Retail Hell Underground

Tax Office Hell: Parents Bringing Their Hellspawn

RHU!

I miss you guys!

Now that tax season is over and my H&R Chock office is closing, perhaps I can share with you some of the interesting people I've had this season. I must admit that working in a place that people consider to be an office is much nicer because people tend to behave a little better.

There are a lot of creeps. Creeps file taxes.

I had funny adorable old guys hitting on me (low on the creep meter), to middle aged guys trying to rub my back (mega-fucking-high on the creep meter).

And sometimes there are mega tools who think they're the center of your universe. But I guess that's like any other place :)

Mostly I sat around and did nothing and got paid for it, so not too much to complain about. I do have a request for you parents out there.

DON'T BRING YOUR CHILDREN TO THE TAX OFFICE. There is no place for them.
We have a tiny office and just.....ohhhh so many children. They love the water cooler too.

One child took a cup, filled it with water, and poured the water onto one of our chairs in the waiting area. And repeated. Again. And again. And his mom just watched and clucked. And I stared in horror, went home, and took a whole pack of birth control. :D Hehehe.

So now since the tax office is closing I'm job hunting.....really, I've been job hunting for weeks, but no luck. I have to be a bit picky about where I apply because of my shitty allergies.

Wish me luck :)

--<3 T-Shirt Sponge

T-Shirt Sponge Escapes From Retail Hell

Good news everyone!

You just read that in Professor Farnsworth's voice!

But seriously.....

I have quit Old Slavery!

That's right, I officially cast off the shackles of retail slave oppression!!!!!

My last day was Dec. 23! I didn't even have to work Xmas Eve :D.

Why you ask?

Other than the fact that I value my life and sanity, I do have a pretty serious medical condition, mostly a bad allergy, combined with chronic sinusitis and the dusty underbelly of a clothing store just wasn't right for me. I wasn't going under the knife again just so I could keep changing Supermodelquins :)

I found a new job, just seasonal - TAX SEASONal. H&R Chock - The Chock stands for Chock Full of Fucking Acronynms, they use them for ERRRYTHING! I'm going to be a receptionist, starting in January, so basically smiling and answering phones. They warned us about how crazy it gets but really....there's no scaring me now.

In all honesty, I'm going to miss the Slavery dearly. When you get past the crazies and the BS, I loved my job and *coughmostcough* of my coworkers. The company actually has this really cool policy where I get to stay employed, but off the schedule for 90 days, and at the end, if I work 1 shift, the 90 days starts over. So I can keep my job (and my DISCOUNT!) in case I need to come back :) Much love <3

My last day was SO CRAZY! Xmas week was busy as fuck, you guys. I had to process a bin as tall as I m (which I guess isn't saying A LOT, but still), and the ENTIRE WHEELCHAIR ACCESSIBLE FITTING ROOM was PACKED full of accessories that needed to go back. Like just stuffed in every bin, basket, or bag we could find. I wish I could have gotten a picture, but I forgot my phone :\. It was madness.

Luckily, a coworker got a picture of the fitting room, stuff that needed to be processed and go back, at the end of the day the 23rd. Keep in mind, there's no mirror in this picture that they're leaning against, it's a ROOM behind these clothes. Full of MORE CLOTHES. >.> I felt so bad for them.

All in all, a successful holiday I think.
Hope you all survived :) I hope I still have some interesting stories for you in the months to come.

<3

--T-Shirt Sponge

 

 

T-Shirt Sponge on Black Friday: Long Hours The Worst Part

Hello RHU! Hope you all survived!
 
My Black Friday was LONG, as I'm sure all of yours were, however, it was strangely uneventful. I was supposed to work midnight to 9am, but it kept getting pushed back, until eventually my hours ended up being 10:30 pm to 7:30am. We opened at midnight, gave away some free cameras, and everything was pretty on the level. We even had an LP guy this year (and Old Slavery has pretty much NO LP so that was a shocker). He counted the people in line before we opened and there were almost 500.
 
