Somebody Sucks At Photoshopping Glasses On A Guy's Face
This Is Actually Pretty Good Stuff, But The Bottle Cracks Me Up

A Perv Lays It On With No Subtlety, And A Crazy Old Guy Flips Out

JasonmoonHello all, it's Red Rider here, your friendly neighborhood drug dealer. That's right, I've made the great leap up from sales floor grunt to pharmacy tech after many false promises and jerking around from upper management.

I'm loving it so far. The work is easier and more enjoyable, and the pay grade is significantly higher. I'm just an uncertified tech at the moment, but bullseye is one of those companies that will actually help pay for you to go to school and get your certification as a technician or even as a full-fledged pharmacist. The custies span the gamut from awesome regulars, to grumpy/screamy drug-beasts, to the just plain nuts. I'm going to share the stories of two of the more memorable custies I've had to deal with in the last few weeks.

My first tale is about the elusive and super creepy Pervosaurus-Rex and his attempts to hit on me while I filled his prescriptions. He'd just come from the doctor's office, and decided to wait by the pharmacy and make small-talk while I counted out his pills. Our conversation went pretty much as follows:

Perv: "I haven't seen you around much, are you new?"

Me: "Yeah, I transferred over here pretty recently."

Perv: "So you're fresh out of highschool then?"

Me: "Actually I graduated a few years ago sir."

Perv: "So you're about...?" *Trails off trying to guess my age*

Me: "21."

Perv: "Nice! Legal, very nice! Though as long as they're 11 or older, I'll do 'em."

Me: *Creeped out at this point* "......."

Perv: "So I've got this awesome beach-front loft down at (Local Beach)"

Me: "Oh that must be nice."

Perv: "Yeah, you should come down and stay some weekend. But I just got the floors refinished, so you couldn't wear shoes if you came... Not that you'd be wearing much at all if you came to visit me."

Me: "Uhhhh...."

Perv: "So what weekend are you free?"

The pharmacist was hovering by my elbow through most of this, making sure the guy didn't try anything and periodically whispering in my ear that he could call security for me if the guy was making me too uncomfortable. I didn't bother though, because I was safely behind the counter, and it wasn't worth making a scene over. Plus I know the creep's full name from filling his prescriptions, so I can report him if he ever got out of hand.


Crazy custy talesMy second tale is about a custy I helped who even had the pharmacist laughing in disbelief and sheer what-the-fuckery. Crazy Old Guy was picking up some diabetic test strips, and I had the pleasure of ringing him up.

Me: "How are you doing today sir?"

Crazy Old Guy: "I'm alright, how about yourself?"

Me: "I'm doing great, thanks. Did you have any questions for the pharmacist?"

Crazy Old Guy: *Gestures at test strips jokingly* "Yeah, do I really have to poke myself for these to work?"

Me: "Yep, I'm afraid so."

Crazy Old Guy: *Still joking* "Can't I just poke you instead?"

Me: *Laughing* "Sorry, I'm afraid it doesn't work that way sir."

Crazy Old Guy: *Gestures at my multiple facial piercings* "You look like the type that would enjoy that though."

Me: *Slightly uncomfortable laugh*

(Note: When a customer picks up a prescription, they're required by law to sign stating that they've received it. Our pharmacy does this through an electronic prompt.)

Crazy Old Guy: *Looks at the electronic prompt* "What's this?"

Me: "It's just a way to say that you've gotten your prescription. That way there's no confusion later. It's as much for your protection as ours really."

Crazy Old Guy: *Still amicably* "Well what happens if I don't sign it?"

Me: "Then unfortunately we're not allowed to give you your prescriptions."


And with that he threw the electronic pen across the counter (hitting me in the face with it), turned, and practically skipped away.

The pharmacist, who was right next to me helping another customer when it happened just looked at me dumbstruck and asked: "Did that really just happen?"

I began laughing hysterically at the absurdity of it, because I honestly thought he was joking, but over an hour later when I left for the day, he still hadn't come back to pick up his test strips. That's all for now, but I'm sure I'll have more stories later. Pharmacies seem to attract all the interesting crazies.

May all your customers be sane (or at least entertaining),

~Red Rider



Screw security, if some guy told me he was having sex with eleven year olds, I'd call the goddamn police! You realize he just told you he was an active pedophile right? That's not the sort of thing most people joke about.

The Singing Library Clerk

Heck, screw the police, the second a guy told me that I'd tell him to please do the world a favor and kill himself. And if he didn't have the courage I'd be happy to cut off his pedophile penis and let him bleed to death.

NC Tony

The sad thing is, with guys like this, they think they're funny, and don't get why other people give them disgusted looks when they say stupid shit like that.


Please, please, please tell me this douchebag was picking up STD meds.


@CoG I really hope he wasn't picking up STD meds. Frankly I doubt someone that scummy would take any steps to protect his partner from getting them.

Red Rider

A lot of the customers we get at our pharmacy are either old people getting their "maintenance meds" (the stuff that helps them live more comfortably/longer) or people picking up medicine to treat various mental illnesses. We learn not to take certain people too seriously, because a lot of them can't help it or don't think about how what they say comes across to others. Creeper didn't bother me, because quite honestly I've dealt with worse.


@Skittles: that's the thing. This guy DOESN'T strike me as someone who would protect his partner, which means he probably does have something. What I hope is that no one falls for his crap to the point of where he gives them something because... ew. Just ew.

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