Retail Hell Underground

Retail Slaves As Custys: Pranking Snooty Salespeople

Sorry I haven't written for ages, I've been in surgery and all kinds of crap. The problem is, I have committed a heinous crime.

Some of you may know that I am a steampunk. However, I am usually grouped into goth, emo, whatever.

Well, there is a shop over here which sells clothes to preppy kids and today I went in there to buy my niece a present.

Literally the second I walked in there, the assistants started snickering at me, whispering about my clothes and hair, and one of them said to me "We dont usually see your kind in here" in a really bitchy tone. So, I left, silently seething.

Now, I couldn't just let them get away with it. So I formulated a plan.

After calming down a little, I wandered back in (silently) and started looking at clothes. Once I heard their snickering, I pretended to hyperventilate and started clawing at my skin. When one of them came over and asked bitchily if I needed help, I said "I seem to be turning into A MASSIVE TOOLBOX!" and ran out of the store…

I ask for forgiveness for my sins and repent to all the retail gods. Please, RHU, am I forgiven for being a horrid custy?

--The Science Ninja.

Science Ninja's Learned Retail Lessons

Hello, I am Science Ninja, and I am a sorceress and daughter of the devil.

I have two lessons for you today:

1) People are actually insane. Just. Really. Insane.

2) It's never good to stand out when you work in Retail.

Sooo, a little story for you here. I have lots to tell, but I wanted to tell this one cause it's freaking hilarious!

May 21st, when everyone was dying from the rapture, I went into the town where I work shopping. A little back story here, I'm a punk, and my hair is dyed black and blue (I tie it back for work so you can't really see it) and my boyfriend... Is a steam punk. This means he walks around with a top hat and a cane. I find it pretty freaking awesome, but people do tend to avoid us on the street... I wonder why...

Anyway, skip to the next day, and I'm working. A little old, quite frankly innocent looking lady walked up to me and had the following conversation.

Old Lady: Excuse me, were you shopping in town yesterday?

Science Ninja: Yes, I was, why do you ask?

OL: (literally out of the blue) SORCERESS!

SN: Um, Ok, What?

OL: I saw you with the boy you brought back from the dead. He was not of our time. You have used sorcery to bring him back, and thus you are a devils child. I pray for your soul.

And then she walked off.

Honestly, I really do love working in retail. It really brightens up my life.

Until next time retail slaves, The Sorceress is signing out...

--The Science Ninja

 

Science Ninja's Hell: 3 Crazies and 1 bitch

Hi RHU-ers. So, yeah, Science Ninja is still alive.

Due to millions of exams and a lot of in and out of hospitals, I haven't written for a while. But I have still been reading :)

Anyway, just a quick post with a couple of customer stories.

NUMBER ONE: THE LEFTY HATER

So, I'm left handed. Not too weird. But, as I finished writing something out I turned around to serve a customer. But she refused to be served. Why? Because I'd written with my left hand. And thus was the devil.

NUMBER TWO: I'M (apparently) A COMMUNIST

So, casually working, humming "Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga. When, out of the blue, a customer walks up to me on the shoulder and said "That is a song of communism. You are a communist." and walked away. My awesome co worker looked at me, and said "What the fuck was that about?" "I don't even..."

NUMBER THREE: I DON'T KNOW WHAT SIZE I AM OR WHAT COLOUR I WANT

So, I was casually folding jumpers on a table, nearly done and a woman came along and a woman came along and tried on damn near every single sweater, and then just strew them across the table. I nearly jumped out the window.

NUMBER FOUR: I'M WRONG SO I'M GONNA OFFEND SOMEONE

So, If you don't remember, I used to be 196lb, but I am now more like 140lb. I know I lost a lot of weight, but I'm still pretty self concious about it. Cue customer.

Bitch: "Hey, I want to return this."

Co Worker: "I'm sorry, but this is 75% off, and an extra 20% off was given for good will (There was a small rip in the fabric). This can't be returned."

Bitch: "I specifically asked if I could return it, and she said yes!"