Only a few complaints really. I worked with one employee who just LOVES Black Friday, thinks its SO MUCH FUN, and thinks anyone who DOESN'T think its SUPER FUN has a crappy attitude. Ok chicky, listen here - I have a pretty good attitude. You don't have to walk around giving me the 'If you think it's going to suck, then it will' speech. I got it. But the most fun thing I can think of doing right now is SLEEPING. Not working Black Friday. Doesn't mean I hate life. >.>

Dealt with that for 9 hours, and amazingly, neither one of us ended up dead.
 
Also, someone decided it would be a BRILLIANT idea to put all the $1 scarves (one of the hottest BF items) behind the cashiers. So the cashiers, instead of ringing people up, are running back and forth climbing ladders trying to get people their scarves. Most were sane enough to wait until they were at the register to ask for their scarves, but some were leaning over the cashwrap and yelling at us to get them scarves. Yeesh. I was glad when they were gone. Bad. Bad. Idea. It's a freaking miracle someone didn't fall off the ladder and rupture a spleen.
 
Lastly, when someone returns an item they bought online, if we don't carry it, we don't know the price. So when another customer wants to buy it, we have to call the HQ. So I had to do that once today. And I get this automated message: "We're closed for the holiday."
 
IM SORRY, WHAT DID YOU FUCKING SAY?! I almost dropped the damn phone. There's no one to answer the phones ON BLACK FRIDAY?!? FOR REAL?! Happy Thanksgiving assholes, I hope your turkey explodes in your colon. -_-''

I did drive around and take video of the stores and their lines at about 10pm. None of them were ridiculously crazy, but it seems to me that a lot of people came later.
 
I'm a little worried that there were no crazies - maybe they're all waiting to do their shopping until closer to Christmas??
 
<3

--T-Shirt Sponge

 

 

T-Shirt Sponge: Pre-Black Friday Coupon Hell and Surving the Corporate Machine

Hello and happy The-Apocalypse-Still-Hasn't-Come-and-Killed-us-All-Yet to you all!!
 
I've been working a lot of 3am and 4am shifts lately, doing signage and markdowns, so I generally leave before the customers even get in the store. So not a whole lot of stories to share. Although today I got to change the Supermodelquins :D That was interesting. It was kind of like Wheel of Fortune for me - I enjoyed it, but gratuitous swearing must be involved. I've never called a hunk of plastic BIGGER THAN ME 'whore' so many times. 
 
I did get to tell some custys to suck it a few weeks ago when we had our one day 40% off sale for cardholders. I didn't work the sale, but I worked the day before, and everyone wanted special treatment. One lady surmised the situation nicely.

Idiot: "Can I use this 40% off coupon?"

Me: "No, that's for tomorrow only."

Idiot: "Oh...well can you hold [useless bag of crap] until tomorrow?"

Me: "No, we're not doing any holds until tomorrow, that wouldn't be fair to the other customers.

Idiot: "Oh....well can you check?"  

*This is where I ask my manager over the radio for the customer's sake. Manager says no.*

Idiot: "Oh...well will your manager just give me the 40% off today?"

Me: "WTHAKLFID?!?$^&% - No. The sale is tomorrow."

Idiot: "Oh...well can you call her up here and ask her?"

Me: "No. She's not going to break the rules just for you."

>.> I was so flabbergasted that the only appropriate word was 'flabbergasted'.  

That shit went on all day. Not my goddamn fault you're too stupid to read a coupon.  

We also have a new store manager, and I like the guy, he's nice and pretty damn efficient, but he's just a little too.....corporate for me. Tell me if this makes sense to you folks....

I come in the other day and the head cashier and I are chatting up policies and she tells me "You know about the rule where if a customer is disputing a price within $10, you can just change it for them, right?" Yeah, I know. Not my favorite policy, but saves us time looking for the sign to tell them they're wrong. Lately I've been doing signage, so I KNOW which signs say what and I don't have to resort to that since I can tell them I know they're wrong.

"Well, NewSM is REALLY enforcing that with everyone."

Ok NBD.

"Also, if they bring you a coupon that's expired, they're telling us to just go ahead and put it through..."

Umm....so we're gonna take the hit cuz illiterate dumbfucks dunno what fucking day it is? Alright....

