Retail Hell Underground

Bad Retail Slave Encounter at Hellmart

Hey RHU, long time no post. 

I've been busy being unemployed, a single mommy to the world's best behaved baby (knock on wood), and full time student, but I still try to catch up during Finance class. What, it's the only thing that keeps me awake!

Now I'm reaching out to RHU to answer my question. What the hell did I do wrong?!

Early on Black Friday evening, like way, way before the sales started and where the store was still empty, Baby Sisu was needing his teething stuff and I'd left his stuff at my mum's. Lovely.

So we cruised Hellmart and ran into Baby Sisu's father which prompted brief tears. To placate Baby S, I cruised down an empty toy section to get Christmas ideas and because Baby S likes to look. I make it a rule that we rarely touch the toys, and if we do, we ALWAYS put it back. It's the cardinal rule of shopping, dammit.

Anyway, we looked at the kiddie books and when the little man picked one he liked, I read it to him. Two days prior, I had to take back a book I bought because it was horribly and noticeably grammatically incorrect, so I learned to read before purchasing. We're talking like 10 pages of Thomas the Tank Engine crap with a 9 month old's attention span. Definitely no camping out or anything. He looked at the pictures and didn't rip anything, no tearing, and hands were surprisingly clean. Nothing went in the mouth and he was calm and quiet. He dropped the book and I immediately put it back.

No worries, right? Well, the toy sales associate kept walking by shooting me dirty looks. Seriously, what the hell? Is there some kind of anti-book-previewing taboo that I broke?

I fucking smiled at that bitch when she walked by only to find out from a mutual friend that she spent lunch hour bitching about me being there. I don't know her at all, never even talked to her, but apparently she knows me by sight well enough to bitch about me and my Angel Spawn. 

What did I do wrong?

May all the spawn be heavenly and the grownups not be assfaces,

--Sisu

 

Walmart Refuses to Open Dictionary

From Sisu: Seriously, Hellmart? You can't figure out that it's garlic spread? Amazing.

RHU Blogger Sisu Has Baby Boy

From Sisu: Just a quick word that Baby Sisu is here and perfect and beautiful! I love being his mommy!

'Tis The Season For Toy Hell

From Sisu: This is from me stupidly traveling down the Toy section the other day. Trying not to have too many nightmares. (Sorry about the pic quality. My super smart phone schedules my life, but completing an actual conversation and taking pictures seems beyond the damn thing.)

 

  

Wally Signage Fail

From Sisu: Thought I'd pass the brilliance that is Hellmart on for everyone's enjoyment. I like their creative math!

 

Sisu's Call Center Custys: The Good, The Funny, and The Douchebags

I fucking hate people.

Well, no, I actually like most of humanity, but today was a day from hell.

For every nice person that called, 10 more assholes called to bitch me out.

One guy had me in tears because he was such a dick.

Has anyone ever seen a promotion without fine print? No? You're all smart enough to know that to 'get a deal' you have to read the whole thing?

And you know that claiming you didn't read the details won't fly?

AWESOME. 100 points for you.

This guy made up his own promotion, told me I was worthless, argued over hotel policies for a good 10 minutes even AFTER I explained that hotels do set their own policies and rates especially regarding pets, told me I was worthless a few more times, threatened to sue me, and then mocked and belittled me the rest of the call.

I absolutely remember his name, and I swear to God if I get him again, well, hell hath no fury like that of a pissed off pregnant lady.

The managers said to let them know if he calls me back somehow so they can terminate his account.

Then there was the French-Canadian bitch that informed me "I do not care how things should be, I want to know how things are!" to which I did actually reply "I'm telling you how things are if you would listen!"

Okay, I snapped at her, but she did walk into that one.

She was another that didn't bother reading anything and expected the world to fall at her feet.

No night from hell is complete without a perv calling in, so naturally I got that too.

It started off innocently enough-ish. The guy had some heavy breathing, but I chalked it up to something - anything - innocent. I wasn't officially creeped out until he kept calling me "honey", saying my voice was irresistible, doing all he could do to keep me talking, and then out of nowhere asking me to hold on while doing some interesting noises.

Sorry for the image.

I'm sure it could have been innocent, but I'm not naive.

After all that, the drunks calling in just kind of topped my night off.

I don't know why, but there seems to be a certain segment of the southern population that absolutely loves to call on the weekend as drunk as can be.

I'm not anti-drinking at all. I don't drink now because I'm pregnant, but before I got knocked up I didn't have an issue with the occasional drink.

I do try to avoid getting myself into situations where I'll give anyone and anything my credit card number when I won't be able to remember it the next day. Speshul.

Not every call was bad though, I did have a few that if I could have given them upgrades I would have.

The notable good ones were the group of Tenneseeans taking over Manhattan during the Thanksgiving Parade.

The gentleman actually said, and I do quote, "When I get thar, the firs' thang I'm doin' is muggin' someone!"

So what if he doesn't have a grasp on New York? It was hilarious.

The best call though was from the happiest Asian guy in the world.

He was just fun and happy and sweet. Everything was "Okay! Perfect" and "Yes! Very Good!". He was one of those people that you couldn't help smiling the whole time you were talking to him because he just made you feel good about yourself.

May karma reward you greatly, Mr. Lee. I hope I'm not around when karma hits the Dick from Hell. It would be too entertaining to watch him get his.

Really though, what does that say about the douche when he's bullying a girl that he has never met? The guy sounded old, has an older name, so did he learn nothing about how to treat a lady?

Honestly, trying to be a Big Bad Man to a younger woman just says you're a fucktard and fail at life.

Where the hell is a meteorite when you need one?

--Sisu

Oh, if anyone is curious about the non work life, Baby is doing great, I'm okay, and babydaddy decided he didn't need to stick around and stepped out. It's been a lot to deal with lately, but hopefully I'll be strong enough to handle it. If anyone has any tips on how to balance being a single mom and working retail/service, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks.

 

Sisu: Dumbass Bloodsucker Calling

Who let the crazies have phones?

Okay, okay, I finally found an issue with my new job. Everything is (mostly) okay except for one thing - my talk time.

And it isn't totally my fault, I swear. They instituted this lovely translation system where all non English calls are still sent to us and we get to call an interpreter and spend the next 20 minutes doing what normally takes about 5. Frustrating. I get that we're international and people won't always speak English, hell, if I called Mexico I'd probably pretty lost, but for fuck's sake, we have bilingual reps - why the HELL can we not transfer to them?! Logic fail.

