Snow Ticket
Ass Gaming

It's Raining Crazy Custys! Hallelujah!

Okay RHU, we survived the Apocalypse of 2012 but now we have another year of retail enslavement to deal with!  For me, it’s this dang gone rain!  What is it with rain that brings out the worst in people?  Here’s another crazy time at the gift store.

We sell cheap ass $9 umbrellas.  I mean bottom of the barrel, break it first time, janky cover-ups that would make Mary Poppins curse up her Supercalifragilisticexpialiodocius chimney sweep ridden mouth.  Anyway, I hate ringing up these things but desperate custys that want coverage from the downpour end up grabbing them up like a bargain basement Black Friday sale.  Then when it craps out, all hell breaks loose!

Custy: I bought this umbrella five minutes ago and it’s defective!  I want my money back!”

Me: Sorry all Sales Final according your receipt and the sign. *points to sign*  I can exchange it for you or give you store credit.


Manager tells custy same thing and this goes on repeatedly for each custy that purchased that cheap ass umbrella.  Basically people, you have to spend some extra dough for a good industrial sized umbrella but you get what you pay for!  It’s not my fault you forgot your umbrella at home!  Use that newspaper or a trash bag as a covering!

OCTOCAROL 026Then there’s Crazy Lady.  Crazy Lady has a chip on her shoulder and goes to my coworker who is folding shirts and starts a tirade on him.

Crazy Lady: You there!  You should stop doing that!

Coworker: Excuse me?

Crazy Lady: You should stop folding shirts and help me!  You should always help your customers!  Are you new?

Coworker: No.

Crazy Lady: You must be new.  Otherwise, you would know I needed help.

Coworker: (Did she even bother to ask for any or look for someone with a nametag?) Can I help you?

Crazy Lady: You need to help your customers!  I’m looking for something of good quality.  Price doesn’t matter.

Coworker: Are you looking for a shirt, a hoodie, or jacket?


Coworker: Well we have these sweatshirts up here.


Crazy Lady goes to manager who shows her a jacket.  Crazy Lady gets all excited.

Crazy Lady: That’s what I want!  I was looking for a jacket.  *turns to manager* You need to train your employees better.

WTF?  You’re the one who needs a brain replacement!  My coworker asked you what you wanted but you wouldn’t tell us!  We can’t read your mind bitch!  Argh!

Now for something high-larious.  It’s pouring outside and next to our tourist section of town is a city park where local artisans sell their homemade wares.  It also includes so-called psychics offering to do tarot cards and palm readings.  Well one of the psychics who I refer to as Miss Cleo (remember her from the 90’s Psychic Hotline) walks in drenched like a drowned rat.  She goes and buys one of our cheap ass umbrellas.

Miss Cleo: Oh Lord!  It’s raining cats and dogs out there!  I didn’t see it coming.

Uh, you’re a psychic.  You didn’t foresee the weather being rainy?  Did your psychic powers fail you, Sylvia Brown?

She leaves for a minute and comes back with our defective umbrellas.

Miss Cleo: This umbrella doesn’t work!  I need my money back and some extra plastic bags.  My stuff is getting wet outside.

Manager makes an exception and refunds the lady’s $9 but in my head I’m thinking: Obviously the dead people you see hate you.  You would’ve seen the future and known that umbrella you bought was crappy!  Then again I’m psychic too.  I’m predicting that you’re a fake and my palms are telling me to give you the finger!

I wonder if John Edward or Whoopi Goldberg has this problem?

--Queer Geek



Wow. You're a douche. $9 is not that cheap for an umbrella, and I would expect that umbrella to work. I've had cheaper umbrellas that lasted for years. It's not fun getting stuck in a downpour.

Maybe you and your coworker need training on how to be social and ask open ended questions.


"Can I help you" is about as open-ended as it gets. And the coworker tried to help the crusty narrow down what she's looking for, just to get another spout of verbal abuse.


I thought if a product was faulty then customers were entitled to their money back, or is there a different policy in the states?


Well this may not be the popular opinion but why wouldn't they expect their money back? I know it's a pain but those are clearly a deffective product. Seriously I've paid less for umbrellas and had them last for at least one rainy season. I could also understand if it was something the customer could inspect the quality of but you can't look over an umbrellas metal bars and hinges inside of a sealed package.

@Katia whoa there why all the hate? I may not agree with the diatribe on umbrellas but the other lady was just a whack job.


