You don't want to end up like this guy or Influenza Flo above, here are a few RHU tips for working in Influenza-ridden Retail Hell:

1. If you are waiting on sicko customers, get as far back from them as possible and if they sneeze, turn your head away. Who cares about Service Manners, if you don't do something about it immediately, your throat will be scratchy in a few hours. Do you really want that?

2. Same goes for co-workers. Yes, feel bad for them. They most likely got sick from a customer and they are being pressured to work by The Store or due to lack of sick day benefits. A couple of things to remember about working along side sicko co-workers: You do not want to go to lunch with them(are you crazy?), you do not want stand to close to them either, and you should be keenly aware if their hands are touching something you are touching. We recommend spraying the phones you talk on with some kind of disinfectant spray(if you don't have that use glass cleaner or whatever is available in your store) and also bringing a bunch of your own pens to work. Keep a few in your pocket for you to use and let the sicko people use the sicko-covered pens.

2. Do not touch your mouth or nose. You're just asking to become a sicko if you do that in Retail Hell during flu and cold season. Many of us have heard this nose/mouth thing before. It's harder than it sounds. Sometimes we don't think twice about scratching our noses or putting an index finger to our mouth in a Dr. Evil sort of way. Just remember touching the nose and mouth = sicko.

3. Carry around a small bottle of anti-bacterial soap. Wash yourself like you've committed a murder and you think the blood is still there. Wash yourself constantly and take many breaks to the bathroom for soap and water washings (though you should be careful in there as well, bathrooms can be sicko cesspools).

4. Get a fucking flu shot or mist (yes, they work). They do not hurt, you don't even feel the needle. Yes, you need to be healthy when you get it. They are not expensive. Not everyone agrees with the flu shot (we are split, but the one of us that does it - Freddy -has not been a sicko in years).

5. Drink up: Down Airborne and EmergenC in the morning and at night, they both work. In fact, Airborne now makes little on-the-go packets you can carry with you. If you are around any sickos get a water bottle so you can drink it whenever you want. We also recommend taking major amounts of vitamin C and zinc (both of those things are in Airborne and EmergenC).

6. Make sure you eat good and get lots of sleep. Yes, this is shit you've heard over and over and over, but the truth is we get sick when we are stressed, run down, and tired.

7. If you start to feel like a sicko, run to the grocery store and buy as much anti-sicko medications as you can afford: Cold-Eez are great for getting rid of sore throats (they're like cough drops) and ZiCam is good stuff too. Also Vics has a new early defense micro gel spray that you snort (we have no idea if it works, but we'd buy it just cause ti sounds good).

8. If you get sick, we recommend buying as many sicko medications as possible and getting one of these contraptions that the woman has in the pic above. What really sucks about working Retail Hell while you're sick is not being able to blow when you want to and that is a major factor in getting the nastiness out of your body. Find away to blow when you want, drink lots of hot liquids (you have a legitimate health reason now to have coffee, tea, and soup in the stock room), and take as many flu drugs as your body can handle! After your shift take the stuff that will knock you on your ass. Our favorite RHU Flu cocktail is Theraflu mixed with Jack Daniels. Oh yeah. Good sicko times!

9. Believe it or not, there is an advantage to being sick in retail, and it's this: You have a good reason to avoid customers (and they want to avoid you) and you get sympathy from your Managers and co-workers who also don't want to get what you have. Take full advantage of being a sicko! Soak it for all its worth. Be as big a Retail Slave Baby as you possibly can. Ask to work in the stockroom, take a long lunch so you can sleep in your car, or go home early, do what you can to make being a sicko less horrible.

10. If your sicko-ness hits you hard and you're feeling like you have be overcome by the chicken flu, for godsake don't go to work at your Store just because your manager is pressuring you or you feel like there is no one to cover your shift. They will have to find someone to cover you. It's their problem. If it's a money issue, know that you can make it up later or perhaps your HR will let you use a vacation day. Give yourself that day or two you need to heal. You won't be going on any vacation anyways if you end up with bronchitis.

We hope those sicko suggestions help. Stay healthy out there Retail Slaves!