At this point, I round the corner and the bitch goes mental:

Bitch: "THERE SHE IS! THERE'S THE FATTY WHO SOLD IT TO ME!"

I just left. I still don't know what happened.

Anyway, I'm not dead just yet, and I still love y'all

Till next time, slaves,

--SCIENCE NINJA

Scheduling Mix Up Turns Positive

From The Science Ninja:

Hiya RHU!

Thanks for all the support for my last post, I just got bored on my shift, and Morgan Freeman started talking to me. So, yeah.

I'm writing on the incompetence of my manager. Ronnie.

Some background first. We're currently in half term over here, which is basically just a week of school for the hell of it. I usually only work 5 hours a week, on Sunday's. But on Monday this week, I got a call from Ronnie, could I open on Tuesday? Sure, gives me extra money. Going into my shift, I found out why.

She'd forgot to schedule anyone.

My AWESOME supervisor was trying to sort out the shift pattern for the next day, who was on tills or whatever when she asked Ronnie who was on the next morning. And it was no one.
And today, I've just been called in again!

That's two times this week! Which makes me wonder, does she do this all the time?
Not that I'm complaining, I've almost tripled my hours this week. Which means more money for my savings.

I guess every cloud has a silver lining.

--The Science Ninja

Science Ninja On Crappy Retail Days

(This post is best read in the voice of Morgan Freeman.)

I hope you're sitting comfortably, boys and girls, for I am here to tell you a story. A story of Retail Slaves and Custys, Co-workers and friends. Hold on tight to your hats 'cause this is a tale with more twists and turns than a bowl of spaghetti. With meatballs. And cheese.

It's time to meet the heroine of our story. A young, somewhat naive retail slave called The Science Ninja. She headed into her wonderful place of work after her sickness, to be confronted with the second character of our story. A young man called Missy, far far from home.

Now, a little backstory about Missy, he's from the deep south of the US of A with a perfect southern drawl. He's a huge 6 foot 7 black wrestler, with muscles to match. Let us immerse ourselves in their conversation now:

Missy: Hey, Science Ninja! I heard y'all got called a N**** last time you were in by some idiot on the street.

SN: Yeah, he was a jackass.

Missy: D'y'all know why that's so damned funny?

SN: Ummmm... No?

Missy: Cause Giiiiiirl, y'all the whitest person I ever met!

This made our Science Ninja in good spirits for the rest of the day, but by my ol' strawboater, was she wrong!

Picture the scene, 2 hours into her shift, Science Ninja has been given the task of putting all the new delivery out on the shop floor by the time her break swings around. Fine, this is possible for Science Ninja to do, she just needs to put her working head on and dream of more awesome things she could be doing. However, all is not well in KuchenBrot, and Science Ninja soon gets called to the tills...

To see millions of Custys!

So, Science Ninja gets working on the tills, and after serving the first customer, she turns round to the co-worker who called her over, Krypton, who is currently styling his hair in the mirror opposite the tills.

As you can probably guess, my clever readers, Krypton is the arch-nemesis of this story.

SN: Hey Krypton, can you help me over here please?

Krypton: Um, excuse me? I'm far too important to just be working on tills. Do it yourself.

So, alas, poor Science Ninja gets further and further behind with her delivery as she tries to check out the ever growing line of customers.

UNTIL GINGER SAVES THE DAY!!!!

Ginger rushes over to the struggling Science Ninja's side, and forms a team with her, bagging up the clothes as Science Ninja scans them through. After asking Krypton to come and help by jumping on another till, and getting the same response as our Science Ninja, Ginger grumbles, but carries on bagging, as Customers ask for Kryptons name to complain.

But the drama is not over yet, dear readers. Far from it.

After the huge line of Custys has gone, Science Ninja rushes to get her delivery finished, and manages apart from one box. Figuring she can do that box after the break, she goes for a well earned rest.

After grabbing her purse from the locker, she wanders into the break room,

TO A HUGE FIGHT BETWEEN KRYPTON AND GINGER!

