Do not insult our associates. Do not insult their race, sexual orientation, gender, intelligence level, etc. Because they will fire back, they have a full roster of insults at the ready, and much like you did to them, they will make snap judgements based on your appearance. You will get one warning and one warning only to stop insulting and degrading our employees, after that you will be banned from the store. On the other side of this, DO NOT play the race, gender, religion or any other card. Look around, we employ associates of both genders, various races, religious backgrounds, sexual orientations, etc. We don't discriminate.

If you physically assault any of our employees, be forewarned, they each carry a can of mace and a fully charged tazer. Plus our on-site security guards are always roaming the store, each has been trained subdue you in non lethal (but very painful) ways.

Do not whistle or snap your fingers to get attention. Do not walk up to an employee and issue a one word declaration of what you want. You will be ignored. A simple "Excuse me, can you help me find [item]?" will be enough to get you the help you need. If the employee is busy with another customer, have the common decency
to wait until they are done before asking for help.

Please do not open a box to make sure all the parts of the item are in the box. If for some reason all the parts are not there (or are broken) simply bring the item back (with receipt), within the return period and we will replace it.

WE ARE NOT BABYSITTERS! This is not a daycare and we are not authorized to watch or discipline your children. Do not leave your children on their own and tell them to "play" while you shop. We will not (and due to our lawyers) can not be held responsible for any injuries your child suffers due to parental negligence. If you cannot control or discipline your children, it is not our fault, it is yours. Also, any child left unattended will be taken to customer service and the parents paged. If you do not show up to retrieve your child within five minutes, you will be paged again. If another five minutes pass, we will call the police to report an abandoned child.

Please do not presume to know more than the employees. They've been trained to work here, you have not. If we tell you something, chances are we know what we're talking about. If you don't want to follow our advice, or don't like the answers to your questions, then don't ask.

Please don't just drop items anywhere if you decide you don't want them. We are always watching, and on occasion will track you down with the discarded item and ask you to put it back where you found it. We will follow you to make sure you do. In the same vein, please do not leave your trash on a random shelf. We have
numerous trash cans placed conveniently around the store. Please use them.

 

OUR FITTING ROOMS ARE NOT BATHROOMS! Since we cannot legally place cameras in the fitting rooms we have done the next best thing. We have placed sensors in the floor and walls that will detect the presence of urine or feces. And we will publicly embarrass you. The fitting room door will lock from the outside and a "code brown" will be issued. Our specially trained bio-hazard clean up unit will be dispatched to the fitting rooms to clean up and escort and ban you from the store. The same will apply for the sick people out there who think it's funny to spread their feces on the walls of the bathroom stall. The stall will lock from the outside and the bio-hazard team will show up to clean up and ban you from the store.

If you need to change your child's diaper, please do so in one of the two fully equipped changing rooms. Each changing room (one in the front of the store, the other in the back) has six changing tables for your convenience. Do not change your child in the aisle, at the checkout, or anywhere else in the store.

Our return policy is as follows. You have 60 days from the date of purchase to return an item provided a) you have the receipt (or if you paid with a credit card, the card), b) the item is in resealable condition. Some exceptions may apply (for example if you bring in something 61 days after purchase, as long as it meets the above conditions and you're nice about it, we'll process the return), and customer service can make judgement calls on all returns.

We have four lanes set aside for 20 items or less. These registers are programmed to shut down after 20 items and total up the purchase. If you have more than 20 items they will have to be run through on a separate transaction.

If you are on your cell phone while checking out the cashier will ignore you and take the next person in line. If you can't be bothered to take time out your phone call to talk to us, we won't interrupt your important phone call to check you out.

If you fail to put the money in the cashiers hand, they will not put your change back in your hand.

We will not accept $100 bills for any purchase that is less than $50. We also have new high tech scanners to sniff out counterfeit bills.

If you try to cheat the WIC/EBT system your card will be rejected (due to the new system installed in our registers that monitors what you're buying).

If you try to buy alcohol or tobacco products while underage we will confiscate your fake ID (again, new system in our computers that can spot even the best fake ID), and probably laugh at you.

Do not ask for/demand a discount outside of any sales/specials we already have. You won't get it. As stated earlier if an item is damaged, broken, or missing pieces, we will replace it with an undamaged item. If our security determines that you intentionally damaged the item with the intent of getting a discount, we will charge you for the item, plus a $5 charge for damaging the item in the first place.