Today though, I didn't get one non English call, and all was sailing along until I got Mrs Insane.

She was quite possibly the battiest old bat from hell and already PISSED. According to her she'd been hung up on and a supervisor did not give a damn what she said when she called, etc and etc. Faaaaantastic. I got her calmed down enough to tell me what she wanted.

"I stayed at this one place and I can't remember where. YOU BETTER TELL ME WHERE."

Oh, well, yeah, actually, with some info I can pull up a lot of previous stays for any time in the last year, so I tell her that.

"It was in 2008. Or 2007."

I told her that my records didn't go back that far, but asked if she could remember anything about the area that could help me find the location.

"Well, it was by [Interstate] and NOT [Brand]."

Ooohkay, that actually did help quite a bit, so I gave her a few choices but was told that it was all wrong. Gaaaah.

"Can you remember any landmarks nearby?"

That apparently threw her for a loop she wasn't prepared for.

"Well, I don't know. Oh! There was a Mexican restaurant!"

Perhaps now I should mention that she was trying to find a specific hotel in FUCKING ALBUQUERQUE, NEW MEXICO. Of course there are fucking Mexican restaurants by every damn hotel in the city. "

It was by a Mexican Restaurant and it was a dump."

Great, that's why I thought we would go with [brand], but she'd nixed it. Thirty minutes later and by some stroke of dumb luck, I actually found the hotel she was looking for.

She knew, because she recognized the wallpaper. Yes, she was looking at all the properties ONLINE. And it was the brand I first said that she had immediately said no to!!

Seriously?

All that searching and grasping at straws was pretty much because the idiot couldn't be bothered to check herself.

After all that, no matter how I tried, I couldn't get the sale out of her. I admit, I was angrily writing notes about this lady that had something to do with "Jesus McChrist on a Pancake" when I made a HUGE mistake.

I asked if I could help her with anything else.

I have to.

Fuck My Life.

Naturally she needed to do something on the website and I had to walk her through it. Not technically my job, but it is.

"Click on [link]"

"Oh, click on [other link]?"

"No, click on [link]."

"Oh, click on [other link]!"

"NO, click on [LINK]!"

"I clicked on [other link]. Why is that not bringing it up?"

*facepalmX20*

I was on the line with her for around an hour, roughly.

Bye bye, talk time, nice knowing you.

The thing is, if they call in pissed like that, we really are supposed to do all we can to be the first line of defense.

My new strategy is to employ the handy dandy little Release button. I'm sure I can "sneeze" and "accidentally" hit the bye bye button.

Pray to the gods of call centers that she never calls me back!

--Sisu

 

Sisu: Call Center Life After Hellmart

Ahh, been at my new job for nearly 4 weeks and just now have something to write about.

Life is good! :):)

Overall, working at a reservation/call center has its perks. 

1. NO FACE TO FACE CUSTY ENCOUNTERS!

*happy dance*

That is truly a beautiful thing. When someone is an ass, there's a happy little button that makes them go bye-bye forever. Or, failing that, you can imagine them as nasty, piggish, and stupid as you want.

2. I'm treated like a real person!

Seriously, everyone is friendly. Scares the hell out of me. I didn't realize how hostile Hellmart was until I got to work in an environment where I can say that not one person is less than friendly. Even the 'bigwigs' treat me like I matter and that I'm a welcome part of their team. Yippee!

They even are totally cool about me being knocked up and are working with me to see how I can go on leave when I need to and maybe work from home for awhile, at least until Baby is big enough to be taken care of.

AND they have a daycare reimbursement program where every hour you work per week is a dollar they pay to your daycare cost. 40 hours = 40 bucks that you get a break on - at any state licensed daycare.

OhmiEru (get it? ahem) I'm a real person with real needs! And that's great!

But there are downsides...

1. Idiots.

Sorry, I'm not psychic. I have no idea who you are, why you're calling, and where you're going until you TELL ME. Then I can make the reservation for you. I can't guess how many people are in your party or how far you need to be from the airport. If I could do that, I probably wouldn't be working reservations, I'd be on my Psychic Hotline somewhere...

2. I can't find my....

Credit Card. Triple A number. Rewards Program Number. Glasses. Etc. 

You're calling to make a reservation, no? You always have to have a credit card, even if you pay cash, no? (99.9999%, at least, it seems) Then possibly would be a good idea to have your credit card WITH YOU. GEEZ. It makes me want to stab my brain out.

And if you know you're a TripleA member, keep your number handy. I need it. We've always needed it. Or you get the higher rate. Rules are rules, and I don't give a flying fuck if you whine, I can't do anything. At all. Ever.

3. People are the phone on the road.

Please, for everyone's sake, pull over, make the reservation, and then keep going. Your side cuts out, we have to shout, everyone gets frustrated. Just, don't, okay? Thanks.

4. People unaware!

Please, for the love of all that is Finnish and perfect, PLEASE don't go pee while on the phone. We know what you're doing and it's creepy. Just pick a priority and either hold it or call us back.

Ew.

On a side note, I was listening in on a call today and had a spazz attack to end all spazziness. A call came in for the area I grew up in _1800 miles away, sigh_ and the guy was so homey I just lost it. And then he needed directions. Sadly, as a monitor, I couldn't talk, so I resorted to a very sophisticated sign language, consisting of me looking like a deranged baboon with bug up my butt. Sorry for that image. 

*    *    *

But I love my job. I can't believe it. 

They finally allowed us to talk to the real people on live calls all by ourselves. Well, we had buddies from our training class, but basically we were unguided unless we flipped out.

My first call was an angel of a man that I would gladly worship if so called upon. He was so nice. Polite. Personable. Human. I love him. He had his credit card, his membership numbers, and more patience than Buddha AND had nothing bad to say about anything. This guy should get a great big karmic jackpot. Even when I had to try to transfer him to this and that to make money, it was, "Oh, no thank you" and "I'm not really interested, but thanks, Sisu." What is in the water in North Carolina that makes people so awesome? (Here's looking at you, Lady that Doesn't Allow Screaming Kids in the Restaurant!)

I'm all floaty happy and spazzy. It could be the hormones, but I think it's mostly that I just discovered that there are still people in the world that are decent. After so many years at Fuckmart, I was convinced mankind was doomed.

