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Kunoichi Cook's Rant For The Seventh Layer Of Kitchen Hell

Picture-2a Greetings all, Kunoichi Cook here again.

I need to have another bitch rant, so, here I go.



I am tired of cleaning up after you!!! Why is it such an out-of-this-world concept to not spill lettuce, yogurt, soup broth, croutons, shredded cheese, cantaloupe chunks, tomatoes, and so on and so forth, all over the place?

Were you raised in a junk yard or a dump where there are no rules that state you have to be sanitary?

I have never seen such uncouth behavior from anyone before in my life, not even from young children I have babysat and dogs, which are the most disgusting animals I've ever known (next to humans).


Our policy is that 20 minutes after we are officially "closed", I as an employee CAN "ask" (read: TELL) you to LEAVE. It pisses me off that you are sitting at the table with your friends laughing like idiots about the last beer pong tournament you almost won with all your filthy dishes sitting there that YOU'RE NOT EATING! Do you have any idea how pissed off the people in the dish room are going to be when they find out that there are still dishes coming through long after they should have been done? I know how they're going to feel because I work in the dish room all the time and IT FUCKING PISSES ME OFF!!! YOU ARE DONE EATING! LEAVE!


Do not stand at the counter and watch me cook your food like you are a starving, homeless sick person who hasn't eaten in four days. When you do this, three things happen. #1: The other people get confused and ask you what you want, if you need to place an order, if something on the line ran out, or what. #2: When you tell us you're "just waiting for the food to be done", we'll tell you to sit down like everyone else and wait, you're confusing us. #3: I will deliberately take longer to finish cooking your order.


We yell out numbers at the tops of our lungs. All you have to do is look at your damn receipt and see if the number we just screamed across the dining room matches the one on your receipt. If it does, COME AND GET YOUR FOOD! If if doesn't, JUST FUCKING WAIT! If I call the number 37 and you ask me if I called 18 because that's your number, that does not change the fact that I actually called 37 and that is NOT the number 18!!!!

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Now let's play a little game:

What I Said vs. What I Really Wanted To Say... Arant1

I Said:

"Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt, but our dish room is closing in five minutes. You're welcome to stay and chit chat for a few minutes, but we'd appreciate it if you'd at least take your dishes over to the dish room first. Thanks so much."

What I Really Wanted to Say:

"Hey, it's time to go! No you cannot stay and chitchat! Move your asses! Take your plates over to the dishroom and get the fuck out. I still need to wipe your table and sweep up that mess you made before I can go home and drink myself to happiness."

I Said:

"Oh, I don't know if we have any more paper cups for the waffle batter. Let me go check in the back. It'll be a few minutes though, if you don't mind waiting."

What I Really Wanted to Say:

"You're really going to make me go all the way in the back storage room so you can make a waffle? It's one o'clock in the afternoon! Why the hell are you still eating breakfast???"

I Said:

"Our drink stations are all the way in the two back corners, that way and that way." *points* "You are quite welcome."

What I Really Wanted to Say:

"Our drink stations are right there under the giant Pepsi sign that says 'DRINK STATION' and another one over there, also under another giant Pepsi sign that says 'DRINK STATION'."

I am not getting paid to babysit you and be your little slave, cleaning up after you and doing everything you say (I already have to cook for you and that's bad enough).

Oh, and one other thing:

Today I realized something: Ignoring the customers will not make them go away.

I've tried it. It doesn't work. And I was so disappointed.

It's an awesome idea. It works in theory, but no matter how hard I scrape that grill and stare down into the depths of the grease traps (because I enjoy that more than talking to custys) it does not magically make the custys disappear.

Till next time,

--Kunoichi Cook



Care Plan Pimp

Waffles are a 24/7 food.

Token Female

I'm with Care Plan Pimp. It's never too late for waffles.

20 mins after closing and they're too lazy to bring their dishes over to the dish room? That's mega inconsiderate.


Dude... I think your overeacting a little. The general public is too stupid to figure that shit out and being passive about it doesn't really help.

Kunoichi Cook

Fuck that, I've worked in this industry too long to have any patience. There's no excuse to be filthy and sloppy, and it is not my job to pick up after people.


Kunoichi do you work at Pei Wei by chance....simply because I know they have an open cooking station right along by the registers that people are known to gaze blankly into.

Handbag Whore

What you really meant to say: "I'm a whiny jerk."

Get out of this business. Now. You seem to overreact too much to little things. You're really mad that someone wants a waffle at one P.M.? Why the heck do you think IHOP exists? People love breakfast 24/7. You can't understand why someone stands and waits while you make their food? Most fast food places hand the food to customers who stand there and wait. Don't get mad because not everyone knows your restaurant's protocol.

Weren't you also the one who complained about big, black, scary employees at a bus station? I believe you wrote that the "big, fat black guy" probably "already had legal problems." So not only are you an awful employee and a whiny jerk, you're also a racist. Congrats!

Kunoichi Cook

Nice handbag whore...I am more than polite to the custys. In fact, at every one of my jobs, the managers always remarked about that, and usually would put me on the register / out front / wherever had the most custy interaction. I have a lot of shit going on in my life right now that is making it hard to cope and even still, I show up to work every single day and do any awesome job and learn very quickly. And I am nice / sometimes overly nice to the custys. This is an inner rant because, once again, this is the only place I can go to where people will understand...well, I guess that's debatable.

Don't even pull the race card on me. That's getting old. That guy was an asshole to me...I'm NOT an asshole to my custys.

Don't fucking tell me to get out of this business. I love this business. I have to vent somehow.

Pagemaster, I work at a college dining's not like a Chinese chain restaurant or anything, but it might work similarly.


Whoa I'm kinda surprised at some of the comments here. I thought this was a place to complain about the things at work/customers that bother you? While I may not agree that all of her complaints make sense to me. I still recognize that they are valid to her. Perhaps a little harsh to call her a whiny bitch.

@Handbag Whore. Pointing out that the guy was "black and fat" were not tied directly in to his "likely having legal problems". If I'm remembering correctly she never said he has legal problems because he's black. Did she? Then it would have been racist, as she put it before it is neither directly nor implied racism. You may be reading your own sensitivities in to the original post.

Kunoichi Cook

Thanks Skittles. I've liked most of my jobs before, and I complained internally just as much about all of them. While I do realize that sometimes I may overact a bit inside my head and really should have more patience, I'm never mean to the custys. It's a very stressful job and they sometimes make it worse without realizing it.

Handbag Whore

Yes, ignoring customers is great customer service for which your managers should reward you. I'd definitely put somebody out front in hopes that he/she would ignore the customers.

Talking about your personal problems is such a cop-out.

And think about your bus rant - you got upset because the guy was pissed that you forgot your bus number. To him, it's a no-brainer: you should know your number. He's mad enough to mouth off. You, in this rant, are pissed that customers stand in front of you and don't know where the drinks are. To you, it's a no-brainer: sit down, and drinks are under the sign that reads "Drinks." You're mad enough to ignore customers. Ever consider that?

I'll say just one last thing and put the subject to rest: there was no reason for you to mention his race at all. You wrote that you would have mouthed off had he not been a "big black fat guy." What does race have to do with it? (I'll answer that: nothing.) Like it or not, that's racist. Sure, you're not using the n-word but you're making a judgment call based on his race. Think. That's all I'm asking you to do.

Hates Whiny Bitches

Handbag's right; get out of the business. This is the first post I read where I was on the customer's side, even the bad ones. You ARE paid to do all of that. If you think you're above it, DO SOMETHING ELSE.

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