I'm assuming that they're the cheap little travel umbrellas that telescope up from the handle, the canopy kinda concertina's out, and barely have enough reach outwards to keep your knees upwards dry, and forget about keeping a bag or backpack from being soaked. Those flimsy things don't hold up well to anything stronger than a breeze, as they unfolding mechanism has all sorts of thin, fiddly looking pieces and not made strong enough to stand up to much stress. I keep one on my at all times just in case it starts raining completely out of the blue, but I'm not going to rely on anything less than a solid golf umbrella to stand up to the rain normally.


I bought a $1 umbrella at the Dollar Tree that lasted for several months. I have a $4 umbrella that I bought at Ikea that I have had for 2 years now. And I live in an area that is prone to daily rain storms in the summer. So I can understand people being upset at spending $9 for an umbrella and it breaking and the first time out. If I worked there I would probably warm people that other customers have had problems with that brand, and that the store does not offer a money back for broken products so buyer beware. Though if it had happen to me, I would be ok with an exchange or store credit.

As for the other lady--I HATE those types. I don't know what I want, but I expect you to find it for me.

Queer Geek


It's true I am a douche. My nickname is Massengill and I can cleanse you like an enema applicator. *nudge nudge wink wink*

As for these dang gone umbrellas, like I said I hate them. I wish we never carried them. However, its the company's policy on All Sales Are Final not mine. I willingly exchange these suckers if I could and even open the package for the custy and I'll go as far as suggest another option maybe with another competitor but once you buy it, it's really out of my hands.


I really wish people would figure out how being psychic actually works before they go shitting all over it. Just because you're psychic doesn't mean you're a damn weather forecaster.

The Worst

I was upset by the first part of this post at first, because $9 isn't that cheap for an umbrella and you're selling them knowing they're going to break, but since you're warning people then it's their fault for not taking heed. Silly wet people.


While $9 isn't exactly "cheap," I don't trust those small flimsy umbrellas at all.

Over the last summer, I was carrying a rather large golf umbrella with me at all times if there was even so much as a cloudy sky.

It's good that you're warning people about them and even exchanging them even with your store's "All Sales Final" policy.


I think Queer Geek lives in New York City, which is famous for ridiculously high prices.

Queer Geek


I wish I lived in New York City. Sadly, I'm Cali boy and yes tourist hotspots gouge the prices.


My vote is New Orleans French Quarter - near Jackson Square - it adds up - rainy season, park area, artists and tarot readers


@ Herdis, true, that is an open-ended question. I don't agree with her crazyness, but I will admit that I've been that vague about something before as a custy. There are just some people you shop for that you know want something different. I've gone up to a male associate at a store(when I was in my late teens) and pretty much asked "what does a teenage guy likely to buy here and like it?". I just have no idea how to shop for men, to this day.

@Skittles: It's not really hate. I read it as a total disdain for to anyone that's ever needed an umbrella in a pinch. It just bothers me. I'm in a city that gets lots of rain in winter. I've been w/o an umbrella and it starts to rain. You check the news in the morning and they tell you it won't rain today because the rain will start the next day, but no, it rains today. Also, if he works in a gift shop, then there's a chance that people are tourists. It makes sense that they won't know about local climates as much as a local would.


I don't blame them for being mad something they just bought immediately broke, but yeah that lady was crazy. Something of quality could refer to any product sold anywhere. Its like saying you like to buy something made of matter.

Queer Geek

Believe me RHU! I hate these umbrellas with a passion! However, I don't make the rules or choose the products and I don't convince custys to buy them. That's their decision but if they ask me if the umbrellas are good, I'll be honest and tell them that no they're not and suggest to try another shop to see if there's anything sturdier. However, if they are in a rush and buy the gosh darn things I can't stop them! And again ALL SALES FINAL is the company's policy and I get in trouble if I break it so it's no win situation for everybody.

@ Nomnom

I'm not knocking psychics in general. I do believe people do have the "gift". I do however take issue with so called psychics who abuse their talents by cashing on them instead of helping others. Sylvia Browne is one especially when she flat out told the parents of Elizabeth Smart that their daughter was no longer alive when in fact she had been held captive by some psycho.

