Delivery Bitch here. I’ve been promoted to delivery and kitchen hand, which brings in a whole new level of hell.
If you’re ever ordering any sort of food to be delivered, please adhere to the following:
1) Give us the right phone number. Yeah, simple I know. We need it so if we have a problem or are running late or can’t find you, then we call. If we don’t have your phone number well, then no delivery for you. Our system is set up so a phone number can find if you have ordered before or have special instructions. We cannot process a delivery without a number.
2) Give us the right address. That's it. Just give us the right address.
3) Ensure you have a way to pay! We don’t accept gold bars, marijuana, cigarettes or anything in lieu of cash. If you need the eftpos machine, tell the order taker. Our drivers make the call whether to leave your order with you with a promise to pay within 24 hours (remembering that we have your name, address and phone number), or bring the whole thing back to the store.
5) If there are complicated instructions allow us to repeat them back to you! Just because you have told us, doesn’t mean we have been able to write them down.
6) We are not mind readers! Don’t make a complaint because YOU ordered the wrong thing, thinking it was another thing. That ain’t our fault. We will try to rectify it.
7) Don’t haggle. We generally automatically apply discounts for meals or deals we have running. I might apply an extra discount if you are a regular. Our prices are already low, we can’t do much more for you.
8) Wear clothes when answering the door! A robe will suffice if necessary. Underwear will not.
9) If possible have as close to correct change as possible. But don’t pay in poo change. I will make you count it out and bag it.
On another note, the other day I was serving a lovely customer, and another customer walked up to the door, looking like he was blowing kisses. Took me a while to realise we was after cigarettes. Now, the fact that we sell pizza is signposted everywhere in our store.
He came in after a few minutes and asked, "Do youse sell cigarettes?”
It was 1pm and he sounded drunk.
“Nah mate, try the servo down the road 50 metres.”
We watched him stagger out the door and walk down the street.
The customer I was serving and I cracked up laughing after he had left.