"And, if they don't have a receipt, we're just doing the return for them."

Whaaaa? We have a whole policy on that, store credit in the mail, and we're just chucking it off the balcony??

"And, since we're the only store that does short breaks (a couple minutes for every few hours you work), and they're kind of a priveledge, they're starting to do away with those too."

Exsqueeze me? I know that our extra breaks are just that, extra, they're not mandated by law, and when it comes to the legal ones, our company is good about it, but I like that fact that my company cares enough about its employees to say "Ya know, maybe they need to sit for 10 minutes after being screamed at for 3 hours". It's not a lot, but it's extremely welcome and pretty revitalizing when you've got people roaring in your face, and it's something we're accostomed to.

So I know corporations aren't generally genuine, but I liked my company for the fact that at least it PRETENDED to be genuine. The managers didn't have to always be on top of us about email capture or credit cards because corporate wasn't constantly on their back about upping meaningless numbers. But when everything starts shifting corporate and becoming a number to the people that can't see us, when WE start becoming numbers, I feel uncomfortable. What do you guys think? Who's in the camp of "Suck it up and get used to it, cuz that's how the world works" and who's in the camp of "Don't become a faceless zombie working for the machine!"??
 
I work midnight on Black Friday, and the week before Christmas our stores are open 24/7, so I'll see you guys soon!

<3

--T-Shirt Sponge

 

Old Slavery: One of Those Days From Hell

Hey all!

It's T-Shirt Sponge, playing another rousing game of Ignore the Fuck out of My Homework. I'm winning.

So last week I had one of 'THOSE DAYS'. You know, where everyone is a crazy ass waffle and you hear "I'm never shopping here again" so many times?! Yep. One of those. And I did get that phrase, more times than I could count on both hands at least, but the best had to be two customers I had near the end of my shift.

NeedsToGetLaidBitch#1 came up to my register with some fundamental t-shirts that were full price. Which is exactly how they rang up. Weird how that happens that way.

She got nasty pretty fast.

Bitch: "Umm, why aren't those 30% off? Your sign says 30% off." Yes, because I bet we have a sign that just says '30% off'. No specifications or anything, just 30 fucking percent off. Lulz.

Me: "Ma'am it's 30% off women's clearance only right now. These aren't clearance, they were in the fundamental wall."

Bitch: "NO, THERE WAS A SIGN AND I ASKED THAT GIRL AND SHE TOLD ME THEY WERE ALL 30% OFF AND THIS IS RIDICULOUS AND IM NEVER SHOPPING HERE AGAIN."

Me: "$15.90."

And then she swipes her card! She's still griping and bitching about the price and how we're a terrible store, but she just swipes her card and pays for her plain, solid color t-shirt that she could buy LITERALLY ANYWHERE. I almost laughed out loud. Way to stick it to the man!! FIGHT THE POWER!!

So she leaves and I'm thanking Retail Hell that the bitch custy of the day is gone when the Beast approaches. Holy fucking tits, you guys. I cannot describe the horror I felt when she was approaching, it was like a cold chill washed over the whole store. She had complained to a manager about us not having carts earlier (we totally have carts), and she tried to get in the line from the wrong end, so I could SENSE the trouble approaching, it was that bad.

I scanned her couple items, no big deal, and then she swiped her credit card.

Me: "Can I see your card and ID?" She rolls her eyes.

UH FUCKING OH.

Beast: (in the most inconvenienced way) "Well it's my son's card."

Sure enough, the card and ID were nowhere close to matching, so I explained to her that I couldn't use a card that didn't have her name on it. THEN SHIT GOT SO REAL.

Beast: "I use his card all the time! SINCE WHEN CAN YOU NOT USE SOMEONE ELSE'S CARD? THIS IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS, YOU'RE A FUCKING ASSHOLE, YOU'RE MAKING THAT UP!"

Later, I came up for lots of witty retorts for this, but at that moment, I was pretty sure I had just been tazed because I was literally just stunned. Excuse me? What is THIS fuckery?

ME: "Well you're not using it. You have to pay a different way."

