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Xmas2009 239

Wishing all our badass RHUers a fun (and vomit free) New Years Eve with friends and family. If any of you decide to go wild and streak naked in the snow, please send photos! =D

Here's a toast that 2011 will be magical, healthy, prosperous, and happy.

May it bring you everything you dream of....

What is your New Years wish?


Love, Laughter, and Liquor,

Carolanne, Jason, and Freddy




Discount Rat Bitch Encounter

Mrsnc So this story comes from Mrs. NC.

She was at work when this woman comes up with four cocoa butter swivel sticks (they're kind of like lip balm).

Apparently the items in question were 2 for $3 at Target (she works at Wal-Fart).

My wife knows this because the woman said this about 57,000 times.

Over and over and over and over again.

My wife had rung her up by this point and the woman again stated "I said those were 2 for $3 at Target!"

Mrs. NC: Ma'am, I have no control over the price, whatever the price on our display is, is how much they are. Do you want me to price match?

Picky Bitch: Well isn't that what you people do here?

Mrs. NC: Well, yes, but only if you have the print ad so we can compare it.

She said that other Wal-Farts gave her the price match without the print ad.

Mind you at this point the sale was rung up and the woman had not yet paid.

My wife offered to cancel the transaction, to which picky bitch replied, "Well no, I still need them."

And then the words that every retail slave dreads "What's your name?" and then asked to speak to a manager at customer service.

So the woman paid and went up to the customer service desk.

All over a $1.37 difference.

I don't know what happened after that and no one came to talk to my wife, so I'm hoping they told her to STFU and GTFO.

--NC Tony



Customer Rejects or Clever Merchandising?

There's no doubt Despicable Me would be quite a nice side dish with several bottles of champagne (even the cheap shit). But something tells me this wasn't Wally World trying beef up was the Minons...(and if you don't know know who the Minons are, you need to watch Despicable Me, it's LOL awesomeness xD)



Queer Geek: Coworker Party To Remember

Xmas2009 234 Queer Geek here with another hilarious story of retail hijinks!

I wanted to break away from the norm of regular RHU rants and do something different for change since it pertains to retail.

Now if you’re like me, you enjoy letting loose once in a while and letting your hair down by socializing outside of work with your coworkers.

Who else understands your plight of being exploited by crazy custys than your peers who slave to the grind while wearing plastered smiles on their faces?

A retail slave has a right to get their party on.

Can I get a what what?

You know what they say; the party gets started when retail slaves get together!

Since the dawn of retail time, I have partied with the best of them with my fellow co-employees at various retail companies so I speak from personal experience about my drunken days of retail debauchery.

I’m sure many of you reading this can relate! (Don’t act like you don’t know! I know I’m not the only one here! Not a word from the peanut gallery? LOL! You know who you are!)

One of my more intoxicated moments happened when I use to work for that red blemish of a star logo company Messy’s involving my friend who I refer to as Mary. Xmas2009 233

Now I worked at the fine jewelry counter while Mary worked in accessories. Immediately we hit it off and became BFFs. Anyway, Mary had just moved into her new apartment and decided to host a late night housewarming dinner with few friends from work.

Now understand this was Saturday night and word quickly spread around the store about the invite and the few friends turned into fifty attendees who began showing up at her little cramped apartment.

It soon became evident that the small little dinner was to be transformed into the wild party of the century!

Just to let everyone know how crazy the party became, the cops had to show up a few times to turn the ruckus down but to be honest I barely remember most of it since it remains in my head as a drunken blur except for a few images of me eating the pavement outside in the parking lot, hood surfing a moving vehicle, pole dancing a stop sign, hugging the porcelain goddess a few times, and finally passing out in Mary’s bedroom next to cute straight boy coworker whom I shall call Gordon. (For the record, Gordon, nothing happened, I think, but there was spooning involved. That much I remember. Oh and Gordon shave the five o’clock shadow! I think my neck got rugburns!) C12

My other coworkers were not as fortunate as they all passed out on Mary’s carpet huddled in a puddle of vomit and looking like victims of the Jonestown massacre.

The worse part was yet to come as half of us had to show up for work the next morning to open up the store including myself.

It certainly was going to be an interesting work day. As we managed to clean the residue of puke, sweaty body funk, and wrinkled clothes that we wore the night before we finally arrived at Messy’s looking like the zombies from Resident Evil. (All you needed was a first person shooter carrying bullets of Red Bull and Vodka and the rest of us would be down for the count.)

Luckily for us, that Sunday was slow and most of the crazy custys cared less if our eyes were bloodshot and that we emitted an odor of Jack Daniels and gasoline as long as somebody would ring up their crap.

Meanwhile, my coworker and spooning buddy, Gordon, had the worst of it as a wave of nausea almost struck him every half hour forcing him to regurgitate his Doritos into the trashcan in the back stockroom.

Mary and I kept popping Midol for our hangover headaches and ended up taking turns falling asleep in the back office desk.

As usual, Messy’s department managers were not to be found on the floor so we were left to own devices as many of the other hungover employees kept Mary’s wild party hush hush.

You would think custys would notice but they were just as oblivious tearing up the store and asking annoying questions so in retrospect I don’t feel guilty smelling and looking like a wino but what surprises me is how the custys didn’t say anything about any of our hungover appearance. C13a

Go figure.

Epilogue: After this incident, Mary almost got evicted from her apartment but thankfully was able to salvage her relationship with her landlord. She is now happily married and living on the east coast and no longer works as a retail slave.

Gordon eventually moved on to Doomingdales (Messy’s high end company) after being offered more pay and still has yet to curb his partying ways from what I heard.

I finally left Missy’s (involuntarily but I’ll save that for another RHU post) for another big fancy company with better pay but I have calmed down considerably since then and behaving myself.

Though I still laugh about my debauched nights with Messy’s coworkers, it is a bit ironic that no one except the parties involved ever knew about the wild party that went on.

Well that was until now...

--Queer Geek