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RHU University 10: Crazy Lady

RHU1PRBrace yourselves students. Today we lace up our Crustologist shoes and step out into the darker, more dangerous neck of the woods. The Crusty we are about to encounter is incredibly vexing and at times dangerous. This beastie may appear normal and calm one moment, and then snap into a rage at the sound of a microbe's sneeze. Or she may come in already rampaging and cause docile customers and employees alike to dive for cover in order to get out of her way. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Crazy Lady.

Family: Shopper

Genus: Crusty

Species: crazy lady

This often rabid creature is unpredictable, aggressive and very loud. She may harbor physically violent tendencies and often has to be forcibly removed from her environment in order to preserve the sanity and safety of all caught in her path. Crazy Ladies sometimes are likened to a rabid hell-rat that attacks you for looking at it cross eyed. Watch for crazed eyes, foaming at the mouth and a high screech. This cacophony of sound is used to intimidate, disorient and frighten Retail Slaves and Crustologists alike. It lowers the willpower to resist or refuse her demands, and she will use it repeatedly in the hopes that her hapless victim will concede just to get her to go away.

"Cazy Lady" is a bit of a misnomer. The term "lady" is used loosely to define the creature as being female and of adult age; it has nothing to do with the association of "lady" with being "refined, polite or well spoken." She'll latch on to her victim with the tenacity that rivals your dog when it plays tug of war, and won't let go, back down to permit you to flee... She will follow: screeching and flailing all the while.

It doesn't matter how nice you are, it doesn't matter how helpful you are. It doesn't matter if you are Jesus reborn and about to break open the Apocalypse edition of a can of Whoop Ass on her head. She hates you, she hates your store and you are a Very Bad Employee who is Very Rude with a Bad Attitude and She Doesn't Like Your Tone. She wants what she wants and you better not deny her in any way shape or form, no matter how unreasonable she is or how many laws of physics you have to break in order to even hope to assist her.

Crazy ladiesShe is convinced that she is right and will throw a screaming fit if you argue. She may attack you physically, or she may just scream at you and everyone in the vicinity. She may obey a direct order to leave, or she may have to be tasered twenty times by a squad of cops in riot gear before she is handcuffed and forcibly removed. The variations on behavior are infinite, but even a green Custologist who has barely cracked a textbook can identify this creature after having heard about her, even in passing. The name is very self explanatory and the behavior only reinforces the identification.

The biggest danger from a Crazy Lady is, of course, her violent tendencies. She may try to physically attack a person, or she may seize products and start throwing them around the store and at anyone caught in the crossfire. Defense against this creature can be difficult, as even a mighty manager may have difficulty dislodging her from the premises. It is strongly recommended to enlist the aid of a Security Guard, or better, the Police.

Homework: Recall a time when you were the victim of a Crazy lady's rampage and share it with the class.

Class dismissed,


The Last Archimedean

I was a fellow customer in a store when the crazy lady went off because the cashier wouldn't accept her expired coupon.



I was very fortunate that in 8.5 years I have not had to deal with particular form of crusty. at least not in retail.

in my work as a Medical Receptionist I have dealt with crazy ladys and crazy guys over the phone about how a certain appointment time is not soon enough or how they need their medication refilled NOW because they are out, yet are calling at 455 on a friday before a 3 day weekend. at least over the phone you have some physical protection and can always 'drop' the call if they are getting unruly

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