The Retail Hell Survival Guide Tip #153

With your Retail Radar you spot a well-known Crazy Customer migrating toward your counter or department. What do you do? Get your ass to the counter's phone ASAP, pick it up and pretend to be handling a problem customer. This will take some Academy Award winning acting, but the consequences of having to wait on Crazy Customer are far more draining that the energy you'll put into your phone performance. Continue Phone Acting until someone else helps Crazy Customer. If you are by yourself and there is no one else around to help Crazy Customer, by all means continue Phone Acting. There's a small chance Crazy Customer will get tired of waiting and leave. If Crazy Customer doesn't leave, you are pretty much fucked and will have to wait on them anyway, but hey- you gave it your best Retail Slave shot!



Alas, this would not work in my personal retail hell. I give out free food samples, or as I call it, Rich People's Soup Kitchen. For those really creepy crazy customers that even I can't handle, I go wash some dishes in the back, or use the time to take out the trash and hope they're gone by the time I get back. Unfortunately, tenacious tends to go with creepy crazy and they usually haven't left. But I can dream, can't I? Push comes to shove, I go to lunch. Honestly, what do people do in a grocery store for four to six hours? Get a life!


Since I am short, to hide from customers I crouch down in front of my register and pretend to be picking up paper or something off the floor. It usually works for one or two customers.

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