Cop Hell Dumbass Encounter
Dealing with Douchebag Coworkers

Twilight New Moon DVD Release: Total Retail Hell

NewhellHey Slaves,

Its BubbleGirl again!

Fucking ARGHHH!!  I need to rant about last night! 

I used to be in Electronics before I came to run the front end, so I've done a lot of new releases.  I released the PS3 and Wii when they came out; I've released years worth of Madden games; Halo 3; Harry Potter books...  you get the picture.  I'm really good at doing high custy-volume new releases and I actually enjoy it (most of the time.)

There are a few different types of people who show up to new releases:

Nerds- (my absolute fave) are quiet and orderly and know how to stand in lines.  I married a nerd for this reason.  When other wive's husbands are out cheating at the bar, mine is home playing Final Fantasy XIII.

Jocks- The ones that play Madden and Call of Duty with their 'bros'.  They get rowdy and throw stuff around, but even though I'm a small woman, I can boss people around easily so they usually calm down after a bit of yelling and things go OK.

Fangirls- high pitched screaming, back talking, mess making, hormone dripping, disaster bringing pre-teens of DOOM.

As you might know, New Moon (from the Twilight saga) came out at midnight last night.

My Wal-Fart was filled with hundreds of screaming pre-teen fangirls half the night.

Screeches of "Team Edward" and "Team Jacob" could be heard all through the store. 

It was awful. 

We did a re-creation of Bella's Birthday from the movie/book and cake was EVERYWHERE.  Apparently between the ages of 10 and 15 you HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO USE A MOTHERFUCKING TRASHCAN. 

Someone had the brilliant idea to make punch the color of blood and now the floor around Jewelry looks like a fucking BLOODBATH. I could have slit someone's throat and it would have made less of a mess. 

When it came time to hand out the movie all hopes of a line were lost as squealing girls started mobbing and groping our associates in an attempt to grab one of the FOUR HUNDRED THOUSAND copies of New Moon we had. 

On top of that, it was a Friday night and I had NO coverage for cashiers because I guess everyone got the day off except me. 

Fuck my life.

Also, some of the EBT (foodstamps) cards get loaded on Friday into Saturday and last night I rang through a woman with two carts of groceries at 11:30 and when the EBT card got denied she says "Oh, well it doesn't load till midnight, just suspend the order and I'll pay then."

NO, NO YOU STUPID FUCKING COW!!  Suspended transactions go INACTIVE after midnight so I had to explain this to her and shes just like "You should have told me!" 

WHAT THE FUCK!?  She didn't tell me it was a christing EBT order and anyway, I'm not responsible for the fucking foodstamps balance! 

So I politley unbagged everything and made her wait. Yay.  How many bastard kids do you have to have to get that many foodstamps anyway? Goddamn COW is having COW CHILDREN HELLSPAWN and my TAX DOLLARS are paying for it.  


To top off the night, management fired a cart pusher (again) so I had to go get carts (again) while it was snowing (again) because I live in the middle of Cold-as-Witch-Tits Winter Hell. 

I was hoping for hypothermia so I could go home early but no luck.  Bah.

<3 BubbleGirl


Kunoichi Cook

I would not have traded places with you for anything. I hate Walmart and I hate Twi-shit. I feel your pain. =(


So that's what all that mess was last night. My partner and I stopped in at the Walfart I used to slave at as a greeter on our way home from a Spring Break party and there were really irritating pre-teens and teens everywhere. They glared at everybody who walked past like we were going to cut in line or something and snapped at us when we stepped forward to look at the discounted school supplies that could be rather useful for next quarter.

I wanted to punch them.

Kudos to you for not killing a few of them. That sounds like a really, really terrible night.

Rodeo Ho

I have a friend who is a fan of the series and the movies, but thankfully, she's not uber-obsessed like these little crazy girls are. Anyway, we actually did go last night because we were heading home anyway and we wanted to witness the craziness for ourselves (and she did end up buying a copy.)

The line wrapped around half of the store. We stood in it for half an hour, and the whole time, I got death glares from little 13 year-old girls because I couldn't help saying things like: "If you've ever read Bram Stoker's Dracula, you know vampires don't fucking sparkle!" "If I had to pick a team, I'd pick Team-Guy-Whose-Van-Almost-Smashed-Her-In-The-First-One."

The funniest moment of the night was when a poor Blockbuster slave was sent over to announce that they still had 30 more copies and some Walmart supervisor chased him out.

