Custy Takes Nap On McDonalds Counter
Major Sigange Fail

RHU Advice: How Do You Handle Being Attacked By A Creepy Custy?

A3Hey guys, HyperLink here once again with a short update.

This time my story isn't so much funny/stupid as it is disgusting and terrifying. You'll see why in a moment, let me just set the scene for you.

As I mentioned last time, I work in a internet/gaming cafe. It gets pretty loud and I work from 3-11 most nights, normally the customers are loud and messy but honestly, that's the worst of it. Or at least I thought so until tonight, about twenty minutes ago to be exact.

"So what happened?" I hear you ask. Well, let me start from the top.

I'm at work, minding my own business, when this tourist comes in wanting to use the scanner. He says he's never used one before so I step him through the entire process. He seems like a perfectly normal guy and I wander off once he's done to do some cleaning. (read: check facebook, which I'm actually allowed to do :D)

After a bit he asks me if I want to have a cigarette. This is a totally normal scenario where I work (which will henceforth be called LazyLan, because I seriously don't have to do all that much) and since there's only one person on the clock at LazyLan at a time, I have to take all my cigarette breaks out the front of the store so that I can keep an eye on the register.

Creepycusty

Now, keep in mind that LazyLan has a doorway (like most buildings), and right next to said doorway there's an indent in the wall probably about 2 square feet tops big enough to fit one or two people in, but since we have an ashtray in there, it really only fits one person. This guy just pushes me into this tiny space and forces himself on me. Wandering hands and dirty, filthy disgusting mouth!

I was stunned for a minute but I pushed him off and went back inside, where he didn't follow thank God!

I have never felt so violated in all my years, first thing I did was went out back and lost my lunch. Then I put a note on his account so the other girls get a warning whenever he puts time on his account.

I wanted to call in the guy who's meant to be taking over after my shift or my boss or something, but I don't have any numbers, so I'm stuck here for another two hours when all I want to do is go home and cry into my pillow.

RHU What should I do, do I just drink a cup of concrete and harden the fuck up? I don't think there's anything I can do. Have crustys ever done something like this to you?

How did you deal with it?

--Hyperlink

 

Comments

JacJacGirl

You SHOULD NOT let this go. That behaviour is completely unacceptable in every way, shape and form !

Tell your boss and have him banned from the location. He's probably gotten away with it before.

Potentially tell the cops (if you want to go down that road, he has sexually assaulted you !)

All in all, stay strong - it wasn't your fault and he's clearly lower than pond scum.

Lady Red

OH my gosh I'm so sorry this happened to you. I agree with Jac JacGirl, do not let this go no matter what anyone says. .

You need to talk with the boss and have that guy banned before he does it again , and perhaps does worse to you or another female employee.

and yes tell the cops to because I believe that was sexual assault. He should get in serious trouble for that. What a Perverted creepy , I hope he gets banned and arrested.

Luci

I agree with JacJac Girl. Do you have his info? Tell your boss, tell the police. This is abhorrent and wrong.

MahiMahi

Ok first, Force himself on you, what does it mean, like, pinned you against the wall. there was groping as well, You CANNOT let him get away with this. You need to tell your boss AND the cops.

Hellmart elf

Write down exactly what happened with as many details as you can remember. Get a good description of him and any info on his account would be great and any video footage of the actual assault would be even better especially if you decide to press charges. Tell your boss and have him banned any kind of groping or kissing that you didn't want is sexual harassment. Notify the police. DO NOT leave the store alone at night and make sure you are not followed home for at least a month.

Framer-Fatal

If he touched you in a sexual way at all, take his account info and not only tell your boss, but call the cops ASAP. Give them his info and a description. Even if they don't hunt him down that time, that's evidence that will immediately pop up if he ever has contact with the law again.
And of course, banning him is par the course. He better be banned for life, and not allowed to even set foot near the grounds. Ask your boss if there's a camera anywhere near that nook and keep his photos posted.

JacJacGirl

Shut up, you need to shut up !

It's none of your business what actually went down, and given that it just happened i'm tipping Hyperlink doesn't really want to go into that with people on the internet ! And from what she's said, that is sexual assault (at least in my jurisdiction !) to begin with.

The details of what happened are a question for the cops, not a voyeur like you .

photoslave

If it had been me, I would have applied a firm knee to his nuts before getting out my pepper spray. Then I would have called the cops and pressed charges for sexual assault. If you see him again, call the cops.

