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Wyatt Elliott's "Resale!"

Grocery Checkout Too Complicated For Custys

July10 015 Luka again. You ever realize how custys can't comprehend how the checkout lane works?

Here are some of my favorites.

01. The conveyor belt. 

People don't seem to know the function of this device.

01A. It is not the correct place to put your money. Especially when I'm holding my hand out for the handful of pennies you're digging out of your purse.

01B. It is not the correct place to put your Valued Customer card. Especially while the belt is moving. The belt will EAT YOUR CARD AND IT WILL NEVER COME BACK OM NOM NOM. Same thing applies to money.

01C. It stops by itself. Gasp! What a notion! So you can stop holding your groceries back and causing a pile-up of everyone's groceries behind you.

02. The "Express" sign. 

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PAY ATTENTION TO THE LANE YOU'RE IN. Look up. Is there a sign anywhere in the general vicinity stating "[number] Items Or Fewer"? There is? Okay. Look down at your cart. Is it overflowing? Yes? GO TO A DIFFERENT LANE.

03. The U-Scan machines. These annoying fuckers actually talk you through the process. It will tell you to place the item in the bagging area. You know what you're supposed to do at that point? PUT THE FUCKING THING IN THE BAGGING AREA! What a concept!

04. I'm a person, not a robot. I'd appreciate if you[d treat me as such, and answer any questions I ask, such as "Would you like paper or plastic?", "Will that be debit or credit?", and "BITCH I ASKED YOU A QUESTION ARE YOU GOING TO ANSWER IT?!"

Ugh... Another day in retail hell, over. And I haven't even STARTED on the Hell-spawns yet. Time to go play Facebook games until my brain turns to mush.

With love,






I have never worked in a grocery store, but as a customer, I share your pain. I absolutely HATE it when I'm in express lane and there's someone in front with clearly more than the designated "15/20 items or less". However, I'm too chicken to tell them off XD


i told one of them off once, and they just said "well i'm in a hurry." RGOERJGEORGIRTJG@#JGI$GJ#)!! SO am I, that's why i'm in this fucking lane!
-punches a wall-

Rodeo Ho

I was at the store with my sister, whose cart was close to overflowing once we got to the check-out lane. We went in the correct lane behind two other people with large orders, and the girl at the express lane told us to come to her lane. We protested, told her "No, we've got too much stuff and three WIC checks," and she said that was OK, because the she didn't have a line and the front end was generally slow.

The express lane cashier and the one we had originally gone to were the only ones open on that end of the store. As soon as we switched lines and she started ringing through my sister's stuff, 4 customers with 3-5 item orders materialized out of nowhere. We could almost smell their agitation. What do you do in a situation like that?


This was posted 2 weeks ago. :/ Not that it's any less true.


Um, yeah, hello. o 3 o
Repost much?

Malmart Peon

The express lane thing PISSES ME OFF. No one pays attention to it at Malmart, especially when it's busy. I don't mind checking someone out with a few over the limit when it's dead, but if it's busy I'll have a line back to the candy section when I'm done ringing out the one jackass who had fifty items. It's too bad that I'll get bitched at if I tell them to leave. :(

NC Tony

I always mutter under my breath, "Can't people fucking count?" when I get stuck behind some jackass with 50 items while I'm in the 20 items or less lane, with two items. My wife always tries to shush me when I say things like that, because she doesn't want me to make a scene. I always tell her "It's not my fault other people are stupid and can't count." I've been glared at when I've said these things, but no one's ever had the balls to say anything back to me.

Not A Morning Person

OH MY GOD I know exactly how you feel! I had all of these happen yesterday (except the self-scan, cause ours have been delayed in being built ¬_¬)

We also have the lovely extra problem of people not seeming to understand that if a gate is closed YOU DO NOT FUCKING WALK THROUGH IT OR DRIVE A TROLLEY THROUGH IT. Especially if it is CLEARLY marked with "Do Not Enter; Alarmed Barrier". I get enough headaches without an alarm screeching in my ear just because people won't fucking pay attention to what's in front of them!

We also have to ask custys if they want postage stamps or store stamps at the end of the transaction. We either get:

1. Simple "no thanks"
2. Ignored (And we have to repeat...)
3. Answered with "Yes". Yes, what? I asked if you wanted X or Y!
4. stamps. WHAT KIND OF STAMPS?!
5. Interrupted with "No! Why would I want those?!" or "Cashback." (Ugh, I hate rude people.)
6. The blessed few who know what kind of stamps they want and how many.

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