And maybe we still are, but maybe when we go down, there will be a few good people left to make dealing with the fuckwits easier.

Hang in there, kids!

--Sisu

- BONUS -

One last hellmart story!

Back to school shopping should have been over, but naturally, some people are fuckwits and waited until a week or TWO after school started to start their shopping.

Enter Fuckwit Princess Bitch. She's probably 13 or 14, the age when girls become E-VIL, but I try to have patience, as I once was 13, 14, etc and I'm reformed. Well, enough.

FPB: Like, where are the locker shelves?

Me: Actually we aren't carrying any this year.

FPB: YOU KNOW, YOU CAN FUCKING SHOW US? LIKE DO YOUR FUCKING JOB, BITCH.

Me: Oh, lovely girl. I smiled at her. "You're right, come here. See straight ahead?"

FPB: What?

Me: See the doors straight ahead? Go through them.

She stalked off in a huff and I didn't bother sticking around to see if she was dumb enough to actually go through the doors, because yes, I sent her out of the building.

If you're acting like that, GTFO. 

--Sisu

Sisu: Nice world...??

Hey RHU, Sisu reporting for duty!

Firstly, I think I'm done at HellMart. I got another job at a call center making reservations, but I get to sit down and actually take life a little easier - NO FACE TO FACE CUSTYS! I'm keeping the Hellmart job just for the next week, I think, because as much as I want to be an asshole and leave without notice, I'm better than that. 

(As an aside, it may be a Trojan Horse, but I woke up today to a package from the New Job with a coffee mug, Tazo teas, candies, and Starbucks coffees. Like real name brand stuff. I almost cried with amazement. Or possibly because the smell of coffee is the most amazing thing in the world and I can't have it. BUT IT WAS COOL!)

Nextly, I've managed to catch quite the bug, and, as a prego, can't take shit for it. Yay. Well, they finally gave me a prescription for the cough, but tough cookies, it knocks ya out and, well, that generally doesn't lead to a good work performance. But the bug I have has made my voice disappear entirely, and I seem to hack at the most inopportune times.

And the custys were nice about it.

Scary as hell, they were all understanding and patient.

Did the world get a lobotomy?

Anyway, wish me luck, job starts on Tuesday and I get to find out the gender of Baby Sisu on Monday! EEP!

--Sisu

  

Sisu: Crazy Custys To Awesome Custys

There are few things that set me off like ignorant asshole jerks that generally make life miserable for EVERYONE they come across. I hate humanity.

Back to School shopping is tough, I get it. I do it too. In advance. So I can get what I need. See how that works? I get it early so I have it when I need it! Yay me!

If I hear "But I NEED that calculator NOW!" one more time, I'll calculate their ass.

My favorite is still, "WHY are YOU sold out?"

Well, easy.

1) I didn't sell my calculator, so I'm not sold out. The store is, but I'm not the store.

2) You waited til fucking 3 days into the fucking school week to go get your goddamn supplies that everyone in fucking Hell has needed. 

After the 84294th time of being asked why I was sold out, I finally just gave up and started saying, "Other people bought them first?"

Seriously, as much as you believe it, you're not the only person in the world.

My favorite custy encounter happened last Saturday.

These boys and their mom were buying an xBox360, lots of accessories, and several games. It was well over $500 as a sale, but they were admittedly taking forever to decide.

I finally got them to the register and had already put two of the games through when the mom decided she needed to see the back of the game to make sure it wasn't too inappropriate.

Behind me I hear the voice of Satan's Wife.

"EXCUSE ME! HELLLLLOOOOOOOO!!!!! I NEED HELP NOW!"

Oh fuck me with a lobster, you're two feet away and now I'm bleeding from the eardrums.

"I'll be with you as soon as I'm done with this transaction," I said, with a semi-forced smile. Really, dumb cunt, pay attention.

"ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!"

No you didn't, bitch! I can say fuck in my head all I want about you, but you better not say it when I have kids and families around!

The original family I was helping all stared at me in total shock. I'll admit it took me about 2 seconds to be able to face the raving lunatic bitch.

"Yep, guess so."

Ah, you should have seen her face when I said that.

It pissed her off so bad. It was glorious.

The xBox guys were cracking up and at the end of their transaction the mom leaned over and said, "You are awesome!".

One of my stocker buddies came over to deal with Mrs Entitlement and I got to go in back and call her every name in the book.

*    *    *    *

But today, I have a different kind of story. I went to lunch at popular burrito place that is usually pretty fast but, of course, I had a nasty bitch in front of me.

This lady was good until a Hispanic girl took over the order. Then she complained about fucking everything, and this needed remade, that needed remade, start over, more of this, more of that, TOO MESSY, etc.

Everyone behind me was staring at her, but eventually I got pissed at her for being a racist bitch and had to speak up.

"Geez, lady, she's doing the best she can! It's a burrito, it's going to be a little messy!"

I think it embarrassed her, but she shut up pretty quick after that and made a pretty hasty retreat.

I got a free drink.

*    *    *    *

Tonight I decided that the fact that I had eaten everything in my fridge meant that it was time for a food run at the local not-Hellmart.

I prefer Shitty Markup because they're generally cheaper and have more organics.

Anyway, Esa and I were milling about and finally were checking out when this CRAZY strung out lady burst through the door screaming about needing cigs and her cab was making her pay $1 a minute to get them, blah blah.

I'm minding my own business when Crazy Lady comes up to me (why is it always me?) and demands her cigs NOW. NOW GODDAMMIT! NOW! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWW!

Um, great, find someone who works there.

I'm in the middle of talking to Esa and this lady decided to go batshit crazy on me, stomping and hissing and screaming about the cabbie. T

hat's when the Gods of Retail smiled on me.

"HEY! SHE DOESN'T WORK HERE!" The guy checking out next to me has come to my defense.

The lady looked at him and turned back to me. "I need -"

"Leave her alone, lady! She doesn't work here! At all. Get it?!"

I could have kissed him.

Anyway, Crazy just went through the store screaming about her cigs when the worker was literally right there waiting for her.

He had to scream at her to get her butt back there and shut up.

When I left, the security guard was strongly encouraging her to GTFO. 

Thank you, stranger!

Hang in there, Fellow Slaves!

--Sisu

Entitled Custy Encounter at Hellmart

From Sisu:

Today's Story of Stupidity is brought to you by Customer Service!

