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13 Lesson Every Boss Should Know

AA13 Hey RHU! Desert Dark Angel here.

While working our fingers to the bone trying to keep up with our online copywriting duties, a colleague and I came up with 13 Lessons that Every Boss Should Know.

Our bosses (a married couple) act kind and caring on the outside but are cold and conniving on the inside.

We only wish that our bosses could read these and take a lesson in humility at the same time! I think most of the lessons relate pretty well to most people. Enjoy!

Lesson Number 1: If your employees have to drag their asses in by 8 AM EVERY morning, stay until 5PM, and make sure they work a full 8 hours daily, so should you.

Lesson Number 2: If your employees are kicking ass on their own, don't screw with them, especially if you don't offer perks or don't pay them shit.

Lesson Number 3: Deadlines are Goals!!!!

Lesson Number 4: The employees you talk to the least are probably the ones doing the most work. You know, that dirty work you don't wanna do yourself. It's okay to talk to them the least...but make sure you pay them the most.

Lesson Number 5: When you do talk to them, don't patronize them and call them favorites. You both know what's up, no sense in insulting anyone's intelligence.

Lesson Number 6: Decide what kind of company you are! Mom 'n' Pop or big business. Make the choice and stick with it--including the employee perks that go along with it.

Lesson Number 7: Don't be a tight ass on time. If you lose a day or so because they need time away, just do it. They'll be happy and you won't suffer a small drop in productivity that will last every single day.

Less Number 8: And salary? Really? Who are you, Ebenezer Scrooge?

Lesson Number 9: Shit happens. Deal with it! Your employees take your shit every day, and you need to understand theirs. Happy employees are productive employees! Upset ones stay in the bathroom and cry.

Lesson Number 10: Would it kill ya to truly listen from time to time? And say genuinely good things?

Lesson Number 11: If you employ less than 50 people, you're NOT badass. Quit worrying about profits, stock, and other bullshit. Your employees know better.

Lesson Number 12: Just because you're a cheerleader for team [company], doesn't mean we have to be. Stop making us do stupid corporate games and contests because you 'think' it boosts morale. It doesn't!

Lesson Number 13: If you truly can't afford to do nice things for employees, uh...quit thinking you’re fucking Trump Inc...don't hire a big staff.

--Desert Dark Angel

 

Comments

Kazekage

In school, a deadline wasn't a goal. Your grades suffered when you didn't make it. It is a deadline is a deadline is a deadline. If you're salaried there is very little reason for you not to make it, unless it's really above and beyond. If you're hourly, I sort of understand, unreasonable expectations happens when you need to fight the clock. If you really think that your deadline is just something to shoot for instead of abide by, then I think your employer should be able to give you shit for it. But hey, you're still getting paid right? No need to finish on time, doesn't affect you.

Donna

This needs to be sent to every CEO, CFO, President, VP, District Manager, Store Manager, anybody who's not a slave.

Laughing Barista

I'm a cheerleader for my employees more than my employer. Without my employees that help me like crazy, I would be shit outta luck.

Desert Dark Angel

Ok, maybe I should clarify the "Deadline is a Goal" comment. At our office, we make deadlines for getting a draft of copy to our clients. Those deadlines are set firm, and we abide by them as if they were gold. However, our employer believes that aside from the deadlines, we also need to have a weekly goal (read: quota) for the numbers of pages we write whether they are based off of deadlines or not. Our issue is: If we're meeting the deadlines (most of the time, we will send the draft days ahead of time), then why do we need ridiculous goals as well. We believe that the deadline is the goal, and as long as we're meeting them, there is no need for the weekly goal or busy work we are constantly being labored with. I hope this helps to justify the deadline=goal thing! :)

LeatherMinx

I love this.

I love this more than I love fluffy kitties and puppy kisses.

I love this more than Charlie Sheen loves tiger blood.

I love this more than Hellspawn love destroying our workplaces.

I love this more than Sarah Palin loves "pew-pew"ing.

DDA, you're my new favourite person, because 99% of this describes my main job, and you guys nailed it.

Desert Dark Angel

Well, thanks LeatherMinx! Glad you enjoyed it!

Emily

I'd like to add:
(In relation to Mom 'n' Pop type places)
You hire your staff for a reason, they do their job to your standards when you AREN'T there so when you are there, you don't need to hover/micromanage.

(to clarify-it is one thing to micromanage etc. if there are complaints, or if you see things that are blatantly wrong, but when you are in the place 3 nights a week for a few hours max and we are open 12 hours a day 7 days a week-then clearly we know how to do our jobs. As I said, you hired us for a reason-and have kept us for a reason too)

Selfemployedhappy

Wow - you just described the office I used to work in perfectly. You aren't in Northern New England, are you?

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