Riferous gets a Retail Balls Award for facing off with a phone NAT who wouldn't give up:
There is a special pit in Hell for some people.
And I'd like to be in charge of this particular pit someday.
I got a call today that I have gotten so many times in the past. Always, the caller or, more likely, his son/wife/relative got something
bad at your store and they want a refund. Except they never have the
receipt or the product, and it was always three weeks ago, and who keeps
their receipts anyway?
It's been undercooked chickens, bad Polaroid
film (that Polaroid had him send to them, and they told him to come back
for a refund - how convenient!), and this time and the last time moldy
dog food - the expensive kind. In large bags.
The caller starts out by asking if you are the one in charge
today. Since I am the assistant manager, they want to know the name of
the store manager, when they will be back, and the wants to know how to
get a hold of the district manager, because they need to know what kind
of stuff is going on in your store. Immediate red flag, game over for
you, my scammy friend.
So, being expected to offer the best customer service and try to
solve the problem yourself, lowly AM asks the expected question of what
exactly is the problem, kindly cowardly sir?
Well, about three weeks
ago (why three weeks, I wonder, as most scammers know that we can look
up movement for the last 28 days, and are surprised when it is actually
35 days hahafuckingha) and he/she/it (the son this time) was
housesitting and bought two bags of the large bag of ex-fucking-pensive
dog food, and they were both moldy.
This is more believable than the
last time, which was three bags, because while I know people will spend
$100 for cigarettes in a plaque-congested heartbeat, ain't nobody gonna
spend that on dog food from a grocery store.
Surprise surprise, both
bags were moldy!
The next step is that he called the store, and there was no
manager in the store (there never is, despite my 50 hour per week
schedule, and two others with the same. Hmmm...) Anyway, the person
that his accomplice, er, son talked to, said there was no way he could
bring that food back because it was contaminated! What, an employee was
rude? Wow, yeah, because they totally have the authority to turn down a
return and be rude about it!
Seriously, if nothing else, they will
tell a person that they will have to come back or call back for a
manager, never will they say something like that. Which doesn't matter
anyway, because no such call existed in the first place!
So what the (variable expletive) are we going to do for him?
Note
that, by this time, he has abandoned all mention of the DM. I guess
every script has a flaw. Well, the inexperienced will usually either
roll over or defer to the store manager. If they roll over, then he
will ask how long you will be there (a less than clever ploy to find out
when you will be gone, to make his ruse that much easier), and he will
send in his son/wife/Russian mail order bride/pig breeder to get the
refund. Preferably in cash.
If the uninitiated tries to put it off for the store manager,
well, that is a most grievous sin, mister. Superscammer will then
resort to various degrees of berating until they get what they want in
an attempt to coerce the poor soul into giving in.
If that doesn't
work, well then you might as well turn in your keys, mister, because
your ass is grass when he gets a hold of corporate! You better believe!
The last time before today he introduced a twist. After I stated
that no product and no receipt equals no refund (I had no problem saying
that because hey, I've heard it before) he said that he would hold
while I called my DM because she probably wouldn't like me making that
kind of decision for her.
Oh yes, I believe she would, as that is kinda
MY JOB.
I finally said that I wasn't going to do that. He said, get
this, "I think your a pussy boy!"
Really, because I stood up to your
threatening bullshit and wouldn't roll over for a known scam, I'M a pussy
boy?
I said, "You know how many times I've heard this story?"
"I
don't care how many times you've heard blah blah rabble rabble.."
Click.
Pussy boy that, mother fucker.
Besides, he was the one who wanted to send his wife in for the refund.
Who's the pussy boy?
So this time I listened long enough to confirm about five points
of the script, and cut in and said "Let me ask you this, where is the
dog food now?"
Last time it was buried, I expected to hear the same,
but I think I surprised him.
"I don't know, he might still have it."
Damn. Well, I had enough evidence anyway. "Well, I'll tell you what,
I've heard this story so many times before I'm gonna save us both some
time. Bye."
Click.
Go eat some moldy dog food mother fucker.
No immediate call back, so I guess that petty much confirms the
scam.
Short, sweet, and we won't hear from him for another six months.
What a wonderful life.
Anybody else get these calls?
I just wonder if this is a few guys who know each other or if they're pulling a script off of doucheyscamfucker.com.
--Riferous