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Security Hell: Missing Merch Craziness

Arcade Helll: Letters To Bad Custys

Jasonarcade From Arcade Slave:

Dear cunty le douchefuck:

Thank you, ever so much, for putting a z***ez sticker on the marvel vs capcom 2 screen.

It was ever so decorative and pretty, and it made me so sad to have to rip the damn thing off and scrub at the sticker residue for twenty minutes straight.

You'll be pleased to know that you're work of art placement still has left a cloudy residue, and probably will never come off.

*    *    *    *    *

Dear annoying ass hellspawn:

I just LOVE it when you bring me twenty tickets repeatedly over the course of an hour, expecting me to give you prizes.

I also love the fact that I have to try to learn your language because you don't speak english.

Please, scream really loudly, I no longer can hear anything because corporate has caused me to go deaf.

*    *    *    *    *

Dear hellspawn's dad:

It's nice to see you're so social on your cell phone!

And I always wanted to try my hand at babysitting, so I think it's just great that you brought your kids to MY store and talked on your phone the entire TWO hours that you were there!

Really, I feel so grateful for the opportunity.

And please, don't get off your phone because you have to figure out what you want for your tickets. After all, I'm just an insignificant slave who doesn't deserve your full attention, nor do I deserve a basic respect.

*    *    *    *    *

To whom it may concern:

How did you know I love scavenger hunts?

I just love finding your half-smoked cigars and cigarettes! And the gum!

I find it in the most inventive and unexpected places! I just love searching for your trash, because, well, you know, it just makes me SO happy to pick up after you.

I feel like I'm serving a purpose in my life when you leave these things for me to find!

*    *    *    *

To Humanity:

Please, come rub your greasy hands/foreheads onto every glass surface possible!

Please come trash my store, and don't mind the fact that I have to clean it completely every day!

Please, come in and be rude. We also double as a love motel, so come in and make-out and grope each other!

Bring your hellspawn, your douchebag friends, your bad attitudes and piggy habits!

We value your service SO much.

*insert insane grin and giggling here*

--Arcade Slave

 

Comments

EARL HAMSHER

And also please breed more hellspawn that you clearly can't afford or else you wouldn't be haggling over expired coupons and 5 cent differences...don't worry that you apparantly can't even take care of one child, if you have five they'll eventually babysit each other.

Steph

I had to remind my eighteen-year-old friend not to put his hands on a glass container. His argument was that there was no sign telling him not to, and slammed his hand on it, leaving fingerprints for the employees to clean. I was practically snarling.

Plaidman

FYI, washing the sticker glue with a bit of lighter fluid will get it off. It's saved my butt a few times.

Arcade Slave

We have no lighter fluid in the store, as far as I know. But thank you. A friend of mine suggested a straight razor, so I might try that. I left a note to my manager though.

maya-marie

vegetable oil works pretty well too. or goo gone, which might be handy to have around in general.

righteothen

The most pure isopropyl alcohol/rubbing alcohol that you can find (I use 98%, since I have computers I work on, too). Just make sure you aren't taking stickers off paint. Seriously, wet a paper towel, hold on the offending object for a minute, and rub. Repeat if necessary. To give you an idea of the strength of this stuff: my husband's windshield had some sap on it that was 2.5 years old, and covered in a layer of wax. I got it off in less than 2 minutes. Not the best solution for plastics and paint (plastic, depending on the type, can be dulled. Paint will be eaten), but still one of the best solutions I have found.

Halfhearted Sales Ninja

Yeah, was going to suggest Zippo fluid, too. Where I used to be an engraver (might be again soon, who knows) we would use that to remove any sticky sticker residue before polishing final products.

I use it at home, too.

Michael Chandra

@Steph: How about the reply "there's no sign telling me not to bitchslap you, clench your teeth"? I'd prolly tell a mate that. (Not actually do it, but make pretty clear they piss me off.)
But yeah, what the hell is wrong with people? It's pretty obvious why you shouldn't be putting hands all over windows.

KitKat

amusingly enough, mayo will also remove stickers. Just slather it on, let it sit for a minute and then nudge the whole thing off with a plastic spoon or plastic paint scraper.

OMNION

its too bad sarcasm is lost on the average customer

Hellbound Alleee

What you need, as long as the screens are glass, is a simple blade from a boxknife and some glass cleaner. Even good housekeepers carry blades in their kits. Really, really useful.

Great for getting sticky spills off floors (as long as they're not wood) and burns off the bottoms of pans.

Christine Beres

well i'm definitely trying mayonaisse xD I have a sticker on my mirror now that I don't want on there

~Sub Shop Slut

Arcade Slave

Oh thank god for goo-gone. My coworker found some and he said it worked like magic.

marvinator

I've used the lighter fluid (The liquid kind, not the gas) to remove sticky residue from myriad surfaces for YEARS. I owned a tobacco store back in 1979 and learned this little tid bit back then. My wife currently has been selling on Ebay for nearly 13 years and has used the lighter fluid countless times to remove sticky stuff from used items/antiques/art/junk she has sold.

A razor blade is only good for dry stuff. Sticky stuff will gum it up and not work well. Put the lighter fluid on a paper towell, and rub. You can also put the liquid on the surface, but be sure to have a towell handy to catch the drips. If you have a lot, you can put some fluid on your fingers and massage at the sticky stuff to loosen it, but then you have that smell on your hands all day.

Either way, it's the best.

gymwench

you canget that residue off with eucalyptus oil. quick, easy and leaves a nice smell.

Lotus Petal

Who in their right mind would want to put a sticker over the screen of a cabinet with "Marvel Vs. Capcom 2" in it? I love that game :(

If only there were "I.Q. and Manners" detectors you could install in doorways that would go off and curb-kick incoming custys who didn't meet the required criteria...

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