Ginger tells Krypton what a lazy jackass he is, and Krypton replies with how he is more senior than Ginger. Ginger replies telling him what a huge amount of Male Cow feces that is, before turning around to include Science Ninja in the fight. Science Ninja is apprehensive, however just points out that he isn't, in fact, more senior than either her or Ginger.

Which causes the evil Krypton to explode, with the fact that he is much older, and therefore senior, and how with age comes experience. He then pulls out his driving license, showing everyone his date of birth and how senior he is than everyone else.

Now laughing, both our heroes Science Ninja and Ginger pull out their driving licenses... to reveal both of them to be at least six months older than Krypton.

After much huffing and puffing, Krypton leaves the room, to roars of laughter from many people, including a few managers in the store.

The Moral of the story, fellow retail slaves, is that no matter how crap your day may seem. Sometimes, a little miracle can make it all better.

I am Morgan Freeman. Thank you for listening.

--Science Ninja

Science Ninjia's Retail Hell Week: Leaflets, Thievery, and Rude A-holes

Heya all!

Science Ninja has returned!

I am writing to you about my shift last week, why haven't I written since then? Well... because I currently write from my sick bed, after spending a day in A&E and the rest of the time since pretty much asleep. Anyway, more of that later.

So, I went into work last week, for my weekly shift, looked at the rota saying where I wanted to be, and when my break was, whatever. And saw a big motherfucking L wrote across two hours of scheduling... right...

I had no idea what this L meant, and when i asked my supervisor (not the normal one because she was ill, it was a replacement), she just laughed and told me to go to the general office. Right. And when I went to the general office half an our later, the sale manager was holding two fluorescent red coats and a whole load of leaflets.

Fuck. Me.

So me and another willing slave, let her be named Amber, headed out in minus temperatures to tell people that they could get something free if they brought to sale items. (Buy one get one free on all women's sale items at Kuchenbrot (officially my new name for the store)! Please take a leaflet so we can get out of these freezing cold conditions!) Of course, we had our share of unwilling attentions.

Cue the next conversation:

SN: Hey there! Would you like...

50 Cent wanna be: Fuck off, you fucking slut. Go back to whoring on the street, fucking nigga (note, I am not only white, but I am extremely pale. And this guy is black).

SN: Of course, Sir! Whatever makes you feel better about your incredibly small appendage!

50: *speechless, and shuffles off to the sound of laughter from his friends*
Amber: Dude, you should be on stage or something.

And then, back from our hellish outing (we'd handed out all the leaflets, even though the store had printed out enough to last the week!), I was put on fitting rooms until my break. Just a small custy encounter, but one none the less. Two thirty - forty year old women were going into the changing room.

SN: Hi there, are you looking to try those on?

Woman 1: Hi, I'd like to try these on.

SN: Sure, just follow me!

Woman 2: Would you mind if I go in with her?

Now, our store doesn't have any policy concerning this, but we generally say it's ok, unless there's more than two people.

SN: Yeah, that's fine.

W2: We're just friends, we're not one of those carpet munchers!

My jaw LITERALLY hit the floor.

Firstly, like I said, we have loads of friends who do this. Hell, even I do it sometimes. I never for a second thought you were a lesbian.

And Secondly, I don't give a flying shit if you are lesbians! I don't care if you held huge lesbian orgies every night! The one thing that does annoy me about you, is that you used such a derogatory term!

Anyway, just before my lunch, I'm tidying up our formal wear, wedding dresses, prom dresses, bridesmaid dresses and stuff. Now a quick thing about the layout of our store. We have a main staircase at the front of the store, but we also have a smaller staircase at the back of the store, the top of which is by the formal section. There was another woman stood there, screaming and screaming into her phone. She could be heard throughout the whole store, obviously arguing with an ex or something.

Anyway, she was repeating and repeating herself, saying the same thing over and over again, repeating and repeating herself, saying the same... you get the point. Anyway, she was getting louder and louder, until two other AWESOME CUSTOMERS! walked over to her and said "Um, excuse me, you do know we can all hear you, right?"

This is when Crazy Ass woman exploded.

