Our newest periodic feature on Retail Hell Underground will be What I Really Wanted To Say. We've all be there. Trapped behind a counter and forced to be a Retail Droid and answer the insanity with a response that most definitely is not what we are thinking inside. Today's WIRWTS comes from Freddy and has to do with the topic at hand this week: Returns.

Customer: I want to return this handbag and you better not give me any crap.

Freddy: Umm...okay, Ma'am. Do you have your receipts?

Customer: YES I HAVE MY RECEIPTS! YOU'RE GIVING ME CRAP, I SAID YOU BETTER NOT GIVE ME ANY DAMN CRAP OVER THIS OR I'M GOING TO CUSTOMER SERVICE AND COMPLAIN ABOUT YOU.

Freddy: I only wanted to know if you have your receipts so I can process the return faster.

Customer: Don't give me that. You're accusing me of stealing. I know what you're doing and I don't appreciate it. Maybe you did not hear me? I said if you give me any crap, I am going to Customer Service.

Freddy: I understand. No problem. Let me process this return for you.

What Freddy Really Wanted To Say:

How about if I rip off your head and shove so much crap down your throat it will shoot out your ass, you rude pyscho bitch. Get the fuck out of my face. Take your shit up to Customer Service, I'm going to lunch.