I'm lucky enough to not have to work at the CS Desk, but boy do we get some winners. Today probably set a new record.

As told by my friend*

Lady: I NEED TO SEE A MANAGER!

Tony: Okay, can you tell me why, so I get the right manager for you?

Lady: Yes! I was in here earlier and I spilled Dawn on my shoes, and now they're ruined!

Yes, folks, SHE spilled Dawn on her shoes and is now so pissed off that she needs a manager.

Luckily, Tony was able to get the one manager that, while I don't like him, has a relatively low tolerance for bullshit.

He listened to her bitch and complain before telling her:

D: Ma'am, there's absolutely nothing I'm going to do about this. Might I suggest a dry cleaner?

She called him a few names but left.

Seriously though?

She even says that she spilled the Dawn (which I've always thought was rather mild) on her own damn shoes, and expects someone else to just give her shoes?

*facepalm*

Over and out!

--Sisu

Sisu: Hell Comes In Many Forms

What is wrong with "humanity"?!?

My bror, Esa, also has the misfortune of working for Fuckmart, and tonight's episode of What the Fuck?!?!!! is brought to you by the word Fucktards!

Esa came home tonight with the most retarded custy story I've heard today. He was helping out somewhere in Grocery when he heard a lot of commotion.

He saw a woman in a wheelchair ram herself into a man with a cart.

Man fell down, went Boom. Esa and a few others ran to see if everything was okay. Man and Lady are casually talking whilst he's on the floor.

Esa: Sir, are you okay?

Man: YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE THOSE FUCKING CARTS IN THE WAY GOD DAMN IT!

Lady: It was my fault, you idiot!

Another worker called over the manager, whom I have named Bubbles. I don't know why, but he's large and in charge and hasn't totally lost his sense of humor yet. 

Bubbles talks to the couple (?) and goes to get some paperwork. As soon as he was gone, the man jumped up from the ground and began french kissing and groping wheelchair lady.

What the hell? What kind of drugs do you have to be on to act like this?

Whatever it is, I'm pretty sure that the managers have a stash.

What would you do if the freezer for a certain food that has to be kept at 0 to 10F is full but you have excess of that certain food? Logically, you'd find a way to get more product on the floor to make room for the overstock, no?

Not these guys!

They said to put it in the other freezer that runs about 30F. So yeah, my store has crap full of dairy and other bacteria at 20 degrees warmer than it should be. Awesome.

I also like how they have a ridiculous amount of overstock for Fresh food, so they're having anyone and everyone go work it through the day.

Of all the people sent to help, 0 have a food handler's license. 

Yeah, caveat emptor, let the buyer beware! 

My favorite story this week comes from the firing of a people greeter because he needed a day off BECAUSE HIS MOTHER IS DYING.

Uh huh.

See, way back in February, something happened and he hit his head and lost memory and forgot he was supposed to work a few days.

Because of this, they told him that if he missed another day, he was toast. Anyway, now his mum (in her 80's) is on her death bed, and they told him he either worked as scheduled or don't bother returning.

Heartless BASTARDS.

The nice thing is that a lot of my coworkers are starting to get very vocal about their unhappiness, some to the point of contacting the Home Office.

Instead of fighting each other for hours (like they wanted), people are banding together to change things. It's probably futile, but it's a moral victory.

Much love,

--Sisu (and Esa)

 

 

Sisu: Creepy Coworker Harrassment

Holy fuck.

Fuckmart HELL has turned into a living nightmare!

First off, it was about 114 the other day, so naturally, cheapskate SM cut the AC.

Seriously? We had workers passing out all day, but they didn't give a fuck. They did, for the first time EVER put water bottles in the break room. Water bottles they were already sending to claims. It's the thought that counts, right? Snort.

The heat must have fried brains too.

I was picking up some cereal, off the clock, having a serious discussion on my phone, car keys in hand.

Bitch: ARE YOU GOING TO HELP ME?

Me: *ignore*

Bitch: Are you off work?

Me: *nods* *still talking*

Bitch: WELL, WHERE ARE THE DAMN COOKIES?

Are you fucking serious? My mistake was obviously responding to her second question, but Jesus lady, I fucking told you I was off! LEAVE ME ALONE!!! I walked off, honestly. I think I pointed in a general direction, but I somehow doubt that. 

On the way out, a dumbass standing NEXT TO the endcap of Freeze Pops asked me where the freeze pops were. Freetard. I may or may not (yeah, who am I kidding? I totally did) have sent him to their other location across the store.

The true hell has come from a creepy motherfucker coworker that absofuckinglutely crossed the line with me.

I'm nearing 4 months prego, but I've actually not gained weight -severe morning sickness- so unless I've let someone in on the news, it's pretty impossible to tell. Anyway, it's time to eat again and break time (oh, the joy!) so I pick up some forms and head to the break room.

Creepy Motherfucker is the only one there, but normally he's not completely cracked out around me. He does give all the "pretty" girls candy (yeah, cliche), so he's pretty different, but like I said, he's not usually too bad around me.

CM kicks out a chair for me to sit at his table. I didn't want to be rude, so I sat, purposefully facing the door. I'm filling the forms out and he's talking, but I'm pretty much ignoring the jerk when I feel him grab my hand underneath the table.

I jerked my hand away, but he kept grabbing at it, talking about how soft and small it is.

"Stop!" I actually yelled at him, thinking that maybe, just maybe he's awkward socially and doesn't get that that's completely inappropriate. Dude is in his 50s and should know better, but maybe...

He drops my hand, at least, but then starts rubbing my thigh. Oh no, you fucking didn't!! I stood up quick and yelled at him again, but lucky me, he grabs me around the waist, pulls me in closer, and rubs my belly.

If I would have had my knife on me, he'd be dead and I'd be in jail.

Creepy Motherfucker has gone from weird old man to Sexually Assaulting Predator. It doesn't help that I look about 16-17 most days at work.

At this point I'm ready to go to management, but as my shitty luck would have it, the only Manager On Duty is the one that gave me a lot of shit and got written up for it, the only one that won't listen to me. Fanfuckingtastic.

My choices are find someone today or let it go. I'm finding someone today. And I'm going to carry my real knife, my freshly sharpened, stainless steel, just at the legal limit for the blade length, shiny "pocket" knife. Because it's the same manager on duty tonight, and I know that he won't do a damn thing to protect me. 

