While working our fingers to the bone trying to keep up with our online copywriting duties, a colleague and I came up with 13 Lessons that Every Boss Should Know.
Our bosses (a married couple) act kind and caring on the outside but are cold and conniving on the inside.
We only wish that our bosses could read these and take a lesson in humility at the same time! I think most of the lessons relate pretty well to most people. Enjoy!
Lesson Number 1: If your employees have to drag their asses in by 8 AM EVERY morning, stay until 5PM, and make sure they work a full 8 hours daily, so should you.
Lesson Number 2: If your employees are kicking ass on their own, don't screw with them, especially if you don't offer perks or don't pay them shit.
Lesson Number 3: Deadlines are Goals!!!!
Lesson Number 4: The employees you talk to the least are probably the ones doing the most work. You know, that dirty work you don't wanna do yourself. It's okay to talk to them the least...but make sure you pay them the most.
Lesson Number 5: When you do talk to them, don't patronize them and call them favorites. You both know what's up, no sense in insulting anyone's intelligence.
Lesson Number 6: Decide what kind of company you are! Mom 'n' Pop or big business. Make the choice and stick with it--including the employee perks that go along with it.
Lesson Number 7: Don't be a tight ass on time. If you lose a day or so because they need time away, just do it. They'll be happy and you won't suffer a small drop in productivity that will last every single day.
Less Number 8: And salary? Really? Who are you, Ebenezer Scrooge?
Lesson Number 9: Shit happens. Deal with it! Your employees take your shit every day, and you need to understand theirs. Happy employees are productive employees! Upset ones stay in the bathroom and cry.
Lesson Number 10: Would it kill ya to truly listen from time to time? And say genuinely good things?
Lesson Number 11: If you employ less than 50 people, you're NOT badass. Quit worrying about profits, stock, and other bullshit. Your employees know better.
Lesson Number 12: Just because you're a cheerleader for team [company], doesn't mean we have to be. Stop making us do stupid corporate games and contests because you 'think' it boosts morale. It doesn't!
Lesson Number 13: If you truly can't afford to do nice things for employees, uh...quit thinking you’re fucking Trump Inc...don't hire a big staff.
--Desert Dark Angel