Scary Snowman
T-Rex Goes Up

Rude Custy Gives Plastic Surgery Advice When None Was Asked For

BookaceHey RHU, a customer shared with me some glorious news yesterday. Apparently there is hope for my ugly face!

Yes, you heard me right! No longer must the public be exposed to BookAce’s sorry appearance. My condition is not unfixable! Praise the powers of plastic surgery and modern anesthetics, for they can save our eyes!

You see, I have a minor deformation of my jaw. Although it sticks out to me like a big huge YOU SUCK sign every time I see a mirror/picture, in reality it’s a very, very minor thing. Consequences are purely cosmetic. There are people living with much worse deformations that cause them real health dangers and pain. I’ve got a slightly fucked up chin. Mostly I pretend it’s not even there.

So I’m at work, about a half hour before I clock out, and it’s been a pretty decent day all in all. Lots of happy customers, got to hang out with River, not a lot of work to do, and our boss gave us candy. <3 Then along comes the Rude Ass Couple.

The husband is a typical business prick. Thinks he shouldn’t have to wait in line, demands attention immediately, his job is the most important and can’t wait, etc. It was his wife that got to me. She was also very entitled (“Well why DON’T you sell this resume paper in 5-sheet packs? We only need five sheets! We don’t need 50! You should sell 5-sheet packs, that’s what we need!”), which was not really a shock. What was a shock was when, after her husband walked off to get something, she sidled over to me and in a hushed, (I’m guessing her idea of ‘confidante’ or ‘respectful’?) voice she says, “May I ask you a question?”

Me: “Okay?” (Honestly expecting the: “have you found Jesus?” question since my lesbianism sort of showed earlier when I miiiiiight have gotten a little too effusive about how great purple is.)

Carolanne 002Rude Bitch: *moves up closer* “Well…I say this, you see, because my husband is a doctor, and my son was born with the same…” (she does a sort of weird grimace and gestures to her chin) “…condition as you, and I was wondering, have you seen a specialist about it?”

Me: (WTF?!)

After a moment of stunned silence, I mumbled “Yes?” (Meaning an orthodontist, who admittedly probably did quite a bit to tone down my deformation with some clever teeth-moving. Never seen a plastic surgeon because of lack of money.)

She peered at me over her glasses and replied, “And…?”

Me: *stammering* “And…and I’m fine?” (Honestly getting pissed off now that the shock is over.)

Rude Bitch: “Oh…okay. You’re sure?”

Me: *disgusted half-laughter of WTF-ness* “Yes. I’m sure.”

Rude Bitch: *sympathetic gaze* “Because you know, some people with this condition aren’t aware. It might seem rough, but there is a solution for these problems.”

Me: *through my teeth* “I’m fine. Really.”

Rude Bitch: *brittle smile* “Well…okay.” *drifts away*

Carolanne 010aaJESUS FUCKING CHRIST ON A MOTORCYCLE, LADY. It’s bad enough to go up to a total stranger and ask if they’ve bothered to see a professional about their ugly mug, but to then follow up with wanting to know what the doctor said?! That’s none of your fucking business! And her fake-motherly-concern bullshit just pissed me off further. Don’t go trying to pretend like your cattiness is some kind of concern-trolling.

I was seething. Thank gods I got to go home then. (Poor River had to take over helping them.) Jets Boss (formerly known as Cool Boss. I have a few cool bosses, so I have to get more specific with naming them. xD) and River both looked like they were about to rip the woman a new one when I told them what she said. Jets Boss was practically shaking with rage when she came to see if I was okay and told me not to let them get to me. River hugged me and shouted, “YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL!” loud enough for the woman to definitely hear. And honestly I wasn’t upset so much as just really irritated. Yeah, it stings to be insulted, but my looks are something I’m used to. What I’m not used to is people being that obvious of douchebags. Weird glances, kids staring, whatever, that’s normal. But to be so blatantly nosy?

I just wish I’d been able to use one of the kickass come-backs I came up with literally minutes after the event. So many great responses came to mind, but all too late! (And most likely to have gotten me fired. I’m pretty sure Jets Boss would have volunteered to go temporarily deaf, but if the bitch reported me to corporate, that’d be it.) I wish I had stayed completely silent or acted like I had no idea what she was talking about to see what she said to that. That would have been fun.

Carolanne 018But what would have been REALLY fun would have been being about to haul out something cool and zen, like: Actually I don’t have any problems, because I think it’s what’s inside a person that counts, and I’m proud to be exactly who I am. (Oh, I wish SO badly that I’d said this. Unfortunately I didn't get my voice back in time.)