As much as I know it sucked working last night, I can't help but think it will suck more today, when all the preteens whose moms wouldn't let them stay at Walmart til midnight last night will whine ceaselessly and beg you to go "get one from the secret stash in the back."

Magical Shrimp

Ugh. UGH. I am Team Nosferatu. I hate Twilight and it's screaming fangirls. This post makes me not want to complain about work, because how could I top it?


Fangirls and Welfies in one night? I feel for ya.


At least there's onlu 4 books in the only 1 more movie to be made. Excuse me while I go watch Underworld Evolutions or Van Helsing.


My roomate and I went to the midnight party at a Walmart and was exactly like Bubble Girl described. I did read the books just to see what the hype was about. And guess what? It's not even good. Stephanie Myer is anti feminist and so gramatically incorrect it annoys the crap out of me. I understand the chivarly and gentleman types, I get it, but she took it WAY too far. Even the movies haven't brought it to it's hype. The only actors I even like in that movie are Taylor Lautner (Jacob, and no, not only because he is sexy, but he is hilarious and is not monotone like Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattenson), and the women who play Victoria and Alice because they are just great! But Kristen Stewart lacks a personality and Rob Pattenson in these movies have really brought him down. I saw Remember Me last week in which he was really good and it made me respect him more. My roomate and I drove to Walmart last night and I felt like a dog dragged on a leash. Even other people were sorry for me (I got a free balloon :-) We watched it as soon as we got home and I regretted it immediately. She kept talking about how she doesn't understand how I think K.S. doesn't have a personality and yadda yadda and when I tried to explain it to her, she shushed me, but she talked during the Jacob parts because she hates him for coming between Bella and her precious Edward (WTF!!!) I went to bed lol.
Any other horror stories?

I have been to the Harry Potter parties, because, hey, they are actually awesome. People show up in costume, yes, costume, not some lame shirts, and thank my lucky stars everyday that most those fans are nerds like me who have worked in retail and know better not to trash the place. Go nerds!

Timekeeper's Twit

I'm with ya on the marrying a nerd part. Same reason I married one.

I also love the books, but am not a screaming fangirl, I've never been like that. I saw New Moon in theaters, and was totally embarrassed by all the screaming preteens. I can wait for my copy thanks.

I also agree with Redheadactress. I think the books are good, but I agree with you about Kristen Stewart. She bores me. She physically fits the description, but not emotionally. Rob, I'm on the fence about. I liked him in Harry Potter. I wanna see him in Remember Me, cuz it actually looks alright. Might just wait for the DVD though, cuz I hate fangirls.


A lot of the people on food stamps are recently unemployed thanks to the crappy economy and trying to feed their kids... like my mom, for example, who got laid off when the school where she worked in special ed was closed. She got another job but we had to get on food stamps before she managed it. Please do not paint them all with the same brush.


I am so, so sorry that you had to deal with that. I think Twilight is for idiots who wouldn't know a classic if it punched them in the face.

I married a nerd too, and they always know how to make things better. I hope you got some love from him.


Spritzy, you make me sad.

Also *Hug* I'm sorry your day was so hellish. I think it's just at the stores that they get like that, there were about 300 people at the store I went to when the Midnight Sun book was being released, and they were all quite well-behaved, though most of them were about 12-18. I guess that helped as well.


I was off, but a buddy of mine sent me a pic on my phone, of this awesome shirt some dude wore just to piss off the little preteens and such. It read:

"Apparently Avada Kedavra Doesn't Kill You, It Turns You Into A Gay Sparkly Vampire"

My dad's already requested off for when the next movie comes out in June...he may just work maintenance, but he's not dealing with them again he says.


Midnight Sun is released? Woo!

I got into the Twilight series simply to have reading material because I go through books fast. I am SO over Edward and Jacob. Give me Some Embry and Jasper.

As for the fangirls, I want to hit them with a steeeeeeeeeck whenever I'm in the same vicinity as them. I went to a bookstore to get one of those movie companion books for my cousin, and a group of girls were guarding the Twilight section and actually HISSED at me when I tried going past them.


I actually like the twilight books, its a self-indulgence. Taylor Lautner looks pretty good without a shirt as well... ^_^; The best release I ever went to is when I was first in line for the last Harry Potter book. I went to my walfart to get it and we made it a lot of fun. Also it was the biggest new release ever. seriously, over 500 people were in line.


