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RHU Discussion: How To Handle Hell Spawn?

Bathellspawn Hello there! It's Abby, formerly GasGirl.

So, I'm at my new job, waitressing mostly 3rd shifts at a waffle shack.

I get lot's of crazies, as you can imagine, but my biggest problem at the moment, is not with customers, coworkers, management, or anything of that sort.

It's with my coworkers's children.
 
Now, my poor coworker, I'll call her K., has two children, ages 10 and 7 or 8. Her husband is gone due to work, which I believe is why the kids behave so badly...
 
Before I get too into this, a story!
 
I go into work, K's kids are there, K is stressed [she asked for 1rst shift so the kids wouldn't have to sit in the business for four to six hours until someone picked them up, obviously, management didn't agree].

I get to work, we only have a few customers, and the oldest kid, 10 ish, has this HORRIFYING conversation with his MOTHER..

Kid: I'm hungry.
 
K: Well pick something to eat and let Abby know.
 
Kid: I want a hamburger steak.
 
[the most expensive thing on the menu, about $11]
 
K.: No, it's too expensive, how about a cheeseburger or something?
 
At this point the kid gets up, runs over, KICKS HIS MOTHER and screams 'NO YOU STUPID BITCH I WANT A FUCKING HAMBURGER STEAK!'
 
I am speechless. This sort of thing happens DAILY. He and his younger sister, though she'll pretty much listen after a minute.
 
The other day we had customers, and the kids were fighting and I went over and screamed, yes screamed, 'GIVE ME THE FUCKING SALT AND PEPPER NOW!' The girl gave me hers, but nooo, the boy THREW his across the restaurant and said 'Go pick it up yourself you dumb bitch.'
 
Now. I grew up in the era where if you got spanked, it was discipline, not this, 'if you hit your kid it's abuse' bullshit people are trying to pull. Vspawn

I really just feel completely helpless, these kids flip off customers, call their mom a bitch and God knows what else, and hit her.

It's been all I can do not to jump over the counter and slap the piss out of that little asshole, but I just have no idea how that would go over...
 
Does anyone have anything helpful I could use in such events? Do I slap the kid? Do I slap K for not slapping the kid? Do I bitch at management about how if they don't want people complaining about them, they should schedule her accordingly?

Oy. If my children ever speak to me that way, they're gonna be standing up for a week...

Anything will help...

---Abby

P.S., My [now] husband and I are doing great! We were so blessed at our wedding, and had an awesome honeymoon! Thank you all for the good wishes!

  

Comments

Hypothetical

There is no way management can not be aware of what's going on. If they are not doing anything about it your only two choices really become either going over management's head to corporate, if the restaurant is part of a chain, or calling CPS on K for child neglect.

CPS probably wouldn't do anything more than send an investigator into the restaurant to see what was going on, but that might be enough to wake the dumb-fucks in charge of scheduling up.

Katie

Wow that mother needs to submit her spawn to super nanny asap!

carotte

ahah yeah, Iwas going to sugest super nanny too, maybe make your coworker watch some episodes, she might *wake up* and realise what her kids are doing and that it can be prevented.

MissTeacherLady

How, exactly, is she neglecting the kids? She is working to support them and management needs to be told that they need to schedule her so that Damien isn't in there for so long.

As far as how you can handle them--next time he speaks to you that way, turn, give him *the look* and very calmly tell him, "Do not speak that way to me, ever again. If you do, I will be sure that you regret it. You will regret it. Now, calm down and sit down and shut up." You have to have an edge to your voice that says, "I will kill you. I am meaner than you ever hope to be." I honestly don't know if it works well enough for other people--it scares the hell out of my middle school kids...

Shikaku

CPS would be called on the manager neglecting to tend to the needs of the mother.

Munajadida

Why do so many people think that the only two options are hit your kid or ignore them completely? I have a 5-year-old. I have never and will never hit him. And yet he is the most polite, well-behaved child I've ever met. Not hitting =/= no discipline.