Humor_Me

I'm almost 100% sure that what you have is a case of sexual assault. I was put in this place with the maintenance man of my apartment, and I kick myself for ever letting him get away with it. As it was, I was protected by a large dog that wouldn't have hurt him, but he was frightened by her looks none the less. This asshole had the keys to my apartment! Fortunately, the landlord, who lived below him, had the keys to his, and he liked me. When I finally had to tell him that I wasn't comfortable with him being alone in the apartment with me doing work while I was recovering from surgery, he had a "man to man" talk and I got an apology.

Please contact me either through FB, my blog, or Freddy, and I think I can point you in the right direction to help you.

Melpomene

What happened is sexual assault. You can press charges if you want to, I would recommend reporting it to the police, with as much detail as you can give. Full description, info from any identification he gave, a full account of what happened and all interaction with him, including when you were showing him how to use the scanner.
Definitely report it to your boss and make sure he is banned, to protect yourself from that situation again, and to protect your colleagues.

I hope you're ok.

L

I am so sorry for you! Please take care and contact your boss and the police with his information. Nobody deserves that to happen to them and you're right; he might do worse to a coworker or a customer in the future if he isn't stopped now!

Redheadactress

I agree with everyone here. It was sexual assault and it needs to be reported.

Mistress Macha

Shut up, she said 'wandering hands and dirty, filthy disgusting mouth.' I think that pretty much covers it, and yes, that is sexual assault, and any more detail isn't needed to be able to say 'call the cops!'

Hyperlink, I run a blog/support network thing for people who have been victims of things like this, if you want to talk more about it or just want to read some hopefully helpful advice. It's on tumblr under the url oneirishgirlsperspective if you do.

Kay

You don't need to toughen up. What he did to you was not right. Follow the other suggestions here. You shouldn't have to feel like you need to put up with this crap. Report him!

Durango Deli Slave

Details are not needed. What you said was more than enough. I'm so very sorry that this happened to you. And yes, I believe the police should be involved. The guy sounds like a wandering freak, and should be picked up for assault.

jenn

And you didn't phone the police right then and there why?

That's assault, and in the US more punishable then most countries. Hell you could'a shot the guy and gotten away with it.

Call the police, report the whole incident and make sure this fucker never gets to look at another person again

Pagemaster

There is absolutely no reason you need to 'toughen up', he assaulted you. That's illegal and you absolutely need to inform your employer and the police of what happened.

Shannah

You definitely didn't deserve what happened, and you don't need to be telling all the details to some random *coughShutupcough* person on the net in order to get good advice.

You got great advice. Defending yourself would have been totally appropriate, having the guy banned is appropriate, and calling the police is appropriate. Doesn't matter whether your boss thinks it's "good business practice" or not. You were assaulted, and not only do you deserve to defend yourself, if what you do now means this guy doesn't assault the next woman, more the better.

How dare this cretin put his hands on you without your permission??

Chicajojobe

I'd have called the cops!
That was sexual assault pure and simple.
However, you don't have do anything you don't want to. I would recommend reporting this though, and not letting your boss get away with anything other than permanently banning him from the store! It's, of course, your choice though.

Even if the cops say that there isn't a lot they can do, at least he'll be on their radar in case he comes back and hopefully he won't end up doing worse to another woman.

Kohaku

CALL THE FREAKING COPS.

Don't you DARE let the fucker go without pressing charges. He could very well try this shit again and potentially manage a LOT worse if he doesn't get arrested. Don't man up, and don't say "oh well just glad it's over with who cares about getting the sick fuck off the streets". CHARGE THE SNATCHPLUNGER.

MahiMahi

I suggest carrying around pepper spray with you now, when you leave the place, maybe hold your keys between your fingers, keep your cell where it can easily be reached. DEFINITELY inform the cops.
He kissed you and touched you and I hope it didn't go beyond that. DO NOT let this go, if you do, it's an excuse for him to come back and do it again. If he does, Scream, make a scene, kick, scratch, bite, yank hair, whatever.

Honestly, sometimes I think all women(and, well, men and children too) should have to take self defense classes. It doesn't matter if you "think you can just shove them away." or "take them on" or "if you have pepper spray" or WHATEVER.
But seriously, I am sounding like a broken record, but DO NOT shrug this off.
I actually asked for more details also, and I apologize, it was only because it seemed it was more than just the groping and the kisses.

Queer Geek

Sexual assault. Definitely file a report and let your manager know.