I'm also a Twilight fan (and yes, I like Interview with the Vampire, Underworld, Lost Boys, and Noseferatu. Lol), but I'm not a rabid fan like the other fans I see. It sucks that because these 'tweens' are crazy and scream whenever they see or hear about Twilight and then everyone thinks that how all of the fans are.
I was at my local Wal-Fart with my sis so she could get her copy and the line was pretty long too and I saw those rabid fans with 'Team Edward' and 'Team Jacob' on their faces and me and my sis were just rolling our eyes.

Postal Slave

Michelle I agree with you. When I read the stories involving EBT crusty's there is a very specific image that comes to my mind: The people whom breed for the government paycheck. Not people like you and your mom.

My mom lives in whats considered socialized housing where her rent is a percentage of she is paid. She works hard and does not collect food stamps (I don't think we have them in Canada, at least not in the province where I live). However I have heard many stories about her neighbors and have even witnessed it myself where these "Professional Welfare-ers" take take take everything they can get from the government and spend in on booze, cigarettes, weed -everything but their children and proper healthy food. I knew this woman whom had a child every 8 years so she could collect a bigger welfare cheque and "baby bonus." She is my mom's age (50ish) and had another child around 3 years ago because her youngest was turning 18 and she would have been cut off. They sit on their front lawn all day and smoke and drink and do drugs while their children do God knows what.

While we may not have food stamps we have food banks where anyone can come in up to three times a week and get non perishables, toilet paper, sanitary napkins etc. I myself have used this service before when I was having financial difficulty. I would see people like me whom you could tell did not want the hand out but needed it to survive. And then you would see the "regulars." Women and men with hoards of hell spawn in tow, all decked out in Nike Shocks, Juicy Couture etc just helping them selves on a regular basis to the food donations. You could really tell where the priorities laid there. It bothered me so much, it bothered the staff, if bothered the people whom needed this food dressed in hand me downs and salvation army clothes. However the food bank will turn no one away. You do not need any sort of proof of income or lack there of, just ID and a provincial health card.

Postal Slave

But back to Twilight. The most terrifying to me is the psycho Twi-moms. *Shudder* *Creepy* *Borderline pedobear*


I don't get it. It's not like anyone was going to run out of copies and it's not a new experience. I went to midnight parties for the Harry Potter books because I wanted to read the next installment but I've already seen New Moon in the cinema. I went to Target in the morning and picked up a copy no problem. The Target version also has a bunch of extra documentaries and stuff so worth waiting for if you're that crazy for it.

Mind you, I'm not crazy about the movies. The books are good, not great literature of course but there are only so many classics out there and I read fast. It's my hubby who's a Twi-nerd. I think he saw the movie 7 times in the cinema and he was wicked late to bed last night between watching the movie and the extras. When the first movie came out I went out early to get it first thing at Target as a surprise for him. A dozen teenage girls and their moms plus me with a toddler boy.


Here you go guys, it'll make the movie better, trust me.


I'm not bashing people who actually need foodstamps because their circumstance has become bad, I'm bashing people who abuse it (90% of the users do) I grew up super poor and my mom had foodstamps a couple times, but she bought stuff like eggs and milk... When I see these bitches come through and buy shit like soda and then whine because beer isn't on stamps that seriously pisses me off.

On a funny note, my husband watched New Moon with me then took off his shirt and pranced around the house saying "Lookit me, I'm Jacob and I'm soooo sexy"

Postal Slave

I never thought you were bashing food stampers bubblegirl :D
I just wanted to clarify for Michelle as I think we all feel the same way lol.


Ha ha that's awesome bubblegirl.

My boyfriend is on food stamps, and he does buy soda with it, but its not a case. It's a couple of two liters and it is rootbeer. Once in a while he will get sparkling cider when I am around to be a little more romantic. But he does not drink or smoke, and he really does need the food stamps. He was laid off a year ago and has been very unsuccessful finding a job since he lives in a small town and the nearest city is an hour away. His truck would die before he got there.
I understand the abusers, trust me, I have seen it too. But once in a while indulgence if it is done moderately is ok. And of course if I want some alcohol when I am with him, I buy it myself because I can. When we go get stuff together, I pay for stuff that the food stamps cannot while he gets the food. It is for him and his grandma, and occasionally me. He always has money left over every month.
But I would NEVER imagine buying a wedding cake on food stamps. That should not be allowed at all! But I have seen it happen on more than one occasion, and it is sad that people abuse it. Social injustice sucks and it's those that abuse the system that give it a bad name.


75% of statistics are made up.