Help.

--Sisu

 

Sisu: Impatient Dumbass Hell Mart Custys

It's been unbelievably hot lately, and I'm convinced that the custys have had their brains fried by good old Mother Nature. And meth.

Anyway, today was one big What the Fuck?!

Two Custys particularly stand out.

1: Blu Ray Bitch

We have a really popular, really cheap, Blu Ray Player that sells out pretty fast. Fast enough that our warehouse is completely out and we're having problems with the supplier. It's been just around two weeks since we last had it in, and boy, was this lady pissed!

I get that it's frustrating when you're looking for something and we consistently don't have it. It's happened to me before, and I know that it's irritating. This bitch took it waaaay too far!

Bitch: WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MORE IN??!!!!

Me: Excuse me?

Bitch: You haven't had that (cheap shitty) blu ray player in TWO WEEKS!

Me: You're right, I'm sorry. Our warehouse is completely out, but as soon as they get some in, they'll fill our order as soon as possible.

Bitch: Give me the display one for cheaper then!

Me: It's store policy that I can't sell an active item, meaning it's on order, and it is. (Honest, that's the policy. Sometimes I fudge it if the custy is being super nice and patient, and doesn't ask for a discount. I'll usually throw in 10% off. Yeah, gotten my ass chewed for that before, but I can usually justify it. The way this lady was acting and throwing her abundant weight around, I wasn't budging from policy!)

Bitch: Well, what are you going to do?

Me: (oh, don't ask me that. Odds of sarcasm: 100%) Ma'am, we do have other blu ray players, or you can call back -

Bitch: You know what makes sense to me? I think if it's something you advertise you carry, you should have it!

Me: I agree, and we will have it again -

Bitch: You should match one of the others to that same price!

Me: I'm...sorry?

Bitch: I think I should get to pick another and you will sell it for the same price!!

Me: Are you kidding me? (Yeah, I know, it slipped out, don't lambaste me. The cheap one is around 80 bucks and the one she no doubt wanted was 200+)

Bitch: IT MAKES SENSE TO ME!

Me: I'm sure it does. There's nothing I can do for you. My manager is over there. 

I'm not entirely sure what the hell happened after that, but my new manager doesn't tolerate much stupidity.

2. The Selective Hearing Fucktard

Somehow all my coworkers disappeared, and I got swarmed by people unable to look 3 feet in front of them.

There were two parties of people surrounding my counter, all glaring at me, so as soon as I'm able, I go over to see them.

No idea who was there first, but one little boy (and his grandmum) stepped up to ask a question first. Okay, cool. He needed something simple for his xbox, so I walk over to show him when this lovely (snort) lady yelled out:

"I'VE BEEN WAITIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!"

Simmer the fuck down, I'm not abandoning you! 

As I'm walking with the boy, I turn back to her. "Ma-am, I know you're there. I'll be with you as soon as I can."

"YOU'RE TAKING TOO LONG!"

Go fuck yourself.

Actually, that's what the grandmum said. Guess who got REALLY good service for saying that? Older people rock!

Anyway, as soon as I got back, the Selective Hearing Fucktard handed me an iPod and our replacement plan.

Folks, before we proceed, please understand we have to push these. We have to go through training for them, and then push the hell out of them. It blows, because you're basically giving Hell*Mart money for something you won't/cant use. The whole premise of the replacement plan is that it starts when the manufacturer's warranty completely expires. This is important. The other part is that if you bother to fucking read the info, you call an outside company, ie, it doesn't come back to the store when it's past the return days. 

Me: Do you have your receipt?

Selective Hearing Fucktard's Son: No, that's all we don't have.

Me: Okay, how long have you had it?

SHFS: Um, a few months.

Me: The return policy is 15 days for all mp3 players/iPods, but right now you're probably still covered by Apple. If not, that's where the replacement plan comes in. All you have to do is call this number -

Fucktard: THAT IS NOT WHAT WE WERE TOLD! THE MAN THAT SOLD IT TO ME AT CHRISTMAS SAID BRING IT BACK ANY TIME!!!!!!!

Me: Christmas?

Fucktard: YEAH! AT CHRISTMAS!

Me: Seven months ago?

Fucktard: Oh. WELL HE STILL SAID I CAN BRING IT BACK!!!

Me: I'm sorry if that's what you understood, but we can't do an exchange 7 months after the fact. If you'll call this number -

Fucktard: I don't want to talk to you! Find someone who will do something!

Fuck you for being a dumbass fool, lady. Do you realize how embarrassed your kids are? 

Baby Jeebus must love me, because around the corner came, let's call her Nessie. She's an AM and looks great and sweet, but is a real bitch. I called her over, and she told the dumbass bitch the EXACT same thing.

Fucktard's Reaction: Okay! Great! Thanks!

What the fuck? I do not understand these people....

To top the whole night off, my ex came in on a night my bf and babydaddy wasn't there. Coincidence? Doubtful. Luckily I have a guardian angel in one of my friends that randomly made a trip to my area and saw me cornered in a back aisle. He came up and stared down Douchey McAssface until the guy left. 

At least, though, I wasn't in grocery today. The AM actually made one of the guys crawl into a DUMPSTER to pull out all the rotting meat and veggies and re-bag them. He said there were rats and other creepy crawlies, and ended up barfing on himself and everything else.

They wouldn't let him go home to change.

The AM was laughing.

Peace and drama free days,

--Sisu

  

Sisu: The Slutty MacUseless

From Sisu:

Well...fuck. For such a short shift, that was the longest day I've ever had. And it's pretty much thanks to two of our four newbies. (Does anyone else find it odd that I can't have my 40 hrs back cuz sales are down, but they fucking hired 4 newbies? Maybe it's just me.)

Anyway, 2 of the newbies are pretty decent. If they don't get it, they at least try their best. Cool. We were all new once, I have no problem helping out as tactfully as I can.

Slutty MacUseless and Slutty MacUseless the Elder...oh god. They are fucking dumbass, lazy, useless pieces of shit. On a good day.

Slutty MacUseless the Elder really lives up to her name. She told me on her first day that she never sleeps alone, and rarely at the same place.

Well okay then. Whore. She completely ignores the female customers (unless she's giving them the Eye for having an attractive man) and flirts all day with the male customers. Then she goes drinking with them, comes in with an hangover, and pretty much does the rinse, repeat, thing. It is disgusting and embarrassing. 

