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When Closers Don't Finish their Responsibilities

OpenHELL Its Sweetie@Criminal, with a new story for you guys about the managementals at Criminal. Starring Ditzy Dumbass (DD) - General Store Manager, AwsomeCoolChick (ACC) and ProtocolPatsy (PP) -Merchandising.

There are more but they come up in different stories. The only person I get along with is ACC. She understands that the store being run by DD is doomed to fail but finds it hilarious, so she stays on to laugh at DD and to get paid while doing so. PP is an okay sort of person since she generally fixes all of DD's mistakes, but she's a bit of a stick in the mud concerning floor protocol. Okay, this story takes place on a Saturday the busiest day in the week for our store, I'm scheduled to open with PP and ACC at 10 am. I get to the store at 945 and both of them are already there. So I walk to the backroom where we keep our stuff in lockers, but I notice that the store looks kinda messy and untidy.

As I'm putting away my belongings, I see a note on the office door:

"Sorry about the messy floor we were rushing to clean, but there just wasn't any time. Also two registers came up short, and I counted the drawers twice. Maybe you can figure it out.-DD"

I figured Friday must have been hell, to leave the floor in that condition for Saturday. So I pay it no mind, that is until PP comes in pissed off. So I ask her whats up.

PP: "That idiotic woman left a freaking mess! Now WE have to clean and sweep the store in 10 mins."

Me: "Well, Friday can get really busy."


Me and ACC: "SIX??!!"

Let me explain, our store is very busy but you can close with 3 people including the manager on a busy shopping day, and it should take about a hour. This crazy lady took hours that the store didn't have (I know cause they cut both of my shifts over the last 2 days) to do nothing. No sweeping, no go backs, and no folding tables. NADA!

So while ACC and I hop to it to get the store presentable, PP counts out the drawers. It turns out the drawers weren't short; DD forgot to count a roll of quarters in two drawers and everything evened out after they were counted. So we open the doors to let the horde in (I swear this one custy looked like an orc).

I'm getting set up behind the cash wrap since I'm the only ringer in till 11, but here is no one on line so I decide to look over my schedule for the following week. I get the book out and look over today's line up to see who else I'm working with before I look over next week's, and I notice something weird. I wasn't scheduled 10am-2pm, I'm scheduled 2pm-6pm. When the FUCK did that change happen? I'm supposed to get notified about changes like this. I got calls about my shifts being cut two days in a row, but hell when they have to pay a bitch; nothing! This is third time DD has changed the schedule on me without so much as a voicemail.

Me: "Like hell I'm leaving only to come back later, after I had to clean up after her too!"

ACC: "Nah you're cool, the actual opener called out so no worries."

PP: "We thought that she called you to cover for her."

Me: "I'm only doing the 4 hour shift right? Cause I'll have a major bitch fit if I have to work a double without notice!"

ACC: "Actually due to DD idiocy in having 6 closers we would have had to cut your shift today too, so lucky you!"

Frankly, I'll consider myself lucky when DD gets fired. All my co-slaves and I have planned a huge party for when that happens. But for now I grin and bear it.

--Sweetie @ Criminal

Gas Station Boss Hell: Tyrant is Replaced By Dumbass Witches

A8 I miss our old tyrant.

Terah, here, checking in with some news from my little corner of hell - We're getting weeded out.

No, I don't mean we're rolling up and getting high (I wish...)

Our chain of command was well known, and I tell all new people 'Be careful of what you do or say. [CEO] can watch and hear us at any time. No cussing, try to not slouch, and wait until the customer leaves before telling me what a cunt she was, he's a very Christian man.'

Well, he's not our CEO anymore.

The chief decided he was doing such a wonderful job, he moved him to some new department. We now must face L, El, and TW (I can't think of any cute names for them... L, and El's names start with the same letter, TW stands for 'Teen Witch', as her name is the name of a famous 'Teenage Witch')

These three drive me crazy. Never worked a day of retail in their lives! The ones who look like they just spent 20 hours in a gym after munching on half a peanut, that skinny. Hell, L came through the store one and said 'Oh, these black mats that the workers stand on for several hours a day... get rid of them. You're lazy and stand on them too much.' Something like that, I dunno, I know it was her doing.

Now, they've demanded that my manager, who is so cool and awesome, cut our hours back.

