Retail Slut and Whore New Year Resolutions
Vintage Retail Hell

Our Dream Retail Hell Resolutions

Underground_photo_shoot2_019 1. Say What We Really Want To Say whenever we want!

2. Don't take any shit off of customers, co-workers, or managers.

3. Demand to work only opening shifts and have weekends off.

4. Demand a raise and get it.

5. Make all customers clean up after themselves. This would include re-folding massive amounts of jeans and t-shirts they have left in piles on the fitting room floors.

6. Take two hour lunches and hour breaks every day.

7. Leave early whenever we want and still get paid.

8. Demand that the Store give us "sick" days so when their customers give us the flu, we can stay home and still get paid.

9. Not lose commission on old shit customers return.

10. Be able to chew gum and text on our cells whenever we want.

11. Hire Merry Maids to do all the cleaning and picking up.

12. Demand that the Store give us European-style vacation time - that means nine weeks a year!

13. Answer the department phone only when we want to (which will be rarely).

14. Not work alone if we are paid hourly or work alone if we are on commission.

15. Stand up to any kind of Retail Hell by walking away from the situation whenever we want instead of standing there and taking it up the ass.

Retail Hell would be a lot less hellacious if even half of these Dream Resolutions came true. Oh, how we wish....



My comments/responses :)

1. I have gotten to a few times :) It was beautiful..
2. See #1 lol.
3. It's my dreaaaaaaaaam to open Mon-Fri and have weekends off. HA! What a dream huh? I work Thurs-Mon (closing) and have Tues and Wed off lol. Not even close!
4. I am supposed to get a raise today when I got my review but my manager said that the owner needs to do it. So I'm like uhhhh. Where's my raise? Lol. I have this paper signed from 2 months ago saying that this day I would get a review and a 50 cent increase. Gimme bitchesss!
5. I totally agree. People are fucking dirty slobs.
6. A half an hour UNPAID lunch is just NOT sufficient!
7. There has been people that left early and got paid. It's called managers. Salary bitches. I hate them. Still have that where I work. Hmm.
8. Since I started working (fucking 10 yrs ago almost lol) I have NEVER known what "sick" days meant. You always have to use your fucking VACAY days for being sick. SUCH fucking bullshit!!!!!!!
9. If I get going on old ass returns, I won't stop. LOL.
10. We chew gum. Not sure if we can. Nobody gives a fuck. We also have snacks and drinks scattered about. Hiding of course. But they're there :) And occasionally I text ;) Secretly!
11. I would love to hire maids. Hardware stores get so dirty. Mostly the floors and shit. Just with plain old dirt lol.
12. 9 weeks! HA! I have to be at my job for a whole year and then I get 5 whole days. Whoop. Geez..
13. I try not to answer the phone. Usually there's like 7 other people on so they can get it LOL.
14. Hell yeah! I have never had commission though, but that would be nice.
15. See #1 lol. I told a lady "fuck you" and threw her credit card at her :D And walked away. It's a lovely story. Remind me to tell you sometime ;)

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