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June 2010
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August 2010

Botanical Garden Hell: Entitled Custy and a N.A.T

Carolgarden From Garden Girl:

Hi again! This week has been ridiculous, weather-wise (hot as all get out), and I am wondering if that is what brings the most insane, off-the-wall questions out in these people.

Mr. But-I-Am-Hungry-Now:
The Garden has a small Cafe that is open during the spring and summer. While the Garden opens at 9, the Cafe doesn't open until 10. There are signs everywhere reminding folks of this, but people still ask. This instance from last Saturday, however, was a new one for me.

Me (working the Info Desk instead of Tollbooth): Hi, how can I help you?

Mr. BIAHN: Yeah, what time's the Cafe open?

Me: They open at 10.

Mr. BIAHN: Hm. Well, I have a class in 20 minutes (at 9:30).

Me: ...Okay.

Mr. BIAHN: Where's the menu?

Me (confused now): Well, we don't have one for them, but it's usually the same cold sandwiches and salads and things--

Mr. BIAHN, interrupting: But can't you just take my order?

Me: ...I'm sorry?

Mr. BIAHN: I'm hungry now, I don't want to wait. Take my order and have them make it for me so it will be ready when I get out of class.

Me: Sir, I'm sorry, there's not even anyone in the cafe yet, they don't start cooking until 10.

Mr. BIAHN: So?

I'm sorry, I didn't realize that the sign over my head says both INFORMATION and YOUR PERSONAL SERVANT. The Cafe isn't even in the same building!

As a side note, the workers in the cafe are so mean to people, even to Garden employees. They aren't Garden employees, they work for the local grocery chain that runs the cafe itself, and we get TONS of complaints from visitors about them, but the cafe manager doesn't care. 

Mrs. Nasty Ass Thief In Disguise:

Thursday night, I was at the Info Desk again. I think I like this more than Tollbooth, but I get alot more weirdos to interact with.

About an hour before close, a woman and her daughter come up holding a purple digital camera. They set it on the counter and tell me they found it near the Children's play area.

I thank them and put it down behind the counter next to the Lost and Found book so I can record it later. I didn't write it down right away because 1) electronics usually get claimed right away, and 2) I was working on a high score on Bejeweled on my phone. But mostly number 1, I swear.

Anyway, Mom and Daughter come back a few minutes later, and Mom is looking around for the camera.

Me: Hi again, did you need some help?

Mrs. NATID: Yeah...where'd you put that camera?

Me: I've put it in Lost and Found until the owner comes to claim it.

Mrs. NATID, disappointed: Oh. Well, what do you do with it if no one claims it?

Me: I'm sure someone will, but we hold onto it until they do.

Mrs. NATID: No, I mean (says emphatically while giving me a knowing look) WHAT IF NO ONE CLAIMS IT?

Me: ...We hold it, until they do.


Me: Ma'am, you can't have the camera. (I reach down and push it further behind the counter)

Mrs. NATID: Well, what use is it to you?

Me, not even trying to hide my exasperation: It belongs to someone else, I am sure they will come back for it, it's a nice camera.

Mrs. NATID: I know it is! Here, I'll give you my phone #, you can call me and I'll pick it up.

Me: No. You can't have the camera. Someone lost it, and I thank you for turning it in, but I'm not going to let you walk off with someone else's property.

From there the conversation dissolved into a gimme-your-first-and-last-name-your-supervisor-will-hear-from-me-blah-blah-blah.

Did she honestly think I would just hand it back to her after she gave it to me and told me it was lost?

What a great example she was setting for her daughter, too. 

My supervisor M was sitting in her office, so after the woman left I informed M that she would probably get a call from someone complaining about me not letting her steal a digital camera.

It occurred to me afterwards that this woman would probably come back and pretend to be the owner if she saw I wasn't there. I suppose she'll end up with it anyway, but I am not one to let something like that slide by.

Oh, and I didn't give her my last name. When she asked for a reason, I told her I don't give it to people I don't trust. ;) 

Keep your chin up!

--Garden Girl


Asshat Manager Causes Ice Cream Store Hell

Icecream Hello once more from the icy planes of B+J Hell! It's Cherry IScream.

Now, usually my main source of complaints is the custys, and I get on well with most of the staff.

I say MOST of the staff because there is one idiot of a manager.

And lucky me! He's in charge of B+J's.

Alright, quick context to this story - it happened last week, while London was still in the grip of a pretty fierce heatwave. As a result, business was booming. For once, we actually had a decent amount of staff rota-ed for the day. I thought it would be quite easy.


I get into the shop and head upstairs to sign in. B+J Manager is there, and so is the other girl scheduled to work. They are engrossed in what sounds like a rather heated conversation. As I approach I find out why.

The other girl, M sees me and fills me in on the situation. Our stock had reached extremely low levels.

This is what they expected us to open with:

Only HALF of our usual flavours, and none of the popular ones such as Mint Choc Chunk, Cookie Dough, Phish Food, etc.


