Just a Deli. We don't serve chicken and don't slice cheese. We stick strictly to cold cuts. While working at the Deli you get a wide range of customers. Sometimes they're great folk, really. But then there are those who drive me to the point of insanity.
Here are ten things they do that drive me crazy:1. Asking for something thin but not shaved. And then complaining that it's not thin enough and that they'll just have it shaved. Usually to make myself feel better I take the unshaven ( the stuff you fucking wanted in the first place) 200 grams of ham and slam it roughly into the garbage to make you feel (if you do feel at all) bad about the waste.
2. Demanding I open another package of Smoked Meat because the half of one already open just looks too "fatty" for them. This is usually women. And they usually don't want the other package either after you've opened it because hey, guess what, it's no leaner.
3. Running up to the Deli all out of breath, slamming your big fucking fingers into the freshly wiped windows and waiting impatiently for someone to serve you. I can practically feel those bulging eyes burning into the back of my scalp as I wipe down the slicer. I get that you have other things you need to do. But so do we and we'll get to you, don't worry.
4. Come in at exactly 9:45, watch me clean the last few parts of my slicer for a bit and then ask:
"What time are you open till?"
"10.."And then happily reply, "Oh! I'm just in time!" With that dumb fucking happy-go-lucky smile on your face.
5. Those customers that want to "see" what meats have the most protein, less fat and lowest amount of sodium. This wouldn't be a problem if it was just one or two meats. But when I have to reach over the Deli counter to shove ten fucking chickens and turkeys in your face to have you not satisfied with any of them and walk away....makes me want to run at you with sharp objects, preferably a meat cleaver.
6. Customers who come up to you on their cellphones still in deep conversation and look at you expectantly. The conversation goes a little like this..
Customer: "Get me.."
10 second pause.
Customer to phone: "Yeah, I'm ordering now.."
Customer to phone: "Well they have oven roasted chicken and turkey..."
Customer: "Okay give me the turkey."
I grab the turkey and bring it to the counter.
Customer: "Wait no come back."
I am summoned back and wait while they chat a little longer.
Customer to phone: "Well today's Thursday..I don't know, what do you want?.. It's 2.69 per 100 gram...are you sure they'll eat it?"
Customer: "I want 100g..no 200..of the chicken."Me: "Sliced or shaved?"
Me: "Sliced or shaved?"
Me: "Would you like that S l i c e d or s h-"Customer: "Sliced."
7. Come up to me with a fucking Turnip and shove it in my face without saying a word.
( I swear a lady did this to me once) What in the name of Lucifer am I supposed to do with a Turnip? This is a Deli.
So I ask her in the politest voice I can muster, can I help you?
She glares at me from over the counter and says "Cut this for me."
Now we're not even supposed to cut your Kielbasa for you and you want me to cut a Turnip?
After five minutes of me trying to explain to her that our machines aren't made to cut that, we don't have the proper knives, a n d it's a safety hazard to even try, she storms off in such a fuss that she sticks the Turnip with the Watermelons.
8. Putting 215 grams up on the scale after they've asked for 200 and getting yelled at because that one piece "wont get eaten."
9. Pronouncing meats in such a weird fucking way.
*Piri-Piri Chicken. Is pronounced PEee-rEee PEee-rEee. Not PIe-re PIe-re.*Kielbasa. It's called koo-bah-sah Not Keel-ba-sa
10. Complaining that we "never have anything in."
And threatening that you might just switch grocery stores.
Ooooo, big fucking deal. Get on with it then, and I dont want to see you back here in a week.