We have a vigilant security team watching you at all times. See those black half globes on the ceiling? They're cameras. We have security guards walking the aisles and if we catch anyone stealing something they will cut you off in the aisles, at the register or (if need be) in the parking lot. We will prosecute.

Don't tell us an item is cheaper at our competition. We don't price match. If it's cheaper there, then go there.

Don't threaten to get an employee fired. We'll kick you out and ban you.

Each shopping cart is equipped with an electronic bracelet that will latch on to you as soon as you touch the cart (don't be cute and get your kids to grab the cart, the bracelets are calibrated to target adults). The bracelet will only come off after you have returned the cart to a corral in the parking lot. If you do not return the cart the
bracelet will tighten the further away from the cart you get.

Most of these rules have NO EXCEPTIONS! Only special cases will get exceptions (these are taken on a case by case basis). However, we do not want you to think we will be rude to our customers. We are here to make your shopping a pleasant experience, we are not here to be your slaves or targets for your entitled/bad attitudes. If you treat us with respect, we will show you the same respect. If you treat us like crap, we will treat you like crap.

And as always, what did I forget?

-NC Tony

Custys Get Told Via Store Signage

 

 

Fast Food Hell: Unsuspecting Cashier Suddenly Suspect For Major Theft

Call me Yuka, if you will, and I'll try to keep this one as short as possible.

I'm a cashier at a popular burger place that recently opened at the beginning of May. After a string of jobs that just weren't...ideal...since I moved to the big city, I found this job here and adored it from the beginning. It was easy, fun and I was good at it more or less. Like most people, I made an oopsie here or there, but nothing catastrophic.

At the end of every week, I'd look at the schedule, note down my hours for the week after and be on my merry way. For 5 weeks, I'd do this without a hitch, until last Monday. 

I had taken a few days off to go to a convention but had noted my hours before I left. During that time off, I had conversed with one of my coworkers, telling him how I missed him and the rest of the night crew and that I was looking forward to see them all soon. That's when he told me that I was off all next week.

"Well, that can't be right," I told him. "I took down my hours just before I left and I work on x days." But that wasn't the case any more apparently, because to prove what he said, my coworker took a picture of the schedule and uploaded it to Facebook for me to see for myself. Sure enough, every day was off for me. 

Since it was the middle of the night, I put it off until the next morning to call my boss to ask him what was going on. Basically what happened is that over the course of the 5 weeks the restaurant's been opened, $2000 is missing and it all disappeared during shifts I was on! And apparently the only way that could've happened is if I messed up so badly on basically every single transaction that the errors totalled 2 grand, or I helped myself to the five-finger discount.

So they took away all my shifts until this is sorted out. But that is illegal and even though it's against the law, I've decided to wait it out for the week to see what happens. If it stretches into a second week, then as much as I love my job and I love my boss, I'll have to report them to labour relations.

So to sum it up, I've done nothing but work hard for my restaurant and I get accused of ripping off thousands of dollars while they pull something illegal. Fun stuff, eh.

May all your customers be nice.

--Yuka

Update:

Talked to my boss, said I definitely didn't take any money, but he's seen me make serious mistakes over the course of 5 weeks that would amount to $30 on orders by doing stuff like double orders. But I've never had any complaints like that and any mistakes I've caught, I've had refunds done on them. Plus I would think my customers would notice if I overcharged them. All my customers have been happy with me, so I don't know how I could've made mistakes that would amount from $50 - $300 a night. :/ Seriously though, this basically ruins my credibility as a cashier, which was the only thing I had any real experience in and the only job I've enjoyed.

Oh, and I'm pretty much fired. He said he'd think about this over night and call me the afternoon of June 3rd. He never called and maybe he will later but it looks like I'm on the job hunt again. Doesn't erase the fact that the suspension violated my basic rights, probation or not. But after all, my boss had to "protect his interests."

Jimmy Kimmel's Uncle Sal Works Costco's Return Counter

 

 

 

 

Old Slavery Hell Memories: Custy Tries To Return Coat From Another Store

It’s me again, The Guy Who Didn’t Shut Off the Ride, but that’s a bit wordy so just call me Dweazzle.

I’m out of the service industry and working a job where I get to catch Nasty Ass Insurance Fraudsters, so buck up Retail Slaves! Escape is possible!