Spritzy

In addition to what MissTeacherLady said...I also suggest kneeling down to get to their eye level...that way they don't have the perception of the naggy adult leaning over and wagging their finger at them...being at eye level (maybe a slight grip on a shirt sleeve too?) makes it more intimidating. And be prepared to have something arranged n case they call your bluff...like calling the police....a little extreme I know but if the kid sees someone in a uniform maybe that'll snap them out of their spoiled tirade.

Joanna Davis ( former Instock bitch)

personally If my kid was behaving that bad I would slap his mouth, wash it out with soap just like my gran did to me. I learnt never to curse at adults. As long as you don't go over board I think that spanking a kid a couple of times is fine. Since people now think it's abuse to even smack a kid once, the children of the future will contiune to grow up into assholes and ignorant bitches.

Postal Slave

I kinda feel bad for working mom having to bring her kids to work. But I kinda feel worse for the shit-kids because they'll probably end up in jail.

Agree with the post above tho, either a call to corporate (pretend you're a custy) or possibly a hell spawn intervention to the mom. See if other co-workers feel the same way? Maybe a 12 hour marathon of Super-nanny lol.

Hypothetical

@MissTeacher...

She is neglecting the kids by being forced to bring them into work, and then letting them run wild because she can not watch them and work at the same time.

It's not ENTIRELY her fault, but it is still neglect.

I say entirely there, because waitressing is one of those jobs that are always going begging in any town, and she could could easily look for work elsewhere, especially since she has the early part of her days to herself.

Redheadactress

Yeah, I would go to management. They are probably disturbing other customers at this point and you cannot work properly with nasty screaming kids. We have enough to deal with at work, we don't need a coworkers' kids to make it worse

Burger Bitch

I'm not even sure what to say! I'm only 18, but even when I was wee I would get a swift slap on the ass, the old school Soap in your Mouth, but usually the evil look my mum or dad would give me would scare the shit out of me anyways.

I think going to management would be a good idea, but what will your coworker do with the kids then? I think your coworker should grow some balls and discipline her children.

Pharmacy_psycho

If funds are tight enough that your co-worker needs to bring her kids to work, then she needs to go talk to the Department of Social Services (Welfare) and ask about funds for child-care services. I know on my applications, they give a certain amount if you are working, can't make ends meet, but still need child-care. Another thing she seriously needs to do is go to some parenting classes. She obviously has no clue on discipline. I'm also wondering where her kids are learning that language. If its at home, she's made her own bed, but there's no reason she has to drag her sheets into work. Kids that age DO know the difference between home language and away language. And if these little hellspawn should ever act in an aggressive manner towards you or another customer, do not pass go, do not collect $200, just call the police (this includes throwing anything again). She obviously doesn't have a clue or she'd have them under control by now.

Hypothetical

@ BB and PP...

Unfortunately the rules have been so heavily liberalized these days that a pop on the butt ( that thing which kept me in line and turned me into a non-leaching citizen) or worse, washing the mouth out with soap, are considered Child Abuse. I didn't learn to really swear until I joined the Navy. ( The saying "Swear like a Sailor" is true, BTW. We used to have contests on board the Acadia ( AD-42) to see who could come up with the longest string of cussing, without a repeat. The record was 2 minutes and 41 seconds, but that included some German, Spanish, Russian, and French...)

I don't know as much as I should about Welfare ( beyond the fact that if you forced to suck the Government Dick, then you automatically fail at life...in 22 years of Adulthood, measured from the day I turned 18, I have spent exactly 2 weeks on Unemployment, and 0 days on welfare, even though I have had to work some of the all time scummiest jobs to keep my pride and avoid them). ( Note here: There are currently 40 MILLION people on Welfare. That's roughly 12% of the population of this country. Aint that fucking sad?)

Sorry, I didn't mean to turn this into a political discussion. This post got away from me....

K.

Yeah, sure, you "fail at life" if you need to go on government assistance...just like everyone who serves in the armed forces is a childraping babykiller.

