I stopped at the local Gas N Shit this morning for my fountain drink and a chocolate doughnut with sprinkles (the Five Year Old Tantrum Defuser). The doughnut case is located right up against the fountain.
There was a very well built man who I will refer to as Football Shoulders getting a drink. He was using the first fountain in line, and his massive muscles blocked both the fountain and the doughnut case. No prob, I'll wait. When he finishes and moves on, I move up to the doughnut case as Menopausal Bitch steps up to the fountain. Ok, you just walked in the door, but what the hell, I'll get my sugar glob and wait - oh, you're getting two drinks? Fine, I'll wait.
I walked around Menopausal Bitch to the other side of the fountain and got my two cups. Note at this point that I am holding in front of me two cups, and facing the fountain. Enter Overly Made Up Hyper Bitch in Scrubs (OMUHBS).
OMUHBS was one of these 20-something girls who was skinny and would probably be attractive if she wasn't certain that she had to fix her ugly with too much makeup consisting of approximately all the colors.
OMUHBS, oblivious to the fact that I am waiting patiently, facing the fountain, holding two empty cups, walks right up to the fountain as soon as Menopausal Bitch turns away. Let me amend that. It was if the vacuum left by Menopausal Bitch pulled OMUHBS into the space she was previously occupying. I never stood a chance.
I stood and watched as she performed the acrobatic (acrobatic, not graceful) feat of holding her wallet, 2 keys with 28 baubles and geegaws, and a 2 pack of 5 Hour Energy in one tiny, bony hand while filling her foam cup with ice, getting syrup, filling pop, getting more syrup, and topping off the pop, all the while trying not to shake like the chihuahua she resembled.
OMUHBS finally finishes, I make a bull rush to the fountain, get my drinks and head up to the register.
There, I thought I could get my revenge. She was standing away from the line (she was somehow observant enough to leave room for people passing through), and I thought to myself, "Self, why don't you charge right up there in front of her?"
So I did, and when she complained, I said, "Oh, I thought that's what we were doing today."
In my head.
In reality, there was somebody behind her, and I couldn't do to that person what two people had already done to me. When I got up to the register next to her I thought about loudly telling the cashier about this bitch who cut in front of me, but she left before I could start in.
Oh well. I drank my pop anyway. And the little one had two bites of her doughnut and said she was full.
Stay classy RHU!