Retail Hell Underground

Elvis Siting At Walmart

From Kristina:

I have lurked for quite a while on but I don't work retail anymore so I didn't think I would ever have anything to submit.  A trip to WalMart changed my mind. Elvis is alive and at the checkout!

Below is what I found parked next to me when I came out...

 

Robotic Elephant Bus

If anyone can explain this in comments, please have at it! The WIN! blog didn't say much except that it's robotic and it holds over 20 people!

 

 

 

Crazy California Custy Calling

Long time, no post! BrianTheWerewolf back again to stalk the retail halls in all my furry-ness!

I work for a vendor that works for one of the largest banks in the United States, one that has been in hot water recently for its handling of the HAMP program.

At our call center, we are not allowed to give our location due to security and an incident that happened with a customer and a rep a few years ago where the customer used the reps location to insult him and run him into the ground and the rep defended himself (rep was suspended for defending himself but anyway...back to the story)....

I had a woman, wonderful lady to talk to, who showed that even the nicest customers can be utterly hopeless when it comes to geography. 

She asked my location and I told her what we are supposed to.

Me: (politely): "Mam, I'm on the east coast."

Customer: "Oh sounds foreign. Where is that?"

(I am resisting the urge to head-desk when I look at her address...it’s in California).

Me:  "Mam, you’re in California, right?"

Customer: "Right!"

Me: "Well, that's the west coast of the United States. The east coast is on the opposite side of the country." 

Customer: (totally innocent and not being mean at all): "Oh wow! You guys speak excellent English! I know that outsourcing doesn't always get good speakers but you're one of them! The east coast...I wonder which part of India that is in..." 

Rather than explode laughing on the phone, I simply end the call as humanely as possible and close it down just enough in time to burst out laughing as all heads turn in my direction and they will never know why. :) While most of the time, I hate the place where I work (as does everyone else), there truly are times that are absolutely priceless and make it worthwhile. 

Yours,

--Brian

 

 

RHU CUSTY CLARIFICATION EXCLUSIVE: THINGS THAT ARE NOT RACIST

Hello everyone, it's Book Wench, reporting in from Wastings hell.

This submission is actually a collaborative effort between myself and one of the awesome department managers-- K-Pax, who starred in one of my previous posts.

K-Pax and I happened to both be working today, and on our smoke break we started swapping crusty stories... which eventually turned into the following list. (Important note: K-Pax and I are both white as the driven snow, in a part of the country where that's actually somewhat unusual-- and boy, does that ever give some of our nastier customers fuel for their entitled, hateful fire.) I present to you, RHU, the Official List of Things That Are Not Racist. Feel free to add on!

Having a bathroom for customers only is not racist.

Having a key for that bathroom is not racist.

Making you pay for the candy you ate IN FRONT OF ME while you were in line is not racist. 

Telling you that you can't change your baby's diaper in the aisle is not racist.

Not having the product you want is not racist.

Offering to special-order you that product is not racist and I really don't understand how you can possibly view it that way.

Not having your special order in the day after you ordered it is not racist. There are over a thousand miles between us and our distribution center, which is not racist either, just really far away. 

Kicking you out when you steal is not racist.

Nor is kicking you out when you start a fight with someone else.

Nor is banning you from the store if you do either of the above.

Not giving change without a purchase is not racist.

Sending you up to the front when I don't have enough change in the back register to break your hundred is not racist. I can't go get more change, the manager up front can.

Not letting you pay for fifty-odd dollars of stuff in UNROLLED CHANGE is not racist. Go to a goddamn CoinStar. It's not racist either.

The cop ticketing you for parking in the fire lane is not racist.

I am not racist for refusing to argue with that cop on your behalf.

Late fees are not racist. Pay them.

Asking you to stop your child from opening sealed merchandise is not racist.

Putting things back where you found them is not racist, and I really wish you would start doing it.

Your card getting declined is not racist. Your bank may or may not be racist, I can't speak for them, you need to go have it out with them and not me.

Not letting you have stuff for free is not racist.

No refunds without a receipt is not racist.

Not giving you a full cash refund for what is obviously damaged merchandise is not racist.

Not buying your cracked DVDs, moldy books, and broken XBox is not racist.

Asking for ID is not racist.

Our opening/closing times are not racist and they are not changing any time soon.

It's one a.m. and we've been closed for an hour and I am going the fuck home, and I am not racist for refusing to open up the place to let you grab 'just one thing.'

"No shirt no shoes no service" is not racist.

"No animals" (except for service dogs) is not racist. Your tiny purse rat is clearly not a service dog.

Not giving you my phone number or my schedule is not racist.

Essentially, crustys, sometimes we have to tell you "no," and telling you "no" is not racist. So kindly take your massive sense of entitlement, and your total inability to behave in public, and go fuck off.