Though some mediums do aid in police work with criminal investigations, I resent the ones who make a fast buck (both fake and real) on guillible people. I knew someone who had the sixth sense but refused to talk about it due to the images they saw were frightening so obviously they wanted to keep it hush hush. I even met a woman in college who also had the same gift and was desperate for money so she got hired at one of those psychic hotlines. She quit after a couple days because she kept getting scary, evil vibes so yeah I would hate to be in their shoes and have demonic entitites haunting me.

NC Tony

Maybe the crazy lady should go shopping with the psychic. That way the crazy lady can rant to the slaves about wanting something of quality, and the psychic can read her mind and tell the slave what she wants.


Ugh. We sell these super-cheap pan sets at my store that are AWFUL, and for around the same price as that crappy umbrella. On Black Friday, those are our doorbuster special for about half off. People come in looking to buy pans, see the fantastic top of the line sets with lifetime warranty for $500 (it has like 12 pieces), and cringe. Then they go for the shitty set with 2 pieces because it's uber-cheap and they can use a stupid coupon. I'd sell them, but if people asked me if they were any good, I'd reply, "I'd buy this set if I wanted a pan to brain somebody." That's about all they were good for.
I read this story like that: QG has to stock and sell shitty merch. He wishes he had better merch to offer, but people keep going for the crap provided, and then he has to deal with the aftermath of it.

Queer Geek


Thank you eloquently putting it that way. As slaves, we don't get the choice of what the company carries and it sucks that custys take their misdirected anger out on us. My thing is hand the info of corporate to them and have them bitch about product quality!


I like NC Tony's suggestion about the crazy lady and the psychic shopping together! Some people it seems need a psychic to help them shop.

Queer Geek


How about a personal shopper and personal psychic? They can foresee how much they're spending!


Queer Geek, I don't know if I can keep up my internet crush on you. How dare you sully the name of a great 80's hit with Custys! Now whenever I hear the song I'll see old women in brown and orange paisley jackets instead of mostly naked hot men.

Bitchy Barista


I know that in Australia the customer is entitled to a refund if the product is not fit for the intended purpose, regardless of 'store policy'. Store policy doesn't override law. If that isn't the case in the US, that's really, really shitty. Either that or you're a moron for thinking your store can make rules that override state or federal law.

Queer Geek

@Bitchy Barista

Though I like moron, I prefer morose as in I'm a morose retail slave who is whipped by the slave owners (the retail industry) like a 50 Shades of Grey submissive! *HARDER! FASTER! WOOHOO!* Ahem where was I, Oh and if the custy wants to take it further, that is what a manager is for.

The manager tells the custy the same thing and they can take it up with corporate if they so choose to. I don't make the rules. I simply follow them. Again businesses in the U.S. always find loopholes in the law and do they make exceptions and give the custys their money back? Absolutely. Do they also exploit their workers for profit? You betcha!

What do you think there's so many disgruntled American slaves that protest Walmart policies or slaves who petitioning against having their benefits cut due to the upcoming health care plan. Basically U.S. companies will find a way to make more profit at the expense of their workers and work around what ever consumer and labor laws that are out there.

Unfortunately, Bitchy Barista, the U.S. is facing one hell of an economic downturn and truthfully we are no longer the big financial power that we've been hyping over the decades. As more us of are lining up on the unemployment line, expect a trickling effect with our foreign allies being affected as well.

Be scared. Be very scared.


I'm sorry to say you sound like a unintentionally nightmarish custy. I get that some people are hard to shop for, but it isn't the clerk's fault that you don't know what to buy them.

@Bitchy Barista,
I don't know what federal law says on the subject, but my guess would be nothing. As Queer Geek said businesses here will do anything to cut corners. Why do you think we've trashed our own country by selling all virtually industry to India and China? And the government does a lot to assist them in cutting corners. A major portion of the political power in this country actually pushes for less federal regulation in business. They'll have no qualms in expressing the opinion that, "If a business wants to refuse to do refunds for any reason they should be able to do so, and if it's such a heinous practice then the business will fail because customers won't come back, but it isn't the government's place to interfere."

Queer Geek


Nicely put. I'm planning to post a more serious topic about competitive wages and health care so we can open up a discussion about the matter.


@QG -- The thing about those "gifts" is... when you have one, you tend not to advertise it, and you don't go exploiting it for money or fame.


Wow!! People need to lighten the fuck up. Last time I checked, this was a site for workers to vent about their crappy customers, not be berated by uptight assholes.

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