Anyway, I thought I’d share a gem from my days at Old Slavery. It was after the helliday rush had ended and I was working the opening shift on the register when a middle aged woman came in and told me she wanted to return a coat. Ok, no problem. Then she handed me the coat. I discovered that it was a different label. To be fair, the coat she was trying to return looked very similar to coats we sold, but it wasn’t one of ours. The exchange went like this:

Me: I’m sorry, I can’t return this because it wasn’t purchased here.  

Stupid Stubborn Woman (SSW): No, I bought it here. I need my money back

Me: See this label? (Shows label) it says (Brand X). It’s a (Brand X) coat. We only sell Old Slavery stuff here.  

Stupid Stubborn Woman:  I’m SURE I bought it here, and you need to give me my money back NOW.

Me: I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do.

Stupid Stubborn Woman: I want to talk to your manager!

Me: All right, but she’s just going to tell you the same thing.

My occasionally cool manager comes over and I explain the situation. The manager takes the coat, confirms the label isn’t ours, and tells the SSW exactly what I had, and attempts to hand the coat back to the woman.

Stupid Stubborn Woman: NO! I’m not taking that! GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK! I BOUGHT THAT HERE!

She refused to take the coat and argued with the manager for a solid hour in what was basically a kindergarten “Yes I did, no you didn’t” argument before finally yelling, “FINE! I’m never shopping here AGAIN!”, snatching the coat, and stomping out the door.

Manager: She didn't shop here in the first place.

Me: And apparently that's our fault.

What is it about customers that they refuse to accept bulletproof evidence that they’ve made a mistake?

May your escapes from Retail Slavery happen soon,

--Dweazzle

 

Retail Heaven Moment: An Awesome Custy and a Free Pair of Socks

From Greenhouse Gal:

So, tonight, a customer comes in, walks up to me with some expensive socks, and tells me he bought the wrong size and would like to exchange them.  I tell him no problem, we can totally do that...then look at the socks, and realize that while we carry this brand, we don't carry this specific style.  I look at the socks closer, and the following exchange ensues:

Me: Sir, I'm really sorry, but I can't exchange these for you...I don't think you purchased these here.

Customer [in a very pretentious tone, which leads me to mentally duck and cover]: Why, I most certainly DID get them here! Why, I'm CERTAIN I did!
 
Me: Sir, again, I'm really sorry, but if you look, you'll see (competitor's) price tag on these socks...[I brace for a shit-storm...]

Customer: Oh!  Geez, not only did I get the wrong size, I got them at the wrong place!

Me: ...since these are unworn I'd be willing to do the exchange as a courtesy, but since this is a style we don't even carry here, there's not much I can do.  I'm really sorry [still bracing for a shit-storm].

Customer: Oops. Well, I still need to get some shoelaces...[holds up empty package], do you have these in stock?

Me: Certainly, if you just head to [footwear department], I can see [coworker] there, they can help you out.

Ten minutes later...

Customer: [with shoelaces, and replacement socks]  Thanks for your help...[coworker] in footwear helped me find what I needed.

I ring him up, we chat a bit, and at the end of transaction:

Customer [sets down socks he came in with]: I don't really feel like dealing with these.  Will someone here just take them? 

Me: ...um, are you sure?  Even if you don't want to go there tonight, I'm sure [competitor] would be willing to refund you, since they're clearly from there.

Customer: Eh, I'm fine with it.  Free socks!  Someone here will use them, right?

Me: Um...if you're really sure?  Thanks, and have a good night!

Customer: Hey, you too...and thanks again for all your help.  (Walks out without the wrong-sized socks.)

A bit later, I explained the whole transaction to management...who was about to tell me I should have just exchanged them, regardless of [competitor's] price-tag, until I explained that I was going to offer that, but we didn't carry that style.  Management confirmed, then said, "hey, you just got free socks!  Why don't you just take those home?" 

So, in about 15 minutes, I went from dreading what I thought was going to be a nasty crusty encounter, to having a very nice conversation with a customer, to what I thought was going to be an issue with management, to scoring over $30 in free high-end wool socks (which I am going to share with a co-worker). 

Mostly retail sucks, but sometimes there are those good moments that keep us going.

--Greenhouse Gal

Retail Balls Award: Nasty Discount Rat From Hell Gets Told

JR Manager back with another great story.