About 30 spoons.

The manager tries to calm us by saying that the suppliers would be coming with more stock - except it could be 5 pm at the latest before they show up. We were facing SIX HOURS without decent stock!


We did get lucky... sort of. The suppliers showed up at 2.30, meaning we only spent 3 and a half hours with minimal stock. However, we still had no cones.

THEN, the idiot manager walks in and TAKES DOWN all the signs stating that we were out of cones!


Because APPARENTLY it "looks unprofessional!"

No, what looks unprofessional is having to inform almost every customer that they can't have what they just ordered because we're out of stock.

Both myself and the other girls rota-ed put up with this all day, but we informed our manager whenever we could of how many people who had complained of there being no cones.

It was at least 20 before I lost count.


Until next time...

--Cherry IScream



Bitch Encounter Over Shape Of Sandwich

Bitch5 LaughingBarista here again with a very recent story from the bellies of the donut and coffee underground.

This may be the most irrational thing that I have ever witnessed in my life. I did not take care of this customer but her ridiculous tirade occurred about five feet from where I was so I heard everything that went on.

On a quick side note, I just got my job back last week as I had been at school taking summer classes (I'm somewhat of a masochist apparently) so I had noticed that there had been a few changes. Most notably, one of our flatbreads changed from a triangular shape to a circular shape.

A woman ordered one of these flatbreads that was a triangle and is now a circle. It is the same exact sandwich just in a different shape. When my co-worker hands her the sandwich the woman became irate.

Woman: This is not what I ordered!Coworker: No? Do you happen to have your receipt? Maybe they put down the wrong item. (This happens sometimes.)

Woman: I ordered *flatbread named here*!

Coworker: Then yes, this is your sandwich. Have a nice day!

Woman: NO! This is not it! My sandwich is supposed to be square! THIS IS A CIRCLE!

Coworker: *Slightly baffled* We've never had square flatbreads. Only triangular ones and we recently changed the shape of these particular flatbreads to make them more convenient to eat!

Woman: THIS IS WRONG! The flatbreads on the sign (as in, the menu that lists all of the items that is in the middle of the store) are SQUARES! I WANT A SQUARE! This is FALSE ADVERTISING!!!!!

(It should be pointed out that they're triangular on the menu and while I agree that they should change the sign for continuity purposes, I do believe that it is the same sandwich.)

Coworker: It's the same sandwich, just a different shape. Now it's just more convenient to eat while you drive.

Woman: This is ridiculous. I'm going to call up the franchise and complain!

And so left who may have possibly been the craziest customer I have ever heard in my life. My coworker has a temper and I'm surprised that she didn't act out because this woman was a raging bitch to her.

Another coworker of mine noticed that she was pregnant and said that her hormone cocktail may have contributed to her bitchiness. My boss said she needed to get laid. I just think she's a fucking bitch that needs to never grace me with her presence ever again.

My feet ache and my body hurts in general but I'm glad to be making money again. I'm sure I'll be relaying more stories soon.

--Laughing Barista


Security Hell: Missing Merch Craziness

Storytime2 From Hell's Security Guard:

Oh, did I have a night.

Tonight, it was the Security Hell Hole. In this case, where I've been for months now, the Customer base is limited to the Client, but it still counts. But I have to say I had some good fun at work this morning.

Ever since June 16th (yes, over a month ago) we have been trying to get UPS-Freight to come pick up two Trailers for delivery to a different site. The only contact I have had with these two trailers is 2 folders full of Paperwork, showing that these trailers have merchandise on them.

So, this morning, at a quarter to seven, they finally show up to make the pick-up.

Cue Comedy Music, bells, and laugh Track.

Trailer # 1:

The Bill of Lading has been sitting in the Truck Gate with no Seal Number on it. This is normal, we don't record the Seal Number on the Bill until the Trailer actually leaves the Lot. The Trailer itself has been backed up against another Trailer so tightly that Lot Patrol, all three shifts of them, have been unable to get close enough to record the Seal Number.

However, as we found out this morning, they were able to get close enough to determine that it had no Seal on it. Therefore it has been recorded as an unverifiable empty for the past 4 and a half weeks. Now, get that...Lot Patrol has been saying it's empty, but I have paperwork saying it's not.

So, the Trailer gets brought up to the front. I go out to record the Seal number.

I find that there is no Seal on the Trailer. First action I do is open the Trailer to verify the contents.

Guess what? It's Empty! 35 Cartons of Merchandise somehow disappeared, even though no one on this planet bigger than about 1 foot tall and weighing more than about 10 pounds could possibly have gotten into the Trailer.

That's 35 boxes, at an average retail value of about 400 dollars per box, so we're talking about 15,000 dollars that have just up and walked away. That's around 75% of my after tax salary for the year.

While the Spotters are bringing up Trailer # 2, I call Receiving and let them know we have a problem. Spotter One states that he is the Spotter who took that Trailer out of the Dock Door, and that he was told at that time that it was empty, therefore he did not call for a Re-Seal. I relay this information to Receiving for their investigation.