She threw some cash at me and was quiet while I finished the transaction, but then she started bitching about a coupon. We had given out coupons the week before, but we weren't supposed to hand them out anymore and I did not feel like breaking the rules to give her one, so I just let her bitch. But she pulled the manager card. XP

Me: "What exactly do you want? A coupon? If I give you one, will you leave?"

Beast: "YES, IVE BEEN ASKING FOR ONE!"

Lulz. So I handed her the coupon and watched her waddle away. My manager tried to catch her and make everything alright so she would come back and shop again (he's kind of like that - if I were manager, I'd have kicked her out and banned her from the store for yelling at an employee like that) and she starts screeching about how I 'played stupid' when she asked about the coupon.

Yep.

Then this happened.

Beast: (to manager) "Why won't you people let me use my son's credit card?! Since when is that a rule?! What the fuck are you people trying to people?"

He totally just stared at her for a minute and then explained that it was unlawful blah blah, same speech I gave, but she wasn't having it.
 
My job some days XD.

Stay sane,

--T-Shirt Sponge

*    *    *

On a seperate note, here's a video I found that cheers me up. You need a certain, sick sense of humor to enjoy it I suppose, but I think we all have days when each one of these feels appropriate :)

 

Super Hell Time At Old Slavery

Hey guys. It's T-shirt Sponge.

Ive been away for awhile, but that's because after Fourth of July, I thought I was gonna light a firework off in someones ass. EVERYONE was horrible to me that day.

But today was worse than anyytthhhinnnggg.

Why? BECAUSE HOLYFUCKSUPERCASH.

Beginning with last night, the store was DESTROYED. We had so much business it was ridiculous. It was as busy as the holidays. Shit was just RIPPED apart. Like if dinosaurs roamed aimlessly through the store, thrashing their tails around, it would probably have been less messy.

But anyway, cleaned that shit up until almost midnight. Came back in this morning for the hell on Earth that is Supercash. Dear fucking Jesus, what idiot in corporate came up with this genius ass idea, I don't know, but if he still has a job, there is no justice in this world. PLEASE SOMEONE fucking explain to me WHY when passing out the coupons two weeks ago, we were allowed to give out 3 PER TRANSACTION and now that it has come time to redeem, customers can only use ONE PER TRANSACTION....

....WHAT STUPID FUCKING COCKWHORE THOUGHT THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA?!?! Who sat down at his desk that morning and was like "DERP! GOT AN IDEAR!"?!?!

Oh and did I mention there's ALSO a 30% off coupon floating around at the same time? And the Supercash can't be combined with any other offer, is not good on licensed brands, jewelery, or ANY of the football or college clothing, WHICH IS THE MAJOR SALE RIGHT NOW?!!? Yeah. Yeah, there's fucking that.
 
And of course, no one thought this was important information, so when we were passing them out, we were like "SURE, you can use them all at the same time! It would be stupid if you couldn't!"
Yeah.

So we have people coming up with EXACTLY the right amount of clothing (because you have to spend a certain amount for each coupon to work) with like 6 motherfucking coupons and then we have to tell them that we have to stand there and split it into seperate transactions.

And if you don't do it perfectly, the prices don't work out, bitchez can't be usin all they coupons, and then everybody's pissed.

I hit my wall about a half hour before my shift ended, when I rang some lady up, couldn't use her last coupon, she sneered at me, walked two registers down to a different person, and had her return it, get a manager, and re-ring it all so she could get an extra 10$ off. Of course, then I had to hear about it, and I was like, "Dude, I don't even CARE."

SIGH.
 
On a seperate note, anyone think its RIDICULOUS AS FUCK that people think your head is full of fucking walnuts because you work in a store? Do they really think that all the people handling the money are so stupid that we're just going to bang our heads into the counter if we're not given careful instruction?

Some lady told me today that a hoodie was ringing up wrong, that it had been priced differently(NOTE: she had TWO), so I radioed a manager, got a quick answer, and said "Ok, sorry, I'll change it for you," and she goes "And this one too" and holds up the second hoodie before I had a chance to do anything.

