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December 2008
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February 2009

Clementine Retail Hell

Csilogo2So you may be wondering where has CSI been?

Much can be told of that but let me start with saying that I got injured by an out of control shopping cart and the holidays were hell!!

At least I got a few days off! 

At some point I was working 9 days in a row and Christmas was my first day off. I slept all day oh and I got sick!

Because of my injury, the doctor had me on sitting job only and that was hell!

They had me making member service calls... "Hi, is "dumb member" there? Oh hi ! I am calling from Costco Wholesale...I noticed you came to our membership desk on "date you returned 10 year old vacuum claiming it quit working" I just wanted to make sure everything worked out for you and you had no problems...oh that's great and thanks for coming in!!"

After one week I begged the doctor to let me get out from behind the counter!
Also, something new to add to my Costco world tour, back in late October 2008 I was sent to morning shifts. You may ask what is that? Oh that's when you work at 4:30am! You read that right...AM! Some days I worked at 4am! More stories of that to come.Clem
I will leave you with this..something that happened today at work. 
A woman is standing in front of the clementines looking puzzled and she calls me over...
Stupid woman: So where are your clementines? These are not clementines, these are oranges! *All boxes and bags of product state clementines as well as price sign*
Me: These are our clementines ma'am, they are just two different brands. The only oranges we have are in that black box over there. 
Stupid woman: No, these are not clementines. I want tangerines and those are two different things!!
Me: * Did she just say tangerines?* I am sorry but these are the only clementines we have. They are just two different brands but we consider them the same thing. They have them same item number and are the same price.
Stupid woman: *while staring at the boxes* Ok, what brand are these?!?!?!
Me: *Please, kill me now*
At least produce is welcoming me back with open arms! haha


Inauguration Retail Hell

Former Retail Slave D in Santa Monica, California was one of the lucky who got to attend Obama's Inaugural. She sent us these retailicious pics...

26 degrees and having to hawk t-shirts - total Retail Hell to us!

Customers behaving nicely. We like this! We also like those shirts.

He'd have sold more flags if Obama's face were on them.

The only way to merchandise! In piles! No fancy folding!

Who wants a button! We sure as fuck do! Hell yeah!

No need for haggling when they are lined up!

Looks like the dreaded Retail Zombie disease has settled in after a long day. Although tired, his smile says it all. Feeling proud about what you are selling is totally retailicious!

More Stupid Customer Questions

From Retail Slave Spritzy:

Seeing as RHU's current theme seems to be stupid customer questions I thought I'd toss in my own conglomeration from the grocery store checkout.
When we don't have any customers we are required to stand at the end of our isle and "eagerly welcome" (more like "numbly direct") any waiting customers into our lane. The other day I almost clawed my ears off like a mite ridden coyote for how many times I was asked:

"Are you open?"Stupidcountera

No! No, I'm not open! I'm just standing here blocking the OBVIOUSLY OPEN checkout lane in a last minute attempt to divert your attention to this great display of half price low fat yogurt bars so we can wheedle another $1.87 out of your raggedy pocket.

Along with this inane question come the self appointed funny guys who like to shake it up with "Are you waiting there just for me?" or "How about I give you some work to do!?" and the always classic "Lemme guess, you don't have anyone in your line?"
Gads, it makes ya wanna bust an embolism!

And it may make me a terrible, horrible, awful person but when customers say "How are you?" after our employment required, scripted greeting I could stab someone in the knee. I hate it because the only acceptable response is "Fine." or "Great." or "Just peachy you big lovable palooka!"Refusesign

But more often than not, being in the confines of my retail slavery, I'm completely miserable. And too taunted with a false opportunity to bawl out all my misery and pain every five minutes is maddening. It's like dangling a basted puppy biscuit in front of a pit bull and then swiping it away, sooner or later you's gonna get bit. "I'm not fine or great and you certainly AREN'T a big lovable palooka and quite honestly I'd rather have a broken fibula and a dislocated shoulder during a codeine shortage than be here scanning your canned potted meat byproducts."

And we all enjoy the customers who stare intently at the register screen blurting out "Did that ring up on sale?!?!" after every item. and then ask "What's my total!?!" after we've scanned only six of their 942 items.

"I'm sorry but my sub-cranial implant that downloads an all comprehensive knowledge of every aspect of this corporation since the beginning of time has been recalled on account of too many accidental lobotomies. The ones who didn't exanguiate through their eyes were all promoted to managerial staff due to their newly obtained qualifications and would be glad to help you at the courtesy desk."

*ting* :D