I just had an Anna Nicole Smith encounter!
She’s not dead people but merely reincarnated into another body of some Sugar Baby ! Here’s how it went down.
After the holidays, most retailers have dip in sales with January being the slowest month of the year so all things were quiet on the retail front.
I was manning the counter as usual but who should come in but Sugar Baby and her satchel of gifts given to her from her meal ticket.
Knowing the drill, she drops her bags on the encounter and requests a return. After throwing her receipts at me totaling close to $1000, I begin to process her request.
Normally, I ignore such rudeness from custys and avert my eyes while I finish the job at hand but some voice in my head told me to look up.
To tell you the truth RHU, I shouldn’t have because the moment I gazed at Sugar Baby she turned into Medusa from Clash of the Titans! I mean she turned me into the stone by having me transfixed on her appearance. Okay, have you ever seen a really bad car accident on the road that you could not help but stare at it? Well this was one of those times! Sad to say, Sugar Baby had some really, and I do mean really, bad plastic surgery!
The woman was nipped, tucked, pulled, and implanted to the point that she looked like a space alien getting off the mothership. Put it this way, Sugar Baby made Joan Rivers and catlady socialite Jocelyn Wildenstein look normal. My eyes burned as I stared into the eclipse. Solar flares were shooting out her eyes causing me to believe that 2012 was happening early As I began to process her return, the alien began to speak.
Sugar Baby: I bought these for son but he obviously does not like them. I want to return them for cash. (Translation: Take me to your leader Earthling or else I will anally probe you.)
Me: No problem. Receipt is here. Check. Tags attached. Check. (A thousand dollars worth of designer stuff that your spoiled Hellspawn does not want. Check.) Okay, let me take care of this for you.
I start to do the return when Sugar Baby gets on her cell and dials her Sugar Daddy. Oh RHU this is when Anna Nicole Smith starts to bust out of the alien’s body. (Where’s Sigourney Weaver when you need her?)
Sugar Baby starts to speak in a baby voice for her Sugar Daddy. I shit you not! It was this high pitch infant voice the appeared too paranormal for words. (Perhaps it was some alien language like Pig Latin or a Kardashian.)
Sugar Baby: Oooooooooh Honeeeeeeeey! This is your Sugar Babeeeeeeeey! My son does not like any of the stuff you bought him. (Pouts.) I’m sorry to bother you in your meeting. I know you’re really busy. Look I have to return them because I don’t have any cash on me. (Starts to whine.) Your Babeeeeeey does not have any moneeeeey! I need cash babeeeeey because I’m hungreeeeeey. I need to eat Honeeeeey. I’ll see you later. Okay love you. (Makes kissing sounds on her cell.)
I finish the return and give her a large wad of bills from my register. Apparently, Sugar Daddy does not feed his Sugar Babeeeeey. Sugar Daddeeeey, take note. Feed your Babeeeeey so she doesn’t have to carry a large wad of moneeeey and get mugged like some dummeeeeeey! Honeeeeeey, that would be a tragedeeeeeey!
On the upside, the alien can now use her new elastic skin as weapon to whip away potential robbers or wear it as a designer belt accessory!