The only time Excuse Me should be uttered by customers in a store is if a Perfume Squirter is chasing them down the escalator or they have grabbed a sale t-shirt at the same time as someone else and a fight is about to breakout. Using Excuse Me for those things is completely acceptable, but using it to hail one of us Retail Slaves should be made a punishable Retail Crime.

When Customers blurt on "Excuse me," as we all know, it's almost always while we are on the phone or helping another customer. It's often times said louder than a normal voice and sometimes even shouted. Where did all this rudeness come from? It has definitely gotten worse over the years. People can't seem to wait 30 seconds, let alone for their turn.

When a Customer says "Excuse me," what they are really saying is, "Drop what you are doing right now and pay attention to me."

What We Would Really Like to Say back is: "There's no excuse for you and your rude-ass behavior. I've decided not to help you. How do like those fuckin' apples." But of course we can't. We have to find some way to put on our Retail Droid face and pay attention to them while doing whatever it was they interrupted us from. Excuse Me is Multi-tasking Monkey Madness at its worst.

Excuse Me is almost always said in a condescending tone as well. Rarely do we hear a customer say, "I'm so very sorry to interrupt you on the phone, will you please excuse me, I most desperately need to find a bathroom." If a customer was ever this polite it sure as hell wasn't in our life times. Many times they don't even pause after shouting the irksome retail demand, "EXCUSE ME, WHERE'S THE BATHROOM?"

And we all know what usually follows the abominable Excuse Me phrase: Glaring eyes, annoying finger-snaps, and irritating fingernails tapping on counters.

Freddy wishes he could point a laser at those glaring eyes, Jason wants to break those snapping fingers, and Carolanne said if she hears one more fucking fingernail tapping on her designer class counter she is going to whip out a sledgehammer.

There is no excuse for using Excuse Me to get a Retail Slave's attention. We want it banned forever! Any customer that says Excuse Me should be fined $500 which would go into the Support Underpaid Retail Slaves Fund. We'd make more money that a swear jar in a prison dining room. Ka-ching, ka-ching, Beverly Hills here we come.