Currently at college but planning for finish my first year up in the next few weeks and return to retail hell. Working at a store from the ground up the past couple years I swear that I have seen everything. One thing that I never expected was the amount of violence that you can see over a couple dollars. Now my store, before we converted to another, had a policy that it was up to the employees at guest service and in the office to decide whether to give a custy their refund if they brought back food. Typically it would end peacefully with the store giving a full refund, or double if the fresh product did not live up to standards.

Now after my time I began to pick out the custys that would come to guest services and would be causing problems, and I would immediately call a manager or someone who has seniority to deal with them.

Since before I have gotten the statement, "I don't want some snobby ass kid taking my money, get me a manager now I will have you job." Luckily with my track record all of my managers openly trust me and stand behind me, with one even offering me a promotion after dealing with a custy from hell.

After the extreme couponer show, coupled with my stores double up to $1.99 coupons our store began to see some crazy couponers.

Let me say they are very precise about their money and how everything works out. Following a double coupon day, I was at guest service and saw this lady start walking up with a receipt almost 3 feet long, so I called my manager out of the office and went to another area close by in case she needed help.

The custy demanded her money back after she purchased "the wrong sized Mounds," now I have seen this trick before, a custy buys an item with a coupon and then demands we give them full price back on said item because our receipts only coupon on them.

My manager was happy to do so and was beginning to get the register set up for a refund.

Then all hell broke loose, the custy strait up yelled at the manager that she should also get the right size Mounds for free plus some other type of compensation, because our store does not have the employees who are smart enough to put the bags where they were supposed to be.

My manager took one look at the receipt and notice the custy was in the store at 7AM, so the shelves were correct because they had done 2 run throughs before the store opened that day.

My manager politely said that the custy would just have to take the refund and she could buy the Mounds if she wanted with it.

I believe the exact word coming from this devil’s mouth was "Give me what I want, I shop here all the time, I pay for your salary, and THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!!"

My manager being kind politely said that she was no longer going to run the return because a custy is supposed to respect the workers and she did not like being yelled at.

All the while this is happening the baggers all shifted down closer to the guest service desk, I moved beside the desk, and the deli workers came to the front to "clock out." We were afraid this might get violent. The custy almost leapt over the desk to grab my manager, but stopped when she saw 8 guys all who could restrain her within leaping distance of her. She then demanded that we get a manager.

We followed orders and called our manager up, who was Awesome Manager again for me and told her exactly what the front end manager said; followed by if you attempt to hurt an employee the police will become involved.

In the custy's fury storming out of the store she hit this nice old lady and her cart. OL simply said, "have some respect for the workers, they tried to help you." and the custy responded by shoving the lady’s cart across to a wall and yelling for her to "F*#@ OFF."

We apologized to old lady and offered a discount or something, but she simply stated she didn’t need anything and was glad the lady from hell left.

I found out the next time I worked that the custy had her 14 y.o. daughter come in the next day and try again for the refund, though this time just for money. Luckily my manager left a message to the openers for the next day to watch the video and to keep an eye out. No refund was given and the daughter was left with a message of "Tell your mom that all employees are aware of this and nobody will be giving you this refund.

May you all have custys like OL.

--JR Manager

 

Retail Hell Memories: Custys Trying To Return Items Not From Your Store

It’s me again, The Guy Who Didn’t Shut Off the Ride, but that’s a bit wordy so just call me Dweazzle.

I’m out of the service industry and working a job where I get to catch Nasty Ass Insurance Fraudsters, so buck up Retail Slaves! Escape is possible!

Anyway, I thought I’d share a gem from my days at Old Slavery. It was after the helliday rush had ended and I was working the opening shift on the register when a middle aged woman came in and told me she wanted to return a coat.

Ok, no problem. Then she handed me the coat.

I discovered that it was a different label. To be fair, the coat she was trying to return looked very similar to coats we sold, but it wasn’t one of ours.

The exchange went like this:

Me: I’m sorry, I can’t return this because it wasn’t purchased here.

Stupid Stubborn Woman (SSW): No, I bought it here. I need my money back

Me: See this label? (Shows label) it says (Brand X). It’s a (Brand X) coat. We only sell Old Slavery stuff here.

SSW: I’m SURE I bought it here, and you need to give me my money back NOW.

Me: I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do.

SSW: I want to talk to your manager!