"I'M VERY GLAD YOU CAN ALL HEAR ME. I WANT YOU ALL TO HEAR MY PAIN!!!"

She then screamed, and stormed out, leaving us all in hysterics.

Needless to say, the awesome customers got a discount, all approved by the big manager who was there at the time :)

Then, I went on my break, and after I came back ,all hell broke loose.

I'm sorry this post is turning out long, but some crazy shit it going down.

I was immediately called over by my supervisor, who showed me some "transaction cancelled" receipts, and asked me why there were so many. I responded that I didn't know, and she said that they were all from my till number.

Now, I had only canceled on transaction because the credit card machine wasn't working, and I'd handled it correctly. But these receipts were all in my till number, and the supervisor didn't fail to hand me every single receipt so I could check that.

Unfortunately for her, I actually have a brain, and laid them out in chronological order, before pointing out to her that EVERY SINGLE RECEIPT had a time where I was either a) out leafleting or b) on my break. I told this to her, and said she could check with both the manager that sent me out leafleting, Amber, and I'd stayed in the Cafe in store, because I met up with my sister, so they could check the CCTV for the whole time. The supervisor accepted this, and went off to tell a manager, and told me not to use the tills for the rest of the day. I haven't told anyone my number, but it's in an easy pattern on the keyboard so pretty easy to remember.

Anyway, later on, the supervisor found loads of clothes behind the till, that had been returned, but was in terrible condition (they were dirty, ripped, STANK of cigarettes). They weren't even from out store (we have a small store, so we don't have most of the brands), and the ones that were stopped being sold about a year ago. They looked through the till records, and surprise surprise, they were returned on my till number. Thank God, they were returned while I was on my break.

This is all now an investigation, but I won't know anything about it for quite a while!

Now to the present. On Wednesday, I went to the doctors for a routine check up, but I was feeling pretty ill, and collapsed in the middle of the waiting room. as some of you may know, I have a heart condition, and my heart had decided it was gonna play up. Anyway, I got rushed to hospital and after millions of tests (including FIVE pregnancy tests! I mean, FIVE!). After a day in A&E they found me to have a severe viral infection, gave me a fuckton of drugs, and then told me to take 5 days in bed, three of them eating no solid foods whatsoever.

So, after three days spent mostly asleep, I phoned Ronnie today to say that there was no chance of me coming in to work tomorrow. Her response?

R: Are you sure you can't come in?

SN: Positive. I can't even make it downstairs, I have to get my family to bring me food upstairs.

R: Can you not just work through it?

... DID YOU NOT JUST HEAR A FUCKING WORD I SAID, FUCKWIT?
unfortunately, I only said "Sorry, I can barely stand up for five minutes, let alone five hours. I can't come in tomorrow

R: Fine. *click*

Sigh.

Keep surviving guys,

--THE SCIENCE NINJA!!!!

Awesome Child Custy Encounter

Hi Rhu, Just decided to check in with something that made my day

A three year old boy came up to me, with four dresses in his hands.

I took them off him, as he told me that they were a present for his mummy.

His mum was standing just by the tills, so she was watching over him.

He gave me the right money (most dresses are £5 at the moment, so it was only £20), and I gave him his receipt and as I was going to bag them up, he said "can you put them in a bag please so mummy can't see them?"

I gave him his bag, and he skipped off, happy as Larry. His mum later told me that he'd saved up his birthday and Christmas money, along with some money she gave him!

He said his please and thankyou's, and was probably one of the most polite customers that I've ever served

There is hope yet for the future generation.

Keep on fighting them retail battles,

--The Science Ninja

Science Ninja's Retail Hell: Waterfalls, N.AT.s, and Euros

Hi RHU-ers Science Ninja again with crazy fucktardness.

So. Worst day of my working life.

Why? Well, I hope your sitting comfortably, cause you're in for a hell of a ride.

Battled through the snow to get into work again, half way there getting phoned by Ronnie to see if I could come in. Get to work, open the staff entrance to a FUCKING WATERFALL.

Seriously. No shit. A fucking waterfall.

All the pipes had burst, and the engineers weren't coming out to fix it. So my day at work started with running through a waterfall and about 6 inches of water.