.....No, fucking really? Thank you so much for pointing out that identical item for me, because as an employee of this store I surely either would not have recognized it as the same one OR would have passed it up and changed the price on only one because I am literally stupider than shit.

Are you fucking serious?
 
Starting to count down the days til college graduation. Only two years to go XD

Love,

--T-Shirt Sponge

 

Too Many Hellspawn and Bad Parent Encounters

From T-shirt Sponge:

So why do all my stories involve children and pee?!?!

Today I was stuck in the fitting room and I saw a little girl following her mom around, trying desperately to keep up, and going "Mom, where's the bathroom? Mommy, I need the bathroom."

I was backing away, especially after last week, thinking OHFUCKOHFUCK, CRITICAL LIMIT, CHILD IS GOING TO EXPLODE, but she just kept tugging at her mom and asking for the bathroom.
 
And freaking Mother of the Year, didn't say "Just a minute", not even a "Fuck off, kid", just STARED STRAIGHT FORWARD AND COMPLETELY DENIED THE CHILD'S EXISTENCE.
*headdesk*
 
Then, I had a really stressed out looking bitch bring 4 kids and all the clothes she could carry into a fitting room and stay there for a good 45 minutes. Hand to God, her youngest screamed bloody murder, nonstop, that ENTIRE. FUCKING. TIME. I was afraid he was going to explode too.

Then she walked around the store with him for a good while longer, and he just scrreaaammmeeed. I can tolerate most stuff, but babies screaming is the WORST for me.
I felt bad for her, cuz she looked like she wanted to rip her hair out, but I felt more bad for me, cuz I had to fucking listen to that craziness at a close proximity and I have a strong aversion to children.

If such a time comes when I decide I want children, please smack me upside the head and remind me what a fucking dumbfuck I am being. Thank you. Of course, she left the fitting room a disaster.
 
Oh! On a sidenote! I find this fun. Seeing as you're here, I'm assuming most of you have no problem with swearing. And you can see that I lurvs me some cuss words. Honestly, that is really how I talk, I don't mean anything bad by it, it is just literally how I speak on a daily basis, its natural for me, part of my personality. I have one o' those crazy religious co-workers (doesn't everyone?) who gets reallllyyy offended when I swear, just slightly, things like 'hell' or 'damn'. And I'm not talking about in the workplace, just in general.

Now as much as I love to accomadate all folks (haha, right), I think honestly we're big kids, and we can be mature about a few words, yeah? Or must I censor myself to please everyone?
 
Happy trails :)

--T-Shirt Sponge

 

Checkout Lane Drama: Pee on the floor

From T-shirt Sponge:

Oh. NO.

NO NO NO.

My life has been a bit of a shambles lately, so I felt I'd just share this quick anecdote with you :)

SOMEONE PEED IN THE LINE THE OTHER DAY!! JUST PEED ALL OVER THE FLOOR!!

And there's a shocking twist.

You'll never guess who you'll end up sympathizing with in this story. We all collected the story in pieces later.

So this lady in line is being a freaking mega-super bitch, and to one of the newer girls, which really doesn't sit well with me. After she haggles over every goddamn price, she decides to apply for the credit card, is denied, and freaks out because she claims the newer girl told her she got the discount no matter what. So basically, this girl is nearly in tears, MEGADecepticon bitch is flipping out, and her step daughter, who is about 7, has been doing the potty dance, and just lets loose all over the floor.

O.o

Mega bitch then freaks out on said child. Seriously, we felt bad for her. And then of course a manager had to clean up pee :D

Never a dull moment.

LOVE <3,

--T-Shirt Sponge

 

Old Slavery Nightmare: Christmas Returns and Hellspawn Destruction

Oh RHUers.

It's been crazy.

I must admit I've been a little stressed, what with starting my new interpreting class, taking a motorcycle course, watching a girl have a random seizure in said course and almost die (before you say it - no epilepsy or seizure history. Just a random 22 year old having a seizure. Scared the fucking bejeesus out of me), and then because I was quite shaken, crashing a motorcycle....into my mother. Heh.

