Here are some of my favorites.
01. The conveyor belt.
People don't seem to know the function of this device.
01A. It is not the correct place to put your money. Especially when I'm holding my hand out for the handful of pennies you're digging out of your purse.
01B. It is not the correct place to put your Valued Customer card. Especially while the belt is moving. The belt will EAT YOUR CARD AND IT WILL NEVER COME BACK OM NOM NOM. Same thing applies to money.
01C. It stops by itself. Gasp! What a notion! So you can stop holding your groceries back and causing a pile-up of everyone's groceries behind you.
02. The "Express" sign.
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PAY ATTENTION TO THE LANE YOU'RE IN. Look up. Is there a sign anywhere in the general vicinity stating "[number] Items Or Fewer"? There is? Okay. Look down at your cart. Is it overflowing? Yes? GO TO A DIFFERENT LANE.
03. The U-Scan machines. These annoying fuckers actually talk you through the process. It will tell you to place the item in the bagging area. You know what you're supposed to do at that point? PUT THE FUCKING THING IN THE BAGGING AREA! What a concept!
04. I'm a person, not a robot. I'd appreciate if you[d treat me as such, and answer any questions I ask, such as "Would you like paper or plastic?", "Will that be debit or credit?", and "BITCH I ASKED YOU A QUESTION ARE YOU GOING TO ANSWER IT?!"
Ugh... Another day in retail hell, over. And I haven't even STARTED on the Hell-spawns yet. Time to go play Facebook games until my brain turns to mush.