Yeah. And apparently, it had been doing it for about 5 hours.

And they hadn't closed the store.

Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED THERE?

Anyway, I went upstairs and started to work. At first it seemed great, we had 3 supervisors on, plus Ronnie was there.

I was informed that I could go home early cause they were closing the store at 8 instead of 9...

Thanks, Ronnie, you could have told me on the phone, but never mind. Then slowly, one by one, the Supervisors started leaving, until they were all gone by half an hour into my shift.

So that left Ronnie, Me, Awesome-Coworker whom I shall call Chatterbox and Xmas temp who I shall call Barbie.

I've been working for three months, Chatterbox has been working for about 2 months and Barbie has been working for three weeks. But that's fine, cause we had Ronnie, didn't we?

WRONG And hour into my shift, she left. Literally just left. Told me to get someone from downstairs when we closed up, and left.

I've been there for 3 months, and suddenly I was the most senior person on the floor, and now had supervisor duties.

Hokay... Now this wasn't a -huge- problem, in the three hours I was there, there were about 5 custys on our floor.

So as soon as she went, I called Chatterbox and Barbie over to the tills, and told them as long as nothing was atrociously messy (I mean, we'd been pretty much recovering for three days straight and the Saturday delivery couldn't get in so most of the rails were empty anyway), we'd just tidy up behind the tills, and ring out what few customers we needed to.

Kinda chilled, really. Until Big Boss came up. Now, Big Boss, who I may have mentioned before, is pretty awesome. She arrived after Ronnie did, and I have a feeling that she, along with everyone else, hates her.

Anyway, cue following conversation:

BB: Hey, Science Ninja, where's Ronnie?

SN: Ummm, she went home about half an hour ago.

BB: Wait, What?

To cut a long story short, I got sent downstairs while a more experienced (being there for a total of one year. Yeah, that's more experienced.) employee came up.

As soon as I got downstairs, more fucktardedness arose.

As ALL THREE security guys couldn't get into work, the sales manager, Elvis, was in charge of:

1: Security

2: Sorting out the waterfall

3: Being in charge of the whole store once Big Boss left

So, no one blamed him that he missed a guy come in and steal some coats. Anyway, they looked through all of the security footage before confronting me with this:

June (the supervisor downstairs): Hey, Science Ninja, we know the guy came in here, went straight to the coats, took them , and walked out. He was wearing a green hoody and baseball cap, and he looked like he knew what he was doing. And he'll probably come in again, so if you could just stand here so you'll be able to see him if he does.

After she went I was just like "Ok.... Wait, FUCK I DUNNO WHAT TO DO!" \

I thought about rugby tackling him, but I'm just about hitting 5'2", so that wouldn't work. I couldn't chase after him, being ever-so-slightly-chubby and also having a heart condition which, at this moment in time, was deciding to play up a bit making my heart play out a bit of a jazz rhythm.

In the end, he didn't come in, so I breathed a sigh of relief, before going and asking Elvis what to do.

And the icing on this ShitCake?

I was asked to cash up one of the drawers in Lingerie. And I found €100 in the till, in notes and coins.

Now, we don't accept Euros. And seeing as I'd only ever cashed up once before, when I first started, I didn't have a clue what to do.

So, I phoned through to Elvis, and he told me to "Just sign out, and go home. I'll sort it out."

And now apparently there's a big investigation going on, cause this has happened before. I'm hoping to find out more on my next shift, I'll keep you informed, dear friends Til next time,

--The Science Ninja

 

Scroogy Manger Gets Told By The Boss

Hi RHU, Science Ninja here (again. I swear I spend too much time on this site)

A follow on from Mistress Macha's story, it's snowing here in England too!

And for where I live, the first time this year, whereas everywhere else has already had snow. This made us very unprepared.

Anyway, as this is concerning my awful manager, who I haven't named yet, I shall give her a name. I shall call her Ronnie. Why? Because I feel like it.