Moron.

Jenna Brittain

As the daughter of a special ed teacher....I've seen worse. these tactics listed work on all kids, my mom used them on me and with her special ed students. i use them on kids to this day.

Anywho.

1. Before mom takes the kids to work, she asks the kids how they think they should behave. then she tells them. then she explains what consequences will happen if they don't behave.

2. makes sure the kids understand what is acceptable behavior before it happens and that they really understand what will happen if they don't. asking them "does that sound fair?" "do you understand?" helps

3. rewards for good behavior. seriously. "if you behave all night I'll let you...stay up 30 minutes later" it has to be an appropriate reward for their age.

4. when they do misbehave - say things like "johnny that's not a good choice. how can we make better choices? johnny do you know whats going to happen if you make bad choices? we had an agreement earlier, remember? i am so sad that you wont get to later!!"

5. when they're making "bad choices" give them TWO options that are acceptable. "you can color a picture, or you can play a game. what would you like to do?" and don't budge if they say something that you didn't suggest. "you can have a cheeseburger OR a sandwich" it makes them feel like they're in control because they get a choice in the matter. Kids like that kind of crap.

Mom sounds like she needs to be PROACTIVE instead of REACTIVE to her children. She sounds exhausted and it seems like she's not taking the time beforehand to explain what is ok and not ok.

This worked well on me when I was a kid, we'd go out to eat and I'd try so hard to behave because I wanted my reward haha.

Abby

Thank you guys for the advice! The poor woman IS exhausted, and I really do feel bad for her, and the fact that she's actively trying to get pregnant again, and has had two miscarriages this year, makes it a bit more stressful on her... I may end up calling corperate, but then I wonder what if she gets fired? They tend to do that kind of thing...
But again, thank you! haha hopefully I can handle the little brats a bit better...

Lola

I feel sorry for K, but wait... she's trying to get pregnant again? Jeez, I know it's none of my damn business, but maybe she should spend some time learning to parent the kids she has now before she has another. A new baby isn't going to be well-behaved if its' siblings are such terrible influences. I hope she gets her life in order by the time she has another kid... :/

Anyway, I don't have hellspawn, and I really don't want them, but let me offer my uninformed advice! Going with Jenna's advice above, maybe when the kids are hungry, K can just decide what they get. Like a choice between PB&J or a turkey sammich. And if they're good, they get a reward, like a piece of pie at the end of her shift. Or they get a choice of a cheeseburger or something else they like as a reward for being good all week.

Do these kids have things to do while they're waiting? Like coloring or books or whatever the hell activities kids like? It doesn't excuse their horrendous behavior, but boredom might be a big factor. Also, your management sucks. Maybe your coworker needs to look for a new job where she won't be forced to drag her brats in.

Personally, I would grab the little fuck by the scruff of his neck when he runs up to kick his mom, but I doubt that would end well for me. I guess try to reprimand them without actually yelling or swearing; MissTeacherLady's advice about sounding like you'll kill them but in a calm, even tone sounds really good. Try to keep your anger under control so they can't tell they're getting under your skin.

MissTeacherLady

Jenna, I agree that those are excellent tactics for the mother to use. I also think that these children need more stability.

As far as neglect goes, I have seen worse and that is why I didn't automatically think, "These kids are being neglected." At least they aren't at home to fend for themselves.

TempSlave

Calling CPS is way over the top - this woman is doing her best by her kids in what seems like a pretty bad situation. Her parenting skills may be iffy, but she needs support more than punishment. Is there some way (any way) you can help her get scheduled on to a later shift so that this becomes a non-issue?

Pharmacy_psycho

Hypothetical: I didn't say she should go on welfare. I said she should contact them about child-care services and support. If both parents are working, she may not get additional funds, but its worth a shot just to do something other than dragging the kids along when they are obviously out of control.

I also suggested parenting classes. They not only would be able to teach her how to manage her children, but maybe help her manage her time better with the children's help.

