Fun with Matches at Work
Black Friday Tales From The Mall



Stupid Cosmo. Stupid article writer is probably a custy from hell thinking they're givinf "good advice."

Grendus the Self Check Guy

How old is this? I vaguely remember something like this a while back, is this a new printing or old news?

NC Tony

Probably cut and pasted from last year. Someone should write them and tell them that the only thing this gets them is our eternal scorn.


I'm pretty sure this is the one from last year. And I think Cosmo apologized for it, even though they shouldn't have printed it in the first place.


I didn't exactly need another reason to despise this publication, but it's nice to know that I have one.

heavy melvanova

Sorry, but I don't give a frog's fat ass whether that customer shops where I work or not. My huge chain store sure as heck ain't going out of business cause of that one piddly sale. We're tops in our field, so there. Maybe if she asked like a human fuckin being instead of yelling, I'd be more than happy to try to help her.



What I don't get is how fracking hard is it to hold onto a receipt or better yet, ask for a gift receipt? I printed out tons of them today and most people stick them in their wallets and sort them out later.


Yep, they posted an apology and retraction for this article in the following months magazine.


It's wasn't really an apology if I remember correctly, it was a, We're sorry you got offended not even half-hearted apology. Glad I never subscribed when my friends tried to get me to.

2020k - RJ

Wow, screw Cosmo.


wow. i think i remember seeing this when it was printed. what stupid advice. i always keep my receipts and if i lose it, then i'm stuck with the purchase. that's how i see it anyways. if people can't even keep track of their receipts, then they shouldn't be able to return crap. and always get a gift receipt!! why is that so hard? the cashiers almost always ask if you want one especially this time of year. being an asshole crusty about it just makes you look bad.


Cosmo pisses me off for its obsession with sex anyway, so this is just icing on the cake for my hate of it. I can't believe this shit is still being upheld as actual advice. No wonder customers act like huge bullies. Everyone is telling them they can get away with it.


Wait, you mean this was a genuine article and not just a parody?! My faith in humanity just dropped so low, even negative numbers can't accommodate it...


Cosmo's research for this article blurb:
Step 1: Find the douchiest customer in the store
Step 2: Follow and record their actions
Step 3: Recommend said actions to incompetent readers.

And the part about just handing over the merchandise and hoping the clerk forgets to ask for it: Hello ignorance! How many chain stores these days don't require a receipt to even begin a return transaction?


Fucking Cosmo. This piece of crap never should have been written in the first place. I hope the writer got festering boils on her ass.

C Store Jockey


(im a man so i dont buy it anyway)

Queer Geek

The whole, "I spend so much money here..." is complete bullshit! I don't care where you spend your money. Hell, I spend my money here, there, and everywhere too! The return policy is stated as such so comply with it. If the custy wants to take their business somewhere else. Oh well. There's plenty of other custys ready to take their place! Cosmo can suck it! Then again, they have articles on how to do it properly! Even though their techniques need some improvement!


Personally, where I work if a customer doesn't have their reciept we refund them at the last sale price on a gift voucher. Most people accept that we really only get rants when something has gone onto clearance and they're only getting $30 when they most likely paid double that, but it's their own stupid fault for not keeping their reciept, I mean seriously how hard can it be????


summary: BE A GIANT CUNT


I've had instances where I wanted to return stuff but I didn't have the receipt anymore. It's called suck it up and deal with it, it's you're own fault for not hanging onto it. If you really don't want/need the item anymore try to resell it on ebay or something.


After receiving (presumably hundreds of) letters from pissed-off retail employees, Cosmo printed an...I wouldn't say retraction or apology, more like an acknowledgement.



No receipt? NO RETURN!

How much EASIER could it GET?


Dick move Cosmo. Really? This is a how-to guide for asshats, thanks a lot.

Oy Veh

Ah, Cosmo. The Magazine of prudish psychopaths who want to trap men with the promise of they're being sex-crazed psychopaths.

Have you ever read the relationship "advice" in that shit mag? I'm certain, if followed, it would get people arrested.

Shit mag for shitforbrains.

Bizhub Bitch

Cosmo just reprints the same crap every year. They encourage self-entitlement, bitchiness, and bad, spoiled child manners. What a shitty thing to write. Even hearing someone mention it in a store makes my skin crawl, let alone seeing a magazine telling people to do it. FAIL


Yeah...I admit...I've had to break my mom's habit of doing stuff like this. She's never been nasty to the cashiers...but...*shudders*


I feel bad for people who read and BELIEVE everything Cosmo says... your Common Sense should give you a call (or at least 'poke' you) when you read about their... erhm... "spicy" sexual advices.
They have interesting if not good advice sometimes, but you just have to get the idea and read between the lines.
Though the pic posted must be one of the worst things ever. I, too, remember when this broke the news, but I'm sure they keep writing "good" advice such as this over and over again.


If Cosmo says to do or try something, DON'T. It WILL end badly.


Sexist bastards. And yeah, thanks for the wonderful advice.


I tend to think the "I spend money here!" line is a riot when the person spends money then asks for it back. No, you don't spend it here- you loaned it to us.


Yes, I remember that this came out last year. A funny story from a friend whose daughter works in a store in the mall.

Apparently, some Crusty came in with a return and tried to use this line. "I spend a lot of money here and blah blah blah!" The entire store seems to have read the same thing and was prepared.

Retail clerk begins to wail. "OH NOOOO! You mean you'd take your businiess elsewhere??? Oh NOOOOOO!!!! WE SHALL BE FOREEVER WITHOUT YOU ASKING FOR RETURNS??"
Now she is on her knees crying and wailing and another clerk joins her and they wail together "OH NOOOOOO! PLEASE DON'T RETURN YOUR PURCHASES ELSEWHERE!!"

The way they tell it, they had 6 clerks, an assistant manager and the store manager all carrying on and crying as they escorted her (and her return) from teh store wailing and waving goodbye to her the entire time.

As soon as she was out of the store, the wailing stopped and customer service began. The Manager stepped up to the counter and asked loudly (but politely) "Does anyone else have a return without receipt?" When no one spoke, they just went on with business.

The custy never returned.


@WMDkitty. I think I love you. That article made me laugh so hard I think I could have farted out a midget the first time I read it, and just the mere linkage of it was enough to give me a hearty case of the giggles. :3 many sparkly wonderful things to you, dearie!

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