Me: All right, but she’s just going to tell you the same thing.

My occasionally cool manager comes over and I explain the situation. The manager takes the coat, confirms the label isn’t ours, and tells the SSW exactly what I had, and attempts to hand the coat back to the woman.

SSW: NO! I’m not taking that! GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK! I BOUGHT THAT HERE!

She refused to take the coat and argued with the manager for a solid hour in what was basically a kindergarten “Yes I did, no you didn’t” argument before finally yelling, “FINE! I’m never shopping here AGAIN!”, snatching the coat, and stomping out the door.

Manager: She didn't shop here in the first place.

Me: And apparently that's our fault.

What is it about customers that they refuse to accept bulletproof evidence that they’ve made a mistake?

May your escapes from Retail Slavery happen soon,

--Dweazzle

 

NC Tony: Let the Punishment Fit the Custy's Crime

So, I've been thinking this over for the past few weeks and finally decided to unleash it on you, my fellow RHUers. This is unlike the Slaves Wish List or the Customer Contract. This is something totally new. This is Let the Punishment Fit The Crime.

Note to all trolls: This is a joke. I do not condone the following activities, nor do I recommend any of my fellow RHUers try any of these things, for two reasons, 1) because in some cases they are literally impossible, and b) they are all illegal. This is simply a joke so please keep your dumb ass comments to yourself.

The idea here is there are so many things crustys do that make steam billow out of our ears and all we can do is grin and bear it, because in most cases managers are idiots who will bend over backwards (easy to do with no spine) to make the crustys happy, even (or should that be especially) when it makes their employees look bad/not even the slaves fault in the first place. These are things that, if they were possible, and not illegal you would do if there were no consequences.

The crime: Parking in a handicapped spot/using a mobility cart when the only disability they have is being a lazy fuckwad.

The punishment: A baseball bat to the knees.

 *

The crime: Trying to get a slaves attention by whistling, snapping fingers, grumbling that they can't get help. Also, walking up to a slave and barking out a one word exclamation (Socks!) of what they need.

The punishment: Getting smacked in the nose with a rolled up newspaper and admonished with "Bad Crusty!", and ignored for the rest of their time in the store.

*

The crime: Pretending to know more than the slave.

The punishment: Being forced to work for the slave (for no pay) for the rest of the shift and the rest of the week (if the crime occurs on Saturday, the crusty will have to work the following week for the slave).

*

The crime: Insulting the employee's intelligence/upbringing/sexual orientation/race, etc.

The punishment: Being the guest of "honor" at a Comedy Central Roast. Except this time the roasters mean everything they say.

*

The crime: Pulling the race card.

The punishment: Does anybody remember Twilight Zone: The Movie? The first segment is called "Time Out" and is the infamous segment in which actor Vic Morrow was killed. He played a bigot who was forced to time travel, and ends up as the nationalities he hates... in the worst situations possible (for example a Jewish man in German occupied France in WWII). That's the punishment here, to be shown what REAL racism is, via time travel. Someone call Rod Serling.

*

The crime: Accusing the slave of hiding more of an out of stock item "in the back".

The punishment: Being forced to go look for said item "in the back"... with the lights off. 

*

The crime: Letting their children run around, ignoring what they're doing, but jumping down a slaves throat, when said slave stops the little monster from destroying merchandise/hurting themselves. 

The punishment: The parent will spend one week in the monkey cage at the local zoo. Not cleaning it out... living there. If the child is at fault (despite the parents attempt to control them), they'll have to live in the monkey cage for a week.
 

*

The crime: Opening boxes, and then taking an unopened box. Dropping merchandisewherever when they decide they don't want it. 

The punishment: The slave goes to the crustys house and goes through all their things, dropping them wherever. Then leaving everything (cabinets, closets) open... including the front door on the way out. 

*

The crime: Leaving trash on shelves instead of waiting to find a garbage can.

The punishment: The slave goes to the crustys house and empties the contents of the trash can all over the house.

Alternate punishment: The crusty must spend a week in the dumpster out back.
 

*

The crime: Using the fitting room as a bathroom/spreading their shit all over a bathroom stall.

The punishment: Forcing them to clean it up... with a wet nap. Then unleashing non-house trained dogs loose in their house. 

*

The crime: Making a return without a receipt or even knowing the return policy, then throwing a fit when the return cannot be processed.