Those children are out of control, and if the mother can't see it, it may take a complaint filed to a police officer to get her the wake-up call she needs. If that boy keeps throwing things and assaulting people because he has an uncontrolled attitude problem, its only a matter of time before he hits somebody and possibly injures them. If that person finds out that management has let the little brat act like this for awhile now, they open themselves to a lawsuit, and rightfully so.

Kisa

I am not sure what to say, other than I am shocked that she lets them get away with that. Granted my oldest two of my four are only 9 and 6 (soon to be 10 and 7), they know WAY better than to act like that. Even if it was a long wait. Then again, if I was stuck in a situation like that they'd have snacks, toys, coloring books, books, crayons, gameboy, cellphone to chat with friends. SOMETHING to do..

I don't even let my 4 year old son get away with whining about what we're having for a meal. He knows if he complains about what I've made everyone (stuff he liked yanno, two weeks ago?) he can go sit in his room for 10 minutes with a hungry stomach until he decides it's not wise to B*tch about what's for dinner! Usually that works just fine, he hates being not included for breakfast/lunch/dinner whatever he decided suddenly wasn't "what he wanted". So after a few weeks of that noise he stopped it for the most part!

Anneliese

Thanks for your comment, Munajadida. My parents did beat my siblings and me often, harder than necessary, and long than necessary like when we were teenagers. This sort of thing, like belting, was far too common and led to the current backlash against physical punishment, rather than some parents thinking their child is too precious to have boundaries.

Sub Shop Slut

when i was a kid, i had the bloody fucking piss beat out of me. don't listen? chokeholded with your head slammed into a wood wall repeatedly. get suspended? stand in the corner for 6 hours, then get thrown through a glass table. that wasn't even punishment, that was -real abuse-.

and boy do i wish i could do it to some of the hellspawn i see.


i think every store should have a hellspawn section. a soft padded room full of foam balls. just throw them in, and fish them out when you're done.

Postal Slave

..... actively trying to have another child?!?!?!

stabber

I think its got to be laid at the mothers door. It is NOT appropriate to bring your kids to work and even WORSE not to attend to them. Times are hard but she is dealing with er kids terribly and actively making your life hell too.

I would speak to your bosses and ask them to ask her not to bring the kids to work (what does she do with them? - like millions of other parents with little money she works it out and finds someone to sit them - "I can't" is not an option). None of us has it easy but making others lives hell is unfair of her.

Madness

In my experience, kids that age will not behave if you ask them to sit still that long. They'd be much better off somewhere they could actually play. This mother needs to find someone to watch her kids while she's at work. Maybe a friend or relative could watch them in exchange for yard work/child care/other favor?

mimi

Those kids are seriously out of control, and it didn't just happen when Mom got put on that shift. That kind of superhellspawn behavior takes time to blossom. At this rate, Junior is going to be beating his mother up on a daily basis before he's 12. I agree she needs to find something else to do with them, but I'm stumped as to what, because I suspect that she's already gone through all the babysitters and child care places in town, and her mini-Satan has been kicked out of each one. Why the hell does she want another one when she clearly has no idea what she's doing? And if that sounds harsh, consider that she is shaping the next generation here; that little boy is well on his way to being one of the abusive custys who turn up in stories on RHU.

Grocery Slave

Abby... that sounds like my Aunt... though she actually WAS on super nanny... *face palm* And works at Victoria Secrets.... uber fail for my aunt... her two sons are Hell Spawns and she's never even been married... or been with a guy for over 4 years...

Skittles

@Jenna Brittain, You are absolutely unequivocally wrong in how to deal with children if you are bargaining with a child you have no parenting skill what so ever. You tell a child what they need to do and what the consequences are if they do not tow the line they qet the consequences, end of story. If you reward behavior you do it only for exceptional behavior and infrequently. Any halfwit who works should know that short of negative reinforcement irregular positive reinforcement is the most effective form of behavior modification.

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