Dear cunty le douchefuck:
Thank you, ever so much, for putting a z***ez sticker on the marvel vs capcom 2 screen.
It was ever so decorative and pretty, and it made me so sad to have to rip the damn thing off and scrub at the sticker residue for twenty minutes straight.
You'll be pleased to know that you're work of art placement still has left a cloudy residue, and probably will never come off.
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Dear annoying ass hellspawn:
I just LOVE it when you bring me twenty tickets repeatedly over the course of an hour, expecting me to give you prizes.
I also love the fact that I have to try to learn your language because you don't speak english.
Please, scream really loudly, I no longer can hear anything because corporate has caused me to go deaf.
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Dear hellspawn's dad:
It's nice to see you're so social on your cell phone!
And I always wanted to try my hand at babysitting, so I think it's just great that you brought your kids to MY store and talked on your phone the entire TWO hours that you were there!
Really, I feel so grateful for the opportunity.
And please, don't get off your phone because you have to figure out what you want for your tickets. After all, I'm just an insignificant slave who doesn't deserve your full attention, nor do I deserve a basic respect.
* * * * *
To whom it may concern:
How did you know I love scavenger hunts?
I just love finding your half-smoked cigars and cigarettes! And the gum!
I find it in the most inventive and unexpected places! I just love searching for your trash, because, well, you know, it just makes me SO happy to pick up after you.
I feel like I'm serving a purpose in my life when you leave these things for me to find!
* * * *
Please, come rub your greasy hands/foreheads onto every glass surface possible!
Please come trash my store, and don't mind the fact that I have to clean it completely every day!
Please, come in and be rude. We also double as a love motel, so come in and make-out and grope each other!
Bring your hellspawn, your douchebag friends, your bad attitudes and piggy habits!
We value your service SO much.
*insert insane grin and giggling here*