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Paulina's Ghost Tales From A Haunted Mall

Paulina
From Paulina Blart, Mall Security:

Hiya Folks,

Things have been kinda slow over here in the sense that nothing worth posting has happened. We've been extremely busy with stupid people. ie The black Hawaiian chick calling us "haoles" and telling us we're discriminating against her because she's Hawaiian. The little asshole who headbutted a kiosk and his equally asshole like parents who excused it because "he's bipolar." The little fuck that tried to shoulder check me.

Basically just dumb stuff that can be summed up in a sentence.

So in the spirit of Halloween, I've decided to share my run ins with CUSTIES FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE!

As some of you may know, I work the graveyard shift a few times a week by myself.

It didn't used to be that way, I had a partner. The first thing he said to me when he was told I was to be the new graveyard officer was "Do you believe in ghosts?" 

I gave him a funny look "Whhhhhy?" 

He just chuckled and said "You'll see." 

I believe in ghosts but I don't believe everything I hear. I figured it was just a "fuck with the new guy" type of thing.

Every once in a while I would get the feeling of being watched and the hair on the back of my neck would raise. I just chalked it up to being creeped out in a deserted dark mall. 

The first really strange thing that happened was my first black Friday.  Jason2 078a

There was only 2 of us on duty and it was around 2am. No one else was coming in until about 5am. I'm out driving in the jeep when I pass our security office.

I glance at the glass door and see someone in a seurity uniform standing in front of the bulletin board.

Normally I would have convinced myself it was just my partner but unfortunately for me, my partner was in the passenger seat. I ask if he saw what I saw. He didn't. 

I decided to investigate since the most likely scenario was that someone came in early.

No one was in the office and our doors have coded locks. I still wasn't convinced. I knew we had a security guard die on the job a few years back, but I still thought my coworkers were just trying to mess with me.

The incident that made me realize something was going on at the mall, happened when I was by myself.

I was in a back hallway that's about 50ft long, checking an electrical room about halfway down the hallway. It was about 330am and I was resecuring the door when I heard what sounded like an elderly mans voice "excuse me, Miss?"

It sounded like it was right behind me and I responded as I was turning around, "Yeah, whats u...?

There was no one behind me and no one in that hallway.

I even ran to the exit to see if I could find anyone. Absolutely no one was out there and even if there was, they would have to be the fastest person alive to make it out the door before I turned around.

One night my partner sounded a little panicked and asked me to come around in the jeep to pick him up from one of the mall doors.

As I was approaching I saw another man next to him. I figured he had found him wandering the mall and needed some help. 

As I was pulling up I looked down to turn off the radio and unlock the door.  New Freddy 003a

My partner got in and said he "just felt creeped out."

I looked around and asked "where'd that guy go?"

My partner said "What guy?"

Again, there was no where the guy could have gone without bein seen leaving. I tried to convince myself that my partner was trying to mess with me.

After a while, our hours got cut, and there was only one person working the graveyard shift. 

One of my duties is unlocking service doors at 4am.

There was one service door I hated opening.The hallway behind it had no lights and it was a long walk from the jeep. 

Anywho, As I was walking up to this door I smelled the most rank odor.

It was a mixture of porta potty and roadkill. 

I unlocked this door and swing it open. It has a push bar that needs an allen wrench to keep it unlocked.

My key got stuck in the lock on the outside and I looked into the dark hallway.

I swear to this day I saw a black mass darker than the hallway coming towards me. I couldn't tear my eyes away but I was still struggling with this key.

I finally got it unstuck and literally ran back to the jeep, arms waving in the air, screaming and sped off. Carolanne 003

This is the one that was the most terrifying and the one that I still get shit for. It was a blizzard. I was by myself. I was sitting in the office and decided to go out for my 1am smoke break.

Now the office door is glass and when its dark outside and light inside you can see your reflection. 

As I was walking out the hair on the back of my neck stood up and I happened to look at my reflection and saw the most horrifying thing I had ever seen. I ran out of the office with my head down and ran into the middle of one of the parking lot. 

I decided there is no fucking way I am going back into that office. 

I reach in my pocket for the jeep keys and realize I left them in the office. So it's a no-go on the jeep.

So I think "okay... you can juat walk around the mall until your relief gets here"

Not a chance.