BUT I have missed you all, so I'm back to astound you with tales of awful people.
In one recent shift, I was greeting, a slow and hellish ball-breaking task. I'm a fairly good (fake) people person though, so I just smile and wave. This man comes strolling in with an Old Navy bag in one hand and I immediately realize I'm in trouble. His bag has our Christmas design on it. Fuckity fuck fuck.

SirFuckface: Yeah I need to exchange these, they don't fit.

Me: Ok, no problem, do you have a receipt?

SF: Yeah, I got them for Christmas and they're too small. *hands me receipt. Date? Dec. 23*

Me: Ok sir, well unfortunately our return policy only covers 90 days, so we won't be able to exchange this for you *ITS BEEN FOUR MONTHS ASSWIPE*

SF: But....I just want to exchange them, not return them!

Me: Yes, well that falls under the return policy.

SF: WHAT?! So what am I supposed to do, just throw them away?!?

Me: No, no don't do that! If you really can't wear them or don't know anyone you can give them to, you could always donate them.

SF: Yeah right, like I'm gonna do that.

That sound you hear at this point is me punching him in the dick in my mind. What a douchenozzle.

He then starts screaming about how he's a regular customer and he's spent tons of money at our store and he'll never come back and FUCK THIS PLACE! Que storming out.
Oook then.

A couple days later I was working my ass off in the fitting rooms, running back and forth cleaning up people's messes (you ever feel like your doing other people's laundry? Ugh, I do.), and just generally busting my ass. A woman comes in with her two children, about age 6 (fraternal twins), we set up a fitting room for each child, and the nightmare begins.

These kids are literally THROWING CLOTHING over the tops of the doors, to the point where shorts were getting caught and I had to use that little hook thing that I think is my Gandalf staff to get them down. There was screaming and children slamming and locking doors, and Mom yelling......my head just reeled.

I thought I was watching the Twilight Zone. Kind of like a train wreck, you can't stop staring.....to which the mom just kept saying "I'm sorry, I have really bad kids".

REALLY LADY? REALLY? WHOSE FAULT IS THAT!? My mother would have beat me like a redheaded stepchild right there in the middle of the store if I acted like such a little beast. It was like a horror film that wouldn't end....

This weekend is the famous $1 flip flop sale. If I survive, and I may not, I'll let you know how it goes.

Love,

--T-Shirt Sponge

Saturday Sale Hell At Old Slavery

HOLY BALLS.

HOLY.

BALLS.

What the fuck, I dont even....

It's a doosey, ladies and gents.

Old Slavery has these mega sales called One Day Wonders. No doubt you've heard of them. They're always on Saturdays and they feature one item for one day at a ridiculous price, usually with a limit per customer.

Today's was $6 Polo shirts. We also had $2 flip flops, and all bottoms in clearance were $6.

I did not understand the word madhouse until today.

I was working the fitting room and I couldn't keep up with the mess. People were bringing in fucktons of clothes (most fitting rooms have limits! Ours is ten!!!), taking forever, and then not buying ANY OF IT, leaving it all over the floor, in my bins, freaking EVERYWHERE. SO MUCH.

The picture is from around 4pm? Yeah. Fucking holy balls.

Also, I'm sick. Again. Goddamn dustmite allergy.

So yeah, tiring day. To top it all off, even after the customers left, my processing bin kept mysteriously filling. Dumbfuck Mcgee keeps coming up and putting huge lods of mens pants into my bin.

Me: "Whatcha doin?"

DFM: "Oh just cleaning mens clearance. I'll be back for it."
*she comes back with more armfuls*

Me: "You know you have to process that right?"

DFM: "Yep" *she proceeds to meander around the store*

Rawr.

AND NOW, PARENT OF THE YEAR AWARDS!!

First prize goes to the woman who let her infant crawl around on our dirty clearance floor and play with sharp plastic hangers. I had to take them away from him so he wouldn't put them in his mouth.

Honorable mention goes to the woman too lazy to find an employee to climb a ladder for her and too lazy to do it herself, so she sent her 7 year old up the ladder. "Go get mommy some flip flops." NONONONO, FUCKING STOP.

Yep. Sleep needed. Sleep forever.

<3

--T-Shirt Sponge