Having had dogs since I was in my teens, and children half my life, I thought I would preach to the choir and try to let every parent know what things every child should know by age 3.
These are basic, easy-to-understand commands (yes! commands!) that children should be able to understand and do without question. They are meant for the child's safety and the parent's and retail slave's sanity.
You'll note that they are very close to the commands taught to dogs, but a well-behaved dog is as welcome as a well-behaved child.
SIT (down) - That's sit in the shopping cart in the area designed for children.
Twenty-five years ago they didn't have carts designed for multiple, small children shaped like cars, etc. so you had to put your kid in the basket.
If your kid is 8 years old, unless s/he's got some physical disability, s/he can walk and let the younger ones ride. If you have more than the cart allows, you need counseling in birth control (multiples don't count unless you are Octomom).
STAY (where I can see you) - That goes for all of the older siblings up to teenagers.
If you have teenagers with cell phones, great! You can set up a calling network that says, "I'm headed to the check-out. We leave in 15 minutes. If you aren't there, you'd better hope someone else is willing to come and get you."
COME (here) - That means NOW! Not strolling through the aisles touching everything on the way.
LEAVE IT - I'm not buying it, so put it right back down where you found it and keep your (paws) off of it.
POTTY BREAK - Take one before you leave the house and before you head to the check-out, especially if you have been shopping for a long period of time. Used disposable diapers go in the TRASH in the restroom.
Not in the bottom of the cart in the parking lot.
WANT A TREAT? - This is good for children starting to get fidgety.
Toasted oats (Cheerios), baby carrots, fish crackers, and other small finger foods are good. Stealing them off the shelf is NOT good.
Bringing a favorite small toy is also a good idea. You can bring a shoelace and tie it to the cart so it doesn't get lost. Taking items from the shelf so your kid can play with it is NOT acceptable. We are likely to hear your kid scream bloody murder when you dump it at the register in the end.
Feel free to print this off and share it with your entitled crusty friends or drop them anonymously in your local shopping center carts.
I have no desire to win copyright royalties, just to see better behaved children.