Slutty MacUseless the Younger is worse. She happens to be paid more than most of us because she is supposed to be the Connection Center closer. Instead, she fucks up any contract she attempts, complains about the hours she was HIRED for, and disappears to another department to play with some guy she keeps screwing.

Today, though, she SUPER pissed me off. 

I was called to help another department, and when I got things sorted and fixed, I went back to hear Slutty MacUseless the Elder panicking and calling me. SMUTe (heehee Smutty) tells me SMUTy (heeheehee) NEEDS MY HELP NOW. Ohhkay, simmer down, whatever. I go over to help and SMUTy rolls her eyes, hands me the phone, and jets.

What the fuck??

The very nice custy just stares. With him I get to piece together what the hell she was doing, which NATURALLY was wrong. 

It took about 5 minutes to get the guy sorted, but SMUTy decided she needed to go get drunk instead. Par for the course, honestly.

WHO DOES THIS? 

It just fries me that she is getting paid more to do absolutely nothing. I'm tired of cleaning up and fixing the things these USELESS IDIOTS fuck up. 

I hate these people more than the dumbass freetards.

--Sisu

  

Sisu: Awesome Custy Shines Some Light at Hellmart

Hey RHUers,

What a day, what a day!

Ya'll don't know it, but I was nearly fired because a manager has a thing for my boyfriend and finds any excuse in the book to get me in trouble.

Okay, that's not the whole story, but it's enough, and let me just say that in the litany of reasons they put down on how bad I am (without letting me see it, natch), only one held up - I accidentally took too long of a break. 

After reviewing the evidence, blah blah, there was insufficient information to proceed with the final step, something or another. 

You know why? I wrote to the big guy (no, not God, the guy who believes he is).

I think it scared them shitless.

Bold move, no? But necessary. 

They called me in and asked for my point of view, and basically just asked me to watch my break times. No prob, Bob. 

The BEST thing about this, is that if McBitchFuckFaceDumbass tries to do anything to me, I'll know it's retaliation and she'll be gone.

Sometimes - er, always - it's good to be a hard worker and well liked by everyone vs someone that walks around, barks orders, and is generally a lazy bitch.

I predict McBFFD to be out of a job soon. My standing up for myself showed a lot of people that it's possible to do so, and they're also tired of being treated like shit. 

Anyway, I sure as hell am looking for a new job - I'm super happy I get to leave on my own terms and not because of something I didn't do.

***

In other news, I had the nicest, coolest, BEST customer ever! 

The conversation went like this:

Her: Excuse me!

Me: Hi -

Her: I know you don't remember me, but a couple of months ago, you helped me when no one else would. All anyone would do was page and page and page, but you actually came over and helped, even though it isn't your department. I'll never forget that. Thank you!

Me: *flabbergasted* Thank you!

All I did was go to the back and find the size diaper she needed. I didn't think it was such a big deal, but I'm really glad it helped her out.

That absolutely made my day (week) and helped me get through dumbass custy moments from the others.

So lady, whoever you are, thank you for letting me make a difference.

You made a difference in my life too.

--Sisu

 

Sisu: Hellmart Fires Rage Out of Control

I hit a wall today. Literally, actually.

I ended up punching the paneling in the truck, which, while not a great decision, is far better than punching the asshole custy that made me so mad.

Hellmart is living up to its name spectacularly. Three of us in the department put in for a recently vacated job that has a marginal raise. It's the one I've been doing, working in Connections. I like Connections, I do it anyway, I've told management I wanted to switch to it, so today, guess what?

I trained the new girl.

The three of us that put in for it have worked there for more than 3 years, and we were all thwarted by a newbie that thus far makes our former employee that snuck out to Starbucks frequently look productive.

To add insult to injury, I've been told that I have to continue training her, and that I have to continue doing Connections. Without the raise, and without the better hours.

That's not just a slap in the face to all three of us, making ME train Dumbass IV is like getting bitch slapped repeatedly by a stegosaurus. 

And that was just the beginning of a hellacious fucking day.

One of the pseudo-dipshits (ahem, managers) brought out two carts for me specifically to work. I used to be The Closer, but with my fucked up hours, I haven't closed in awhile. Whoever has been closing has left a lot of shit, which, naturally, I had to work. Because, you know, a few months ago I was The Closer.

The better part is that for half an hour, it was just me and the newbie, and my BRILLIANT manager told me to stay on the carts and have "A" walk the floor and help customers.

Fucking moron.

A doesn't know where or what anything is, but I'd been working with her on the carts and she had a pretty decent grasp on how to deal with the crap, but no, I had to continue the carts and SHE was sent to help. Fucking brilliant. Basically I got nothing on the cart done until another coworker showed up because I had to help A out.

Who the hell is seriously that dumb? 

Oh, right, dipshit fuckface managers. (A side note, I got mad at an overnight manager and started calling her FuckFace or FF for short. Now a good majority calls her FF and she can't figure out why!)

The custys were absolutely out of control today too. Yelling, screaming, running around, knocking things over, whining, climbing on things - and those were just the adults. It was a drunken frat house mentality. I had people yelling at me to speak up, when I was practically yelling. It was migraine inducing volume level type shit.

But then, of course, when it couldn't get any worse, it did.

Jackass de la Fucker came in.

I was helping these pretty nice people out with a TV (the only thing irritating was the man's insistence on calling me kiddo, but honestly, they were pretty cool people!) and it so happened that the one TV they decided on was the one TV that I didn't have. Fan-fucking-tastic. Instead of throwing a fit, they waited patiently while I called the nearest Hellmart. 

While on the phone, a not so nice guy (but still not as bad as Jackass) demanded to be cashed out. I hate being on the phone and cashiering because I feel it's rude to the person in front of me, but I did it anyway.

Then Jackass came up. (I'm on hold at this point) "DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT COMPUTERS?" (Bear in mind, he's less than a meter away)

I'll be the first to admit I'm not a super techie, but I know a fair amount about them, and all anyone needs to know about what we carry, so I say, "I do, what's your question?"

"WHAT KIND OF ANTI-SOFTWARE BESIDES NORTON DO I GET?"

Uh, what? Hey, Megaphone, try turning the volume down and coming up with a coherent sentence, aight? "I - "

"WHAT DO YOU USE?"