The punishment: Having the return policy tattooed on the inside of their eyes in bright neon colors.

*

The crime: Being on a cellphone while checking out.

The punishment: Having two yapping Chihuahuas permanently grafted to their shoulders. If the customer is on a blue tooth, the blue tooth will be permanently grafted to their ear with Rebbecca Black's "Friday" playing on a repeat loop... with the auto-tune turned off.

*

The crime: Not placing the money in the cashier's outstretched hand.

The punishment: The cashier will also put the money down. Into a box filled with fire ants.

*

The crime: Pulling money out of their bra/underwear.

The punishment: Having a Hazmat team come in and disinfect the money, the crusty, the cart, the floor space where they're standing, and the very air around them.

*

The crime: Using a $100 bill to pay for an order that's $10 or less.

The punishment: Letting every other customer in line smack the crusty in the face... especially if it's first thing in the morning.

*

The crime: Not knowing how to use the credit/debit card reader.

The punishment: Having their card cut in half right then and there.

*

The crime: Abusing the EBT/WIC system.

The punishment: EBT/WIC benefits taken away, and being forced to live off Ramen for a month.

*

The crime: Trying to purchase alcohol/tobacco products when underage.

The punishment: Having their date of birth tattooed on their forehead.

*

The crime: Acting like the store is trying to rip the crusty off if an item rings up for the wrong price, and blaming the slave for the price of everything.

The punishment: Being forced to memorize the price of every item in the store, what's on sale including any and all specials the store is running. Then being forced to recite them back to the slave, each wrong answer results in an electric shock (think the opening scene of Ghostbusters with Bill Murray).

*

The crime: Trying to use an expired coupon/a competitors coupon/being an extreme couponer.

The punishment: Having the coupon(s) stapled to the crustys face.

*

The crime: Being entitled.

The punishment: Spending a month in boot camp (Army, Navy, Air Force or Marines. Slaves choice).

*

The crime: Attempted/actual physical abuse of a retail slave.

The punishment: Being thrown into a cage with a live bear. Or (thanks to the late George Carlin for this one), being dipped in brown gravy, then thrown into a small locked room with a rabid wolverine that's high on meth.

*

The crime: Being a NAT.

The punishment: Jail. Then while the crusty is in jail, giving their address and car keys to a master criminal.

*

The crime: Threatening to get the employee fired.

The punishment: Being set on fire.

*

So, as always, I ask, what did I forget?

-NC Tony

 

 

 

 

Retail Hell Memories: Custy Without Receipt Has Tantrum Over Return Policy

From JAH:

Here's another bit of customer fun from the long-defunct software store.

A few months after Christmas, a customer tries to return a video game. Our overly liberal return policy basically let people have a refund or exchange for store credit on anything, regardless of how long they've had the product, as long as they had a receipt (as I've mentioned before, this policy eventually changed to 30 days but at this point, it was infinite time). For 30 days after Christmas, we could give exchanges/store credit on items without a receipt (the concept of gift receipts having not been invented yet? Who can say).

Anyhow, the customer comes in with whatever the game is and wants a refund without a receipt. I tell her we can't do that and since we are past the 30 day cut off on gift exchanges, I can't offer store credit either. She gets really nasty and says she doesn't want a store credit (which wasn't on the table!), she wants a refund. She wants cash NOW. I tell her again that we can't do that without a receipt.

"You mean you have to have a receipt to get a refund at this place?" she asked incredulously.

"Yes," I reply.

She turns to the person in line behind her and says, "Can you believe this place? They require a receipt?"

She huffs off and proceeds to tell three or four other people in the store the same shocking news, all of whom just nod their heads, "OK....".

Before she leaves, she yells that she's going to tell everyone - including the consumer reports guy for the local news - and then she goes out into the mall and physically stops other mall patrons (who weren't coming in my store) the horrible, unjust news that you need a receipt to get cash from some store they probably weren't going to shop at anyway.

All these many years later, I still have the perfect visual memory of the look of confusion and mild fear on one guy's face as he gets the unwanted news about our horrible return policy.

Last I heard was her yelling the news from down the hall.

The good news is that this went no further. She wasn't angling for a return with her shouting... she never contacted corporate or the district manager... I think she was genuinely incredulous about our return policy. I like to think that if she did contact the local news, they were also a little speechless.