Or to just go all raging bitch and shock the hell out of her: Seriously? What makes you think it’s remotely okay to just ask people about their personal and medical lives? That’s none of your goddamned business. I don’t even want to imagine what you’d say to someone with a real disability! Did it ever occur to you that people have feelings and that we’re well-aware of our physical shortcomings and don’t need nosy bitches like you trying to make us feel worse? Were you this rude to your son about his looks, too? Are you proud of butting into strangers’ lives and decisions about their own bodies? Because if I were you I would be beyond ashamed of myself right now for being such a petty-ass shithead.(Ideally including some of Burger Bitch’s more creative swears here and there. Imagine her simpering expression sliding off her face as she gets verbally owned. Just imagine it!)

Or how great would it be, as I walk triumphantly toward the door to go home, to fire off a last zinger to her with a grin and a wave: Thanks for letting me know there’s a solution for my ugly face. Too bad there’s no cure for your shittiness as a human being! (I like to think this would be followed by a car driving by right then, blasting some super awesome rock song out its windows to be my exit anthem.)

Sadly, I said none of these things. I just kind of sputtered and glared at her and she backed off and went to harass another coworker about why we don’t sell 5-sheet packs of paper again. But next time…next time I’ll be ready…

See you guys in 2013!

--BookAce <3




I have a comeback! When are you being seen for your condition? Cuz you hav a BAD case of Bitchiness


'I just wish I’d been able to use one of the kickass come-backs I came up with literally minutes after the event. So many great responses came to mind, but all too late!'

Got to love the French. They call this "l'esprit d'escalier", or 'staircase wit', because this is when you've thought of the perfect comeback to a comment as you're going down the staircase, having just left.

Eccentric Lady

Just remember, next twit (if ever) comes along with that spiteful advice agree with them but reply in same tone of voice too bad there wasn't a procedure done successfully yet to remove one's head from one's ass as far as he/she has his/her's in!

First wonder how long they'll live before asphyxiation kicks in - aloud naturally....and with fake pity mention how positively DREADFUL that their condition is inoperable. When they ask, feign surprise and ask don't they know how shitty it is to have one's head up their ass that far it's not 'natural'!


"It's too bad that there are some conditions that can't be treated, ma'am."

And then walk away, leaving her wondering what condition you were talking about.


I had a contractor suggest I get a "tummy tuck" once(stretch marks and slight "pooch", from hold onto your butts-being pregnant!), I just looked at him and said, "I tuck my tummy into my pants every morning."

I refer to my stretch marks as my "tiger stripes", they are there to warn others.....


: / I will never understand this sort of rationality. Maybe I am a weird woman but I actually LIKE people that had differentiations like this. My fiance`, for example, has a slightly deformed chest. His ribs just sit at an odd angle, giving him a little divet right in his mid sternum but I LOVE it (it is snuggly : ) ) plus I have seen girls that have cute gaps and little tweaks and thought, "If I could get away with kissing her right on the mouth and running for my life, I might just do it!"

Of course, I am no model. I am a larger woman because of my hyperactive thyroid disorder. I do not eat much but I am content. Sure, it hurts when people stare or comment but overall it's just affirmation that they are so insecure about themselves that they cannot leave well enough alone. I shudder to think how much the woman from this story had "done".


Huh, I thought the same thing, LO. Bitch must've had work done, though clearly not on her Dumbass Filter.


Funny your story should be about that, because I saw your picture first and was thinking that you are probably very pretty behind that book.


Sorry to ask the ignorant question but what does lesbianism have to do with purple?


Had a customer tell my very fair skinned, redheaded coworker that she needed to see someone about her freckles. " There is nothing cute about them, and you're going to die of cancer." This wad a few days after another crusty, mentioned that another coworker had gained to much weight, and really shouldn't wear such gaudy headbands, "they just don't suit your body"

Luci F

BookAce, I love your stories. Fuck rude-ass custys, you deserve better.

Fellow Slave

Shame my snapback would be...

Sure I'd get the fix in a heartbeat, if you foot the bill.

Office Slave

I have red spot on my legs, and people stare and make rude comments to me. When people bluntly and rudely ask me what is wrong with me, my favorite thing to do is get teary eyed and say, "I have a horrible blood disease and only have a few months to live." I walk away as they are picking their jaw up off the floor.

I think telling that bitch you had jaw cancer or something equally deadly would have been just the thing for her to learn how to mind her own business.

(For the record, I have CTCL (aka mycosis fungoides) , which is a mild and rare form of cancer. It won't kill me probably, but damn, it is UGLY.)


Hoo boy do I feel where you're coming from.

I've worn wrist braces at work for over a decade now and I'd say on average, for every 8 hours I work in the public eye about one to three folks feel they have the right to make Helpful Comments or share their Great Medical Knowledge with me. I'm cool with folks who think they have similar medical problems asking where I got my braces or whether they help, but those who think they're 'helping me'? Can bite me.