Anyway, I struggled into work yesterday, narrowly avoiding a gas explosion (Yeah. a Gas Explosion. I wish I was making it up.) and a crash on the diversion route. All in all the 10 minute journey took an hour.

So I called Ronnie and said I was gonna be late. And she told me off -.-

Firstly, I wasn't even supposed to be working yesterday. She called me in on my day off, which I was planning to spend on studying like fuck for my exams in January. But no, I trundled in like a good little retail slav.

Secondly, I PHONED IN YOU DOUCHEBAG! Loads of people just didn't bother turning up! So, I got there, and immediately was sent to Lingerie. No big deal, I don't know this area of the store, but there will be someone there to help me... right?

Wrong. 

I was left on my own for half of the time, and the rest of the time I just had Blondie, my supervisor, who has also... never been on lingerie.

Fuck. Me. Anyway, at about 11 we heard that all the buses home were being stopped after 12 o'clock. So some people were sent home so they could catch the last bus.

At about 12, the store started sending people home who lived in the outlying villages. Including me.

This is my conversation with Ronnie:

R: Science Ninja, how do you get home? (She actually talks like this. I think she's Hungarian. No offense to Hungarian people.)

SN: My Mum's working until four today, then she's picking me up.

R: You can stay longer?

SN: No.

R: But you can stay til four?#

SN: Possibly, as long as the snow holds out.

At about 12:30, I was on a break and got a phone call from my Mum (sorry, this is a bit wordy, but you kinda have to know it to get the story.)

SNM: Science Ninja, I got a call from Dad, and if we're gonna get home, we have to go now. The snows getting over a foot deep.

So, I trudged off to find Ronnie to tell her this.

And her response?

R: No.

SN: Say what?

R: You said you stay til four, you must stay til four.

SN: But I can't get home else!

R: Your problem!

Big Boss: Ronnie, what the hell are you doing! Send her home!

SN: :3

The only people left working in the end were those who lived in the town, and those who couldn't physically get home who got: A stay in a B&B overnight Dinner A pair of Pajamas from the store, plus any other supplies they needed (deoderant, toothpaste, underwear etc) All paid for by corporate.

They're not all evil XD

But my working day wasn't done, oh no.

When we got home, we saw an opportunity for good children points from Santa XD

We live on the top of a hill, and in this deep snow, lots of cars were finding it hard to get up the hill.

So the males in our family set out in the 4X4's (we have four in our household, plus my aunt's makes 7. And wait to be attacked by environmentalists...) towing people up the hill.

And the females set out making cups of tea for those helping and those stuck in the snow.

We made trips to the elderly in the village, along with those trapped in the cars waiting to be towed. Cause we're nice like that.

If I don't see you again, Happy Winterval RHU-ers!

--The (very cold) Science Ninja!

 

Science Ninja: Coworker and Bridezilla Hell

First off, I just have to say.

My line managers an idiot.

Today, she scheduled: My supervisor, me, another guy who started the same time as me and SEVEN BRAND NEW CHRISTMAS TEMPS.

So, screw me in the head with a hammer, I was training two other girls. (Lets call them Bella - honestly she didn't shut up about Twilight for FIVE HOURS - and Arwen - cause she looks exactly like The Lord of the Rings character)

But, SCIENCE NINJA, I hear you cry. You've only been working four weeks. Yes. Yes I have. And I haven't been given a till number yet. sigh.

Anyway, as soon as I got on, I found another new girl, not Bella or Arwen, completely failing at fitting room duty. So, I offered to show her how to do it.

After showing someone in, I turned back round to find the girl and SHE WAS GONE!

She had just walked off.

So me, Bella and Arwen were left on the fitting rooms for THREE HOURS.

By the end of it, I hurt.

But now comes BRIDEZILLA!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, Miss Bridezilla came in with her mother, Zillamother.

Now, they weren't -complicated- as such. But they just wound everyone in the whole store (and eventually the whole store chain) up.

If you were getting married, and needing to buy bridesmaid dresses, what would you do? I personally would bring the bridesmaids along to try on their dresses on themselves.

But apparently this is too complicated for Bridezilla and Zillamother. No.

