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April Fools Pranks - Retail Hell Style

Retail hell underground 036a From Queer Geek:

If you’re like me, you enjoy a prank or two at work so I’m sure there are many funny anecdotes that many of you can relate to. Here are a few of mine.

It was a particular boring, dead evening at an overpriced toy store that I had worked at that my coworker dared me to prank call our neighboring sister store just for the hell of it.

Luckily the employees at the sister store were friends of ours so we knew they would appreciate a good joke. Putting on my best fake accent, I pretended to be an annoying custy on the phone asking for an item the company does not carry.

As I began pushing the issue to locate the item, the employee became flustered with me to the point that she would have reached over the receiver and rip out of my throat if she could. I finally made the big reveal and in her annoyance vowed she would get me back for the joke.

Sure enough, karma got its justice when she pranked me the next night pretending to be a representative from the city courts informing me I would be fined for not showing up for jury duty. (I made the mistake of bragging to everyone that I had mailed an excuse form to get out of jury duty so I wouldn’t have to serve.)

Well gullible me was shitting bricks so I was frantically running to the office to call the courthouse when my coworker called me back giving me the old “gotcha back” response. Lesson learned. Never mess with a good prankster.

Terri14
Another prank done to me was by a coworker when I use to work for a retail calling center. Basically my job was to answer phone calls and direct the line to whatever location or department the caller requested. This included paging announcements for custys.

Now the person that was shadowing me was not serious about her job so she thought it would be funny if she played a joke on me. Understand that I took this position seriously especially if I am training at a new job so it didn’t dawn on me that she was doing this.

So it was busy at the call center with phones lines lighting up and Miss Funnypants tells me to page a customer named Mike Hunt on the announcement system. For those of you reading this, repeat the name Mike Hunt several times fives times fast and you’ll get how obscene the name is. Sure enough I made the announcement to my shocked coworker who didn’t believe I would do it as she frantically grabbed the speaker and began sweating up a storm. Luckily, no one was paying attention so we were in the clear.

You would think after that incident Miss Funnypants would have learned her lesson. Apparently not. Again trying to entertain herself on a really slow, boring night Miss Funnypants decides to prank call retail slaves from the calling center. Being the good angel that I am, I advised her not to but she had other ideas. (Again read the first prank post above to see how how phone pranks never work.)

Threesome


Dialing the number, she contacts the women’s department and gets in touch with two old lady retail slaves named Peggy and Sam. Now I know personally know Peggy and Sam. They are sweetest old ladies you’ll ever meet however if you piss of Sam she turns into Bea Arthur in drag and will let you have it. Miss Funnypants decides she is still going to play her joke on them. The exchange happens like this.

“Good evening, you’ve reached the women’s department. Peggy speaking, how can I help you?” introduces Peggy.

“Hi I’m looking for so and so product that I heard you carried it,” says Miss Funnypants.

“I’m sorry that is not product that our company carries,” explains Peggy. “I do know that it is a specialize brand that is carried by Lax Sixth Avenue.”

“YOU’RE LYING! I KNOW YOU CARRY IT! CHECK YOUR FLOOR!” snaps Miss Funnypants.

“I apologize mam but it is not a product we carry or have in stock. Our company simply does not have it,” says Peggy.

“NO YOU’RE LYING! YOU’RE BEING RUDE! I KNOW YOU HAVE THE PRODUCT! YOU HAVE TO HELP ME!” screeches Miss Funnypants.

“I’m sorry mam but I assure you it’s not something we carry,” responds Peggy meekly.

At this point, I’m rolling my eyes and hoping my coworker would just end the joke but Miss Funnypants persists in turning the knife.

“YOU’RE LYING! I’LL CALL THE COMPANY! YOU’RE BEING RUDE! HOW CAN YOU NOT CARRY THE ITEM? YOU HAVE IT! YOU DON’T WANT ME TO HAVE IT! I’M CALLING YOUR MANAGER ON YOUR RUDENESS!” shouts Miss Funnypants.

Now Sam is listening on the conversation and decides to save the day by grabbing the phone from Peggy and giving her two cents to the caller.

