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Retail Hell Survival Accessories


It doesn't matter that you won't be able to hear the department phone or customers calling out to you because when a baby is shrieking you can't hear anything anyway! Never start your shift without your Baby Scream Ear Plugs close by.

Lauren's Message To Customers and Their Unruly Kids

1995_village_of_the_damnedRetail Slave Lauren in Wyoming has a few choice words for parents who aren't watching their kids:

One more time for the assholes who didn't get it the first million times I've said it:


No, I won't just watch your baby for a second while you try that shirt on.

No, I don't want to tell your children to stop running in the store, so that they don't fall and gouge their eye out on a peg. (oh, wait, yes I do want to tell them's really funny to see the horrified look on the kids' faces)

No, I don't want to have to tell your children to stop undressing the mannequin; tugging on necklaces; sweeping out baskets of t-shirts onto the floor; climbing under the fixtures; crawling under the fitting room door; or taking toys out of the package.

That is what YOU the PARENT should be doing. Oh, I'm sorry, you're too stoned to worry about it...then you shouldn't have reproduced...but then you were probably high when you conceived.

And to the assholes who were in my store yesterday when I had a sinus headache from hell....fuck you....fuck you and your demon baby. The vile creature kept shrieking at 30 second intervals with a high pitched wail that would put a banshee to shame....and his parents, OF COURSE, were so high that they weren't doing a damn thing about it.

Parents....please, PLEASE parent your children.

Thanks for sending this Lauren. We suggest getting some Baby Scream Earplugs and we also made you a Fitting Room Door Sign below.