Queenofcrows

Something like this happened to me at work a few months back (not by a crusty -- by the delivery truck driver who brings our stock), and my initial response was the same -- "ZOMG what do I do and am I just being a wimp about it!?" That mindset I think comes from years of working for various companies who couldn't give a damn about their staff -- including one boss who blamed me (short petite female) for a big drunk male customer coming after me with his fists, and another who responded dismissively to my concerns about the known violent sex offender who'd been scoping out the store and harrassing myself and another female staff member. Slaves tend to get conditioned to think of themselves as disposable and without human value, because that is how they are often treated.

Hyperlink, I send you warm thoughts of reassurance and support. If you have not yet filed a report with the police, please do so and share with them all his contact and other information that's in his account.

Take a few days off work, if you can -- and see if you can work just days or with a coworker for awhile. If possible, go talk to a counsellor -- this kind of thing is very traumatizing, and even if you feel 'fine' down the road, it does tend to come haunt one in the form of nightmares, panic attacks, or new phobias. Above all, give yourself time to be angry and upset, and to heal.

This *is* sexual assault! The guy who assaulted me used only his hands, not his mouth -- he's being taken to court on charges of sexual assault, he's got a restraining order against contacting me or being within several blocks of my store, and he was fired from his job of 15 years. And my awesomely supportive company (retail clothing that rhymes with Toots) has banned him from all their stores for life.

Kay

Yeah, the not wanting to make a scene is also culturally conditioned. Gals are taught from childhood to be nice and not hurt feelings. We're also taught to doubt our reactions and worry about whether or not we have valid concerns or whether we're just being hysterical women.

Trigger Warning: Rape

This is a great post by another blogger that discusses the cultural conditioning women have to overcome when confronted by someone who is aggressive.
http://fugitivus.wordpress.com/2009/06/26/another-post-about-rape-3/

Gadebalran

Have to agree with the other posters. Tell your boss, get as much info as you can on him and call the cops. Unwanted physical contact, especially of a sexual nature as you implied, WILL get him arrested. You could probably also get a restraining order against him.

When you do talk to the cops, go into as much detail as possible and don't worry about being embarrassed. Tell them straight up what he did and where he touched you, don't mince words. The more direct you can be about it, the better.

HyperLink

The thing is guys I don't want to call the cops, it was scary and I feel completely violated (Not to mention I can't seem to get excited in bed now.) but it was over before I really knew what was happening.
I would tell my boss except he's overseas. I'm sure if he was here he'd have hauled that fuckers ass out of here (My boss is UBER nice, he bought me ice-cream when my boyfriend didn't ring me for my birthday) but he's not, and nobody knows when he's coming back.
It's been a few days now and I'm a lot less timid now, but it made a huge impact.

Pressganged

Shut Up, I can't decide if you're trolling or serious but I don't really give a fuck. Stop with the victim blaming. It is seriously not okay.

HyperLink, don't minimize your own feelings about it. You were touched without your permission, and pushed him off. He is going to try it again, and the next girl may not be as strong as you, or he may come with a weapon in order to better be in control -- because that's what sexual assault is: CONTROL. Protect yourself, protect the next person. Call the cops. Hopefully they will be sympathetic and not victim blaming douchecanoes, and if nothing else he will be on their radar.

MahiMahi

If you don't call the cops,you're just saying "Do it again,do it to other girls, because I let you get away with it." Your boss is over seas, he can't do anything.
What are you going to do if he comes back? Just take it?
DO NOT down play this. This isn't just something you can let go.
I'm sorry if I am coming off as harsh. Truly I am. You don't deserve any of that bull that fucker put you through, but when this guy see's you DID nothing, he very likely will come back. And who knows? It could escalate into rape. I'm probably just being paranoid. But in a case like this, you NEED to speak up.
I also suggest you talk to someone, not just here on the internet, people in REAL life, a good friend, your mom, a sister....

MahiMahi

But if you really don't want to tell the cops, we really can't make you. Just....make sure you cary around some pepper spray and if he comes back, physically hurt him if he tries anything again, and don't be afraid to just completely go off on him. I also suggest you warn other girls who come to the place.

MahiMahi

I'm commenting a lot. I'm just doing this because this is much more serious than the average RHU post. People like him who think they can just get away with bull shit like that fucking piss me off.
In my previous comment I said, If you really don't want to tell the cops, we can't make you. And we can't, we only know you over the internet.
But it isn't a matter of "Want to" it's a matter of "you HAVE to.". Stop this before it get's worse. Please. WE DON'T want to you to get more hurt than you already are.