PS: That's not racist either.

--Book Wench

Hackers Play Porno On Best Buy TVs

From Huff Po:

TVs at electronic retailers may provide customers with a bit of entertainment while they shop, but the images on the screens at one Best Buy had a customer far from amused.

Gloria Berg was shopping for TVs with her son and grandchildren at a Best Buy in Greenville, South Carolina when a pornographic image of a man and woman suddenly appeared on screen, local News Channel 7 reports. The image remained on the screen for several minutes until it was removed by a manager who claims that the store's wifi had been hacked, allowing the offending image to be uploaded.

"They, like, brush it off like it's...who cares?" Berg told News Channel 7. "Nobody cares. It's pornography. And we are getting adjusted to that kind of mentality. That's why we are losing our morals."

Pornography in the workplace and the public space has become an increasingly divisive. The issue gained particular attention in 2010 when a report came out revealing that at least 31 employees at the Securities and Exchange Commission, a federal agency tasked with regulating the securities industry, had spent hours viewing pornographic websites at work around the time of the 2008 financial crisis, raising concerns about employee negligence.

Still, such instances remain fairly common. Seventy percent of porn viewed on the Internet occurs between the usual work hours of 9am and 5pm.

But work isn't the only place where Americans are encountering porn. Some may be finding it on the screens of their public libraries. Despite banning activities such as sleeping, eating and being barefoot, the Seattle Public Library will not prohibit patrons from viewing pornographic material on the library's computers, according to SeattlePI.com. Residents have filed several complaints against the library on the grounds that the adult material is often seen by children. The library maintains that filtering out such content for adults would be a violation of free speech.

New York city adopted a similar policy last year.

via www.huffingtonpost.com

Mardi Gras King Cake Caution

 

 

Man Has Heart Attack Eating 'Triple Bypass Burger" At Heart Attack Grill

From Yahoo:

This comically tragic story was the first of its kind at the restaurant, whose slogan ‘Taste Worth Dying for’ might need to be rethought after the man was taken out of the eatery by paramedics. Thankfully, he survived.

The infamous American eatery unapologetically serves up calorie-rich and fat-laden food. The burger in question costs £7 ($11.10) and contains a 1.5 pound beef burger served with several slices of processed cheese and the option of 15 slices of bacon for an extra £1. 76 ($2.77).

Shockingly, this isn’t even the unhealthiest item on the menu. The Quadruple Bypass Burger features two pounds of meat, processed cheese and 20 bacon slices for an extra £2.35 ($3.69). Other items on the menu include the butterfat milkshakes, ‘flatliner’ chips fried in pure lard, non-filtered cigarettes and ‘Fat Bastard’ brand wine. 

The staff members at the Heart Attack Grill are given fake medical names to tie in with the theme of the restaurant

‘Nurse’ Bridgett, who was working at the restaurant when the incident occurred, told Fox5 News: "He was having the sweats and shaking.”

The owner of the restaurant, ‘Doctor’ Jon Basso, was shocked by the incident.

"I actually felt horrible for the gentleman because the tourists were taking photos of him as if it were some type of stunt. Even with our own morbid sense of humour, we would never pull a stunt like that," Bosso said. "He was sweating, suffering. Anyone with an ounce of compassion would've felt for him."

The man’s name is being kept private but he is recovering from the heart attack.

This incident might be a wake-up call to an establishment that lets diners over 25 stone eat for free and that features a sign at the door stating that the offered dining fare is a health risk.

Maybe they were just being proactive?

Do think this theme restaurant is funny, or an affront to good health?

via uk.lifestyle.yahoo.com

 

 

 

 

Drive-Thru Funeral Home

 

 

 

 

Pizza Hut Gets Into The Proposal Business

 

 

 

Valentine Bears To Make You Feel Better

Happy Valentine's Day RHU! Have good times with the people you are with today.... lover, friends, family, or pets! And indulge in some chocolate or your favorite decadent sweet! You is fine! You loved!

 

 

Happy Valentines Day RHU: NC Tony's Customer Contract

So I've decided not to save the Slaves Wish List just for the holidays. I got struck with inspiration, and I'm not waiting 10 months to post it.

How many of you had to sign some kind of "contract" when taking your jobs? *counts hands* Some sort of code of conduct about how you would conduct yourself during the hours you're on the clock. How many of you wish customers also had to sign a similar code of conduct about how they would conduct themselves while they are in your store shopping (or eating if you work in a restaurant)? *counts hands* Ok, Burger Bitch, you don't need to raise both hands, I'm only counting you once. Well then allow me to present what every customer would have to read and sign before being allowed in your store...