They tried all the dresses on between them, and estimated what sizes the bridesmaids would need.

They had Bella and Arwen running back and forth to find different dress sizes for an HOUR.

Then they went and ordered - wait for it - 20 dresses!

Totalling over £2000!!!

After all the dresses were processed, they said their goodbyes and went on their way.

The next person to order something came up, and we tried to ask the computer to order it and, surprise surprise, it crashed.

Never mind, we are good retail slaves, so we used the phone to phone the ordering service in London.

Guess what, RHU-ers?

Bridezilla had crashed the WHOLE ordering system, nationally!

Apart from that little rant, working life has been pretty good so far,

Until next time!

--The Science Ninja

 

Newbie Hell: Piggies, Picky Bitches, and Douchy Coworkers

Hey RHU-ers! The Science Ninja here, with an update.

Last time I wrote that I had an interview for a permanent job. And I got it (yey!) Anyway, today was my first proper day. Here are a few high(!)lights.

1. I was taking stock out onto the shelves. When leaving the stock room, you're supposed to close the door if there's no one else inside. As I left, another girl was in there (lets call her Skelly cause she had skeleton earrings on today). When I came back, the door was open, and my supervisor (lets call her Blondie, she has bleached blond hair) was their and said:

"Science Ninja, you have to close the door when you're on your own in here"

"Blondie, Skelly was in here when I left."

"Well, Skelly told me she was outside and she saw you leave without closing the door."

*Blondie walks off*

I think I may need to watch out for Skelly, what do you think RHU-ers?

2. First a bit of background. I work in the birth-town of William Shakespeare. As such, there are lots of buskers trying to get money by playing old fashioned instruments.

My stockroom when I was unpacking stock was facing over one of the busying busking spots in the town. So imagine my delight when a busker set up outside my window, and started playing some awesome songs.

My happiness was broken, however, when he played Angel by Robbie Williams for the SEVENTEENTH time.

I kid you not. (If you don't know this song, youtube it. Now imagine it played on a recorder. Not hitting the top notes. And realize why at the end I wanted to shoot myself.)

I also met my first piggy shoppers.

PIGGY SHOPPER ONE: I was sorting out the stock already on the shelves into size order and what not. A girl about my age came and picked up a (frankly hideous) dress.

Five minutes later, Blondie came over to me. "Science Ninja, put this away for me."

"Oh I saw someone take that earlier, did she decide she didn't want it?"

"Kind of..."

*confused look*

"She left it on top of the jewelery counter"

The jewelery counter is the opposite end of the store, down a flight of stairs.

I facepalmed.

PIGGY SHOPPER TWO:

I had JUST recovered a rack of coats with 15 buttons and three poppers each (I counted), and they weren't even easy buttons. They were square for chrissake.

Then a rather large woman came up, and tried on EVERY SINGLE COAT. Not even one coat of each size, EVERY SINGLE ONE.

I am not kidding you, I nearly ripped her head off.

--The Science Ninja

 

Hellspawn Encounter With A Twist

Hey RHU, it's The Science Ninja again :-)

First of all, I'd like to say thanks for all your encouragement on my last post, it really cheered me up.

Unfortunately, I'm back rather soon with another story. I'm afraid it's quite long, but I have had to cut out quite a lot! This happened not while I was working, but when I was just going about on daily business.

I had a doctors appointment scheduled for 4 o'clock, and my Mum had one for 3. This gave me an hour to run various errands that needed to be done. The first thing that we noticed when we pulled into the car park for the doctors, was that there were two boys, about 8 and 10, throwing stones into the river. Fine, as long as their not throwing them at anything breakable, fine. I went into the doctors, waited for my Mum to go in for her appointment, and went out to do my errands.

To start with, I had to go and get some money from my car. As I walked out there, these two boys were now sitting in a tree, breaking branches off and throwing them at each other. But, this was none of my business. Take a deep breath, get the money and go.

I did my errands, and when I came back to put the shopping in the car. The two kids were leaving, and one nudged the other before Spitting on my foot.