Mall keys are right next to the jeep keys in the office.  Jasonmoona

So I think "That's it I'm fucking quiting. I don't get paid for this freaky ass shit and I think I need a young priest and an old priest"

Oh wait! That's right! My car keys are also in the office. 

I stood out in the snow for 3 hours waiting for my relief to come.

When I first started, stuff like that happened all the time. I think the ghosts of the mall just wanted to mess with the new guy, or it's because construction has stopped. 

It happens very little, now that I've been here for so long or maybe I'm just used to it. I went almost 6 months with nothing strange happening. 

There's still certain places that give me the creeps but nothing I can't handle. Those are just a few things but there are tons more.

Have any of you had ghostly experiences at work?

Happy Halloween everyone!

--Paulina

 


Retail Hell Scare: Gross Creepy Old Man Gets Told

BallsawardAAA This story is scarier than any haunted house! Express Lane Slave gets a Retail Balls Award for taking out a creepy old monster custy who had been terrrorizing the women in her grocery store:

I`ve recently fallen in love with this site. Nothing makes me feel better about a terrible shift than reading rants and feeling my rage slowly slip away...

Now I have had my fair share of psychotic `how can you function in daily life without being swallowed by hell` customers but if it's one thing I hate it's CREEPY OLD ASS MEN.

I've been working at a well known grocery store for 8 months now. Lets call it SafeHell. I'm a 19 year old university student but do look young for my age.

Now when I first began my days in cashier hell I would let these disgusting excuses for men say what they want and not say anything.

We once had a man who came to the store EVERY SINGLE DAY for at least 2 hours. He would sit outside in his truck and watch all the young girls and make rude nasty comments. It didn't help that he was grossly overweight, wore the same sweats every day and reeked of piss and shit.

I KID YOU NOT. It was like this guy woke up and instead of water, bathed in piss. And, instead of deodorant, he bathed in piss.

He would come through my express lane with his sponge or 99cent ham every freakin time and say the same opening line. Carolanne 023g

"Hey there how`s my flower girl today." (I am known for wearing different flowers in my hair)

Now every time I would think I AM NOT YOUR FLOWER GIRL YOU PISS SOAKED MOTHER FUCKING....you get the picture.

But being a good slave I replied, "Good sir did you find everything you needed today?"

He also seemed to be one of those people who had no concept of personal space. I swear to peanut butter cups that he would constantly try to come around my till and he would linger for 5 FUCKING MINUTES after I finished his transaction.

The managers knew about him and did absolutly nothing!

Some of the things he would say to the high school girls is SEXUAL HARASSMENT. But god fucking forbid the store loses the 5 goddamn dollars a week this guy spends.

One time I had been organzing the magazines that some ungrateful custys had decided to "personalize" when he comes right up in my face and asks me if I have a bf (I reply no - BAD IDEA) He then decides to inform me of how "sexy" I am and "How does a girl who looks like you not have a bf i'll be your bf."

VOMIT.

One day though I hit my breaking point.

It had been a long 8 hour shift and I was ready to go home. The store was almost empty as it was near close but my smelly friend was hanging around. You didn't even have to see him you could smell him tonight a mile away.

He comes to my till with his 99cent ham (How much bargain ham does a person need!?) and had PISSED HIMSELF.

Now the front end supervisors had told me this man has NO mental illness. He has a wife (who is apparently a rude custy) and daughter (I pray for her soul).

This man is just completely unhygienic and makes everyone uncomfortable. He had the audacity to hit on me as he reeked of piss!

I'd had it I was not going to come to work and deal with this shit any longer.

Him: Hey there how is my flower girl? Are you being bad or good? I know you're a good girl *wink*

Me: THAT'S IT. I AM NOT YOUR FLOWER GIRL. NEVER COME THROUGH MY TILL WHEN I AM WORKING. I DID NOT JUST WORK 8 HOURS TO BE HIT ON BY SOMEONE WHO COULD BE MY GRANDFATHER. GET THE HELL OUT OF MY FACE AND GO TAKE A GODDAMN SHOWER.

He left after that and when I spoke to the manager about this problem he got the man banned from the store FINALLY.

Keep your chins up my fellow slaves and don't let nasty old men make you uncomfortable!

