Hello, all. Kitty Katzchen here after a long hiatus. I've posted a little on the Facebook page, but mostly I've been sort of AWOL. Bad Monster Blogger (If I'm still considered one, anyway.) -Bops own head-
Anyway, I have a real shitty story for you all today, but first I wanted to tell you all why I was gone for so long. In short, I had a devastating, and personal, medical emergency. It was about a month ago and I'm just starting to crawl out of my shell and back into the world. I'll have my own rant about the military ER at another time, but for now I want to go back in time to a place in my life that I have rarely mentioned: working at Marcike theater.
WARNING! THIS STORY IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART OR STOMACH!
Marcike theater was my first, and second, job. I made a lot of good friends there and even found my first love. I was a doorperson (Which basically meant I cleaned the theaters, bathrooms, hallways, lobby, etc.) and was on one of my routine checks. Now, we had 4 bathrooms in our tiny theater: A three stall women's, a three stall men's, an 8 stall women's, and a one room men's. The first, third and fourth bathrooms were accessed directly from the lobby. The second, however, was sort of tucked away between theaters three and four. Even though it was small, it was still the men's main bathroom, since the other was only a one room/mostly handicapped one. Anyway, I was entering the men's room, now known as Hell, when I discovered a foul odor. This, actually, was not uncommon. No amount of bleach could get rid of the smell.
As I opened the first stall door in Hell, I was greeted by a sight that I, to this day, can not clear from my mind. Some nasty-ass Tun Tavern Tubesteak had shit on ALL THE SURFACES (Meme intentional)! It. Was. Everywhere. It was on the seat, bowl, AND back of the toilet. It was on the floor. It was on the stall walls and tile wall. It was splattered onto the floor of the next fucking stall. And then, as I was processing this literal shitstorm before me, I noticed something strange in the full, gag-inducing bowl. There was something white in there, and it sure as hell couldn't be the now destroyed porcelain.
Refusing to even imagine what it could be, I rushed from Hell like a dog was on my tail and practically slammed my way through the hallways and into the backroom of the concession stand. There, feeling safe around the cleaning supplies, I called my manager who was sitting upstairs.
Now, she was a generally good person, but had a hard time believing things she didn't see with her own eyes. So, I waited in my hidey-hole, ear to the door, and couldn't help a giggle when I heard her exclamation of "OH MY GOD!" followed by the clatter of heels as she tore the hell out of there.
To cut an already lengthy story short, she printed up a sign for us to hang on the door of Hell and had me recruit a coworker to help clean it. We held our breaths, periodically dashing out the door to get new air before rushing back to cleaning, and finally finished the job after half an hour of scrubbing and flushing. Afterwords, we were permitted our breaks, whereupon we chain smoked in wide-eyed horror while rocking back and forth in fetal position.
Oh, and the lovely surprise that was found in the toilet? A pair of XL tighty whities. Yes. They shat themselves, the entire bathroom, and caused irreparable damage to two of my five senses and then left their ruined undies hiding the in depths of the toilet instead of tossing them in the trash or, better yet, taking them fucking with them.
I understand accidents and all, but could this person really not have informed us of the issue? If they were embarrassed, could they not have pretended that they stumbled upon it? I swear, some people's kids.
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From Target Slave: As a cart attendant, this is the kind of shit I have to deal with daily working at Target. Literally.
I covered up the mess for those of you who have queasy tummies or may be snacking or drinking while reading. If you'd like to see just how shitty this little Target piggy was click the pick or
The nasty bitch forgot forgot to scratch her paws on the store floor. Seriously it reminds me of one of the dogs I walk! Though they have all been trained to have better manners and would never shit in a grocery store aisle!
So, without further hesitation, we present 'Things You Can Apparently Wipe Your Ass With' by Hellmart Piggy Shoppers.
The above hot dog buns are a Hellmart piggy crowd favorite because they can easily accomodate super-sized turds the size of Lincoln Logs!