Fucking hell, stop shouting!! "I use AVG, which - "

"OH REALLY? WHY? I HAD THAT. I DON'T WANT THAT!"

"Okay, in my experience, McAfee didn't work as well as I expected, but some people really love it. Kaspersky has been rated highly, and -"

"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING, DO YOU, GIRL? GOD!"

What.The.Fuck..

I'm shocked, honestly, so all I can say is, "Excuse me?"

He laughs and says, "Never mind, you're too stupid to understand anyway."

Why don't you go fuck yourself in the deepest part of hell, buddy? Actually, don't, I seem to work there. But go fuck yourself anyway.

No, I didn't say it. Thankfully the lady finally came back on the phone and I was able to get good news back to my cool custys.

Then I went in back and punched the truck. Possibly more than twice.

I'm far from stupid. I tested post high school on every standardized test in first grade. I skipped 5 grades until I had to change schools where they didn't have an IEP and based your grade off your age. I work at Hellmart because I have to - because I chose to give up a very expensive private university to move across the country so I could help out my mother. I'm slowly getting my life back on track, but I assure you, I'm not at Hellmart because I have no other option in life. And yes, I am bitter. I'm angry. I gave up everything, and all I have to show for it is a SHITTY job where I have to train idiots to do a job I begged for. Oh, and more debt.

Don't you dare insult my intelligence, you motherfucker.

We slaves put up with a lot of shit, but we should never have to put up with someone calling us stupid.

So now I have a bruised up hand, and I'm mad as hell, and I just want to crawl under the covers and not come back out.

This whole steaming pile of bullshit that's been dumped on me is just too much.

-sisu

Sisu: Custy Hell at Wally World

Someone call a priest! The crustys were chock full of Demon yesterday.

I don't know what it was, but I have never had nastier customers consistently all damn day. 

This one lady started out seemingly nice. She asked me for a portable camera printer. We don't sell those anymore.

Woo, shit hit the fan then. She got all huffy with me and whined and moaned and had a little fit. Sorry, bitch, I'm not Harry Potter, I conjure one out of nowhere. 

She walks away from me *important* and about twenty minutes later she came up with an ink cartridge for a regular HP printer and lights into me about "I don't wanna be mean or rude, but you told me the wrong thing! It's RIGHT HERE!" as she's waving it around like a psycho.

I'm sorry, what the hell does an ink cartridge have to do with a portable printer? I happen to know that the particular cartridge she had fits my desktop printer, which is a far cry from portable. 

At this point I'm not entirely sure WTF she's on about, so I just say "Okay." and continue my job.

Well, actually, she's pissed me off at this point, so I go to receiving and help with the truck. The boyfriend is back there, and he's able to calm me down and let me throw things around (by the way, boxes of infant clothing make great frisbees) until I'm calm enough to deal with the rest of the psychos.

They, in their infinite wisdom, never have enough cashiers on Sunday. It's only the second busiest day in the week, no biggie. So they call for help from the floor. They called one guy 4 times in less than a minute.

I just wanted to scream out "Give the poor guy time to actually walk up there!" Ugh, managers of COURSE can't get on a register, so they spend time incessantly paging. For Pete's sake, stop being lazy assholes, and stop harassing us all..

Well, lucky me, I sold 1300 bucks of stuff and got to do a carry out (my sales were highest, Woo!) and when I got back there was a lady in Paint banging the hell out of the service bell.

I walk over and tell her that I'll find someone and she just glares at me.

Oh..kay?

The closest person around who can mix is my boyfriend, and he agrees to show me how to mix so I can do it. 

The impatient crusty asks for recommendations, and barely gives my boyfriend time to answer before screaming out "DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING?!" to him.

He let's it go (guess all that time in Basic helps one ignore people yelling) but I just look at this lady til she backs down.

Ugh. Jerk.

To help that situation, this newbie worker comes up and starts arguing about what paint and how to mix it with my boyfriend, which sends Impatient Crusty into a tizzy.

Thanks, Newbie!

THEN another coworker decides that she's too lazy to go look for something in the back, so I get to go, still for the Paint Department. I have never done paint, and wasn't sure what I was looking for, so again, the boyfriend had to come and rescue me.

We found what these people wanted - er, more like he found it - and then, blessedly, it was break time! For break we normally leave the building, but this time we went a different way than normal, only to discover that someone had actually shit on the floor.

Are you kidding me?

Someone actually took a shit on the floor. In full view of the doors and all the registers.

One of the CSMs gave the cashier closest to the poop some paper towels and told her to go for it. 

What?

Paper towels to clean up poop? 

She figured out to call maintenance for haz-mat clean up.

Really, though, who poops on a floor? 

Anyway, when I got back, I had to find 74 copies of a new release game that had mysteriously not found a way to the floor. I'm trying to find out if they're somewhere in particular when I see Psycho Bitch from before. 

My coworker is telling me to GTFO, but I can't figure out why, so I keep going about, finally tracking down the NR. 

My coworker comes up to me after the lady leaves and tells me that Psycho Bitch was complaining about me.

According to her, PB got the wrong thing (YA DON'T SAY) and so it's MY fault that she had to drive all the way back to pick up the right thing (doubtful) and waste "precious gas" because she's poor and got laid off, and HOW DARE that bitchy teenager have a job when she doesn't, and she better tell management what she said, and bitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitch.

And she said that I asked her if she needed help, then walked away, and then gave her the wrong information.

I. Am. Talented.

Really, how did I manage to walk away AND give her the wrong info?

But if PB wasn't too fucking dumb to fucking ask for the right thing to begin with, maybe I wouldn't be ready to throw her off a mountain top.

Naturally no one's talking to management, because Ms Raving Lunatic is, well, a raving lunatic.

And of all the coworkers she could have gone to, she picked the one guy that absolutely couldn't give a damn about customer service. We're always getting complained to about him. 

But this pissed me off enough to go have a fit in back. Boyfriend couldn't calm me down, and I went to management and said if that lady comes back, to please escort her out, because it's now harassment.

Actually, I may have said something closer to this, "If any manager actually has a backbone and can stand up for their associate, I'd really appreciate it if when this lady comes back because she's too freakin' stupid to know what the crap she's talking about, you would escort her out. She's come in twice, once specifically to complain about me, and this is turning into harassment. Do something."

I was honestly surprised I censored myself that much.

Another coworker got physically assaulted by a customer. Their little kid took all the tags out of the shelf strip, so she asked if she could have the tags back.

