Bad Parent Encounter At Porn Store
From Your friendly neighborhood porn clerk:
well guys I have another story from my adult store of yet another parenting fail.
We had an angry father call us last night because his son used a fake ID to get into the store and purchase products.
Instead of being angry that his son, 1) had a fake ID number and 2), illegally went into our store, and number 3) purchased items he knew he was not legally supposed to purchase.
He was angry that we wouldn't let him return his purchases, and that we let him into the store.
If that was my kid I would have taken the ID, thrown away/destroyed his purchase so he's out the money and grounded his dumb-ass. We offered to call the cops if he wanted to have his son arrested for using a fake ID, but he didn't want to do that for some reason and hung up on us.
One other thing I have to add:
Why on earth do so many people think we would have a public bathroom in our store?
I've had so many people get upset at me when I tell them there is no bathroom. There is no way I'd be cleaning up or even using a public bathroom at a porn store without at least a 20 dollar raise.
--Your friendly neighborhood porn clerk
Posted by Freddy on Monday, April 30, 2012 | Permalink
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Comments (20)
Either of my sons would be grounded until the day they ACTUALLY turned 18.
Why do you need the father's permission to call the cops? The kid committed fraud, did he not?
Posted by: The Last Archimedean | Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 12:14 AM
Yeah, I'd call the cops. No question about it.
Posted by: pagemaster | Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 08:45 AM
I can understand the father's response, though. Teaching kids ethics and morals is SO difficult. It's much easier just to let society do it when the kid gets old enough to attract the attention of the cops.
Posted by: Diane | Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 09:15 AM
Whoever worked the day before should have called the cops, but really -- he needs to have a grasp on his son. How old was this person, anyway?
Posted by: RetailTrollSlayer | Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 10:45 AM
No WAY I'd let someone use the bathroom at your shop! You'd probably end up with a dead guy on your hands, a-la "Clerks".
Posted by: Joe the Cigar Guy | Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 10:46 AM
That mannequin looks like Taylor Swift in a black wig, no?
Posted by: MuSicko | Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 11:08 AM
Yeah, when I worked at the pornstore, we had a bathroom.
It was better than them pissing and shitting in the booths, which is what happened if we didn't.
Posted by: Dev | Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 12:47 PM
Don't you just love it when it's your fault someone got away with fraud, and not a major parenting fail? But I do have one question, why couldn't he return the purchases?
Posted by: NC Tony | Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 01:05 PM
Thankfully we don't have booths either, and We don't do returns on anything besides defective DVDs, for health reasons since we sell mostly sexual products. I assume it was a 17 year old or so kid buying some smoking stuff. I haven't worked the last few days, so I'm not sure if anything came of it, I'll find out tonight.
Posted by: Porn Clerk | Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 01:26 PM
We don't have a public bathroom either, but we do own the entire strip mall. When people ask, we say no, but any of the eateries in the outlet do have them.
Walk 3 yards out the door?! Dirty looks, go!
Posted by: Framer-Fatal | Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 02:00 PM
You know what would be hilarious? If the father was a raging homophobe, and the kid bought some gay pornography...
For the record, I'm NOT heterosexual so that joke is clearly NOT to offend. :)
Posted by: RetailTrollSlayer | Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 02:22 PM
We have a very clean high end adult shop that I was in with my girlfriends. I had to pee. Badly. They said no bathroom, so I had to hold it for the half hour we were in the store, plus the seven block walk to the car and the 20 minute car ride home. Times I wish I was a guy with a wide mouth bottle.
Posted by: Lamer | Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 03:06 PM
@Musicko - Oh god, now you've said it I can't unsee it...
Posted by: Cherry IScream | Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 04:39 PM
Yeah, I already want to protest cleaning the bathrooms at Schmendy's after some of the messes I've found there. (Thankfully Salmon Spice doesn't have a public restroom.) I was glad the dancer's had their own bathroom in the strip club I used to dance at because God knows what we'd have encountered in a public restroom.
And as far as the Father...two questions:
1. How old was his son? Because there's got to be a certain age where I'm not going to actively discourage my son from exploring his sexuality. Besides, aren't Dad's supposed to be "proud" that Junior's becoming a man? It's the fraud that would piss me off, not the fact that the kid bought some booby mags or whatever.
2. Like others have said, how exactly is that YOUR fault? If it didn't fall out of YOUR vag, then it's not YOUR responsibility. What were you supposed to do, subpoena his birth certificate and a blood test?
Posted by: bellflowermoonfish | Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 09:17 PM
I never get why people fail to see the REAL issue with fake ids, I've also had parents chew me out in the past. Ergh.
Once I didn't accept a fake ID as I knew full well the boy using it was younger than me, and I actually received threats of violence from people I knew. Oh, I'm sorry, I'll just break the law for you so you don't break my legs, shall I?
Posted by: KioskKeeper | Wednesday, May 02, 2012 at 12:25 AM
Yeah, that is an absolute parenting fail...
I am shocked, however, that so many of you would call the cops. Do you really think that using a fake ID to buy some DVDs and a fleshlight is enough to be charged with fraud and possibly be serving a sentence?
Posted by: Soft Ice Girl | Wednesday, May 02, 2012 at 04:21 AM
@Soft Ice Girl: Yes. In that situation, if the father would go to the police, it might not just be the son's ass on the line. They could technically turn you into a sex offender if they wanted to...
Posted by: Dev | Wednesday, May 02, 2012 at 10:35 AM
No can do. It's a V-V kinda weekend conmig up on the horizon. Vodka and Vicodin. My Budweiser and Clydesdale partners will have to wait Not that long.They're always in my barn.Nipper? Saddle up, my friend. I know you've ordered a 7 & 7 before in your life. But this is MY life. You're not ordering that now. Walt Disney has nothing on me. Fuck. I take that back. Walt beats me again. I had a GREAT one-liner from Looks like the record books slipped away for my presentation The mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste.
Posted by: Cole | Friday, July 27, 2012 at 02:06 AM
My fav. frame is the Forget me not and oh my goodness I love every snlige one of your colours!! If I HAD to pick, I might say Snap A Pea, but that's a really tough choice!
Posted by: Urii | Friday, July 27, 2012 at 04:12 PM
When I was a kid my mother simply asked an officer to swing by and give my bother a talking to for stealing something. He showed him the car, the cuffs, and sat down and fully explained what it meant to break the law that way. It helped a lot to hear it honest- with no threats- from an actual uniform.
Posted by: LadyFaith | Saturday, May 04, 2013 at 01:50 AM