Hi! I just stumbled across your website and I must say it's amazing. Anyway, I work at a major cheap-shit jewelry store at the mall. Let's call it 'Hair's'.
Now, I have been in the seemingly endless hell pit of the dreaded food service industry; it isn't easy or fun. Retail, or at least in comparison to my previous two Hellish jobs, is easy as walking on cake. The custys still suck, but they are must less rude since I don't have extended contact with them. I say 'hey what's up' and move on. The rudest people I deal with are the ones who want me to punch holes in their, other their hellspawns, heads. Yes, ear piercings. Nobody seems to understand the proper etiquette on how to go about this.
So, I took it upon myself to write a list of what not to do. Read up, custys!
1. Don't be a cheap asshole.
I am putting a hole in your child's head; don't opt for the cheap shittly-made stainless steel earrings for your mothertrucking 3 month old. When I say that gold is better because there is a lesser chance of an allergic reaction, I am not talking out my ass. I may be trying to upsell but the real reason is because I don't want a damn call in two weeks asking why your child's ear is red and oozing pus. If you can't afford a nice pair of earrings for your child, why are you fucking bothering? It isn't a necessity.
2. I am not a doctor.
I am not even in college yet! Nobody who works at Hair's is going to have a MD, I promise you! Don't bring in your disgusting embedded ear that smells like rotted goat cheese and ask if I can take it out. Oh yeah, hold on let me go grab the rusted box cutter from the back. Don't call me and tell me you/your child's ear is red, bleeding, embedded, or has fallen off. I don't fucking know what to do nor do I give a damn. What possesses people to call me first anyway? That's like if a child is choking on a burger and their mom calls up the burger joint and asks if that is normal.
3. FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY AND GOOD, FUCKING LISTEN TO ME!
This is my biggest pet peeve. Put down the cellphone, stop yabbering on to your friend who you brought for 'moral support' and listen to me. I am not chattering away about the proper care of ear piercings because I just love listening to myself talk. Don't give me a blank drooly stare like I spoke gibberish because your mind is off thinking about a sale at the store down the way. I am talking to you for a goddamn reason and one thing I hate is repeating myself. If I left it up to you to read the aftercare information, you/your child's ear would have fucking gangrene. Contrary to belief, I am not trying to save mine or the Corporate's ass by telling you these things, I do actually care about the well-being of your piercings. Surprising, I know. Also, when I say initial the little lines don't say 'ok' and put a fucking check on them, god dammit.
Okay, this may spark up some controversy but I don't give a damn. I am so sick of piercing babies. It's, in my opinion, wrong on so many levels. The main reason I get for parents piercings their precious little angels is because people keep mistaking them for a boy. So, you're going to inflict unnecessary pain on your infant because someone told you your son is cute? Get over it! And don't tell me to make sure they're super duper even because, in case you are unaware, ears GROW. Your entire life. So, when your little angel turns into a stuck-up bitchy teenager, the holes are going to be fucked up, unless they are a very few lucky ones who happen to have symmetrical ears. I don't want to sit there for twenty minutes dotting your crying baby because the holes need to be lined up just right. Oh and the best part is when parents don't hold their babies right. I can't, and won't, pierce a fidgeting baby because the earring might go in wrong or I will miss the dot completely. When I say hold them down, I mean HOLD THEM DOWN. I can't tell you how many times I've fucked up because the parents let go at the last second and the baby jerks. Oh and stop with the fucking stink eye! Even when I do the piercing right, I get such an evil eye from parents because I made their 'baby-wabbies' cry. Of course their going to cry, I just rammed a sharp-ass earring into their lobe. It ain't gonna tickle!
Ahh, I feel better. That's my rant. Thanks for reading!