I didn't know if it was my ninja reflexes, or his bad aim, but he just missed, his spit hitting the floor beside me. 

Now, I am not an angry person. I hardly ever lose my temper, but as they ran away laughing, I was very close to turning around and just screaming at them.

But, no, I thought, I will never see them again, I can just breathe deeply and carry on. I went and put my bag in the car, and walked back into the doctors surgery.

Guess who was in there?

If you said the two boys, you guessed correctly.

And in the doctors surgery I realized that they weren't Hellspawn, they were the kids of the devil himself. This time there Mum was there, but she was powerless to help them.

She was obviously very ill, and very very tired. There was another boy in there, only about 5, who was sat politely and not messing around at all. But this story isn't about them.

The older two started reeking havoc, running around screaming, stealing peoples stuff, pushing each other over. When the Mum went into the appointment, they started to follow. She said no, but they started screaming that they were going to "Mess around, hit everyone in here, break the windows" so she was forced to take them with them.

As they left, they knocked over three chairs, and a table laden with magazines.

Well, after reading RHU, I felt obliged to go and pick them up, because it wasn't anyone else's job to do that.

After my appointment, I needed to go and make another one with the secretary. As I was talking to her, these devil spawn came out, one of them produced a pen from somewhere and threw it at the secretaries head!

This was it, I was just about to run out after him, when his mother turned up and apologized profusely.

She said that she hadn't been able to control them since she got ill, but they were seeing behavioral therapists once a week.

I don't know if this was a saving factor, but it kinda showed me some hope for humanity, that a hellspawn parent actually admitted their child had a problem, and even more, apologized!

My Mum wished her the best of luck, and she went on her way, picking up an old woman who her son had pushed over :/

--The Science Ninja

 

Douchebag-Asshole Custy at Wedding Reception

Hey, I've been watching the site for a while, and after what happened today, I thought I would post. I guess I'll call myself The Science Ninja (throwing chemical formula's as shurikens!) due to my academic choices in life.

Some background first, I don't work a permanent job. Instead, I work many one off jobs, one which I do quite regularly is waitressing at wedding receptions. Usually, you'd think people would be in a happy mood at a wedding reception, but you'd be wrong.

The first thing that happened was, while I was giving out some nibbles, I walked over to a middle age, middle class couple in the middle of a conversation.

Huge mistake. I shall call the perpetrator SOF (Snobby Old Fart).

SOF: Teenagers are out of control these days. Now look at this girl, can't be older than 14 (I'm 17, by the way) and is already pregnant! Probably working to pay for her living costs.

Now, this has happened to me before, I am not by any means a small girl. However, this hurt me because I've lost quite a lot of weight, and decreased from being morbidly obese, to normal weight.

Me: I'm sorry, I'm not actually pregnant.

Previously when I informed people of this, they would usually make swift apologies.

Not SOF.

SOF: Well that's another problem, obesity. This girl has probably dropped out of school (Notice he isn't addressing me, but his "friend"), with absolutely no qualifications whatsoever, and sits at home watching telly and eating crisps all day. This girl is the reason we are in a recession!

With this I walked off, and made sure I wasn't serving him for the rest of the night. I wish now I had confronted him, but at the time I was extremely upset by this, so just left to have a cry in the kitchen.

This next scenario was later on in the wedding during the toasts.

This isn't really retail hell, just insane stupidity. Due to health reasons, I don't drink Alcohol, however the brides mother was determined to change this.

BM: Oh, dear, you don't have any champagne, why ever not?

Me: Oh, I don't drink Alcohol.

BM: Nonsense, what kind would you like?

Me: None thank you, I can't drink Alcohol.

BM: I'll go and get you some now...

Me: Honestly, it's ok, I don't... Oh, you're just gonna go get me some anyway? Ok...

I ended up just pouring lemonade into a champagne glass and pretending someone else had got me some :-)

I know these aren't really parallels to what some of you full time, permanent retail slaves have to put up with on a day to day basis, but it really made me consider quitting work altogether, and leaving the reception early.

It was sooo good to get it off of my chest!

--The Science Ninja