We were on food stamps when we were kids because my dad drank his money away (the local bar cashed his paycheck for him, how considerate!) instead of feeding his kids and my mom could only work the hours we were in school. She eventually got a job in a bingo hall at night and prayed to god that my drunk father didn't burn the apartment down with us inside while she was scrounging for work to keep us fed and sheltered. I begrudge no citizen a meal, even at my expense. I'm grateful that there was a safety net. So high five to you, Michelle. I hope things get better for your mom.

But stupid is stupid. New Moon drives me crazy. I'm sorry for anyone who has to deal with ten year old fangirls. Blech.


I am sooo glad I missed the Twilight madness at the library when the books came out. I don't think I could have stood it. I did read them, there were a few interesting little twists for the vampire genre, but it was, in a word, skimmable. Went through the whole series in about two weeks of lunch hour reading.

I was at the movies when New Moon came out. All those little tweenies screaming through the theatre, JACOB! EDWARD!, was rather stomach turning. I am soo glad I was never like that. I love stuff, but not to that screamy annoying level.


Oh my god, I feel so bad for you...

My friends forced me to read the first book/see the first movie and I'm pretty sure Taylor Lautner is the only saving grace those movies have.

The chick who does my mother's hair told her to tell me that Twilight was a fantastic series. I almost cried when my mom told me because this woman, who's otherwise intelligent, is a good ten years older'n me. I'll stick with my dragon-y books.

Also, from one nerd to one married to another nerd, your husband wins. >_>

Hellbound Alleee

I don't really have a problem with Twilight or the movies. I'm a rabid feminist, too. I think that people just need to remember that 1: Preteen girls will all eventually grow up and 2: some people don't like 20-somethings, either, but they will all become old people one day.

Fads are annoying, but anti-fads are fads on their own. The anti-twitard tards are getting out-of-control homophobic and sexist at times. There's no need to hate girls and girlie things. Let them have their fun. It will soon be over. The "OMG a vampire shouldn't ever sparkle thing" is already pretty...uh...fanny-pack now.

If you know your vampire lore, you'll know that vampires have almost always been fey, or feminine, sexually ambiguous or gay. You want a gay vampire? "I Vampiri" makes Edward look like Jim Belushi. How about Gayracula? Hell, it doesn't have to be as, say, "Interview with a Vampire." Come on--those guys were seriously gay. But all vampires have swung both ways. Their habit of snorgling to get to that vein is, well, "so gay." Especially when they do it to men.

So, no, Edward sparkles-so-therefore-gay is not the reason you hate Twilight. It's because the fans are young girls who behave in embarrassing ways. Ways in which you might have once behaved, or ways in which you always rejected as a preteen. But we were all preteen once, and it sucked, and almost all of us had hormonal tendencies towards bipolar behavior, and we couldn't help it anymore than they can.

So let them have their joys. They'll yell about it, and then they'll come to their senses. And Stephenie Meyers will have cashed in and will use all her money on professional male Doms to beat her--which we have nothing against because we support alternative sexual lifestyles.

The End.


OK, so no "I hate fangirls" comments from me, what I want to know is, were those kids raised in a barn? Seriously, throwing cake and punch around? I thought only 2 year olds did that!

BORDERline Personality

Amen to loving nerds! My boyfriend is a huge nerd and I adore him. ^__^ But ugh, I had to work the New Moon release party (yes, party) at my store. Honestly it wasnt that bad, there werent any extremely obnoxious fangirls there. A few of the moms made me sick with TMI comments about how they felt about certain characters but I numbed out after a while. Then someone came in and told us she and he husband had just left Wal-Mart because the lines were obscene, it was sweltering hot, and apparently "smelled like a urinal". Had to laugh at that one...All in all Twilight is ok at best but I'm just very very sick of hearing about it.


I pretty much hate anything that creates obsessive fandom. I wouldn't even watch Star Wars until the second one came out, and even then I watched it on tv. Its okay, but I'm not about to go to a Star Wars convention and get autographs. Even with my favorite tv shows, I watch them on tv every week, and I'm happy. My son obsesses over a couple movies and I'm willing to take him for his birthday, but I swear this next time I'm sitting outside. Its too cold and too loud and I just don't enjoy them anymore.


Pharm, I know how you feel. The minute I hear someone say "everyone loves this," or "you're going to want one of these," my first reaction is to run the other way.


You should have told that EBT COW Woman that she will have to wait until your next payday to get her groceries...cause that's when they deduct the money from your paycheck.


Sian: Definitely agree! This movie is so much better when watching it with RiffTrax. I've loved these guys ever since they started Mystery Science Theater 3000. They can make any crapshit movie bearable.

The link again:

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