“NOW LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT!” mouths Sam. “MY COWORKER HAS BEEN MORE THAN NICE IN HELPING YOU AND TELLING YOU WE DON’T HAVE IT! CALL THE OTHER STORE AND FUCK OFF!” Click.

After Sam hangs up, Miss Fancypants stares at me in astonishment. It just shows that some people can’t always take a joke.

--Queer Geek

Terri15

Comments

Marvinator

One of my first jobs was delivering pizza. The pizza place was located on the main drag and rather than parking in front of the store, we parked the little delivery car (yeah, a VW Bug) in the back. The alley was angled, and you had to make a 2nd turn to get into the parking place behind the store, which was blocked on 3 sides by the back walls of stores. VERY secluded. Not only that, but to get to the back door, you entered a covered walkway, which was lit by a single 60 watt bulb. Cue eerie music.

One Halloween night I came back from a delivery and as I was reaching for the back door, I noticed that someone had placed a really tall and ugly monster figure there in the dimly lit back walkway. Heh Heh I think....

Then. It. MOVED. It started to shamble toward me and my right arm reacted by nearly ripping the door right off it's hinged and at the same time I all but ran into the shop.

I immediately knew I had been pranked and the owner's son (about my age) came in the back door right behind me, sporting his monster mask laughing the whole time. It it still took a good 20 minutes to regain my composure and get my heart rate ack to normal.

I got him back about a week later, in nearly identical fashion.

KattyBitch

A coworker and I started our day at five this morning so we decided to make sure the next manager in has a good laugh. We ran packing tape down both sides of the filing cabinet drawers, put tape across the opening of the safe, put a note on the computer monitor that reads "screen is broken- just shows odd reflections" and best of all, took all the paper out of the printer except for one page that reads, "sorry, you have to reprint!" in magic marker. It's been half an hour and she hasn't gone in the office yet to find it. :)

Dark Lord of Marketing

Love it! It may not be retail, but the best one I've ever done I actually helped my mother pull off at her insurance company. They had just changed from the basic desks in the wild motif to actual cubicles with the overhead storage drawers, and apparently the person in the cube next to Mom was very energetic about opening the overhead drawers. Mom took me in one Saturday with her and brought a bunch of my He-Man figures, a roll of duct tape, and a bunch of shoestrings and spent the next hour tying, taping, and testing the setup. When all was done, she had it set up so that the He-Man figures were all sitting inside the overhead drawer with shoestrings tied around their necks and the other ends of the shoestrings taped to the underside of the "door" portion of the drawer with just enough slack so that when the door was flung open it would yank the figures off the container and they would dangle from the door. I didn't get to actually see the result, but Mom says that her co-worker shrieked in terror when she next opened her drawer and accidentally lynched Skeletor, Beast Man, Man-At-Arms, and Mech-a-Neck... :P

Wolfycat

I am so glad there is no work today.

One April 1st at Smosh, one of my managers was like "It's a slow day, you can go ahead and go home early." I was like YAY! "APRIL FOOLS!" ...boo.

snuzzle

So, Miss Funnypants' idea of a joke is to be verbally abusive to coworkers in the guise of being "funny"? Sheesh. Some people can't take a joke, but some people can't play a joke either :P

I kind of wish I had been scheduled to work today. I love April Fool's day but I have no one to prank when I'm stuck at home.

heavy melvanova

I pranked my mom and was lucky to survive ...

When my sister and I were kids, maybe 10 yrs old me and 13 her, I thot it'd be funny to put several white socks on my foot up to my knee, thus imitating a cast. We still had a pair of crutches from when my mom broke her leg a few years earlier, and I put them next to me on the couch. So we just sat there, watching TV and waiting for her to come home. She walked in the door, saw me and SCREEEECHED, OMG what happened, what happened, shriek scream pant pant !!!eleventy!!!! Scared me just as bad, all the screaming. She almost broke it for real when she saw it was a joke, boy was she pissed. Needless to say, we never did anything like that again. But still I think it was a pretty clever idea for a kid ...

