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December 2012
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February 2013

The Retail Balls Award Goes To: N.A.T.s In My Pants Story!

Balls award2Two teenagers come into my shoe store and immediately my spidey sense starts going haywire. You know, that feeling in the pit of your stomach that some crazy shit is about to go down? Yeah, that.

Well I walk up to them while they are clearly looking at a pair of men's $109.99 Sperrys. "Can I help you guys find anything?"

The kid drops the shoe back on the shelf and turns to the store brand boat shoes that are half the price and asks how "buy one get one half price" works. He wants to know if the more expensive pair can be half price.

Sigh.

I explain and he dismisses me pretty quickly. Meanwhile across the store, his buddy is trying on the women's Skechers Bobs (because buying a men's shoe makes too much sense).

At this point, I get a return so I have to go to the cash wrap in the front. As I'm wrapping it up, the kids are walking up to the front to leave. I notice a huge bulge in the kids pants (yes, I was looking!) And I asked him to stop as he was walking out.

Most of you know the rules, if you didn't see it, it didn't happen, but I don't really follow rules like that. I say fuck em.

Anyhow, I yell at my sales associate to find the empty Sperry box and call the police. Now, I'm a big girl and these were two tall skinny teenagers (the police later told me h.s. basketball players). I RAN across the parking lot toward the street after them, as they didn't want to get in their car and let me get the plates.

Jason derpIt's at least a quarter of a mile and there are other businesses lining the street. They ran across the lot and across the street into the Olive Garden parking lot and I lost them. The police were on their way but I wasn't letting them cross back and get away.

One of the kids apparently is dumber than a bucket of butts because he tries to cross back and then sees me half way through and runs back. Anyhow the police show up and catch the dumb one but the other one ran off.

Once they have the guy in custody, I get my shoes back and they bring the other one in too. The police even let me take their pictures and tell them off! It was one of my finer busts if I do say so myself!

Retail slave: 2 (one for each thief)
N.A.T.s: 0

--Lady Caligula


Bullshit Employee Treatment

TaxingLiberty Tax Service is officially on my shit list this week.
Here in Illinois, winter is finally being "normal" today. It's 17f with a wind chill of -2f and wind gusts of up to 25mph...and it's snowing.


And in this lovely and balmy weather, as I drove through town on my way to do some errands, I saw that LTS had one of it's employees standing on the corner by their store in a Statue of Liberty costume. (Not the one in the picture)


I know that we Illinois folks are moderatly tempered to handling cooler temperatures, but even that doesn't mean that we'd want to go prance around upon orders from our management.

I wanted to stop and give the lady a hot cocoa or something, but she was gone by the time I drove past again.