Beauty Slave: Split Shift Hell
Custy's In Training

Little Mall Worker's Ten Types of Custys

OCTOCAROL 044 1.) Stinky

Mr. Stinky got his name for the obvious reason. 

He smells and he's grimy. He is also a bit touched in the head and has a weird infatuation with little ole me. 

Stinky is C-R-E-E-P-Y. 

When someone is in "his" massage chair he will stare at them until they get out.  He also watches the children in the store. Not cool dude. 

However, he received a ban from our store by making the comment "I love little girls. I like to put them in my lap and love on them." 

I know he is slightly retarded, but that was too much for us. 


2.) Asshole

Mr. Asshole comes in once a week and asks for you to set up the chair for him because he cannot figure it out.

He has been doing this for 5 years.  He is the most bigoted person I have met and he will take up at least an hour of your time asking you questions.

Guess what Mr. Asshole corporate has banned you.

Happy day.

3.) Mr. Wild Trip Guy

Not annoying, but a hard customer.

This guy is not hard because he is mean or rude but because he is deaf...and from Spain.  I do not speak sign language or Spanish...but I am wicked good at charades.

It always takes me a long time to figure out what he wants though.

4.) Untechnological People

We are a tech store. You don't have to be an expert, but please know what a CD player is for and have some inkling what a MP3 player is. 

Oh and wireless speakers are not, I repeat, not "new" technology. They have been around for years; probably even decades now. Blood

5.) Rich Snobby People 


6.) Hellspawn

Same as above.

7.) Old people

Here are some rules for you:

1. Do not hit on me. It's gross and creepy. 

2. If you fall asleep easily stay out of my massage chairs. I cannot tell if you are sleeping or dead and I do not have a long enough poll to give you a poke. 

3. If you can see your bones under your skin do not touch the pounding massagers. 

4. Speak up. I am playing loud music and the air conditioner is loud as shit. Don't get mad if I ask you to repeat yourself.

8.) Teenagers

Do not hang out in my store. This is a place of business not a park. Yes you are not wanted here and yes I will kick you out.

And epic eye-rolls amuse me.

And no I am not scared of you so don't try anything to intimidate me. I will drop kick you straight over the railing to the second floor below.

9.) Piggy/Nasty/Entitled/Thieving Customers

Go back to the slime ridden muck hole you climbed out of.  I do not want to deal with you.

Last but not least

10.) People Who Ignore Me

I said hello. Just say hi back or wave a little. It's just common courtesy.

Oh and don't respond to Hi, welcome to (insert store name here) with "Just looking" "No thank-you" or "Ok" none of those responses make any sense at all.

Well, that is it for today.  Hell is fast approaching. I hate retail during Christmas. 60 hour work weeks.  Listening to Christmas music for 9hours a day. Trying to find parking. many customers. 

Here's hoping I'll survive it.

--Little Mall Worker



Kunoichi Cook

Ugh...I think I might be a little guilty of #10. Yesterday at the mall, all I wanted to do was browse, but I had sales people from Aeropostale and Victoria's Secret following me around their stores reciting their promotions like robots. It just got to the point where I automatically responded with "Just looking". I know they're required to say all that crap, and I just got more frustrated with the big corporates forcing their slaves to behave less like slaves and more like robots. :(

Queer Geek

You pretty much covered the entire list of custys in retail!


I really hate it when sales people tail me. I know they need to in many stores but it's still wicked annoying. Furniture stores are the absolute worst for that. I once got stuck with the most annoying woman ever who just wouldn't leave no after what I said or did. I was just looking with zero intention of buying (I didn't have my hubby with me) but no matter how often I told her that she wouldn't go away. She was hovering 6 feet or less away from me the entire time I was in the store. I even went to the restroom to try and escape her and she was standing right by the door when I came out. Exactly how is that meant to improve business? Do people buy a sofa just to get a moments peace?


"and love on them"
Is that a euphemism?

Little Mall Worker

We don't know but it sounded creepy enough...


Can we say, "Hello, I'm just browsing"?

That way I cover the greeting part and politely inform you I don't need any help.


I have that ignoring problem at the register, usually when I say "receipt with you or in the bag?" The usual response is "okay." At which point I put it in the bag.

Bitch Boy

Me: Hello, welcome to !
Them: I'm just looking/browsing...

Me: I didn't ask you if you needed help, I said "Hello, welcome to !"
Them: (now giving me their attention and thoroughly confused as to what I was saying) "What?"

Me: I said, "Hello, welcome to !"
Them: (realization sets in) Oh! ... Thank you. Um, I'm just looking...

Me: No problem, we don't charge for that yet.
Them: (about 95% laugh at this point) Really? That's great! (pause) Can you help me find ?

Every. Single. Time... I'm so glad I don't have to work retail anymore; I'm sick and tired of having to repeat myself three times. I don't have to repeat myself three times to my son and he'll be five in a few months...


Last time I went to the optician's, the woman there kept following me round like a lovesick puppy, trying to get me to buy ridiculously expensive glasses. I'm not sure if she was working on commission, but after 10 minutes of trailing round after me I felt like smacking her >< In the end I turned round and said "I'm just waiting for my mum. It's really her choice what glasses I get, cos she's paying for them!" and she eventually effed off and glared at me from across her counter :(

Like I said, I can understand if she's on commission (she kept showing me stupid-expensive glasses!) or whether management insist that they give the customer their undivided attention, but after saying "I'm just looking" over a dozen times I just wanted to leave :(

The comments to this entry are closed.