I've worked several jobs in Retail Hell, including movie theater cleaning, cashier, bagger, door to door sales, and now a call center. I have hundreds of crazy custy stories, but I'm going to start out by giving out 1st and 2nd place for the Who Fucking Raised You Awards. Because we all end up wondering way too often if our crustys were raised by wolves to think this shit is acceptable in civilized society.
Second Place is from when I was doing 3rd party door to door sales for a telecomm company. You can imagine how intense things can get when you are actually at the customer's house. Sigh.
RICH BITCH KICKS ME IN THE ASS. LITERALLY:
So I go up to a door for a custy who already has our internet, so I have their name, and knock on the door. His wife answers, a Tiny Asian Lady (TAL), with a Pomeranian in her hand. I do my bullshit intro and ask her how the services are working.
TAL: IT SUCKS! I HATE *COMPANY* RAWRAWRRAWR
ME (way too used to this): Wow okay what's wrong with the internet?
TAL: NOTHING!! I JUST HATE *COMPANY*!! YOU GUYS SUCK AND BLAHBLAHBLAH
Me: Well maybe I can get someone out to check on it if you tell me what's wrong. And maybe I can save you money. What are you doing for TV and phone?
(Yes I will still try to sell. Straight commission pay is a life or death scenario)
TAL: STOP TRYING TO SELL ME STUFF GRRARTGAHS
ME (losing patience): I'm not trying to sell you anything *lies*. I'm trying to help you.
TAL: HOW IS THAT GOING TO HELP?! RAWRRAWR I HATE YOUR INTERNET BLAHBLAH
(She contnues to abuse me verbally for a few minutes while I just stand there like O_o)
ME (finally losing it): ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG SO WE WE CAN FIX YOUR FUCKING INTERNET?!
I shouldn't have said fuck, but I wasn't going to take her shit and my boss was awesome. I knew he'd have my back. Crusty didn't like that though.
TAL: *gasp* WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?! ROOOOAAAARRRRR
ME: fuck this noise.
So I walk all the way down her gigantic rich bitch front steps, out of her driveway, and am on the SIDEWALK, when I hear her throw her dog inside, slam the door, run down the steps, and next thing I know she KICKS ME IN THE ASS. LITERALLY. KICKS. ME. WTF?!
ME (astounded): did you just..? Did you just fucking KICK ME?! WHAT THE FUCK?! THAT'S ASSAULT! I'M CALLING THE COPS!
TAL: BLAHBLAHROOOAARR *goes inside*
Really? How is that okay?! Yes I came to your door, but you are ALREADY a customer and I hadn't even MENTIONED the word "sell" or anything like it. Plus its YOUR fucking house. If you don't want me to keep pushing you (and I will. I'm a good saleswoman) SHUT YOUR GODDAMN DOOR. Not that hard. Open, close. Open, close. Bitch.
I decide not to call the cops and just keep selling as she didn't hurt me (it was weak and hilarious. I was a bit shaken up though) and I hadn't been doing well in that area. So I kept going, only to be stopped by cops a half a block away. Turns out SHE called the cops on ME. So I got chewed out even though I'm the one who was assaulted. (Cops hated us.) Filled out a statement, but of course never heard back.
First Place is a lot shorter. It's from my current job in Call Center Hell for the competitor of my previous company. Not third party. Great pay. Not great enough for this though.
THE MOST EXPLICIT PHONECALL EVER.
ME: Fuck you for calling Pest, my name is blahblahscript how can I help you?
REALLY ANGRY GUY: Hi. I just called to let you know that YOU. ARE A BITCH. YES. YOU ARE A FUCKING BITCH. You work for a FUCKED UP company. You're company is SHIT. You are SHIT for working for the company.
He goes on. We aren't allowed to hang up on crustys so I decide to try ask him what the problem was. Of course he doesn't. He pauses. Then shit gets bad.
RAD: Do you have a wet pussy? I bet you do. I bet you have a nice, warm cunt. I bet you like to get fucked hard in your nasty wet cunt by your company, you stupid cunt. How do you like getting fucked you-"
*CLICK* I hung up. FUCK that. If they find out and want to write me up, go for it. I WILL NOT take that.
SERIOUSLY?! What the fuck is wrong with you?! Committ yourself, asshole. That is not okay on sooo many levels. I still can't believe he thought that was an acceptable way to talk to a stranger. WHAT?!
Some people's kids.
Anyway, sorry that was kind of long. I'll be writing often. Until then, stick it to the man any way you can ;)