Previous month:
July 2009
Next month:
September 2009

Dumbass Customer Encounter


Hi, Jit again. I've sent in a couple other stories, but this one just won for the month, not because of stupidity, but for the hilarity of the situation.

I was ringing up a lady of about thirty at the registers and the transaction went without a hitch. *LE GASP!* The lady's mother was next in line. I greet her and the first thing she does is slap her arm down on the conveyor belt and declare, "These items are separate!"

I tell her "okay" and ring up the items that are on the first order. "That'll be *some dollars*."

She says, "This order is separate."

Okay? "Yes, ma'am, I remember. Your total for THIS order is *some dollars*."

"This is a separate order!!" 

At this point, the lady's daughter has walked off and is talking to another cashier she knows out of earshot. I tell her very calmly, "Ma'am, yes, I realize that this is separate."

"Oh, okay." She hands me the money and I complete the transaction.

Then, before I can get a hold on her items for the second transaction, she declares AGAIN -


At this point, I'd really rather be shot in the head. "Okay."Throughout the entire order, she tells me that it's separate.  I finally gave up and didn't say anything except her total.

After she paid for her second SEPARATE order, she gave me a huge grin and said, "Thank you! You have a  good day, now!" Her daughter came back, and they exited the store.

My supervisors and I had a really good laugh at that...


Mindless Self Indulgence: Shut Me Up

We've run this video before, but Toffeecake sent it to us and because it's such a kick-ass awesome Retail Hell video...we are running it again! Thanks Toffeecake! We're always on the look out for retailicious videos.

Self Serve Checkout Hell

Jb Self-service checkouts.

This idea was dreamed up in the bowels of some corporate entity who insanely believes that customers actually WANT to be their own cashier. They tell us that it relieves the workload on a cashier as well! Yeah... right... Now one cashier is responsible for 4 to 8 lines rather than one. Who sees the problem here? Raise your hand... don't be shy... anyone? anyone?

This afternoon I stopped by a local grocery store to pick up the absolutely necessary 12pk of Diet Coke that my lovely wife had texted me to pick up. I had already left work, but was apparently not free of retail hell for the day. After parking 2.5 miles from the store's entrance, I dodged soccer moms in oversized suvs and made my way through the maze of free-range shopping carts to the front door.

I was in luck! There, right by the door, was a giant display of Coke 12pks. I picked up two and made a beeline for the checkout. There were 20 lanes, but only two cashiers open. No problem... I easily fit into the category of  "12 items or less".

Unfortunately, so did a line of about 20 other people. That is when I eyed the self-service checkouts and switched lines. Mistake. Mistake. Mistake.Scanscreen

Of the six self-serve lines, only two were working. One lane had a man buying a cartload of green vegetables... slowly searching through the multiple screens and trying to figure out if he had muskmellon or honeydew. That looked hopeless, so I thanked the retail gods that I was in the other line.

That is when I noticed the problems that the she-demon ahead of me was having with her checkstand. Along with swearing and slamming of merchandise she kept locking up the machine... or should I say that her demon spawn was doing so.

You see, these devices require you to put your items into the bagging area so they can be weighed... they are not meant to weigh kids. A poor clerk had to keep running over to key in override codes. THEN the coupons came out... and the clerk had to run back over for each one. Meanwhile, veggie man was trying to figure out if he had baby carrots or petite carrots...

Finally, I got to the checkout. I scanned my soft drinks and tendered my sale. In and out of the checkstand in under 30 seconds. In and out of the store... in 30 minutes.

Hopefully Jiffy Lube won't start asking me to change the oil myself and still pay full price. 

Peace - JohnnyBob.

How Stores Save Money On Signage

Spritzy4 Allrighty....must rant....MUST RAAAANT! Augh.

I swear, this company has lederhosen wearing monkeys cranking out the ideas for this place

So the other day our store was doing inventory, and we all know how time-consuming that nightmare is, and then management receives a e-mail.

Corporate had just notified our store of a sale that started the next day...the NEXT DAMN DAY!

They tell us about this "urgently important" sale that's starting the next day that we have to prepare for the midst of FUCKING INVENTORY!

One of the parts of prep for this sale was to make a big sandwich board sign proclaiming the vast wonders of this sale.

We have to make this hand...with our own supplies.

Let it be known that no more than a couple months ago our company announced that they were gonna spend several million on new signage in the next year or so and yet they can't send us a fucking sandwich board?

Now this can't be just any old higgldy-piggldy thrown together sign. It's gotta look "professional" and "perfect" Oh yes! And it has to be made in three hours with some bent up craft board and six half dead permanent markers. Riiiiiiight.

They had another associate start with the sign because they didn't know I was there. And as the token artist of the establishment they sent me to asisst as soon as they saw me. The poor girl was working as fast as she could stenciling out letters and trying to manage the repeated pages she was getting for her dept.

I was filling in the letters with the dried up markers and a manager came in to berate us both for such poor quality work and for taking too long and "wasting valuable man-hours."Spritzy2A

Well if corporate could get their shit together and give us more than 12 hours notice for a sale and actually use some of that fucking multi-millions to send us a sign instead of expecting us to throw one together with sub-par supplies then we wouldn't be in this situation now would we?

They even had the gall to tell the poor girl she'd have to take the sign home and work on it in her own time if she didn't finish it. Not only is that highly illegal but it's unreasonable and unfair.

We got it done with me staying late to help but if we hadn't and they made her take it home I woulda reported them like a old lady reports a wild party.

And to make things even better, Corporate's intention for the sign was to put it outside in front of the store...great so we're doing all this work only to have it blow away in ten minutes if it doesn't fall apart from the rain or run over by a car.

Stupid fuckers...AUGH!