--Express Lane Slave

 


The Tale of Dr. Dick

ST4 I’m so happy I discovered this site! I too unfortunately am a retail slave. Please refer to me as Queer Geek.

Despite the faaaaabulous mystique that surrounds me, I am no more of fashion forward than I am a fashion victim so the geek part of me rings true.

Anyway, I have worked from the likes of the KKK-Mart eventually rising to the ranks of other big fancy stores as mentioned in Freeman Hall’s book. I am no longer one of those sale lackey’s but now a clerical worker for another major retailer but still have to handle customer complaints.

During my years being in this ludicrous service industry, I’ve had my fair share of crazy custys. There is one that I would like to point out that I remember as really taking the cake who I’d like to call Dr. Dick.

Now Dr. Dick is known around town as being a complete nutjob. He comes in different locations and proceeds to return big, expensive designer items and then asks that the store hold them for him so he can purchase them at a later date.

The reason behind this I suspect is that he is waiting until he can get the lowest discounted possible for a brand name items. Cheap bastard.

Then as the weeks have passed and no contact with Dr. Dick, he suddenly pops out of the blue wanting to purchase his discounted items. Unfortunately since so much time has passed, many the items have been removed from the company and transferred to its corresponding location which is usually the outlet stores.

At this point, Dr. Dick’s true colors show as he rants and raves of how horrible the company is and how unfairly he is being treated.

Here is one example of where he completely lost it. Same scenario but this time there was a problem with his charge card and calls me on the phone to complain about his card being declined.

Queer Geek: Hello, big fancy store.

Dr. Dick: THIS IS DR. DICK AND I AM PISSED! YOU GUYS DID NOT HOLD THE ITEMS THAT I FUCKING RETURNED AND NOW MY CARD WON’T GO THROUGH AND IT’S ALL YOUR ASSHOLES FAULT! I WANT MY MONEY! I WANT MY MONEY NOW! Jason 011

Queer Geek: Mr. Dick…

Dr. Dick: IT’S DOCTOR DICK! GET IT RIGHT ASSHOLE! I NEED MY MONEY NOW BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE ANY FUCKING CASH TO TAKE MY GIRLFRIEND OUT AFTER I BAIL HER OUT OF JAIL! I ALSO NEED TO MY BUY SON A PRESENT FOR HIS BIRTHDAY! NOW I CAN’T EVEN DO THAT!

Queer Geek: Let me see what I can do Dr. Dick.

Dr. Dick: SEE THAT YOU DO ASSHOLE!

I make several calls to his credit card company and get told from them that he does not have enough funds to finalize his transaction and now they are putting a hold on the card for security reasons and he would need to get in contact with them to get this sorted out.

I tell Dr. Dick this and here’s his response:

Dr. Dick: WHAT? YOU GUYS ARE HOLDING MY FUCKING MONEY! I WANT YOU TO GIVE ME MY MONEY NOW! I CAN’T GET CASH TO TAKE MY GIRLFRIEND OUT AND NOW MY SON CAN’T GET A BIRTHDAY PRESENT! I SPENT MILLIONS WITH YOUR FUCKING COMPANY! I AM BIG CEO OF A COMPANY! I’VE WON AWARDS….BLAH BLAH BLAH! YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING RIPPING ME OFF! YOU ALL NEED TO GET OFF YOUR ASSES AND DO SOMETHING! YOU NEED TO BE ALL FUCKING FIRED! I’M A FUCKING DOCTOR FOR CHRISTSAKE!

Queer Geek: I’m sorry Dr. Dick but you need to talk to your credit card company about this…

*CLICK*

For the record, Dr. Dick never got his issue resolved by us but he does pop up during a full moon every once in a while and gives us another of his eloquent and educated speeches.

I never knew doctors had a vast vocabulary.

--Queer Geek

 


Mannequin Halloween Party

Octomanis 006

The coolest Halloween Manni ever! In the eyeball head is an actual monitor playing a moving eye. Yes, it's freaky as shit!

These mannequins are from a store called Weho on Santa Monica Blvd in West Hollywood, CA.

 

Octomanis 003 

Padded rooms are fun!

 

 

Octomanis 004 

Somewhere a shopping cart is sporting wood...err..or metal...

 

 

    Octomanis 005

Why you should never date robot mannequins.

 

 

Octomanis 008 

Cousin It goes mental.