She Enters Your Store - RUN FOR YOUR RETAIL LIFE!

Holiday Hell begins? Please God say it ain't so!


But wait...I haven't thrown away my rotting pumpkin or taken down the witch crashing into my front door. What do you mean Holiday Hell is beginning?

Actually for all Retail Slaves it started somewhere in the middle of September when we were forced to attend one lobotomizing meeting after another as management freaked out about the upcoming 4th quarter. All of this freaking out only intensifies starting November 1st as Black Friday looms weeks away. You walk into work and its "4th Quarter this" and "Holiday that."   

We Retail Sluts at Retail Hell Underground are sick of that shit. It's fucking November 1st! Shut the Retail Hell up about Holiday for chrissake.

If you are having days in the upcoming weeks of Holiday overkill from your Store, when you get off of work you need to do something that will take your brain in another direction for several hours. Here are some suggestions:

1. Go to a movie: Saw IV or Across the Universe. Take your pick. You will not be thinking about Holiday. We guarantee it. Do not watch TV - there may be Holiday ads that break the work you are trying to do.

2. Go to a firing range and shoot guns.

3. Spend 3 hours on Play Station or Wii playing only games where you can kill things.

4. Have sex. Lots and lots of sex.

5. Finish reading the last Harry Potter book that you know you haven't finished reading yet.

6. Play with your kids. They are not in Holiday mode yet. They will want to do more important things like storm the castle, dress dolls, and be silly. You need silly after a long Retail Hell Day.

7. If you like to cook - make a 12 course meal for your friends and family. It could be your last free moment to do so (God knows you won't be doing it on Thanksgiving). Cook for friends or family, just so long as they know this rule: No retail talk. This must be established because if retail talk beings, inevitably some moron will bring up Holiday. And you are trying to avoid that fucking word right now.

8. If you don't like to cook - hit a great restaurant/bar with friends! Mango martinis and blackberry mojitos! You must apply the same "no retail talk" rule. Britney and Republican gay sex scandals are perfect topics, but no retail!

9. Nap. Hell, go to bed early. This could be your last one until January. Just do not think about Holiday.

10. Arts and crafts. Painting, knitting, sculpting - whatever. Just like napping, this could be your last free moment to enjoy it. If you don't do arts and crafts try this: For the men: Booze and porn. For the women: Booze and non-holiday romantic comedies.

Okay Slaves. Try not to think about Holiday right now. Do what you have to do.



Ugh. So true. At the Outlets here where I work they have discovered this "wonderful" new thing... "Midnight Madness" where we open at midnight on Black Friday and don't close until 9 or 10 that night. You're telling me that everyone is so money hungry they need to f-ing open at MIDNIGHT!? to get more MONEY!? lol. Our store didn't do phenomenal or anything last year. Few grand. Yipee. But the rest of the stores did. The parking was out of control. There was traffic jams on the thruway and to get into the mall. Oy. I hate people :(
But good thing for me this year.... After 5 years of working in this Hell Hole (I actually have it named Hell Hole in my cell!) I am getting out!! No more Canadians!! No more horrible coupon ladies!! Sunday is my last day. And it is "Remembrance Day" for the Canucks. OY VEY! I am actually not getting completely out of retail BUT I AM getting away from the Canucks, that horrible mall, and CLOTHES! Woohoo! And it's closer to home :) Yay!

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