Create your own personalized shit sheets with multi-purpose photo paper! Use pictures of your enemies, hateful coworkers, and famous douchebags like Kim Kardashian!
If you're a Hellmart-brand popcorn chicken eater, the produce keeper is perfect for depositing diarrhea into two hours later!
Not sure what this reject is, but it looks to be plenty comfy for asswiping!
Flatbread and fuzzy fingers? Not so comfy. A combo for those who like their wiping on the sadistic side.
Hello again all you RHUers. I've got a story for you that, while not really retail related, is still so fuckin' hilarious that it must be told.
So I currently work in a hospital as does my mom. This one comes from her unit. So there are 2 patients in one room. Both are little confused old men, so both of them have bed alarms on them. These work by being wrapped around the bed rail and it alarms when the cord (attached to the patient's clothes) is disconnected from the magnetic part strapped to the bed rails. Usually when they're confused, patients don't have their minds about them enough to undo the strap holding it to the bed. Not this guy. He detached the bed alarm and climbed over the rails. He aims directly for his roommate's bed.
The roommate also managed to detach his bed alarm and proceeds to cower in the corner as patient #1 climbs into his bed... and takes a giant shit. Then proceeds to wipe his ass with the blankets and sheets. He then climbs back into his own bed and reattaches the bed alarm.
Patient #2 is still cowering in the corner when a PCT walks in and finds the mess. PCT asks patient #2 if the mess was his doing. He says nothing but points, trembling and apparently scared shitless (haha, I am so punny), at his roommate who is in his own bed looking as if nothing happened. They knew it was patient #1 though because the bed alarm was covered in shit among other things.
Only in a hospital.
Hello again fellow RHU slaves! RSQ_me here again with a story from my own personal vault. This one happened about a year ago and I still randomly giggle about it! Sorry it's so long.
So we were having our BIG sale at our clothing store. This is the time when EVERYONE shows up and we are at our absolute busiest. It's about halfway through my shift and this family walks in. Negligent Mom (NM), Negligent Grandma (NG) and their Little Angel (LA). Immediately when they enter the store I smell shit. Little Angele left a surprise in his diaper! No big deal. They probably just want to look around for a minute, go change his diaper, and then come back for some high quality shopping!
So they're looking around and the smell is getting worse. They're going to leave any minute now. Twenty minutes later... they're still here, loading up the fitting rooms while Little Angel is walking around with a load in his pants. Well, this is a FANTASTIC time to take my lunch! It's starting to smell like someone had a sewage leak.
So I go on my lunch. I walk through the biohazard area, sans HAZMAT suit, and make my way to the stockroom to enjoy some high-quality time with just me and my sandwich. Ten minutes into my lunch, one of my girls runs into the stockroom, slams the door, and starts taking some much needed breaths of fresh air. I'll call her Cool Girl or CG.
CG: OMG the entire fucking store smells like shit!
Me: They STILL haven't left yet!
So then she puts on her fake smile and calmly exits the break room.
Ten minutes after that ANOTHER one of my girls, we'll call her Sweet Girl or SG, escapes into the breakroom gasping for air and I can smell the fumes seeping under the door.
Me: They're STILL here!
SG: YES and I almost threw up in my mouth a little bit so I had to get out!
Me: Someone needs to change that baby's fucking diaper! This is ridiculous!
SG: No kidding!
Then she bravely goes back onto the sales floor.
By this time my lunch is over... DAMN! I plaster on that fake ass smile that all of us retail slaves have mastered and walk back onto the floor. As soon as I open the door all I can smell is shit. The entire store has completely emptied except for the Negligent Family and one brave customer who is trying to make her way to the sales rack but just can't leave the center of the store due to the smell. I walk out and the smell has filled my nostrils and started to wrap itself around my tongue. OMG I can actually TASTE shit! There goes my sandwich. I look at the family and see LA walking around looking in the mirror and he then drops to the ground, on his ass and starts to giggle. He stands up and repeats the process. All I can see are diaper streaks on my fucking floor!!!! Oh God... I'm going to have to clean that up. I look around and apparently he's been at this little game for a while. There is a trail of diaper prints all around the store!