--JAH

 

 

Adventures in Retail: Hilarious Animated Web Series Nails Retail Life

 

RHU welcomes an LOL animated mini series called Adventures in Retail by Suzy Berhow. I will post new ones as she makes them!

 

  

 

    

 

   

 

  

 

 

 

 

Home Improvement Hell: Old Ladies Create Customer Service Nightmare

Hello all!

Little Slave in the Big Woods here again with a funny, angry, weird sort of situation here today. 

Our company does home remodeling and we've been around for quite a while so we can kind of predict what service calls come in when.  For example:  it's winter, people call about ice build up.  99% of the time, it is because YOUR WINDOWS ARE LOCKED OPEN!  Meaning, the window locks are pushing each other apart because they are not aligned correctly.  It's okay most of the time; I have a spiel all ready to go and with our great technology, we actually have a PowerPoint presentation and a video describing in detail how this happens and how to correctly lock your windows.  It's on our website but I can also send it in email for those who are not to tech savvy. 

Which leads me to today's phone call:  daughter (in her 70's) calls for mom (in her 90's).  There is ice building up around the middle of her windows.  Now normally, I ask about the locks, walk through the unlock/relock process and send the video (or the link to the video).  Not with the elderly - we try to service them immediately no matter what the problem.

The mom wasn't the problem, the daughter was.  Here is how it all went down: 

Boss goes to house, no one home, looks at the window and can easily see the metal slide is not covered so therefore the windows are pushing against each other forcing them apart.  He calls from his cell and leaves a message stating unlock, relock and all will be well.  Done right?  Sooo wrong.  Daughter calls back and wants to let me know that she doesn't believe that is the problem and that we screwed her over a number of years ago on her bay window. 

Hold it, what?  We did windows for you?  Yes, 1993 to be exact.  Back then, there wasn't the greatest in computer advancements, but we have paper copy galore so I could do some research later. 

Then she proceeds to tell me that her window never got fixed and she wanted someone to come look at her mom's right this second.  I try again to state the boss saw the window locked open do you mind giving it a try?  Before I could even get out the last part she tells me that the windows will not lock and it is a mechanical problem - someone needs to get over there right this second (again?  really?). 

A little more ranting and yelling at me...I let her finish, because I'm nice, and state very quickly say, I will let the boss know and he'll get right back to you, thank you bye!

 Now I'm going to chop this conversation down a little bit.  Boss calls, daughter is yelling again, the boss states he has seen it, locks are open, service charge will be $79 if he has to come out to lock the windows, daughter hangs up after calling him a lying asshole.  Boss calls back and talks to mom (Who is awesome!) who says, "She's the ugly daughter."  Boss laughs and says he'll be over in 5 minutes to lock the windows just for her for free - because once again, she is awesome. 

It took him longer to drive to their house then to lock the windows.  Done?  No, the daughter starts in again on how her window was never fixed and was a waste of money and blah blah blah blah blah.  This is how it went down in winter of 1994 & 1995:  3 service calls with nothing wrong on the window, manufacturer was called in to service personally, personal service provided.  Report stated ice dam issues due to not having ice guard on her roof.  You see, if you don't use the metal underlayment up here, you get ice build up in low lying or mild sloped roofs.  The ice builds up, damages shingles and leaks into your home.  Most bay windows are secured with a big fat anchor rod, cables, and hooks.  The water will seek the least resistant path and slide down this rod and fill up any pockets above the window and make ice.  Low and behold, the roof was fixed and she has never had another issue. 

However, she forgot that the problem was never the window and has been bad mouthing us since her job was done.  She even said that she probably didn't listen when the roof was fixed and (ha ha) that is why she forgot what happened (yes, this is what she said).  There is no issue now, nor has there been an issue since she had the roof done. 

Laughs ensued at the mom's house with the boss, mom & daughter sharing a beer.  Boss is fine, mom is fine, daughter is fine.  Me?  I'm still a little pissed off.  Insert sarcasm here:  Please don't feel the need to apologize to me.  I love it when customers call and accuse us of being rip-offs, bad mouthing our company for the last 10 years, and oh yeah, being a complete bitch to me over something that was fixed and happened well over 10 years ago.

However, I will still go out to your mom's in the spring to help her clean her screens as long as you're not there.

--Little Slave

 

Dumbass Custy Encounter At Game Store

Hello again lovelies, GameGal♥ here, and I'm back with a vengeance.

