Retail Zombie Dolls
Jacked Up Wal-Mart Vest

Johnny Bob's Shopping Cart Rant

Black friday 018 I have spent many years driving around after work on my personal time picking up all of the
shopping carts which people have liberated from our parking lot.  It is not a task I enjoy, but at around $100 each new - I have to keep doing it in order to earn a bonus from not having expenses climb.  It doesn't matter if the style is the same - if the cart has the markings of the chain I work for... it is MINE for having found it.  Old, new, plastic, metal --- as long as the wheels still turn I grab 'em and bring them back to the store.
One time I actually liberated six of my carts from a 99cent store! There were about 30 carts in the store and NONE of them matched that business. As I pushed them out of the store I was threatened with police action for theft.Black friday 013

"BRING IT ON!" was my response, knowing perfectly well which one of us would really be facing a ride downtown. They grabbed the carts, I flashed my nametag and opened up my cellphone. They backed down. BITCHES! Oddly enough the next time I went into that store, all of the carts had been stripped of any identifying markings and had their store's name painted on the bare metal handles with nail polish.

Another place that carts tend to vanish to is construction sites. The workers tend to steal 'em and use them to transport their tools around. Afterwards, the carts are loaded with trash and tossed into dumpsters.Black friday 019

I actually had security called on me once as I performed a dive to grab one of my carts. I was trespassed by the guard. Fine. Ten minutes later I had the police there since I could see two more of my carts inside of the building. I got my $300 worth of carts back, but the cops refused to write any tickets. They were probably all members of the same donut fraternity at Dunkin's.
Driving home the other day I saw a flock of ignoramus maximus redneckicus pushing a cart down the road, across a street, and past a police officer. WTF? Theft in progress there, Five-O! Grab a taser and send a few thousand volts into their nutsacks! How about I just jump into a squadcar and drive it home the next time I don't feel like walking! How would you like explaining to your Sarge why you are placing a third order for a police car this year? How would you like having to drive all over town AFTER your shift looking for squadcars to tow back to the station - and do it with your own car? IF THEY ARE OUT OF THE PARKING LOT, IT IS THEFT!Black friday 016
Yes, there are locking wheels on some carts. No, it is not free and actually can double the price of the cart itself! Then there are repairs to the system itself. If they don't like having wheels lock up as you leave the lot? SIMPLE! They drive a nail into the wire! Making the store have to replace that wire! There are also the morons who "think" they are doing you a favor by pushing carts to the median strips around the lot rather than taking the carts to the corrals like good little monkeys. THANKS BRAINIAC! You just locked the wheel as you crossed that yellow line. THANKS! THANKS!
With all that being said, I would like to extend a big FUCK YOU! to the writers and actors of the show Jackass who have inspired a new generation of cocksuckers like this one:

You KNOW he just leaves that cart at the bottom of that hill rather than push it back to his truck!

I hope that he eventually hits his head and has to spend his remaining years in a nursing home being sodomized by a nursing home attendant who has genital warts and a lisp.

THIS IS WAR! You are all drafted and encouraged to yell "HEY DUMBASS! FUCK OFF!"
every time you see a misappropriated cart. It is them against us until the cops wise up!
Peace --- Johnny Bob




Kmart shopping cart! Augh! Run! Run! I swear those damn things are radioactive.


Lol....ignoramus maximus redneckicus.
Yeah. Jackass is retarded lol.

Retail Therapy

Don't any stores have the coin operated trolley locks? That's what we had and no one ended up using the trolleys except the staff for dump duty.
And I like Jackass.


I dont have a camera phone, I work in retail I cant afford one!

But it was a great Kodak moment...

I went outside to get carts, mind you I work in a strip mall, one of our big blue carts was astray from the rest, surrounded by 10 or so of little grey carts, like they were gangin up on em. This poor cart was in need of rescue, although it was way down, I walked over and saved it. I am a cart hero....

No toy cart needs to be bullied by lil ol TJMaxx carts!!!


My apartment complex supplies shopping carts in the garage for taking groceries upstairs. Unfortunately people tend to steal them when they move. So residents steal carts from the Aldi across the street and put them in the garage, instead. I don't know if you are familiar with Aldi but their carts lock together with little chains and the only way to unlock them is to put a quarter in. (When you are shopping there you lock the cart back up on the way out and get your quarter back.) Whenever I see Aldi carts in our garage I lock them together. Inevitably they always return home after that.

HOWEVER. A couple of days ago I came home to find an Aldi cart sitting in the garage (again). Only this time someone had ripped the little lock box off of the thing. Wow. Assholes.


I moved to a new area and saw a shopping for a grocery store I wasn't familiar with, so I looked in the phone book for an outlet. I called and told them where I lived and that there was a shopping cart out behind my building and they might want to come pick it up. I know they aren't free.

The girl on the phone copped an attitude with me and said I lived too far away. I said, fine, can you give me the number of the closest one? Turns out it had just opened and wouldn't have been in my book anyway.

The cart was still out there for 2 more weeks. I live in a poor area and a lot of people take them because they don't own cars. There is a small transport service, but it's not designed for bulk shopping.

People need to just think ahead and plan their meals out. My mom was able to do it when she was raising 2 kids alone and had to ride the bus to get groceries.

Annoys the crap out of me to think that just because it has wheels, it must belong to whoever can push it.

Not Perfect

Good post, it amazes me how people will just up and make off with shopping carts, what's up with that? I mean, few people would steal a candy bar from a store, but plenty would steal a shopping cart, the equivalent of 100.

And I hate Jackass too, so good call there as well

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