Gadebalran

Gotta agree with MahiMahi, you need to report this. He'll think he got away with it and be emboldened to try it again, either with you or someone else. And he'll probably start escalating his attacks. This guy is sick in the head and you have an opportunity to stop him before he really hurts someone. Please talk to the cops, ask for a female officer if it helps and one is available. They'll take it seriously, just be honest with them and don't leave out any details. You are a victim here, don't let it stop you from doing the right thing.

Hellmart elf

I see a lot of people suggesting pepper spray but I'd like to point out that wasp spray cans are bigger and if you get it in your eyes you could go blind. Just a thought.
And as MahiMahi pointed out if you don't report it he will take it as a go-ahead to do it again.
If your boss is overseas call him or e-mail him or send a fax or SOMETHING he needs to know that a creepy creeper is hanging around his store and attacked one of his employees.
Counselling or therapy can help you deal with this. You may be feeling angry and guilty and scared and you need to deal with these feelings before they can cause you more problems than just in the bedroom.
I sincerely hope that you do call the cops. I understand not wanting to make mountains out of molehills like women are always taught but this is a big deal and should not be ignored.

Green Grin

Even if you decide not to call the cops you should still talk to someone about it. Most cities should have a number or something for people who have been sexually assaulted to call for advice and help. If you do go to the police, they can refer you to victim's services and you might get free counseling. That's what happens around here anyways.

If your workplace has video cameras you should make sure that any video of him won't be erased in case you do decide to report him. Extra evidence only makes things easier.

I hope you do decide to report the creep. Remember that everything that happened was his fault and he is entirely to blame. You are not responsible for anything he did. You shouldn't have to feel unsafe because of him.

Also, I'd see about getting a number list in case you ever need to call anyone again. You could come down with the flu or the computers could all freeze up and you'd be stuck at the store unable to reach a coworker. It's just an added layer of security.

And if you ever see that fucker again, call 911. Don't hesitate. Do it to protect yourself.

Durango Deli Slave

@Kay- That was an amazing article! Thanks for posting that link.

@HyperLink- You said the guy was a tourist? If you don't want to call the cops, that's your decision, but I would at least, talk to the other businesses around the area where you work, and let them know what happened. The guy might be staying around the area, and he might try something like this again, and the next time he might take it further.

Keep your chin up, girl.This dude jumped out of left field and caught you with your guard down, just don't let it happen again (him or anybody else). Next time, just put your lit cigarette out in his eye :)

Katie

Everyone is saying he might escalate or if you don't report it, he might come back and do worse, or attack someone else. I'd like to add that it's possible someone else has already been attacked, and you are not the first! Maybe SHE ( or they) didn't report it either! By reporting it, you will add to the case against him and by doing so, it might help others to come forward. Also, I hate to say it, but the best thing would be to write down as much as you can remember. The longer you wait, the more you will forget and second guess yourself.

Evie

Whatever you decide to do, I'm here for you, and I bet a lot of the others are too. It's so fucking unfair that half the species has to think about carrying poisons and weapons in their hands at night just because a few sociopaths can't keep their hands to themselves. Anyways, you're not alone. Sending love and warm thoughts your way.

Hellbound Alleee

What a fucking criminal! I can only imagine what this guy is doing to other women out there. He needs to be stopped and put in his place.

Bored at the Bookstore

The dirtbag is a predator. You're probably not the first, and won't be the last. It's late to call the cops now, but yes, it's necessary. What if .... nevermind. The other's've already said it.

About the pepper spray - some places, you have to have a permit to carry, just like a gun. But hairspray works just as well when sprayed in the eyes, and is completely legal. Even spray cologne stings like everything.

You don't need to "drink a cup of concrete", dear; you need to protect yourself and other women like you from this evil man.

Virtual hugs.

Chicajojobe

As I said it's your choice, we can't make you do anything you don't want to do.

However, I personally would like to see this incident reported. I tired to hint at it, but like others I think there's a good chance this guy will escalate to full rape, maybe not with you, in fact probably not. I'm not trying to scare you, but...well this is scary!
Maybe you could check the websites of the police department and see if they have an anonymous tipline so at least they'll know this guy is out there? If you do this be sure it's the one who has jurisdiction where your work place is, might be different than your home.