Just because you're in a subservient position (customer service industry) doesn't mean the customer has the right to inquire about your personal private life *including any visible physical conditions*. Sure, I can see someone making one quiet suggestion or asking one respectful question, but as soon as they got even the vaguest hint that you weren't interested in discussing the subject with them, they should back the freck off and change the subject. I don't think such people would be inclined to approach a fellow customer or a stranger at a coffeeshop and comment on their unique jaw or wrist braces or goofy leg or what have you -- but somehow it's okay to corner someone while they're at work in an industry where being polite and cooperative with the customer is an enforced standard.

Years of frustration with meddling-yet-wellmeaning custys have resulted in me memorizing only one standard comeback line:
"I don't feel comfortable discussing my private medical concerns with a stranger" followed immediately by some trite work-related comment to get the conversation back on track. Eg:
"I don't feel comfortable discussing my private medical concerns with a stranger. Will you be paying by cash, debit, or credit card?" or
"I don't feel comfortable discussing my private medical concerns with a stranger. You should check out our New Arrivals section; we just got a great shipment in on Tuesday" or
"I don't feel comfortable discussing my private medical concerns with a stranger. How's your croissant? Shall I top up your coffee?"

Once you've stated your personal boundary, they CANNOT continue that line of conversation without getting into 'harrassment' territory.

In the meantime, if said Rude Biatch comes in again, please do pass along my number to her so she can call me and I'll give her a piece of your -- er, my -- mind. 1-800- BITE MEH.

The Last Archimedean

I actually prefer, looks-wise, someone who has a few "idiosyncrasies" to someone who looks like a Barbie doll, with perfect skin and hair. And looks aren't the most important thing about a person anyway.

This customer needs a lesson in the field of MYOB. First principle: don't make random comments to strangers about their "defects", as it is not appreciated.


My first thought was "Sure thing scarecrow, lets go see the wizard and maybe he'll give you a brain too!". Pretty sure you'd get fired for that but it might be worth it.


Not to play Devils advocate, but but it's possible she actually thought she was helping.

We don't know if her son's condition (if he exists) is the same as BookAce's, or if it was subtly different and lead to actual physical or medical complications.
It's certainly plausible that he could have had a serious quality of life improvement from the surgery, if it had affected speech or eating.

Hellbound Alleee

^Well see, that's why it's so inconvenient that she said this stuff in a retail setting. Socially, she needed to be taught that she was not helping, and that, even though she THINKS it's being kind, it's only self-serving of her to share her own problems with someone she thought would want to hear about it.

Book Diver

She mentioned that her husband is a doctor- I would bet that she was just trying to get him another customer and that's why she was trying to shake down your confidence and pooh-poohing what the orthodontist had said. If she does have a son (which I doubt) I would feel sorry for him.

Some customers can be ignorant twats about medical issues. One of my idiosyncracies is that on certain days, my sense of balance is shot to hell and I need to be touching objects as I walk for support. I was showing one idiot custy where something was and he asked me if I was OCD 'like that Monk guy'. I just turned around and gave him a sickly sweet smile of condescension that said, 'Aren't you precious? Did you think of that all by yourself?'


I'm curious about the purple thing = lesbianism. I'm a straight woman who adores purple and that's because I look damn good in it.

As for the rest - geez, I thought it was bad/annoying when the various spa and makeup girls came into the library and offered me eyebrow dying, makeovers, and anti-acne facials because "You're so nice to me I want to do something nice for you." (At least the health club people who come in don't offer me free gym memberships. I don't think I could handle it if they started bringing up my weight.)

You could just tell her what my boss finally told me to say - we're not allowed to accept things like that from customers. (Including doctor referrals.) It's against policy and could mean disciplinary action.


Obviously a lot of people haven't heard or have forgotten about spirit day. Where everyone wears purple, so it's a gay thing in general.

I would've personally told the witch that my flaws are what make me, me, and to erase them would just be being insecure. I would've also gone on that I feel so bad for so many of these people who go get plastic surgery in lieu of mental health, as if they think going under the knife is going to fix their dangerously low self esteem.


Aww, thanks for the support guys! =') She hasn't come back, although her husband did once. I'm not sure I could pick just one come-back, there are so many good ones. And I'm so sorry to any of you all who have had to deal with similar sucks so much.

@ Chicajojobe and Jami: Purple is sort of associated with queer activism, much like rainbows, although less well-known. Plus it's the symbolic color for spirit day. Obviously it doesn't HAVE to stand for anything queer and everyone can love it because purple is awesome in general! It's just sometimes associated with that group, and one never knows how paranoid some bigots might be.