Yeah. I work part time in a gas station, though I get 39 hours a week. The manager does that to keep the higher ups happy that we're not full time, but gives us the chance to make more money. Now the Deadly Trio has decided 'Fuck that shit!' and demanded we be cut back four hours.

That doesn't seem like much, four hours a week, but we're all part time. We only have two full time on my shift, Shift Leader 1 and Shift Leader 2. We have workers who have bills to pay. Hell, Lil' Mama has a baby on the way and medical bills. And she's gonna have to go on Maternity Leave in about a month, due to complications. She NEEDS those hours, her husband doesn't have a job, despite my 'gentle' suggestions on how to properly motivate him to do so, but she doesn't think beating him with a large bat until he does is a good idea. Meh.

I miss our old Tyrant... these new ones are demons from the pits of Hell, I tells ya!

Though, there is a bright spot - The manager is pissed over having to do this, so instead of cutting us off an entire day, or so, or even making us work a half day, she's cut two hours off of two days... and making a person in the Gas Station AND the Smoke Shop leave early every day. This way, if we get busy after and the Trio gets pissed, they were the ones who wanted them to leave. And, if we get too busy to leave, oh well. More hours for us!

Lots of love!


Coupon Hell and Return Shenanigans

Couponbitches Hey y'all, Denim Bitch again!

Plenty of shit has gone down since I wrote last, but mostly small WTF moments from clueless shoppers. Honestly, their stupidity makes my day sometimes :)

One chick was all like "do you guys sell skirts here?" me "yeah......." "WHERE!? I haven't seen any!" That's cause you walked up the kids side of the store fuckface. Her sister looked super embarrassed and was telling the dumbass to just follow her. Good times.

Anywhoo, I just remembered a crazy coupon lady (yes AGAIN! I get tons of them FML) that thought the coupon was worded very ambiguously!


It wasn't. Shocker.

So she comes through my line with her stuff (a fleece zip-up and some other non-fleece crap. The fleece is important!) So the coupon is X-amount of fleece or something so in big letters it says "X-Amount off of Fleece" and underneath that it says "Excludes fleece tops". So you can only buy fleece bottoms (duh).

I had yet to get into the habit of reading coupons before I scanned them, so I hit total and the screen pops up saying coupon not valid on this transaction or some other shit. I read the coupon, tell her bottoms not tops, blah blah kill me blah blah blah. Miss Thang gets very defensive and I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN IT'S VERY AMBIGUOUS IT MEANS SHIRTS NOT JACKETS RAWRRAWRNITPICKY!!!!

So I'm in the process of dying inside because really? It says no fleece tops. That means nothing you put ON TOP. A jacket is a top. Makes me want to gouge out my eye balls.

I have to call over a manager who then overrides the coupon cause its fucking markdown day and no one wants to deal with that. But I still raged internally as she got the coupon. Bitch.

Bear with me guys, I have one more tale of stupid. So in our store we can process returns from out online store. The return right back on to the card used, and you can't do exchanges, you have to return the item, finish that transaction AND THEN buy the the item. It's a pain and a fairly new policy (so I'm told) but we rarely have a problem with it. But sometime people will buy a gift for someone online and have it shipped to them and forget to do a gift invoice instead of a regular invoice. It isn't a big deal really, we can get around it (you have to process the online return, then have them re-buy those items, and then return them AND THEN do the exchange. A pain, but not a big deal).

Honestly, most people are understanding that it's just the system and there isn't anyway to make it easier, but this one chick was being such a bitch! I wanted to fucking throttle her!

So I do the return and say:

"So this will go on to the card you bought it with."

She says ok and I hit enter. Shit hits the fucking fan, she flipped! "She's all OMG no that's not what I wanted! My mom bought me this with HER card!"

Like I said this really isn't a big deal, it's all very fixable but then she continues:

".....this happened to me last time I tried to do this...."

O RLY? soooooooo, you knew this would happen? and you didn't come up to me and explain the situation?

So she keeps ranting and bitching about the stupid policy and how it's all our fault (bitch please) and just makes a huge fucking deal about it! I'm like girl calm the fuck down! Anyways so my manager fixes it in a jiffy, bitch leaves and we all have a laugh.

Stay sane,

--Denim Bitch

King of Queens Classic Retail Hell Moment


From SmockWearer: Saw this on TV last night and thought I should share. It's not in English, but go to 5:00 and the man is picking out yams, he asks the guy working for the special ones that are in the back. You know, because we all hide stock on custys! The rest you can figure out just by watching, Enjoy!