A Different Kind of "Song"

Carolanne's Bitch Dept: On Gift Boxes


One of the things I hate most about Holiday Retail Hell is the whole obsession with a free fuckin gift box. Why do people need stupid boxes anyway? It's a waste of a tree and a waste of my time. At my Big Fancy Store we actually give away nice boxes. We have to make the goddamn boxes and then wrap the item up nicely in tissue with a fucking sticker and box it for the customer. It's a fucking pain in the ass. What I would give to have someone do the boxmaking for me, but noooooo, the fucking store doesn't want to pay for it. They want me to do it and break my nails and shred my cuticals.  I have nightmares about making boxes. I FUCKING HATE MAKING BOXES! My Store and Department Manager have kept all of us past our shift's end on many occasions, requiring us to make 50 boxes each before we go home. WTF!!!!FUCKIN CRAZY BITCH MANAGERS!

When I am handing out those nice gifts boxes that I had to make from the blood of my cuticles, some customers turn into anal asswipes over their $3 pair of socks, wanting me to fold the tissue with perfect percision and a place store logo sticker on the tissue perfectly in the center. The other day I had a woman go all ballistic on me because I forgot to give her a goddamn sticker. I wanted to shove the shitty stickers up her fat ass!

Sometimes I get customers who want extra boxes, and I just want to say, "I am not a fucking Gift Box Depot assholes." You just spent $200 on designer jeans out in the mall, go to fuckin Target and buy a six pack of shirt boxes for $2.99, don't beg me for extra boxes for all your shit because you are too lazy and too cheap to go somewhere and buy boxes. This gets really bad sometimes. The other day I had a lady yell at me,  "I JUST SPENT $5000 IN YOUR STORE, I DEMAND SOME EXTRA BOXES!" Fucking Beverly Hills Bitch. I wanted to beat her snobby Beverly Hills ass with sweater gift box. I told her to go fuck herself, I'm not giving her free boxes.(I didn't use the F word of course). She stormed off in a huff and I wanted to yell after her, "If you want fucking boxes so bad, go in the back, ruin your own goddamn nails, and make them yourself, you fucking douchebag bitch." Then I went and had a cigarete. When I came back, my co-worker told me the snooty skank went and bitched in Customer service and the Retail Droids gave them to her! YOU'RE FUCKING KIDDING ME, RIGHT? I was so pissed!

I also had a customer buy some slippers that were already in a box and he had the nerve to say, "Can I have a box with these?" I stared at him like he was a fucking elephant high on crack. "They are already in a box," I said. "I just want one of the boxes from your store," he replied. Seriously, it was all I could do not to scream, "Go buy some fucking wrapping paper and wrap them yourself lazy douchebag. I'm not your fucking North Pole wraping elf!'


On the other side of Gift Box Retail Hell, I have friends who work at Stores that don't give away gift boxes. The customer annoyance factor for them is just as bad. They are equally screwed. Customers get angry at them because they don't have a fucking free box to give them with their 79 cent pack of Carebear stickers. I told my friend she should just say that there is a walmart up the street and go buy some fucking festive wraping paper and boxes and do it yourself just like the rest of us! Or just stick the shit in a gift bag. Or better yet don't wrap it at all? Do you think my boyfriend really gives a shit his "Call of Duty 2" game is wrapped? Hell no! He just wants to play the motherfucker.

I think we Retail Slaves need to have t-shirts and buttons that say, "BUY YOUR OWN FUCKING GIFT BOXES BITCHES!!! I hate fucking gift boxes. Nothing would make be happier right now than watching a mountain of them fire up and burn like something at Burning Man. Oh, fuck yeah!



You so work at Nordstrom, don't you? lol



I know. I used to work at a crazy ass outlet and people were SOOOOO mad that we didn't give out free boxes. I would say to them "this isn't a department store, sorry :)" Lol. We sold them for like a buck. I mean, if you're buying one measly thing as a gift, just spend an extra buck you stupid asshole lol. OR go to the fucking DOLLAR STORE and get a whole shitload of them!!!!


God im so glad the holidays are over!


i get this all the time as well, but with hangers. Walmart sells hangers for 1.99 for a pack of 40. We recycle our hangers, this shit doesn't come prehung. Well I spent $6 on this sale tee and I want it on the hanger. No, don't think so.

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