I calmly walk up to the front where the smell isn't quite so rank and breathe through my mouth. I start talking to SG and look around the empty store, hoping and praying for this whole family to get the shit they came for and fucking LEAVE! CHANGE YOUR BABIES DIAPER!
Finally I just can't hang anymore. My associates refuse to go anywhere near the back of the store where the smell is the worst, and my one other brave customer keeps looking at me like she's drowning and I'm the only person with a rope. They've been in here for well over an hour. I grab the Febreeze.
I start at the front of the store and just start spraying. I'm covering every damn inch of this store in Febreeze. I go over to my brave customer and apologize for the smell and just start squirting. You'd think she was a kid and I just handed her a fucking lollypop. Finally I make my way to the back. I excuse myself to the NG and NM, ask if they're still finding everything ok and spray, like a half a bottle.
Finally the store smells like shit and Febreeze but you can mostly concentrate on the Febreeze and attempt to ignore the shit smell. I make my way back up to the front of the store and begin talking to SG again. Then I hear snapping and a HEY YOU! from the back of the store. I don't know about you guys but I do NOT answer to some bitch snapping at me, like I'm her fucking dog, and yelling HEY YOU from across the store. I refuse to do it. I DON'T get paid enough.
SG asks: Is she talking to me? and begins to walk towards the back.
I stop her. If I don't answer to HEY YOU then she SURE as hell isn't going to do it. I make more than she does so she DEFINITELY doesn't get paid enough. I tell her to stay where she is and ignore the idiot.
Finally NG walks up to me pissed off.
NG: I can't believe that you just sprayed over me and my daughter! He's a baby and babies SHIT themselves! She was really embarrassed and offended that you did that! You singled us out and sprayed Febreeze! I can't believe you just did that! My daughter is SO embarrassed! He's just a baby and BABIES SHIT!
Me: I do apologize for spraying by you guys but I didn't single you out. I began at the front of the store and made my way to the back because the whole store smells like shit... not just the back part. I also apologize if your daughter was offended or embarrassed, but the smell was offensive to the rest of the customers in the store and the other associates refuse to go to the back, where you guys are, and perform their job duties. Again I apologize if anyone was offended or embarrassed, but it is my job to ensure that this is a pleasant shopping environment for all of my customers and a pleasant working environment for my associates. (In my head: CHANGE THE BABIES FUCKING DIAPER! Would you want to walk around with shit on your ass for an hour and a half! He's just a baby! I hope eventually you have to wear diapers again and someone refuses to change your shitty ass while they try on clothes!!! ASSHOLE!)
NG storms off to the back, grabs NM and LA and they FINALLY leave the store. The store smelled like shit for about an hour after they left too. I think it seeped into the clothes.
Until next time!
Humor Me found this on the net and it appears to be for a tanning salon. And believe it or not people pee in tanning room waste baskets ALL THE TIME! I have a friend that works at one where this happens a lot and mainly with women according to her. In fact, there is a well know older pop singer who has done it not just once, but TWICE!!! And no, it's not Britney or Christina! --Freddy
Greetings Curious Scroller,
If you've never landed in this part of cyber space before, you have taken a hard, fast plunge into the fiery depths of work hell. RHU is dedicated to giving the service worker a voice. If you are an angry customer, a corporate suite, a homophobic race-hater, and you don't like skull masks or swear words, this blog isn't for you. Click away now, before your ears bleed and your eyes explode.
I'm Freddy, Crypt Keeper of Retail Hell Underground RHU -- a place for service slaves to have a voice, tell their story, support each other, or just have a chuckle about the insanity of working in the 10th Circle of Hell! I'm also the author of "Retail Hell," the funny memoir about life as a handbag sales associate at an upscale department store! The sequel, "Return To The Big Fancy," has just been released in hardcover and e-reader and is available wherever books are sold!