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November 2007

She Enters Your Store - RUN FOR YOUR RETAIL LIFE!


Her face pyschotic, her gray roots scary, her bloody dress nasty....but the waist pouch/fanny pack hanging from her hips? Absolutely HORRIFYING. All Retail Slaves should go on break at the sight of a waist pouch/fanny pack. Man, woman, child, leprechaun, whatever...fanny pack/waist pouches are a sign of crazy-ass trouble.



Her name is Bloodsucker Bavaro because she will suck the life right out of any Retail Slave she encounters, asking the same moronic questions over and over, attempting to return old merchandise without reciepts, and annoying you until you blackout and fall to the floor unconsious. If you see her, alert Retail Hell Underground immediately and we will unleash the hounds of Retail Hell.

A Real Halloween Scare!


Enough to make any Retail Slave scream. The Most Hideous Time of the Year is coming! At some stores it arrived three weeks ago. God help Retail Slaves everywhere! Urban Dictionary is calling this early Holiday Hell arrival Hallowthanksmas. We call it nauseating.