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Outlet Mall Hell: The Brazilian Custy

CRAZYCUSTYTALESFrom Outlet Mall Slave:

Brazil in da house

I live in the mouse ear wearing tourist capital of the world complete with two mind-bendingly scary outlet malls. Tourists from across the world flock to this city in hopes of meeting Mickey Mouse and buying everything and anything American in sight.

I work at one of the Brazilian hot spots for shopping at one of these outlet malls and nothing scares me more than driving into work and seeing a bus of Brazilians.

Brazilians are their own breed of customer at the outlets. They strike fear in the hearts of my fellow slaves and make us wish we could hide under a fixture of sweatshirts. They approach the following way:

Brazilian: My frienddddd , please please.

Slave: How can I help you? *Shit pleasing smile*

Brazilian: You speakA Spanish?

Slave: No, I’m sorry,

Brazilian: You speakA Portuguese?

Slave: No, I’m sorry.

Brazilian: Random fast Spanish dialogue

Slave: *Blinking* I don’t speak Spanish

Brazilian: You have this? *Forcing a print out of various items in your hand* Have descoooont?

Slave: Yes, follow me. *shows them the item*

Brazilian: Oh, no more descooooont?

Slave: No sorry the price is marked. *walks away*

Brazilian: *Pulls out one logo sweatshirt and lets the whole wall of them fall down then walks away. *

I honestly don’t think anything scares me as much as a bus-o-Brazilians. They really need to give out a shopping guide at the airports. “Welcome to America Here’s How to Shop!”

It would make life much better for me and my fellow outlet slaves……

--Outlet Mall Slave




Bus-o-Brazilians is my favorite phrase of the day.

And racism is not funny. Good thing there wasn't any in this post.

Hotel Maverick

I have horror stories about Brazilians from when I worked in a summer resort town that I will not get into because I may go to jail...

I feel your pain, I really do.

Still A Slave

It can be difficult and the language barrier does not help. I have also noticed that they tend to kind of just butt their way in line as apposed to actually going to the back of the line. Do you have this problem as well? Which outlet are you in? I'm guessing you're somewhere near me so its either prime or premium, I was just curious. Best of luck to you


@Alvis: Would you kindly go build a house with the amount of wood up your ass?

In any event, they're not really a problem per say, they're just REALLY hard to get through, transaction wise. Since almost no one speaks portuguese, and they only kinda understand spanish, it's very hard to make sure that they're actually getting what they want. And yes, I've noticed them haggle over little things and asking for discounts/etc, repeatedly without it being available. It's not all of 'em, but it happens.

And the word you were probably looking for is stereotype.

Ted the 'Flayer

I have noticed that Hispanic people also don't seem like they want to wait in line. And will interrupt you in mid-sentence to scream at you if you need help.

For a while, I'd use my limited Spanish skills to help out our Hispanic customers, but I got tired of the all-too-frequent lecture about how Americans are stupid because most don't speak Spanish. Sut djavlepik i helvede din bossedvarg.

And yes, that's racist. Sue me.


Vous ne parlez pas francais? Je suis desolee mais vous a besoin de fermez vos bouches maintenant. (Yes I know that was butchered french, it's been a few years since I've needed it.)


I've learned a lot of Paraguayan jokes since my brother married one.

Let's put it this way: replace Brazillian with Quebecois, is it still racist? How about Danish (notorious bargain hunters), is it still racist? How about Arkansan?


How about disabled?

How about I had 2 Brazilian exchange students. After one of them nearly reneged on a CUSTOM jacket and then tried to argue that because he was transferring to another school (long story), that maybe he wouldn't finish buying it at all. When I got the call from the shop, I called the coordinator of the organization because I wasn't going to let it slide. I thought it very rude. We took him to the shop, explained that since he earned his letter in football and ordered the jacket that perhaps he should go ahead and finish paying for it since he was technically an adult and could be sued. He paid.


@Alvis: "Brazilian" is a nationality, not a race. The sentiment is stereotypical, not racist. Replace it with Jew and it becomes racist, but that totally changes the scope of the charges. How's that house coming?


The way I deal with people asking me if i speak Spanish, Portuguese, or any other language i don't speak, i'll ask them why they don't speak french or arabic, or german (i speak etwas, understand more than i speak). And being able to correct the quebecois with their french (or telling french people to please speak to me in french as they're horribly butchering the english language, usually dispels any "ignorant american" comments....


I hate to say it, but we got the same problem with Hutterites up here in Alberta. Except they speak a version of German, and still want everything cheap. When I worked at Future Shop, we'd Rock/Paper/Scissors to see who got stuck with them. You wasted an hour of your day, got no commission, and you were their 'buddy' every time they came in after that.


One of my Brazilian friends told me (at least where he's from) that people don't really form lines, just get served whenever. And it's common in most countries to haggle over prices. Maybe one of us really should write a guide to "American Shopping Etiquette for Tourists."


I see that Alvis has jumped in to continue his trolling ways.

As far as customers that were hard to get through transaction wise, when I worked at Awful Waffle, we had this pair of Mexican workers that were sweet as could be, but spoke maybe a few words on English. My Papa is Cuban, so I understand a tiny bit of Spanish, but nothing that would help past "Hola. Que pasa?" The first time they came in, it took me forever to figure out what they wanted, but they were super polite and all smiles the whole time, so once we got past the communication issue, it all went well. They actually became regulars, always ordering the same meal, so communication ended up barely even happening after we settled into routine. They ALWAYS tipped well, too. I think they appreciated that I actually put in an effort to help them out and be sure they got what they wanted, even before I knew they were awesome tippers.

Queer Geek

Outlet malls are another kind of Hell!


@themaxx: Have you ever had a Hutterite try to pay you in potatoes and carrots? I've definitely had one of those! :)

Hotel Whore

I live 2 hours from the Mexican border. I get a LOT of Mexicans with very limited English. I'd say 98% are very nice and try very hard to understand and be understood. But there are a few stinkers in the bunch, like all things.

I had a guy at work last night.

"You-a speak-a Spanishhh?"

"No. Sorry."

*rattles off something in Spanish*

"I just said I don't speak Spanish."

"You answer 'good' to that question."

"I. do. NOT. speak. SPANISH!"

"Why not? You live here so close to Mexico, you should speak Spanish."

"I'm not from Arizona. I was born and raised in OHIO. We don't speak Spanish there at all."

"Oh. You should learn."

"I'm not going to but thanks."

He was weird.

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