Chicajojobe

@ Wolfycat: Ugh, not cool.
My manager once got me the opposite way. I came in early (before opening time) to process the five million boxes we got with the shipment the day before. By lunchtime the stockroom was neat, and I was ready to go for the day.
I'm clocking out at the register, and my manager says to me "Now you know you're coming back to close tonight, right?"
Just as I look up with a look that no doubt says 'please just sodomize me with a rusty pipe instead!' she cracks up.

FormerRetailSlave

This wasn't on April fools, but I was gotten good...
I was working in a photo lab and doing freelance photography on the side. I got a call from a client to take some pictures across town that needed to be fedex'd that day. They wanted slides, and I went all the way over there, got the pictures ant went into work to process them.

So I'm sitting in the back room waiting on them, and one of my co-workers, who was one of those REALLY nice people you would never expect to play a prank, came into the back room with a roll of film still attached to the leader card and said, "Your film came out, but it doesn't look right"

The entire strip of slides was black, like opening the back of your camera black. I ran completely cold inside. There was no way to go back across town, reshoot, process and get them sent on time. And WTF did I do to screw them up?

In the twenty seconds of silent panic and denial of trying to figure out what to do, she starts laughing. It was someone else's film. Mine came out fine.

If it had been anyone else I probably wouldn't have suspected, but she got me good.

NC Tony

It wasn't an April Fools joke for me either but I was gotten good too. I had just started working in a mall at Babbages (probably a GameStop now), around the time the ill-fated Sega Dreamcast came out.

One day I'm behind the register, one of my co-workers is out on the floor, the assistant manager is in the back room doing paperwork. The phone rings, a man with a heavy accent is yelling about how the computer game he bought from us turned out to be a hardcore porno movie instead, and it was our store's fault... no it was MY fault. I had been working for only a couple of weeks at this point but I knew everyone that worked there because I had worked down the hall at a restaurant and bought all my games at the store.

Anyway, the guy keeps yelling that it's my fault and he's going to come to the store and kick my ass, and I'm trying to apologize (when I could understand what he was saying). This goes on for nearly five minutes straight. Five minutes later the manager walks in and I tell him about the phone call, he starts talking in the same voice saying the exact same things. I had to laugh, he had gotten me good.

Terah

My April Fool's joke today was on every customer in the window. Whatever the price rang up as, I'd tack $10 to it. Say, it rings up at $34.49. I'd say 'That'll be $44.49, please.'

EVERY CUSTOMER FELL FOR IT! I was straight faced when I did it, nodding if they were disbelieving, and after some decided they needed them bad enough, or 'Well, no more cigarettes for me, then.' I'd respond with 'You know why they went up so much, right? Because it's April Fool's day.'

Surprisingly, absolutely no one got so much as upset over it, they thought it was hilarious.

Fischma

@Terah I wonder if any payed the higher price, even though it was a joke.

Fischma

I mean paid. Where's my brain today?

While i worked at a swimming pool some years back, some of us would call the other swimming pool and ask for Farley. We hung up after he came to the phone. Eventually, we stopped doing that when the guy threatened to call the cops on us. I don't think he was kidding. Neither pool exist now.

Skittles

When I was about ten or eleven I hid a sandwich baggie full of powdered sugar in the tent my parents had right before a camping trip. They found it while setting up the tent. So they called me over to talk with me with very serious looks on their faces. I told them they should taste it, and when they finally did they were so relieved that I didn't get in any trouble. The part I always wondered is how on earth they could believe a ten year old got what must have been two or three ounces of cocaine.

TheCheerfulTreeRat

Many moons ago I had a somewhat Anal boss. It was the job of the first person in the office to go and tilt his year planner where it hung on the wall. He'd walk in, tut and adjust it level again.

Drove him nuts.

Then he came in one day, tutted, went to straighten the planner and found that some Complete Bastard [looks innocent] had drawn an oblong on the wall in black marker pen which was just covered by a (crooked) year planner. He must have spent half an hour trying to adjust it to be as level as possible without the marker showing...

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