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Happy Halloween!

Tinmansheart

Have a frightfully awesome Halloween RHUers! And if any crazy custys give you crap, tell them the Tin Man knows where they live and he can never get enough hearts.

 


Queenie, the Dumbass Slayer: Savior of Attention Seeking Halloween Idiots

QUEERGEEK3For all you Whedonverse fans, this reference will make sense.

In every generation, there is a Retail Slave.  He alone will stand against the custys, evil corporations, and the faces of dumbass people.  He is Queenie, the Dumbass Slayer!

Okay seriously I feel an asshat needs to be slain just for being dumbass.  Case in point happened this past weekend involving some weirdo on public transit just because this month is Slutoween. 

What is Slutoween, you say?  It is the time of year women have an excuse to hooch it up, get wasted, hook up with some Coyote Ugly, and regret their actions the next morning.  It is also the time of year that the general public become total douches taking all the fun out of a kid’s holiday.  Here’s the story.

I had to work during the weekend at the butt crack of dawn because my office slave job requires I prepare the registers for the store opening.  Now I am not a morning person so thanks to several cups of Java and energy drinks I was tweeking on some serious caffeine. 

Anyway, I left work in the late afternoon to go home accompanied by my galpals Mixie and Trixie (not their real names) who left early as well because the store was slow and their sales were low.  Since we work in the city, we take the public bus to avoid the price gouging of parking prices, gas, and traffic which is great if you want to chill on your way home.  Everything was fine until a passenger came on who I shall name Mr. Attention Seeker.

Epic-win-photos-bus-stop-win

Let me explain Mr. Attention Seeker.  He meanders close to our seat looking like a possessed demon bearing fake monster fangs and growling at passengers.  Though I admire Mr. Attention Seeker’s good make-up job, I am not in any mood to deal with this idiot’s shenanigans especially when I’m dead tired.  He starts to growl at me and my friends and other passengers freaking out the little kids sitting nearby forcing me to turn into the superhero Queenie, the Dumbass Slayer!

Mr Attention Seeker: *Growl*  I’ll swallow your soul!

Queenie: Boy, puh-leeze!  You have to learn how to spit before swallowing.

Mr. Attention Seeker: *Growl* Are you afraid?

Queenie: Why should I be?  I live in a barrio.  Try walking down my neighborhood at midnight amid the sounds of gunshots.

Mr. Attention Seeker: *Roar* I’ll steal your soul!

(At this point, my sidekicks Mixie and Trixie come to my rescue.)

Mixie: *Shakes her water bottle.*  The power of this holy water compels you!  Go away!

Trixie: *Rolls her head around*  Look I’m can play possessed too!  *Growls* Your mother sucks cocks in Hell!  Now exorcise me!

Queenie: Somebody get me a stake or better yet a pocket rocket so I can kill this fool!

Mr. Attention Seeker: *Breaks character.* You guys are no fun.   You all suck!   Come on it’s Halloween.

Mixie: Whatever dude.  We’re not in the mood.

Seeing how Mr. Attention Seeker is getting nowhere with his antics, he arrives at his stop and gets off.  Queenie, the Dumbass Slayer has saved the day!  The other passengers cheer.

Passenger: Weren’t you scared at all with all those scary teeth?

Queenie: Nah, I’m a Retail Slave.  This is Halloween.  I’m use to seeing a bunch of wackos in the city.

It is true.  Working in the city has made me desensitized to the nutjobs around me.  Slutoween is not any different.  I’ve seen zombie protestors march around the city.  I’ve watched the homeless run around naked and defecate in public.  I’ve even seen Slutoween get even skankier every year with pasties and band-aids serving as a costume.  Still, when such horrible evil custy monsters come out of the woodwork it is Queenie the Dumbass Slayer to the rescue!

Batteries and accessories sold separately.  Action figures manufactured in China may contain lead poisoning.

--Queer Geek

 


Live From Hellgreens Halloween Hell Part 2

HELLGREENSDrug Store Diva reporting from Hellgreens Helloween Weekend!

Once again, it was crazy busy however today was not as nice as last night.  Tonight we got the piggies, the NATs, discount rats, and hellspawn.  

First off, I shouldn't be surprised to find a verbal warning (aka write up) for being 2 1/2 hours late...because I went to church.  I let last night's closing manager know, actually I asked him about mid-shift how I should let tonight's closing manager know I would be late.  He shrugged, so I asked if I should leave a note, he said "I guess so", so I left a note.   Store policy states that a call in has to have at least 2 hours notice. 

Today's manager came in at 3, I was supposed to start at 4 so she considered that one hour notice, despite me telling the manager last night.  Her reason...I didn't call her cell phone.  Why didn't I call her cell phone?  I don't have the number!  Then she basically said I can't just change my availability on a whim (which I'm not, according to my application I have no Sunday availability) and with the holidays coming up the chances of her scheduling me like that are pretty nil.  So I made the decision to look for a non-retail job and will put in my notice when Messysomething comes up.

The customers:  Hellspawn yelling for candy, discount rats wanting last week's price on candy, and the "Why don't you have this candy, tomorrow is Halloween!" custys. 

The Halloween aisle was a mess with a ton of opened and empty costume packages, we even found makeup smeared on one of the shelves.

I worked 6 hours with an excruciating backache, hoping it subsides by tomorrow's shift....when I'll be working dressed as a Hogwarts student.

--Drug Store Diva

 


Jason's Halloween Store Hell Report

 
RHSEPT 301HALLOWEEN HORROR HELL IS HERE!!!!

BLOODSUCKING BITCHES AND PIGGY HO'S everywhere I look!

Their rotten stench fills the store's musty air.

MY Department is in chaos throughout the DAY...the bloodsuckers and piggies walk in but they just won't pay.

Talk...Talk...Talk...

Gnash... Gnash... Gnash...

Nom. Fuckin Nom.

The demanding undead custys act like Dementors hungry for their product and threatening to take our souls.

But the bloodthirsty bitches have no cash as they whip out their claws.

Hey SHIT FOR BRAINS...

QUIT that pounding on the glass..the store is CLOSED...

--Jason of The Underground

 Hallo