@ BlaqueKatt: I've got to say, I grinned so much at your "tiger stripes!" I love that!

@ Dhmap: I do like to think she had good intentions and isn't a deliberately cruel person...but as others said, I just don't think it's appropriate to bring it up to a stranger. =/ Especially one who is pinned behind the counter and unable to escape since I'm obligated to help and not argue with customers. Good intentions don't change the fact that her words could really hurt someone more sensitive. Hell, if she'd said that to me a few years ago, it would have really hurt me. The thought of her rudeness hurting someone else actually pisses me off more than her saying something to me.


I have my own problem, just something mild, but I walk with a limp. My left knee is turned ever so slightly inward, so walking a long distance is often uncomfortable (not that it's stopped me in the past...)

I just "love" it when people ask if I'm okay, or claim that "You can stop the act, it's not gonna get you a courtesy cart" or wonder why it is that I tend to lean on things.

I might only be 21, but there have been days I've walked with a cane cause it hurt too much to walk otherwise. People really flip out about that, surprisingly. Apparently I'm "too young to need it" or "Just showing off" or "another of those damn pimps" and not considered for what I really am:

Just another (unfortunately) human being. There are days I've wished to be something not human because I'd at least have a reason to be different. And so I wouldn't be included in with the people who stop and stare because some young person comes in limping.

NC Tony

@ Madrias: And you just know the same people who claim that you're faking it would act like little babies if it were them. I've learned not to judge people who park in the handicapped spot or use the carts to get around the store. Just because they don't have a visible handicap, doesn't mean they don't have one. Some people are just insensitive and stupid, but don't realize it because they think they're helping, and no one is willing (or able) to tell them that their "advice" is doing more harm than good.


@Madrias: I have found that far too many seem to have this mental road block that seems to form when it comes to the older teen to twenty five and under set when it comes to mild things. I've had a loose knee cap since I was a kid and 99% of the time its no issue. That 1% however leads to bad days and a noticeable limp. one of the few times someone has rudely said something that I could hear, I gave them both barrels and they promptly shut up.

I've come to the conclusion that some people just can't help but say something. either because of their own insecurities or just because they feel their opinion matters to a complete stranger.


Now that you mention it, you brought back a memory for me from middle school. I had a scrunchie that I was carrying on my wrist. This guy I knew who was a real douche saw it declared "That's an international gay symbol!"
My reaction was, naturally, "WTF??" but to everyone around who overheard (ie: everyone) was apparently instantly convinced and the gossip of the day was that Chica was wearing a purple wrist band, omg she's GAAAAAY!
The weirdest part was the scrunchie wasn't even purple it was navy blue.
Thankfully people do grow out of crap like that, but I can imagine having to deal with stuff like that all your life might make you a little paranoid.
I get it now.

The Last Archimedean

Madrias, I tore up my legs in high school running. I feel for you, because as a 19, 20, 21 year old who was limping around, I caught hell. People are just stupid.


I'm surprised so many people seem not to know about the purple thing. I remember it because they always said that the purple Teletubby, Tinky Winky, was gay because he was purple (and carried a purse around).

However I have just realized that my mother's favorite colors are both purple and rainbow... and she sleeps in a closet... But I'm pretty sure she isn't gay.

Like 99% sure.

Slave of Arch

I have an issue that isn't a handicap, per se, but it is very noticeable.
I had a life-saving surgery when I was younger, during which the doctor accidentally cut something he shouldn't have, resulting in me having a very screwed up voice.
I have a lot of people come through and make comments about me having a cold, or losing my voice, but an idiot came through yesterday who really took the cake.
He says to me, "I bet you were drinking a lot last night!"
I look at him and I'm like, "Me? No."
And he starts laughing and says, "You mean you always sound like that??"
If his girlfriend hadn't punched him in the face, I probably would have.


I love purple (it's my favorite colour) and I love rainbows. I dunno, I kind of like to think colours and rainbows belong to everybody. But then, I don't like associations much. Like you wear/do X so you must be Y. Everyone is different and likes different things.
Also, I'm sure you have nothing to be ashamed of, and that your face is amazing. The world would be boring if everyone looked the same!

effective stretch mark creams

something different, or put yourself out there. I remember performing many shows where the audience wasn’t very big. I always had to make the choice to expand – even if I wanted to shrink or be embarrassed.

Michelle McKane

Thanks for the advise. It will help me a lot actually

Lana Burgess

Awesome. You definitely should have said one of your comebacks. Oh well, someone that obsessed with other people's appearances probably doesn't have too much of a life. Just rest easy knowing that she most likely cries herself to sleep every night because she's an old, ugly bitch with something prickly up her butt.

The comments to this entry are closed.