Trailer # 2 :

Arrives at the front at this point. I pull out the June 16th Trailer Audit to get it's Seal #, and proceed outside to verify the Seal.

And, the Seal # is Wrong. Bells go off in my head, and I think, "Hmm, these have been here so long, maybe Receiving decided to move the 35 Cartons from Trailer # 1 to Trailer # 2, and forgot to tell anyone. (This has happened before, so it wouldn't be a surprise.)

With the UPS-Freight driver at my side ( for Accountability reasons) I break the Seal that is on the Trailer, and proceed, with the Bill of Lading, to check the contents.

Trailer # 2 is supposed to have 15 Cartons of Benches, plus 2 "Big Boxes, No Bill" on it. Visual inspection reveals 15 Cartons of Benches. That's all.

OH, Boy, my day just got better.

I re-Sealed Trailer # 2, recorded the new Seal number, and went back to my post.

Once again (That's 3 times now, if you're keeping count) I called Receiving, and informed them of this new development.

This time I get bumped up from the Receiving Supervisor, to the Logistics Supervisor. I explain the problem to "Mr. Shipper". HE begins his own investigation. (Again, for those of you keeping count this is now three separate investigations going on, Mine, Receiving's, and Logistics's.)

Having ten years in Security, and therefore knowing how to track this kind of stuff down, I begin carefully combing through every single Trailer Audit done by Lot Patrol since 6-16-10.

I find, on the Trailer Audit for 07-02-10, second shift, a small notation that the new guy (who is a Floater, covering the second shift Lot Patrol because we are down 3 Officers at this site, and have been for nearly 3 months) put on his Audit.

He "Found Trailer ##-##### Un-sealed. Seal was Broken, and lying on Floor of Trailer. Re-Sealed" . O.K. , it was his second day. He was working second shift, which is the busiest shift for Lot Patrol because we go from 5 officers on Site down to 3. But, he claims that he has been working Security for 5 years.

He didn't do any kind of investigation as to why the Trailer's Seal was Broken, nor did he make any attempt to verify that the contents of the Trailer were what they were supposed to be.

For the fourth time, I call Receiving, and let them know what I have found out. And, because this just escalated from probable mis-communication to possible Theft, I had to call the one person I just hate to bother, the Site-Liason between Big Company and Big Security Firm, Funny Mikey.

Luckily, Funny Mikey and I have been working together for over a year, and he knows I wouldn't bother him for trivial shit.

Funny Mikey sends Lot Patrol out to get the Bills of Lading and take pictures of the Trailers, so that he can begin his own investigation. (Yes, that is now 4 investigations over one incident.)

Thankfully, my relief shows up at this point, and I leave, to head out West to work on some beers.

Asses are going to get Reamed. Hard. And I'm going to pick up some major Kudos for finding the problem.

--Hell's Security Guard



Arcade Helll: Letters To Bad Custys

Jasonarcade From Arcade Slave:

Dear cunty le douchefuck:

Thank you, ever so much, for putting a z***ez sticker on the marvel vs capcom 2 screen.

It was ever so decorative and pretty, and it made me so sad to have to rip the damn thing off and scrub at the sticker residue for twenty minutes straight.

You'll be pleased to know that you're work of art placement still has left a cloudy residue, and probably will never come off.

*    *    *    *    *

Dear annoying ass hellspawn:

I just LOVE it when you bring me twenty tickets repeatedly over the course of an hour, expecting me to give you prizes.

I also love the fact that I have to try to learn your language because you don't speak english.

Please, scream really loudly, I no longer can hear anything because corporate has caused me to go deaf.

*    *    *    *    *

Dear hellspawn's dad:

It's nice to see you're so social on your cell phone!

And I always wanted to try my hand at babysitting, so I think it's just great that you brought your kids to MY store and talked on your phone the entire TWO hours that you were there!

Really, I feel so grateful for the opportunity.

And please, don't get off your phone because you have to figure out what you want for your tickets. After all, I'm just an insignificant slave who doesn't deserve your full attention, nor do I deserve a basic respect.

*    *    *    *    *

To whom it may concern:

How did you know I love scavenger hunts?

I just love finding your half-smoked cigars and cigarettes! And the gum!

I find it in the most inventive and unexpected places! I just love searching for your trash, because, well, you know, it just makes me SO happy to pick up after you.

I feel like I'm serving a purpose in my life when you leave these things for me to find!

*    *    *    *

To Humanity:

Please, come rub your greasy hands/foreheads onto every glass surface possible!

Please come trash my store, and don't mind the fact that I have to clean it completely every day!

Please, come in and be rude. We also double as a love motel, so come in and make-out and grope each other!

Bring your hellspawn, your douchebag friends, your bad attitudes and piggy habits!

We value your service SO much.

*insert insane grin and giggling here*

--Arcade Slave