That's all she said, and this lady is a real sweetheart, so I know she wasn't mean. Apparently the mother grabbed D's arm and spun her around, throwing her into the shelf while screaming out "DON'T YOU EVER TALK TO HER THAT WAY, YOU BITCH!"

She then dumped the contents of several shelves into her cart, ran with it up to the registers, and screamed out that she would have bought all that if D wouldn't have screamed at her.

What. The. Fuck???

I don't know what the hell is wrong with these fucktards. I'm guessing their scheduled shipment of drugs is late.

I wish I was kidding.

--sisu

  

Sisu: Dumbass Custy Invasion

OH MY GOD.

Who released the idiots? I swear, every damn time someone walked into my department it was like watching drunken retarded emus released into the wild for the first time.

No really, picture it - it's pretty tragically funny. Sadly, today was not so amusing. 

The average IQ for our customers (hell, all the people in this godforsaken town - let's just say every time I pull onto the highway, I have an overwhelming urge to scream out THEY LIVE AMONG US! Ahem.) has to be about the same as the average toddler's shoe size, but I'm pretty sure it dipped into the negatives today.

We have these horrible photo printing machines for custy use.

Well, no, the machines are new enough, it's the dumbasses too stupid to understand ANYTHING. 

It's self service, theoretically, but these people need help blinking half the time. And that's not when they're falling down drunk. Which happens rather often.

Anyway, the photo department closes the machines down an hour before they leave, giving them enough time to process and clear out the memory.

Today, not one, not two, not three, but SEVEN people WATCHED the guy close the machine and then tried to use it.

Fail.

One lady tried to use it as a self checkout.

Epic fail. 

At least she was nice, in a crazy I-should-have-my-license-revoked way. 

Ah, and due to wonderful scheduling, no one was working phones today. Guess who got the honor? Guess who got ripped into by a custy because his no contract phone wasn't working?

If you didn't guess me, I have a lovely plot of land in Costa Rica for sale...

Anyway, the exchange went down like this:

Asshole: Do you work here?

Me: (Thinking: Nah, they let anyone behind the counter, of course.) Yes, how can I help you?

Asshole: I need help.

Me: (No shit, Sherlock! At this point I know this kid's being a dick to show off, and quite frankly, if you're showing off by being an asshole to a retail slave, you're past the loser mark and well into pathetic.) What can I do for you?

Asshole: I tried to put the minutes on this phone and I didn't have service for awhile cuz I didn't have money. And it won't go on.

Me: (Fucking hell, another prepaid not working.) That's - - -

Asshole: You look confused, is there anyone here who actually knows what they're doing?

Me: (Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me.) 

Normally, if the people are nice, I'll call up the company and see what's up with the account, no big deal, but this total fuck-face didn't even let me get two words out. I was going to help him. Well, kinda. This particular brand has to have the card at the re-activation, and I'm almost positive he wanted a "refund" on something he didn't buy. There's no way to reactivate the phone without the card, and he didn't have a receipt. I would bet money that he was trying to say the card was defective to get a free one. 

Anyway, his little dig pissed me the fuck off, so instead of helping him, I told him he needed to call their customer service.

Asshole: What's the number?

Me: It's on the card, actually. The same number you called to reactivate it? *checkmate*

Asshole: *funny look* FINE!

After that I was feeling a little bitchy, so when I had people asking for computer ink (I kid you not), I said we didn't have any, but we do, in fact, have a large supply of printer ink.

I love when they ask for black and white ink too. I tell them we only have black or color. :D

Gah, I have to be at work in no time. I'm one of FOUR closers (Go Manager Scheduler!) so I'm hoping I can sneak away to unload trucks. There's a newbie that needs proper training/initiation.

They always think they're so big and bad until little ol' me - gasp! a girl! - kicks them out of the truck and takes over. They always are too careful at first, so gotta get them trained to take the pain when shit falls on them and not to care when a 32" TV smashes on the line.

Shit happens.

--Sisu

  

   

Sisu vs. McBitchy

Sisu here, reporting from the deepest pits of Hell.

No worries, the weather's at least nice. 

There's an issue that keeps cropping up at Hellmart, at least to me - Phone manners. 

I know, I know, being in a youth-friendly department, we get a lot of kids calling about this release and that release. I cut the younger ones some slack, but it's really the adults that just piss me the hell off.

Case in point, McBitchy.

I pick up the phone and go through my semi company mandated greeting. (Sorry, I'll never answer with my name. One time of having a custy say that I said something that I never did was enough to never give my name to these douche twinkies!)

Anyway, here's the conversation almost word for word:

Me: Thank you for calling Blah Blah Blah Blah (Honestly, why thank them for calling? It only encourages them. I digress...) How may I help you?

McBitchy: I bought a (Brand) phone and now I need the number.

Me: Which number are you looking for? The company or your phone's number? (Legitimate question - we get lots of older people that can't find their own phone numbers. Generally I walk them through the process and they're pretty nice about it.)

McBitchy: SWEETHEART, LET'S GO OVER THIS AGAIN! (No, fucker, let's go over not piercing my eardrums with your obnoxious screech!) I BOUGHT (BRAND) PHONE AT HELLMART AND NOW I NEED THE GODDAMN NUMBER TO ADD MORE TIME! CAN YOU DO THAT HONEY?

Sorry, McBitchy, that little psycho bitching just cost you any last remaining willingness to help you. Could she not have said something like, "Hello, I just bought (Brand) phone, and I seem to have lost the number to add time to it. Do you have the number handy? Thanks." But no, she was a total raving lunatic.

I put her on hold and walked away. 

Apparently I looked murderous, because two co-workers came over asking what was wrong. They refused to help her too.

Don't get me wrong, after about seven minutes I gave her the number (which I happen to have memorized).

I just can't believe how people will act over the phone. It's like the distance makes them brave enough to be big and bad. It makes us angry and wishing we had air horns.

Sigh, I should start girding my loins now.

One of my co-workers is super pissed at me for missing her party when I was at my mom's place for the first time since AUGUST. My mum vs a co-worker that I haven't hung out with in ages...yeah, such a hard decision. But she's a conniving bitch and I'm sure she'll make my life hell. It doesn't help that we share a locker, and now I don't think I can store a purse in there, cuz I don't put it past her to try to frame me for stealing. 

Much love,

--Sisu