Also, don't minimize your feelings about the issue and tell yourself that it isn't a big deal. Losing your lunch, not feeling safe at work, and not being able to enjoy your sex life IS a big deal. Even if you decide not to report this I suggest making a call to a sexual assault crisis hotline. They won't pressure you to report, they won't make you give them your name or information if you don't want to (though they might ask), the only way that they'd intervene is if you talked about planning to hurt yourself or someone else...and they're well trained to assess that so for it to happen you'd pretty much have to say that you had a weapon in your hand ready to do it.

Chicajojobe

@Shut Up,

Fuck off!

Kay

What Chicajojobe said.

Also, remember that there is *no shame* in saying "I need help." There is something of a stigma in our society against people who seek counseling or other mental health treatment. It's wrong. You'd see a specialist if you broke your arm. The only difference here is that no one else can see your injury. It's invisibility makes it no less real. The hardest step is reaching out.

If you're in the US, here's a resource for you (if you want it):
http://www.rainn.org/get-help/national-sexual-assault-hotline

Kat

@Shut up: Do you NOT know what "wandering hands" MEANS? It means someone's hands are going where they aren't supposed to go. AKA, they are touching you in bad places -_- Generally those who have been assaulted don't want to go into detail when they DON'T HAVE TO, so asking her to, when YOU cannot help her, is just being insensitive. The only people who need to be given the gritty details are police and the courtroom (if it ever gets that far). You're just being a jackass, in fact all of your comments thus far seem to be that of a jackass, so I suggest you smarten the fuck up or get the hell off this site and to 4chan where your assholery will actually be appreciated.

Kay

@ Kat,

Very nicely put. My only quibble is that comparing "Shut up" to a jackass is an insult to the many fine jackasses I have known. They would never behave in such a disgusting manner being generally sweet tempered and intelligent animals.

@ Shut up
Why don't you be true to your pseudonym and stuff it? You aren't adding anything of value to this discussion. People with reading comprehension skills exceeding that of a louse living on an inbred chimpanzee perfectly understood what Hyperlink experienced and gave zir good advice without requiring that zie be more explicit. Hyperlink can now make the best decision according to zes specific experience. There is no reason to ask zie to re-live something uncomfortable when we are neither law enforcement nor professional counselors.

In short, S.T.F.U.

MahiMahi

@Shut up. It's pretty clear she was SHOVED against a wall. He CLEARLY kissed her and touched her.
Shut up, I think you belong in Iraq or Pakistan, you know, one of the countries where the WOMAN is blamed when she is sexually assulted and/or raped, and then you know, the whole village rapes her or stones her to death.
She is NOT being overly sensative. I have never met a women who considers wandering hands to be just a gesture to her breasts.
Hyperlink, ignore him(or her).

Skittles

@hyperLink
I would strongly recommend you contact the police and report the assault. If you can't bring yourself to do that please consider trying to find a therapist to talk to or a rape victims group to attend. The feelings and reactions you are going through are very similar to rape as with any type of sexual assault. The longer you put off dealing with them the worse they may get and the harder it will be to deal with them then. Buying and carrying a pepper spray that is sized to fit your key chain is a very good idea. Using your keys as a sort of brass knuckles only works well if you swing at the persons face and might potentially be ineffective, as well as allowing an attacker to get close to you.

Nixxee

As someone who did NOT report an incident in my youth because I was to worried about making a scene, I highly recommend you contact law enforcement. Even if they can't do anything about this instance, it will be on file and help build a case if/when he escalates.

Playing unwilling devil's advocate for Shutup... the only reason I can think for some one to ask you to (wrongly, voyeuristically, callously, ect) ask for more details is to make sure you can articulate what actually happened. THIS IS NOT THE PLACE FOR THAT! Just make sure you CAN do that if needed. Even if it has been a month or more you can still report, it will take a large amount of nerve, and possibly a stiff drink afterward, but you'll be okay.

QuitCryingNoOneCares

Honestly, what happened to you wasn't all that extreme. Sure, it may have sucked, but you shouldn't let it get under your skin. You shoulda kicked him in the junk and told him to get lost. Yeah, I'd have lost my lunch too. But to go calling cops and pressing charges and getting so dramatic and histrionic about it isn't going to help anything. He should be banned though.

Delusional Convenience Store Clerk

Holy shit, I am sorry you went through that. I'd call the police if I were you. Make sure the fledgling rapist is banned from your workplace too. :<

/hug

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