THE CUSTOMER CODE OF CONDUCT:

I, the customer agree to abide by the following rules while shopping in your establishment.

1) If, the store employs a greeter who's sole job it is to welcome me to MegaMart, I will acknowledge their greeting, even if I just smile and nod at them. I will not ignore them as if they weren't even there.

2) If I require assistance on the sales floor, I will find a store associate and ask them "Excuse me, can you please tell me where [item] is?" or "Could you please tell me where [item] is?" or some variation thereof. I will not just walk up to an associate and bark out a one word exclamation of what I need. Nor will I whistle, snap my fingers or grumble "Doesn't anybody WORK around here?" to get their attention. I will not demand their help either.

2a) Likewise if an employee comes up to me and asks me if I need help, I will either use one of the above polite requests for help, or simply say "No thank you".

2b) I will accept that I do not know more than the employees. After all they work here, and know the way the store works better than I do.

2c) I will not insult their level of intelligence for working here. I understand that this may have been the only job they were able to get at the time, and that just like me they have bills to pay.

3) If the store is out of an item, I will not accuse employees of hiding more of said item in the back. I will accept that the store is out of said item, and either look for it elsewhere, or politely ask if an employee knows when the store is getting any more in, and return at a later time to get the item.

4) I will control my children and keep an eye on them. I will not allow them to handle valuable and/or fragile merchandise. I will not let them run around screaming like banshees, bothering other customers. I will not expect the employees to watch my children.

4a) I will not give my child a toy to play with from the toy section just to keep them quiet while I am shopping and then not buy it for them.

5) I will not open boxes of merchandise to see the contents and then take an unopened box.

6) If I do not want an item, I will not leave it on a random shelf, I will put it back where I found it.

6a) Likewise I will not just drop clothing items on the floor if it's not what I want.

7) I will not leave my trash on a random shelf. I will wait until I can find a garbage can.

8) I will not mistake the fitting room for a bathroom.

8a) If I do not want the clothes I have just tried them on I will leave them with the fitting room attendant, I will not dump the clothes on the floor.

9) In the bathroom I will use the toilets for their intended use and not spread my waste all over the walls and floor. If the toilet should overflow, I will find and employee and let them know so the mess can be cleaned up.

10) When making a return I will make sure I have the receipt, or some other proof of purchase. I will also make

sure I am within the allotted return time (ie: 7 days, 10 days, 90 days, etc). I will not throw a fit and threaten to "take my business elsewhere" or state that I "spend a lot of money here" and should therefore get my way.

10a) I will make sure I am returning something that the store sells. Not something that your competitor sells.

11) When checking out I will end my cell phone call long enough to complete the transaction.

11a) If I am paying in cash I will have my wallet in hand and will place the money in the cashiers hand.

11b) I will carry a wallet or purse and will not hand the cashier money out of my bra/underwear.

11c) I will not use a $100 bill to pay for a $5 order (especially not first thing in the morning).

11d) If I am using a credit/debit card, I will make sure I know my PIN, and how to use the card scanner.

11e) If I am using EBT/WIC, I will make sure I am buying only EBT/WIC approved items.
 
11f) If I am using coupons (either regular coupons or special store coupons) I will let the cashier know BEFORE they start ringing up the sale. I will not demand discounts I am not entitled to.

11g) If an item rings up for the wrong price I will politely point it out and not accuse the cashier (or the store) of trying to rip me off.

12) I will not act like I am entitled to special treatment. I will not threaten, abuse, admonish, augur, blackmail, bluster, browbeat, bully, caution, comminate, cow, enforce, flex muscles at, forebode, forewarn, fulminate, growl, intimidate, look daggers at, make threats to, menace, portend, presage, pressurize, push around, scare, scowl, shake fist at, snarl, spook, terrorize, torment, or walk heavy to get my way.

12a) I understand that sometimes mistakes happen and will not hold it against the employee.

13) I understand that the employees do not set the prices for items.

13a) I understand that the employees are only doing what they are being told to by their managers, who are being told to do by corporate.

14) UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WILL I TRY TO STEAL ANYTHING FROM THE STORE. I understand that doing so will result in legal actions being taken against me.

I have read and understood the above rules and further understand that breaking any of the above rules will result in a $10 annoyance fee added to my total for each rule broken.

Signed,
[Customer]


So, as usual, I ask you my fellow RHUers, what did I leave out?

--NC Tony

Coming soon: customer contracts for restaurants, your managers, other (asshole) employees and whatever other jobs you can think of that need contracts like this.

Store Window Redefines DTF

 

 

 

The 99 Cent Store Teaches Custys How To Shop For Valentine's Day

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Monster Mojito

Gimme one of those straws! 

 

 

 

 

Domino's Bitch Tweet