The holidays have shown me firsthand how simple sales and promos can turn even the nicest, well behaved customers into rabid, raving lunatics, and turn the already dumb customers into creatures so unbelievably stupid it's simply beyond the scope of human comprehension.

My store was doing a simple promotion: Buy any 2 pre-owned games/accessories and get the third/cheapest one free.

The only problems we've had with this is people bitching about not getting a free $50 game after buying 2 for $7, or picking up new releases and complaining that "HERP DERP, you don't have used copies, I should still get this new copy for free anyways." But this takes the fucking cake and then some.

Diptard McBrokeAss comes in with his 7ish year old, heavenspawn. They go to look at used Nintendo DS games, and I tell them about our promotion.

Diptard tells spawn to pick out 3 games. So she does. One was about $19, one for $17, and the free one for $7. He then grabs her a new game case.

Before they check out, he asks us to ring up his purchases to ensure that they don't go over spawn's $50. Lo and behold, it only goes a dollar over, and Diptard admits that he doesn't have a penny on him to cover the rest. 

Well, that's alright! There are a few ways we can lower the price! Pick a cheaper case, or a cheaper game. Instead, he shows the girl the games and tells her to pick just two because he can't afford the 3rd game. T.T *EPIC FACEPALM*

My coworkers and even the 7 year old explain that all he would have to do is pick out another cheaper game instead. Just don't replace your cheapest free game with a cheaper one because you are actually paying for the other 2 more expensive games. The cheapest one is free! Changing the price of the free item doesn't change what you owe. 

In a beauteous fail that totally disregards common sense or the ability to follow simple instructions, Diptard wants us to replace his $7 game with a $5 one. Then he wants us to ring him up.

AGAIN.

Sadly, we could see that repeatedly ringing him up would be easier than trying to explain this shit to him. This irritating exchange is going on while there are 845738945 customers in the store, and each time Diptard wants to replace a game, I have to stop everything, grab the keys, take out his game, lock the case back up, and let my asst. manager ring his dumbass back up.

This shit cycle repeated itself about 4.5 times. And it was a god damn miracle, on about the fourth try, the total came to just below $50. THANK FUCK.

More tales of whimsical fuckery and madness to come.

--GameGal♥

**On an ending note, I'd like to thank you guys again for all of your advice on how to deal with my creepy ex. Thankfully, he hasn't shown up again during my shifts. One night after close, my coworkers and I were BS-ing, and a fellow female employee straight up told me that my ex was "creepy as fuck". This fitting description made us giggle, and she continued to tell me that even before I was hired that this nut would just come in and just stand in the middle of the store. Just. Stand. There. Never bought anything, and would leave after a few minutes. So I can take comfort in knowing that I wasn't the only one getting weirded out. :3

 

Funny Custys: Confusion Over KY Choices

From Bashful Bird:

Dearest RHU,

I actually did it.  I got out of retail forever!  I finally got my break and got my dream job – nanny.  That’s right; I’m paid well above minimum wage to play games with kids!  How did I get this lucky? 

This is going to consist of two stories, one with one of the families I nanny for (there are four), and one from my days at Hellgreens.  That way I don’t bore you with my domesticated ways!

I was wearing my hair back, and when I do, I wear quite a few bobby pins to keep it up.  My hair was falling out of the hair band, so I grabbed the bobby pins and stuck them in my mouth so I could easily grab them and put them back.  The youngest kid, age 2, looked at me very worried, and says, “Are those your teeth?!”

So cute.

As for days of Hellgreens!

A man came in a bought some things, and one of his items happened to be KY warming.  Being the professional I am, I ignored this purchase, bagged him up, and as he left, commented a coworker that he was going to have a fun time tonight.

Fast forward an hour.  The man comes back in, aggravated.  He returns the warming for the cooling, complaining that his wife didn’t tell him the kind he was supposed to get.  We get him on his way, and giggle after he leaves.

Fast forward another hour.  A woman in scrubs comes in, with the bottle of KY cooling, and sets it down on the counter. 

LeI ask if there is a reason why she is returning it, and she says, “Well, my dumbass husband can’t seem to just get regular KY.  It’s for our daughter’s catheter, so warming and cooling is just not going to do it.”

Oh the stories of Hellgreens.

Have a wonderful day!

-- Bashful Bird