My name is Ratchet, I have a web comic - www.baristagirl.com - based on my life as a barista, as such a fair amount is about my disdain towards customers...anyhoo, I thought I'd share some of my retail hell!I used to work at a coffee shop in The Mall of America in the tools
section of Sears...weird to begin with. As such we had 3 tables and 6
chairs saved for customers only. Sadly being positioned at a semi-main entrance we had a lot of people coming and going but the most important thing to remember was the fact that I had limited space and that all seats were for CUSTOMERS ONLY. We have giant signs up that say customers only, we have a rope with a sign on that telling people customers only...You get the idea. If you don't like there are plenty of other places to sit.
A woman and her daughter saunter up to one of my tables and with a labored sigh plop right down by our "mug tree". The daughter 8-11yrs old I'd wager was clanking the mugs, to the point I was sure she was going to break one of them. It had happened before. What can I say? Kids like breaking stuff.
I give mom's a bit of a break as I know its a full time job looking after your demon spawn in public but as more customers start approaching my counter I have to shuffle the 2 off to the outside seating.
ME: "Hi, can I get you guys anything? We have coffee, tea, the cheapest soda in the mall and a cup of milk is only a buck."
ME: "Pardon me, but can I get you anything at all? It's just that my rushis coming up and I have to save these seats for customers...as it says on the sign that you're holding"
MOM: "Why don't you get another fucking hole in your face, bitch."
Now there is protocol for such behavior, we call security for unruly types and I KNOW when to pick my battles. That day, was NOT today.
ME: "I don't think that's appropriate talk around your daughter ma'am"
This next line is VERBATIM what this woman said:
MOM: "Why don't you fuck off you fucking cunt."
This is what I like to call the "calm before the storm" I've had women change their babies diapers on those tables and throw them on the floor NEXT to the garbage can, I've had people with video cameras call me a racist...and I've smote them all, but no one calls me a cunt.
ME: (towards the girl) "I'm really really sorry if she's your mom or granny or kidnapper or whatever, but just remember never mess with "The help."
(mom in sights now)
"Listen here you interminable hag, I didn't fucking ask you! Now moooooove your fat ass out of my seat before you leave a stain! And if you sit on my patio I'll call the fucking cops you chide whore, I'm in charge here and I will fucking end you! Your setting a damn fine example for her and for gods sake when she grows up I hope she's nothin like you cuz I can guarandamntee that her generation of kids won't be so polite in the nursing home you nothing master!
MOM finally gets up giving me her best mean mug, only to suffer at the wrath of my Badtz-Maru style 1000 yard stare. I can peel the paint of a wall ;)
ME: "Thanks for choosing -------- have a lovely day!"
Way to go Ratchet! That nasty bitch needed to be taken down - so sad she talks like that in front of her daughter. We hereby bequeath you with the coveted Retail Balls Award. You stood up to this awful custy with tact and wit and you made Carolanne proud!
Everyone be sure to check out Ratchet's retailicious coffee blog! www.baristagirl.com A webcomic by Rachael "Ratchet" Johnson that updates mon and fri. Misery loves coffee!